This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I started menopause at 30 because of a hysteroctomy. I didn't know at the time that I didn't absorb premarin, but I was on it for 5 years before I was switched to another one. Talk mabout night sweats!!! I still have them in the summer months, hell, I'm starting already. I buy and change sheets like crazy, trying to find the right combination of cotton. I sleep with one leg out of the bed. Only cotton touches my body. My doc just cut my hormones in half cause of the breast cancer in my family. I have a picture taken at a photographer's years ago that shows a full blown hot flash in progress!! Like I needed to see that with my own eyes.....I was there!!!!! One friend and I have compared simultaneous hot flashes. She won the redness award and I got the longest-lasting award. What else can you do??? Hang in there, you are not alone.
I hope we get a LADEE UPDATE soon. No news is supposed to be good news, so at least things are hanging in there........hope everyone else has a good day......
Lildeb-I used your word, "heartless", with hubby and he says it describes her to a T. She doesn't care about anyone or anything, except how it effects her and what she can get out of it.
More prayers for Ladee...
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Notlike hope your day was good with mom. How did radiation go?
ASG.. How is auntie today? Hope she is not too sore from her fall.
Ede..God Bless you.. I know how you feel.. Listening for breathe.. I do it myself with my dad but he is not as far along as your situation. Listen to Jam.. We are here for you.
Ladee dear friend.. You are in my prayers.. Jam update us when you can.
Ede-Welcome. Please listen to Jam and talk to someone about what you're going though. It sounds like a difficult enough situation with out the added stress and worry. If you've never had to burry someone before, it can seem very confusing and scary. We're here to help. I've laid too many good people to rest - if you need practical advice, please just ask. And know that I am sending you a worry-free hug:)
Jam-please keep the Ladee updates coming. Thinking about her so much today.
Welcome ede............I'm so sorry you are going through all these emotions right now. You're right, no one chooses to feel that kind of anxiety and when you don't know what to expect or when that makes it worse. Death is an inevitable part of life....none of us know when or how it will come, we just know it will. And it will for your Dad. I take it Mom is no longer with you? Maybe you need to think of what it is that is really scaring you.....is it the fact of losing Dad or finding him gone? If you have never gone through the dying process then it can get a little scary when you don't know what to expect. You have hospice and a supportive husband...those are good things. Will your husband keep an eye on Dad and give you the opportunity to get out of the house for a while? Do you have a pastor you could talk with? How about your own doctor? Make an appt and tell your doctor what is going on with you....a few rounds of an anti-anxiety medication sounds like a good thing. Then take yourself to your favorite salon for a hair makeover and have your nails done while you're there. Dad will be taken care of while you are gone and he won't suffer because you are taking a little time for yourself. In fact that would probably make him happy. Take care of YOU and come back and let us know how you're doing......we'll leave the lights on................
Hope everyone has a wonderful day.......hugs and angels sent to watch over you!
So patience..lol, I have none most of the time.. at least that is what hubby keeps telling me, I hope that everyone has a wonderful day today. Mine is going to consist of about 200 miles of travel (what would be a 4 hour trip in a car is more like 6 in the RV.. But at least there is light at the end of this tunnel.
Burned - prayers for you, too. You are amazing how you hold it all together.
Seemee-Bless you for taking care of your mil. And when the poop hits the fan, I'll be waiting for you in the laundry room! LOL
Jam and Ladee-thanks for the oatmeal. Really, thanks for the support. It's frrustrating how the simplest things get blown out of proportion around here.
I can hear the birds singing outside, and I got some real sleep last night. I think it will be a good day. And I'm praying it's a good sign for Ladee and all of you.
it sounds all things considered that the rest had a reasonably good day and I pray that it continues that way for you..
I hope that by the time we get home, it will be still nice enough weather to plant something besides me under the A/C..lol.. It was 88 here in Junction TX when we pulled in yesterday, but like Ladee said, nice breeze so it wasn't all that bad. I'm looking forward to getting in there, the trip from Needles, CA to TX has been a long one..lol, not use to this pull over for 8 and get up and start moving again, we'll be staying put in TX for at least a month, maybe more. Hope that all have gotten some sleep tonight.
Notlikemom, I thought oatmeal is good for you too. It seems that woman is very heartless sometimes.
burnedncaringst, you got what sleep your body needed. As for your credit card coming in, we all know they will be coming with no hesitation so try to breath. ; )
Marie was too tired to be much trouble today, but hate going in on Monday's and seeing that look in Sonny's eyes... no interaction all weekend and it's like he has a regression... it will take all week to get him lively again....then another weekend...
Austin, think i am going to try some sunflowers, that sounds like a good plant to have in this heat....
