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Have a good time Stormy, make great memories, you'll never get this time back with Conner.... and don't worry about getting mad, you know this is the place to put that stuff.... so don't worry and have fun.... later, oh and please be safe.... hugs...
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Hey ya'll i will not be leaving for disney til tonight about 2 in the morning, hubby and i decided that traffic would not be that bad and connor would be asleep for hopefully most of the ride so that is when we are leaving. But i still have alot to do before we go. More packing for me and connor and i got to carry lily to the vet at 12 today to drop her off, they are keeping her until we get back, I am going to miss her something terrible. Plus i am getting her fixed while she will be at the vets this week. Her surgery date is monday, poor little thing. I hope she does ok i will be calling and checking in on her. I am sorry i got so mad yesterday but dad i think knows how to push my buttons. I will try to post later on but if i don't i hope all of ya'll have a nice week and i will be thinking about ya'll. Take care and i love ya'll. Hugs stormyyyy
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Jam ~ That was too funny.
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Dad seems to be a little more limber but time will tell. Past couple of days have been ok..with hubby taking over ...I still am ready to run..too tired and don't care right now...guess I will try to get back to sleep for a bit. Tomorrow we have day off..not sure what hubby wants to do but I hope we don't have to run around much. You all are in my prayers
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Seeme, I think you got the cow pattie, how appropriate with all the mil crap going on, but I really think you should give it to Mike, he deserves it for being a good son....
Welcome Olivia, and another 'ya'll ' poster is always welcome.... keep coming back and posting, God knows nothing shocks us, or makes us cringe.... caregiving is not for sissy's..... But hell think about it ladies and Cmag, what else would we be doing, hmmmm, taking trips and wasting gas and leaving carbon footprints, going to the spa and getting a massage, and then thinking that being that relaxed is how life really is, getting to eat a meal cooked FOR us, dishes done the whole gig, and then we just go home???? B O R I N G........ at least we all are aware of our blood pressure, all the aches and pains our bodies endure during the day, we don't care anymore if we make sense to 'normal' people..... and we are a damned fine bunch..... and on any given day, if we heard we aren't, then to coin a southern phrase, we'd just have to open a can of whoop ass.....
sorry I don't remember the name of the lady that her husband was talking behind her back... that's all he'd see of me, my backside heading out the door... ungrateful turds, this is not your job sweetie, and then to not even be appreciated by your husband, I'd have to give some serious thought to having a new address soon.... let us know how you are doing... we are here for you....
Notlike, oh she'd get potatoes.... I'd get a bag, and every few days bring her in a few.... just as long as she gets the dirt and seed for Dad, I'd play along.... make sure you rub some dirt on the potatoes so she'll think they came from the planters....and liked your idea about the coloring books for son, but there would have to be pictures of big boobed women to keep him interested.....
Am seeing some good insight lately from him, but am not getting my hopes up... time will be the teacher here, have been dissappointed too many times, trust takes time to rebuild...but he is healing very well, so thanks again for all the prayers and love sent our way....
Will get caught up tomorrow, and remember all the new posters.....
Am going to sleep in tomorrow... YEAH RIGHT.... anyway, love ya'll, and keep on keepin on.... hugs and angels...
'
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Oliviam-Welcome! Sounds like you are a caring person and an angel to your Aunt. Please keep coming back and let us know how you are doing. Hugs.
BS0213-You are not in a good situation. Blessings to you - do what you need to do. Hugs.
Seeme-You are MIL free? At least for awhile, right? Have a restfull weekend.
Vivian-So what if your neighbor gets mad? I was reading the newsletter today from the Daughters of Narrisistic Mothers group. The topic was about the fact that there are times someone isn't going to be happy - either you or the other person you're dealing with. Why should it be you (or any of us)who is the one always unhappy??? Sometimes, it's better to be the happy one and let the chips fall where they may. You have been too tired to grocery shop, or entertain relatives, but this neighbor thinks you should entertain her every day? Would you do that to her? I didn't think so. So don't let her do it to you! Tell her the truth, or tell her you have a viral infection that's contageous, but make her go away! You need your rest, and some peace and quiet. Hugs.
Well, I managed to accomplish my nap, and playing on the computer. Everything else on the list will have to wait until tomorrow. If I am too old and tired to go out on Friday night and paint the town red, I'll be damned if I'll spend it doing chores! Maybe I'll make some kind of offering to those cleaning fairies so they come back here. :)
Mom didn't feel well this afternoon. She didn't tell me exactly what that meant, so I don't know if it's radiation treatment related or not. Her last one is Monday, thank goodness. SHe also has a brain scan next week and Dad has his cysto. Busy, busy.
No major blowups here lately. I hate to even type that and tempt fate. there have been some minor things that irk me...when I got home from work, they were putting a new cover on the ironing board. Now, I've owned that board for years, and used it very little. I think wrinkles are sexy LOL. And I have encouraged her to use the board because she does iron. But it would have been nice for her to mention it to me. Before I walked in on them changing the cover. I'm being petty, I know, but there's just no sense that she wants to be part of this household. She has almost no interest in doing things together, and rarely speaks to me unless it's to brag about my nieces. I've stopped wishing I had a real Mom living with me, but it still isn't easy.
To top it off, after all the planning and work being done to make the raised garden beds, now she is interested in the idea and wants to plant potatoes. Poatoes will not fit! They have to be planted right in the ground, which is the bending and kneeling we are trying to avoid! And there is only so much room in the beds - even if we didn't plant Dad's beans and tomatoes, there isn't enough room to get a whole crop of potatoes.I might tell her the soil here won't grow potatoes, just so it won't have to be anyone's fault she isn't goign to get what she wants. Argh!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows!
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I enjoy all lthe comments. I wish everyone the best. I only thought my mom being in a nursing home would be easier. I don't have to give the care and that is a relief. I do miss my mother but she is not the women I knew and depended upon. I love her so much and miss her terribly. Thanks for reading my rambles. Carol
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It has been a long time since I've been here. My Mother is in a rehab hospital but will not be returning home as I cannot take care of her. I feel terrible guilt but just don't know of any way to make it work for her to come back to our home. I see her everyday. She looks better than she has for a while but is losing weight. She has troulble swallowing. She aspirates and is not eating the chopped food or thickened liquids that she is given. I thought this would be easier for me but the depression continues. I wonder if I will ever have a day that I don't worry about my mother. Every night I expect a phone call for a nurse at this facility; they call me for everything. I realize they have to call but it does give me anixity.
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Wow, ya'll ( yeh, I'm from the South). I am glad I came upon this page! This is the first time I've hit upon this particular site. Seems to me like there's a lot of us feeling a lot of negative feelings, and mostly about ourselves! Reading some of your sites make me realize (and thankful) that things aren't quite that bad for me yet! My aunt has urinary incontinence, but thankfully not bowel incontinence. It was bad enough when she tried to have me search through her throw up for any undigested pills! She's my aunt - we aren't THAT close! She never really did anything with me or for me growing up and even refused to give up any of her time to take to me to my cancer treatment a few years ago, even tho' my husband had died suddenly just a year earlier, I lost my home, and had to move back here to my childhood home, which I'm very grateful I had- but I digress. Yes, I have some resentful feelings toward her, but I am determined to give her the best quality of life I can give her at this point. I don't want to see her go into a nursing home, just yet. And with having found this site and being able to vent and not be judged, maybe I'll be able to stick with it for a little longer. I care a lot and I don't have very thick skin. How can I develop that? Anyway, I really appreciate all of you sharing and caring!!!
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ASG you just cracked me up again. I literally screamed at you ( or your phone) this morning. I had to go back a couple of days to catch up, and in post 6766, you were talking to Stormy about her breathing easier, but you hoped she was BREEDING better. Oh my, I wondered if she was breeding.....i vote for a little red-headed girl this time. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Tooooo funny!!! ROFLMAO

