This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter". The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington .
Love ya girl and you can show up on my doorstep anytime!
Vic, so happy Dad is getting on this new med.... I know it will improve his quaility of life and sometimes that's all we can hope for....and it will be so much easier on you...
lildeb, sorry you are so worried about your parents and seems so little can be done... a welfare check can be done, to ease your mind, but still a lot can not be done if they choose to live like that... they can't make them move or seek help... sorry... prayers for you...
ASG, 4 miles!!!!!!! I can barely DRIVE 4 miles much less walk in one place for that distance... I probably walk 4 miles a day at Marie's, according to my back and feet by the time I get home, but you go girl!!!!! We want all of you to match, not just skinny legs....love ya..
Sansan, I feel so bad for you. You have her best interest at heart and have no say so in the treatment... one of my concerns is what Dr. would even think of doing this procedure under the circumstances.... we are hoping you come back and let us know what is going on... prayers for you...
Viv, so happy to hear you are on the meds.... I call it " better living thru chemistry", If you are a caregiver, that goes on the resume', ARE YOU ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS...... OH HELL YES!!!!!!! hope you are feeling even better real soon...
Stormy, so glad you are feeling better, this is going to be so much fun... and take lots of pics with Conner bouncing from place to place.... and let him ride the rides without you crying like you did last time !!!!!
Notlike, oh yeah, I'm riding this horse of happiness as long as Marie chooses to keep acting human... not complaining at all. I am pretty sure Sonny had a TIA yesterday, he is getting to where he is more and more stressed when Marie is gone... He kept rambling and rubbing his upper lip, like it was tingling, the hard part is they are unable to tell us what is wrong.... I have stopped asking him if he wants juice or water, I just give it to him..... they don't know if they are thristy, and to keep him hydrated I keep shoving liquids at him....
marie's procedure for her hip went very well yesterday, so hopefully she will be feeling better in a few days... she really likes this Dr., he took the time to explain everything and he also validated her pain... she is such a drama mama, it is hard for us to tell the real extent of the pain, and she will use it when sonny is getting too much attention... so my heart goes out to all of you who are taking care of TWO... at least I get to go home.... to tend to broken son..... he is getting bored so now he is wanting to go somewhere.... UH NO!!!! The only place he gets to GO, is the bathroom.... I have a feeling I am about to have my hands even fuller than they are now..... so if I show up on one of ya'll's doorstep, just let me in... I'll be able to help you out with your charges, I don't eat much, and that crazy look in my eyes will subside after some rest....
Jam, hope Target is feeling better soon before he ends up like son, with broken bones...
Seeme, hubby will be back soon, and your life will get back to normal... how is the walkway coming along??? Take pics.
Austin, has the support group started yet... you will be an awesome asset to them, info they know nothing about... let us know something....
I am sorry if I missed someone, remember I left my car door open all night, so don't take it personal..... just remind me.....
Love you all and hope we all have a good day, if only for a few minutes... think of ya'll during my day, and can't wait to get on here and see who did what.... later.
Vivian, I take anti-depression meds too and it has helped me out a lot. I have also learned to play certain games on net to ease my mind as well. That way I can collect my thoughts and refocus on what is important and how much I can do for others.
Stormy, glad you are feeling better and maybe you can enjoy your trip.
Sansan, I have no clue and hopefully someone knows a little a bit about your situation can help.
Jam, u r so right that they r grown adults and as long as they're in their sort of right mind their is not much us children can do for them. all we can say is that we did try, twice. Damn hard-headed Irish daddy. : )
Everyone else, I hope y'all have a nice day for what is left and hopefully some of y'all can get some rest as well.
My mom is decling with systemic functions as well as late stages of ALZ/Dementia and will be undergoing an epideral for her lumbar.
Would you take the risk of having this procedure? Any risks?
I would not but I am not on her ADV DIRECTIVE OF HEALTHCARE
and my brother is in denial of everything.
Mis-glad you had fun!
