This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee hope you ground something for cough..it is sooo miserable. I miss this days when u could call and they would send something. Can you ask pharmacist? I call mine and they help when they can.
ASG..know it was a real relief to hear doc tell you about symptoms and why...even though ther is nothing that can be done you have some peace of mind knowing.
Dads primary doc Wants hematologist to see bloodwork because he thinks dads stiff movements may be due to some of the bone marrow stuff. I don't think so ..but hey what do I know. He did tell me to bring him in if hematologist doesn't think it has anything to do with the anemia. I am thinking they could give him some steroids at first but really think he needs the levodopa cause I think it is coming from his brain.. But again hey..what do I know. Think doc will work with me once we see hematologist and get his take.. Don't know if we be able to see him tomorrow when dad gets procrit shot. Dad has so much wrong with him..the docs have a real hard time diagnosing anything. Mom wasn't feeling too well yesterday hope she isn't as tired today.
It sure is a pretty day here maybe I can get out later in the garden...go with the flow...
And by now the kids have learned how to avoid her for the most part. And you are an awesome woman Tina, juggling Auntie, kids, home, and hubby being gone , you just amaze me.... I have never been that 'unselfish' in my life.... so I feel blessed that you set an example for me, AND you have a sense of humor..... and what ever you put in her oatmeal, we won't tell...deal? deal!!!!!.....love and hugs to you and prayers for you and your family....
Did they ever find out what is causing dad's stiffness? I know the procrit shot will help him to feel better, but won't fix this stiff body syndrome he has, wish they could give you some answers without having to run so many damned tests then send you somewhere else for more tests.....prayers for you and your family... glad hubby has been there and sorry you got your meal interrupted... but no big deal I guess in the bigger picture of things huh....Give that precious hubby a hug from me and tell him Thank You for making your life easier when he is home.....he is deeply appreciated..
Was up most of the night coughing, so today should just be lovely....but am going to stick my ugly attitude somewhere and go on about my day....
I know there are some rocks on the back roads that I haven't seen yet.... hugs and angels to you all..... the angels are to help lighten your load....
Pray everyone has the best day possible and that we all can have a little down time during the day to refresh our minds during our cargiving day.
ladee, we need to find humor to keep on trucking. I even throw some humor out to the mnl when she gets frustrated or confused about something and it helps sometimes. For instance, we have a small trash can by the toilet and I kept smelling pee in the bathroom real bad. I have already removed to the rug by toilet due to hubby I guess can't ring hole that big sometimes. : ) So, I check the tub rug and it looked fine and I took the trash can for it had toilet paper in it but I thought I empty it and then place it in tub and shut door to find that freaking piss smell! Well, sure enough it was in shower tub area from trash can. I have it in soaked with bleach.
Hubby tried to tell his mom to throw her tissue-toilet paper in the toilet and not the can. Well that was getting her all confused. Finally, we said if you wipe throw it in toilet. She responding, "just throw everything in toilet." I said no... you wouldn't throw your toothbrush in toilet. she responding, just like I wouldn;t throw myself in toilet and I said, yes! Needless to say, she started asking again about the toilet and I could see hubby losing it so I asked him to chill that we will just take the can out for awhile for it is a learning habit and problem solved. Yes!!! I knew this bachelor's sociology was going to come handy eventually. ; )
starri, I love my fried green tomatoes. Now they have fried pickles.
brandiwine, i would had chuck that old crock pot stuff right in toilet screaming or no screaming. Thank the Lord your hubby didn't get sick.