Stormy, do you have something to tell us before you leave tomorrow???

lildeb...like everyone else said, there is nothing you can do. I hate that they are causing you worry. I have a hard headed Irish mil.

Vivian, glad you got the Anti's. Hope you feel better soon. No shame in taking something to help.

Vic...have you noticed any lessesing of the rigidity? Hope the meds help dad soon. And glad hubby is home. Loved the comment about a coloring book for Ladee's son. My mom always got us new colors and coloring book when we were sick.....but that usually meant measles, mumps, or chicken pox.

burned...hang in there, honey. You are not crazy......are you? HAHAHA Things will work out with the phone.

Austin...I'm glad you went to the meeting.....they are lucky to have you.

dchurchill....keep venting here....no where else like it. If you feel really bad, please consider going to the doctor yourself. Never know what can help......

BS0213.....I am angry for you!!!!! It must make you just want to throw in the towel and let her KIDS do the job......see how far they would get without you......makes me soooo mad. Why not just tell them?? Get it off your chest.....she is their problem, not yours......

Hubby is now in Maine with his mom. She fell on the gravel driveway as soon as she got out of the car. Third time in a week. The whole afternoon was one big cluster from the moment the car stopped, but it involved the fall, dead mice smell with no bodies to be found, wet carpet from water leak, angry tenant saying he would NOT be responsible for mil, and the list goes on.........this job is not for the feint of heart, as we all know......