Vic-Hope you see improvement soon with Dad's new med. I'm sure a TIA tires Mom out - it must be stressful to her system even if she doesn't realize what's going on at the time. Rest is good for her afterwords. Blessings and hugs.
ASG-You Go Girl! Tredmill for me too, please!
Ladee-Hope you got some rest, or get caught up tonight. Glad your son continues to improve. Please do not look a gift horse in the mouth-take the good with Marie while you can. Reality is what we make it! Hugs.
Hubby's building raised garden beds for Dad. The cheap way - cutting old barrels in half and building stands for them out of scrap metal. I do love that man! We'll see how much fuss Mom puts up about buying the dirt and seeds.
Have a happy day all!
Going to do a drive-by this morning.........
ASG.....good for you and the treadmill...do some for me please! Yes, it's hard to see our "space" intruded upon.....I still hate the things I see lying around and I'm forever grabbing something to put away.
ladee.....maybe you can sneak in a nap this afternoon while Sonny is snoozing.
lildeb......not much you can do about Dad and step-Mom....they are adults and can dictate who steps on their property. It's unfortunate and there probably won't be a thing done until no one can meet at the fence, then there would be "probable cause" for entering. And I would imagine the dogs would either be caught, if possible, or put down if they are aggressive. I know it's easy to say "stop worrying" but don't kill yourself with stress over something that you can do nothing about.
Vic....glad Dad is getting more treatment. Keep us posted on his progress. Yes, sounds like Mom is having TIA's.......give hubby a hug, you always sound so much happier when he gets home.
I'm lurking and reading and keeping up with ALL of you........hope y'all have a great Thursday! Sending hugs..........................
My sister has went back and still has mixed emotions and who wouldn't in her condition. As for the mnl, I finally got those papers filed out and sent off and I guess I just wait for a phone call away for an assessment for Respite care and not to mention their is a waiting period too. I used this websitre as a referral for the Aging Area Agency.
I have a CGM on my side for 3 days now and the tape is getting itchy and it seems to look black n blue due to I think she hit a blood vein when the nurse put it on the side of my stomach. It suppose to constantly check my blood sugars b/s. Sometimes my b/s will get way too high's and way too low's. However, my A1C was a 6.4 which is good my health condition.
I get to drag the mnl with me again to get it taking out and to see a nutritionist to find a pattern of the causes and fixed the problem.
I had to make neon signs with a thick black marker so that the mnl will quit using all my dish detergent so that she will wash her hands in the bathroom. I was going through a big bottle once a wk. Their is only 3 of us here. Not to mention I had to hunt dirty clothes of hers to wash for she will change back n forth throughout the day n will forget which one's were dirty n her eye sight is not that clear.
The 36 Hour book by Mace Rabins has helped me a lot in controlling myself and being a bit understanding about AZ. sometimes. ; )
Now, I am dealing with issues with my dad n stepmom in Fla. they both drink and they have no water for the pump is broken, they don't won't no help from us children. they said they can buy jugs of water and wait on the rain. Are U freaking kidding me! Rain! How do they take showers? I think the alcohol has fried my dads brain. I know he has to be in his late 70's. Family members made an anoymous call to have them checked out for we heard r dad may have broken a hip and has flu. The mnl needed help to get back to the car just from grocery shopping and that was about a bag full for she has loss a lot of weight and smokes like a sailor. One of my brothers tried to get her to see a dr and she told him that she has been smoking for over 30yrs and she didn't won't to find out anything. Our dad said he just wants to die right their on his property. Problem here is that we don't won't them to just die their and that they have about 7 vicious dogs. No family relative nor us grown kids can even go on the property to check on them! When we would gather for family outings we would have to meet them at r aunts place which is a place that not in the best shape either. STRESS!!!! Family members suppose to got someone to check on him but the stepmom came up to the property fence line and told them that they were okay and that this was private property. They just left! They didn't even check on my dad! I'm sorry but I am stressing big time. I know he don't won't to see a dr and that he drinks but what r we to do. Just let them die their and hire a forensic person to find their bones after the dogs get done with them? Suppodely, my borthers are going to call the state people agian. I guess just wait and see. What would y'all do in this situation. STESSSSSSS,,,,
Happy hubby is home... I know that always lifts your spirits... tell him I said thank you for being a great hubby.... love ya girl, keep us posted...