Oh, my mind is jumping all over the place this evening...gonna go now and not embarrass myself any further.... love to ya'll
Hubby's skin was just bubbling a his blood pressure rose yesterday during a discussion with her. She still won't turn her hearing aid up loud enough to hear us, and hubby has a moustache, so she can't read his lips. He wanted to know if she had drunk her boost and she kept asking about what moose...........and off he went......ping, ping, boing, boing.......
Hope everyone has a wonderful day........
notlike I will send another 20 boxes to Dad....and yes, bless his heart. Your attitude daily is an inspiration.....you definitely have an angel that sits on your shoulder.....hugs!
lildeb....yep dishes can wait because we all know the darn cleaning fairies around this bunch are always on vacation! You will have the memory of some good interaction with your mil....something that can never be taken away.
I think the most important thing I learned while care giving the col was patience. That's not to say I was that way all the time.....but I learned to be more tolerant of things that otherwise would have driven me over the edge.
There have been no changes in the col....she goes about her day sitting in the wheelchair....is still confused about some things, the other night she said she got to play with her dog and that Target was outside her window knocking on it to come in.....and I have to keep reminding Target that he can't treat her mind like a doctor would.........he must start learning to go into her world or his frustration level is going to continue to raise.
Another beautiful day here then a couple of days of rain and cooler temps....then nice again. The break will allow me to get a few things done in the house.
Sending angels and hugs to all!!
Lildeb... yeah, so what if she is taking the clothes out and putting them back... gives her something to do... and the more she feels useful, the better things will be....and yeah, those dishes will still be there... but at least you got to put your feet up for a little while...
Notlike.... no wonder dad is concerned about his BP, bless his heart, makes me want to get 20 boxes of oatmeal and send him, with a great big bow on it and a card that says, "you are amazing"...... I'm telling you, Marie and your mom are sisters, such a scairy thought... and she will piss and moan all week long, but never tell me how she is feeling after her transfusion.... all I can do is send you lots of hugs and tell you how amazing you are for putting up with all this crap, just know that thur the day, I am going thru the same things..... then we get on here and love each other thru to the next time......
Hope ya'll have a decent day.... I am tired from moving yesterday, so know I am not going to be playing any "marie" games today.... just keeping my mouth shut, and thinking of all of you doing the same thing..... love to you all....
Mom has radiation again every day this week. So far, no symptoms. At least none that she's mentioned.
Dad's leg continues to improve. But his blood pressure is still a bit high and we don't see that doctor again until June. I think he is stressing too much about it. He wants to check his pressure every day, and it doesn't change all that much. He may need more meds to keep it in check. We'll see what happens.
Only one blow up with Mom this weekend. That's pretty good. She spent $60 on the girls, then told Dad $10 was too much to spend at one time on his bulk box of oatmeal. While we were standing in line to pay for it! I told her she was penny wise and pound foolish. And I'm right. Not that my opinion mattered.
Hope everyone has a good day!
Didn't stop me from loving her, had she been in her right mind, that would have NEVER happened.... I still hobbled to the NH and gave her kisses, she was so lost and confused in that place... but I couldn't take care of her, hell, I was using HER wheelchair at home.....so we do the best we can, day to day..Some days are good, some are not, I think it's called LIFE.
If you let it, Alz. will teach you more than you ever wanted to know... it will teach you how to decide what is important, that love is more important than a clean kitchen floor. That they still have a sense of humor, that they have fears we could begin to imagine.... it's not about us really, it's about them...
I read on here all the time how some NEVER get a break, I believe it, but at the same time, I'd put my charge in the car, go to the nearest church, take them and myself into the pastor or preacher or priest's office, and burst into tears.... I need a break, I know you have at least one remember here who will help me for a few hours.... I need a break....
I think we limit our resources or we are doing it to ourself.... needing to keep our eagle eye on every movement and hearing every breath... fine... maybe for you it needs to be that way.... I did get my few and far between breaks from Ruth and the craziness... once in awhile I got to sleep for more than two hours.... and I lived.... exhausted and heartbroken I started my next job 8 days after she died... last year was rough, I lived.... and as much as I do not understand Marie most of the time, I do love my Sonnyman, as many times as I want to walk out the door because of Marie, I would miss Sonny too bad.. Could they find another caregiver, well sure, but Sonny is my teacher right now, and Marie is the classroom bully, such is life.... I'm not missing out on anything with Sonny until the family makes other choices,,, and then I'll go visit him in the NH... I am not kin to any of these people.... don't think in the long run that has a damned thing to do with anything... do I get impatient, yes, with Marie, not Sonny. Sonny lives in a simple world, most days I prefer his to mine.....