This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I will nap when I please and eat when I please and just DO what I please. I am having trouble with my monitor blacking out on me, so if you don't hear from me, I am too aggravated to try to type. PLEASE everyone take time for yourselves today.
Seeme, a few more hours and the crazy one and all her crap will be headed home..... will say extra prayers for Mike, he sounded so tired today.... you are an awesome dil, whether you like the old lady or not, your heart is so big..... we won't be hearing from you probably, you'll be sleeping.... lucky you....
Elvis huh???? Nothing that the col does or says surprises me anymore... hope she had a good time with her Elvis visit.... Lord have Mercy....
Vivian, we haven't heard from you, so hope you are on your time off, prayers for you.....
When I told Maire I wouldn't have a phone until Fri, she actually fronted me some of my check.... OH NO, you need a phone.... her and I have been doing so good this past week or so, of course I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I think she knows how worried I am about my son and how tired I am, so even Marie has enough sense to not push it....
Sonny and I worked in the yard today... planted some things for Marie, got some pots ready for some more plants, and just enjoyed being outside..... it gave her some quite and we got some fresh air... so it was all good....
Both times I checked on Son today he has been asleep... that is good, he has been thru so much....he looked relaxed, so left quitely.... will check again here in a little while..... he has a long long road of healing ahead of him.....
So hugs to everyone, ttyl.....
Dad is still sleeping.. Will get him up soon. Pray it is a decent day. Worked on attitude yesterday..helped and I feel better.
Love to all
Hope everyone had a good holiday and ate lots of chocolate bunny ears!
Welcome Vivian.......not much more that I can add to what the others have said so I hope you have found this a comfortable place to land and know that you will receive a lot of support and love and a hug when you need it and sometimes when you don't. And yes, it can get silly sometimes....we have been known to discuss the merits of chicken butt-warmers and scaring our charges by wearing antlers and jumping out at them from behind the furniture.....:) The only thing I might add is that if you haven't seen your own doctor and discussed yourself, then that would be a good place to start. Sending hugs your way!
The col told us last night after dinner that she was watching Elvis.....on tv? No she says.......is he there? well, you know she says......not sure what that means but hey there could be worse guardian angels!!!! Finally got Target to understand that when he talks with her he needs to go into her world....not try to make her come back to his and it's working great. Maybe hearing aids disintegrate when they hit the floor......several years ago a friend, who was an LPN in a NH, told me to take a piece of paper and roll it into a cone, then place that close to their ear and talk into in a normal voice.....the cone directs the sound right to the ear canal and they can hear. I've tried it on patients while transporting and it did work!
No mowing yesterday....the sun was shining and the glare off my legs scared me so bad I ran right back in the house! But today it must be done before the chihuahua disappears again. Was outside around 6:30 and could hear the turkeys on the pond bank, Daddy goose is swimming and momma is on the nest....very peaceful. If it were only a little warmer I would be out there with my coffee.
Sending hugs and wishes for a wonderful start to your week.......
Happy Trails,
Jam
Notlike, watch out for the flood when hell does melt.. Vivian glad you have decided to take a few days off, you deserve it and need it, like I said even a hotel/motel room for a few days, maybe a girl friends where you could have adult conversations about things other than caregiving. I came back from my break ready to go at it again and not near as stress as when I left..
Hugs to all, don't know what we are going to do today, heck of a way to spend a vacation, me not feeling well, my sister friend stressed to the breaking point. At least I have one bright spot, hubby is being wonderful, even considerate...lol, have had the thought in the back of my mind about where did they stash the real hubby? I'm not going to fuss, just enjoy it as long as it lasts..lol..
Notlike.....are we going skating today or did hell thaw already....too funny......
Ladee, put mil on the list just in case........never know how long this will last. Mil didn't sleep well Sat night cause I gave her something to think about when I ranted at her Sat AM. Seems like she will trust hubby with MPOA. I promised her we will give her wishes the same consideration we did my mom. I am in countdown mode........24 hrs to peace and quiet..............except for the brick man who will be breaking up concrete tomorrow AM...........better than listening to mil.....
Hope everyone has a good Monday.........I am off to Walmart and Books-a-Million later.....mil does not have enough stuff yet........there may be breathing room in the car, and we can't have that............
Without humor I seriously think I'd be a serial killer.... sure hope this post doesn't make it into some FBI file somewhere, but I could use the break in prison to BE tended to for a change... meals, a room with LARGE vents into the hallway, my own tin cup to run across the bars when I am bored....I could lay around and read all day, write ya'll letters, just a laid back life for a change.. never have to worry again about the rent or minutes for my phone, do ya'll see me talking myself into this.... yeah uh huh,,,, it might be a plan, the only vacation I am going to get....
I think I will start with ex husbands and just go from there.... and if ya'll have any requests, let me know.... I can hide in plain sight, it will take them awhile to make the connection it's me...you know, like Dexter.....anyway, hope this doesn't scair away the new posters, it does get DARK here on occasion, when we are just tired, fed up, and haven't slept.....humor costs us nothing, so we just go for it.....
love ya'll ... later.