Dads neuro appt went well..I was afraid that he wasn't ging to give dad anything but he did..he put him on sinemet for the rigidity..and in a couple of weeks told me to call to get him on the aricept. Then we go back I. Two months. Dad was having a bad day yesterday so it was good that the doc saw it.
We got home ..sat down for lunch with mom...she started feeing pins and needles in fingers and then got a little confused..couldn't talk right.thinks she had a mild TIA... Came out of it pretty quick. But was tired and had headache the rest of the day..
Hubby got home last night!!! Yaay.. Hoping today will be better.. Oh yea the doc says we should see changes in dads rigidity in a few days.
God Bless all..
Marie has just been outstanding, kinds creeps me out that my son had to be hurt so badly for her to act human, but am not complaining...we actually laughed yesterday.... I do keep hearing Twilight Zone music in the background tho.... I've probably entered another demension and don't even know it..... ignorance is bliss sometimes...
Son making slow progress, prayers being anwered... appreciate all who have participated in this last Ladee Drama....
My long today, so ya'll won't hear from me until way later... hope everyone has a blessed day.
Thanks again Tina, you are a sweetie... and thanks for using the computer again, my brain is too tired to figure out your phone texts.....
love ya'll.
notlike- you had me roll'in in laughter.
ladee- hugs to you.
Everyone else I hope your days are going good.
With Easter being the first holiday without our grandma here. My hubby and I decided to head north for our 3 day weekend. We went camping and yes we woke Saturday freezing. It was only 26 degrees out. We took an electric heater but it still wasn't enough. Note to self: Always take extra heat when camping in Northern Michigan in April or have on hand since the weather changes soo much. Makes me wonder if we'll get snow in June. We caught up with a few friends that we haven't seen in a long time and decided to stay another night. Coming back from dinner on Saturday night we got quite the surprise. We almost hit 2 deer standing along the side of road with our side by side. I could almost reach out and pat them on the head. Wonder if that would of been the first for the local police to write up a report 2 deer hit by a side by side. That probaly would of raised our insurance rates.
Stormy, could have done without the visual you shared about you and dad and the mucus sharing.... but hope you are feeling better, count down to vacation... make sure you take pics, for many of us, your vacation will be the only one we get....
Angela, it's scairy what those old folks can do and not remember.... Ruth could not stand on her own, but you better believe she could get over the rails on the hospital bed..... amazing, but glad no one was hurt...
ASG, what is the 'concerned relative's" deal, it's not like SHE will have to take care of bedriddin Auntie......tell her to email Ladee, I am needing to unload on someone, so 'concerned relative' is as good as any....
Vic, when is Dad's appt??? Make sure you tell us what you find out...
Seeme, am glad no u turns and that Mike hasn't stroked out, or choked out anyone.....
Jam, laughed out loud about Elvis, doesn't take much sometimes, depends on how tired we are I guess....
I know I am forgetting someone, sorry, love to all.
Changed Son's bandages today.... it's a miracle he didn't loose his leg, gonna be some super bad scars......still black and blue.. but he's healing very good, no infection of any kind, a little more movement.... so all in all, he is very blessed....
Oh, and just wanted to share with ya'll, I'm not trying to be strong, I am just not a cryer, never have been.... my first 5 years clean and sober that's all I did was cry.... but the tears just won't come... so don't think I am trying to undo myself here by being strong, which I am, but mine will come out in exhaustion more than tears.... sleep is my stress reducer.
Tomorrow is my long day, will get son all set up in the morning, and then come dragging in when Marie gets back from Austin..... Sonny has been anxious the past few days.... hope tomorrow is a good day for us.
I feel like I am not making any sense, going to drink a cup of coffee and relax, more later, love ya'll.