May you all have a wonderful , peaceful evening and weekend........with enough sleep........aaaahhhhhhhhhhh.........later...........
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BS0213, If I were you I would run for the hills, I want to run and I'm taking care of my own mom. She has her mind and is kind to me, other than not doing the things she can for herself, which she has gotten better at in the last couple of months. It sucks not to be appreciated. I don't think I'm qualified to give advice, but I feel for you. Notlikemom, thanks for thinking of me, I havn't been able to sleep at night, its making me extremely miserable. My brother actually took my mom to a church service today and I had the place to myself for awhile. I've been so tired I couldn't function. I finally took a shower at 5. It made me feel even worse knowing I could have done something but couldn't. I think my brother is seeing I have turned into a zombie that cries all the time and is trying. I hope it lasts. I guess I have a problem being direct with people, I need advice on how to tell the neighbor that her dropping by for hours at a time, is interferring with my life. She thinks she is helping. I've known her since childhood. She seems to get offended when I do tell her I'm not up to a visit, or I have things to do. She is a doomsday, govt conspiracy, downer that thinks an alien race is going to save the planet. She lost her job a year ago so she fills her day with me to avoid doing any work on herself. It was great to have a friend when it started, but its got out of hand and I don't know how to stop it without hurting her feelings. Ladee, I used to live in Beaumont. It was only for a couple of years, when I was young and married. I moved to Atlanta after that. I appreciate everyone on here, and your advice. I know I'm getting real answers. Sending prayers of peace and love.
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BS0213, that was not right what your husband did in talking to his friend. I don't think you are wrong for wanting to leave for your husband and his sister are using you to do their work for them. She is their mom, not yours. It sounds like she needs a nursing home for the level of care it sounds like she needs.
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I'm at my wits end, my husband was heard talking about ME his wife to his friend that all I do is complain about his Mother. I take care of her 247 she's 88 yrs of age with Vascular Dementia. What I do is try to inform him of things she does during the day. That she doesn't sleep, wanders all over the place without walker (she's very unstable). She does very unsanitary and blizzard things which I know is the disease. We have had two major arguments about MY situation,him and his sister have put her care and responsibility on me. I'm honestly thinking og walking out. My health is in jeopardy and I can't make him understand what she does and what it is doing to me. My MIL seems to listen to him and of course strangers (his sisters) but NEVER me?? Am I wrong to want to leave.?
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oh i paid the bill so do not know why i get no service on my cell phone...
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still no stamps and my cell service is out once more...makes me wondering what verizon is doing...then someone called this morning i gotta check it out...and if its long distance can't call them cuz i use my cell...hubby's appt went well but we are taking steps to make sure he has good outcome for his surgery ...my concern is the size of his heart tho it may be strong its kinda small but one thing is clear no sign of heart failure...ty Jesus...so maybe good news but all i know its a freaky friday and tonight my husband wants to watch slasher films go figure..I did mention my concern of memory loss and the man has seizures n the doc thinks its normal cuz of his depression...I am hoping when I see the neuro with him and point this out that could be mild onset something...in other words damn doc thinks i am trying to make him incompetent again...i hate that this medical community trying to blame me for his health when he has told them the truth that he does eat he just can't always hold it down but no..apparently I am making him worse...anyway tg its the wknd.
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Austin-Glad the group started off well. Keep up the good work!
Vivian-it's good you're feeling calmer. Stress eats up alot of energy, though. With what you've been going through it's no wonder you are tired. It sounds like you eat pretty healthly, so trying to get even a bit more rest or breaks might help. Maybe choose an activity or two for the week, and focus on those, not worrying if other things don't get done. Sometimes, just starting something you are planning or looking forward to can give you extra energy. Hugs.
Stormy - Awesome you are feeling better! Yeah nice doctor who gave you meds! Disney's just around the corner now. Have a great time. Hugs.
dchurch-if your friends are tired of hearing about your Mom, then they aren';t the friends you need right now. Unless they still welcome you for when you can get away from your daily life. I don't even worry about my friends burning out - this is my reality now, and they can come along for the ride or not. Don't underestimate how much your friends care, and don't deny who you are and what you are going through to please someone else. Hugs.
Jam - too funny! Hugs.
Ladee- always thinking of you. Maybe your son would like to work on puzzles - a metaphor for his life right now. :) My doorstep is always open. Hugs.
I have all kinds of things I'd like to do tonght. I plan to start with a nap.
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Stormy, I know exactly how you feel. I just got back from Mom's she was dreadfully cranky. I am sitting here shaking and my stomach is in knots. Gotta go have some sugar. LOL
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It really is Friday the 13th!!!!!! Stormyyyy
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My Lord is it too much to ask for dad not to piss me off on the last day i am here today for a week. I guess not, this man makes you feel smaller than the grain of sand that is on the bottom of your shoe. I will not be telling him goodbye for the week i am just going to leave and be gone and good rids to him for a week!!!! So i know for some this sounds harsh but he pissed me off. And it is how i feel!!!!! I have a good mind to tell mary to stay with him next week from 9 to 8 at night. Oh he would hate me!!!! But i don't give a shit!!! He tells us now that he doesn't need her to come stay with him and my thought is then why in the hell am I HERE!!!! It's not like i do that much for you anyway!!!!! God i'm mad!!!! Sorry ya'll had to vent. 2 more hours!!!
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Good Afternoon all and Hello an welcome to the new posters, Lil, The sheriff and the social service workers can do a wellness check, had the sheriff do one on me one time, those dogs if vicious can be taken into custody, as for the water not working? that is considered a health issue. Know of a lady that was given a choice of getting it working or leaving her home. This is a good place for everyone to come and talk, we never get tired of hearing about your frustrations and your need to advice or just a shoulder to cry on.