Broken leg, smacked in the face boy, I sure do have it made right now.
angelaleigh, take time to breathe and relax while she has her out. Great for you for a break just away a bit is awesome.
notlikemom, well, let her have her joy sometimes even though it in the wrong way. Cancer can take its toll? My mnl likes to compete sometimes when she is not telling me she is old. Like if I start stretching my legs for my muscle get all tight then, she will tell me, "I can do that.:" I am like go for it for its got to be good for her. hey, it gets her off the chair. ; )
jam, that idea of "Snickers candy bar in her coffee....vanilla ice cream in coffee." sounds pretty good! Look at all those flavor coffees out on the market. Hey, Y'all could get rich by starting a new taste of coffee-and call it, "snicker coffee or snicker-doodle coffee. : )
Angela, are we going to have get you some boxing lessons??? Don't care who you are or how hard you try, someone going for your face will trigger survial feelings..... it's miracle we don't hit them back... When I was on the floor when Ruth broke my leg, she was steady kicking me and cursing me in German.... guess God was in charge of that outcome, was in too much pain to knock her legs out from under her, but will say there was some pretty vile things coming out of my mouth too. Then she just walks away, like none of it happened and in her mind it didn't.... on to the next thing....
Will have to tell about the banana and the table knifes when I have more time, will let the new folks know there is humor in what we do....
Ok, gotta run and pay billRs... ttyl, hugs.
The dog does need to be put up when someone is at the door, it could be a child. maybe try telling her that if it bites someone else, that the animal control people will come and take it and it will be put to sleep.
I hope all of you have quiet, peaceful days, I need to convince myself that sleeping all day is not a good thing, did that yesterday but gave myself forgiveness for having felt like doing it, don't know if it was the stress knowing that we are getting ready to hit the road, not feeling well (haven't in a couple of weeks.. (pollen maybe? never had allergies.) My HS is acting up, arm is killing me. Did at least get some of hubby's medication mess straightened out, he's 63, has no mental issues, with the exception of being stupid at times... keeping track of his meds, ordering them on time and taking them fall under those times...
That tuna and jelly sandwich? yuk..and double yuk, but that cherry oatmeal does sound kinda good, but not a Popsicle, it would water it down and make it cold. I thought a sausage biscuit with strawberry jelly was weird till I tried it..lol.. Tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches along with pimento cheese sandwiches, welcome to the South Y'all
Well, we're down to T -5 for blast off, having to keep poor Squeek in the RV, the neighbor with the peacocks almost shot her the other night, doesn't like other animals on his property, but doesn't have a problem at all with his geese and peacocks coming over here, all Squeek was doing was chasing crickets, she didn't have a mouth full of feathers. So if his birds come over here, it's fair game for maggie and claire to chase them..lol.... I kinda encourage it as a matter of fact now, where I had been trying to keep them from doing it.
Ladee? hope you are feeling better.
Big Hugs
I did my time on ladee's hamster wheel and my heart goes out to each of you who are still running that track........I honestly don't think I could do it again. When I think back to the mental stress that I went through every day learning how to not respond back when the col started her tirades......it makes me just as tired as the physical did. The last couple of months was when the weight started to drop off of me.....lost 22lbs in about 2 months and that was because I didn't take the time to eat properly and was running up and down stairs all day long. Nice to lose the pounds, but a rotten way to do it! You all have my deepest respect for being able to continue being care givers.
Sending hugs to you all for a beautiful day of peace................
Ladee, the hamster thing was a bit funny, I'm sorry but I did get a chuckle out of it. Sorry Sonny can be such a handful. I look at everyone situation and y'all got me beat miles away.
Jam, got a big chuckle from the, Oatmeal cherry popsicle. hey, we cannot knock it until we try it, right? ; ) hey at least she ate it or did she?
Hope everyone has a nice day. : )
Quack Quack here. It's been raining since last night. Sounds pretty through the open window.
I do have POA and HIPPA rights. I just didn't want it to look like I was "going behind her back" to get the info. Sometimes, she doesn't want to tell me, othertimes, she doesn't care. I did ask her tonight, and was told she has "superior" cognative abilities. Whatever. She can think, but her emotional stability is non-existant. She loves to lord it over Dad that she is smarter (according to her), so now I guess she wants to be smarter than me, too. Not gonna happen - I have a Mensa IQ and it didn't all come from her. Oh well, let her feel good about what she can. There's enough bad times ahead with her cancer. It's just too bad she gets her joy from the wrong things.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
I sympathize with the other posters here who have it worse than me. I just don't know how you it take it year after year.
Angela, I know about the weight being lifted.
Stormy, I know about the bundle of nerves thing.
Ladee, I love your posts.