Ladee-I was LMAO reading your post! Of course, I had my camera ready. I have a whole collection of Mom smiles - the evil one, the mad one, the You Are In Trouble one, the Foolish Girl one, too. LOL. Hope Marie isn't too bad tomorrow. You could take your son and see how he and Marie pair up! :)
Jam-want to mow here, too? We could start a collection of white legs! LOL
Vic-You need a tape recorder. Then you'd just have to push a button instead of repeating yourself. Hugs.
Mom and Dad went for a walk! And she said thank you to me for making the Easter dinner! I am pretty sure hell just froze over. And I'm sure it will thaw again before the end of the week.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
VivianMM-Welcome. Ditto to what everyone else said. So glad you found us here. You are not alone. This is the place to cry, vent, laugh, or all three at once! There are times I wish the cancer would just take my Mom. Not to ease her suffering, but to ease mine. We do know how you feel. Hugs.
Cmag-You are one of the wisest people on the planet. Truly. :)
Do you live with your mom? can you afford to get away for a while, even if it is 2 days in a local motel. You can deal with that brother. if he is making physical threats against you, have his ass arrested and take out a restraining order. Cook only enough food for you and your mother, do not make enough for him to even get a scrap. Tell your no good for nothing Sister that if she get her nose wrapped around some information on bipolar, she would find that not all bipolars are alike, I am a BP2, mine expresses primarily as depression, my really good days look to be normal days for everyone else, my manic days though will either wear you out from me wanting to get stuff done, or will send you running for cover from my rages. Some days I will flip from being one to being the other in just a matter of moments. or have all that going on at once, be sitting there crying and verbally rip your juggler out for wanting to help.
You need to take care of you, you need to realize that the world is not going to stop turning just because your not there, pick a day, a amount of time that you are going to leave, give them maybe a weeks warning, have your bag ready and walk out the door, let them see and get a taste of what you have been going through. I did that to my eldest brother, told him when he finally made up his mind he was coming for a visit, that I was going for a break, a three day break that ended up turning into 5, he got a face first clue as to what I did, and what assistance my younger brother was able to give, younger brother has health issues of his own.
Big Hugs Ladee, no matter how we got to meet we got to meet, God made sure that Glenn and I were able to stay out of the way of those storms, he made sure we were here in time to offer assistance. Teased my husband he got to play the knight with the shining screwdriver, although I don't believe it was all that shiny.. to many years of grease caked on. But the most important thing he did was to make sure we both were there when the other needed a hug in the worst way.
Hope that Joe is doing well, and that you are getting some much needed rest and sleep, if you need to me to check in on him tomorrow, just let me know, I can go poke my head in and see how he is doing. He seems like a great kid, I hope he's gotten the message this time, each time we don't it gets uglier..
Sent you a text, let me know if there is anything I can do for you, we missed going to Services, this morning, afraid that I wasn't up to it, instead of the HS being happy with attacking the right arm, it's now decided to share the pain with my left breast.. I know like most of you, I get sick of being sick. Hope that everyone has had a Happy Easter, mine and Glenn's has been very low key, lol, very low key, we're sitting outside under a canopy, listening to the wind though the trees, the birds chirping, and a very unhappy donkey braying., Squeek (our cat) is having a good time here, plenty of butterflys, lizards and assorted bugs for her to chase, Maggie has figured out that what ever Squeek might be chasing could be fun, so she's started chasing the cat, Claire on the other hand just sits there and watches them like their nuts..lol..
God Bless us all, and Austin sorry to hear you are in a bad place.... you are such an asset to us all, so hope your day gets better....
Notlike, a SMILE, ok, someone stole your real mom during the night right, and you aren't going to call the cops, hey, I understand...and you didn't take a pic... well of course you didn't, you never expected that,,, oh I see..... hugs to you good daughter......but I didn't know they put poison ivy in flowers, hmmmmm.
Vickie Vic, you get to have a bad attitude sometimes..... we all do, it's life and life is hard most days..... you got a little taste of 'normal' while your daughter was there and now it just sucks big time you can't have a normal life.. pick up and go see her when you want to.... I really do understand... and you are loved for being a good daughter also....
Jam, when you get done mowing, come on over here... the guy the landlady hired is always drunk..... he ran into my trailer three times last time and ran over my water line.... so seeing your shiny white legs and a floppy hat would be a nice change....
Seeme, God knows the cow pattie will come in handy today, pack it in with the rest of her stuff, along with the string, old soap bars and rubber bands.... and why does she haul this crap everywhere she goes???? Never mind, I don't want to know........
Hope you all have some kind of family day, got my head snapped off first thing this morning, so son is feeling better...lol..... guess he's pissed the Easter Bunny didn't remember where he lived....
Am just going to chill today, work tomorrow and I am sure Marie's compassion has worn off by now, so will get rest to be ready for her tomorrow.... my job is only 8 blocks from here so I can put on my body armour and come check on son..... If I wasn't so releived he's alive, I'd just have to smack him one, nothing he could do about it.... at least for awhile....lol....
Love ya'll and appreciate all of you.... couldn't do this without ya'll.... love, hugs and angels.....