Stormy I am glad to hear that you are feeling better, Ladee, glad to hear that Marie is being good.. I hope maybe she keeps it up, even after the son is up and moving. If you need a doorstep close by, you know where mine is.
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dchurch- we are not tried of hearing about your mom that is what we are here for, for you to vent and talk about the one you are caring for and anything else you want to talk about. I will post on your wall in a few mins. Love and hugs stormyyy
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2long- I know what you mean having to take care of your dad i am taking care of my dad also and it is a whole new ballgame taking care of them. I was close with my mom but not with dad. And he has cancer. He doesn't have alz/dem but alot of the caregivers on this site take care of people that do have alz so i know some of them will be able to help you some with some information concerning your father. Love and hugs to you Stormyyy
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2longACGiver, sorry I did not read the part where you said that you don't have any insurance. Some clergy do grief counseling and they are free.
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2longACGiver, I suggest finding a therapist covered by your health insurance plan that is a licensed clinical social worker. In my opinion, they are among the best therapists and many of them charge on a sliding fee scale for those with limited resources.
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dchurchill, I don't think you are talking too much about your mom. I realize that your situation is very bad, but, I think you need to see a therapist.
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Jam thats hilarious. How is col doing? 2long...I sympathize with you. I know the alz. association has support groups in most areas for free. Even if he has another type of dementia they will help. I live in a very small town and recenley the alz. association started working with our senior center to provide services to caregivers. I was interviewed by them when we did my realitives recert. I was told they provide respite and such. We didnt meet the criteria because auntie was able to carry on a converstion with the lady like she was o.k. and she still does so many things for herself. Plus I was to big a of winnie to tell the woman about her problems in front of my realitive. But if she ever loses it completely thats what i'm gonna do. My realitive is in her late 80's and is developing a vascular dementia of some sort but it hasnt been officially diagnosed. So you might try the local alz. association,or enior center to get in touch with them. I hope it all goes well. Right now venting on this threadnis what keeps me from losing it.
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Austin thats a good Idea too. Brandy Your kidding. I wonder sometimes how some of these folks get their jobs. Ive seen very nice capable social workers then Ive seeen some to wonder about.
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lil...you are right, all you can do is try. I hope i didnt offend you when i mentioned the athorities taking the dogs, i know your parents probably take better care of the dogs then they do them selves. Ive seen elders do that.
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I am wondering if anyone has suggestions for a Caregiver such as myself who is trying to find support groups or some type of counseling. I was my Mother's primary caregiver (voluntarily), and now my Father's (unvoluntarily). I was fine with caring for my Mom and handled it pretty well, but never got a chance to even grieve for her when I had to start taking care of my Father who is a much different type of individual to deal with. I am feeling much resentment as I am one of 10 children and they skate in and out of all the responsibilities that this entails; helping sporadically and never for long. They have absolutely no idea what it is like dealing with everything that pops up day in and day out and listening to the same stories over and over again every day and having to reiterate everything when dealing with a 92 year old with senility.

I want to be able to go talk with someone neutral and possibly find a way deal with all of the emotions and health issues that arise from being in this situation. I have no insurance and very limited funds. I live in Northern California.Hoping someone on this site can shed some light on any resources they might have found useful. I don't want to vent to any of them anymore. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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JAM.....that was awesome!!!!!!!
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