This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
You guys have been busy! Welcome to Angela.....ewwww tuna and jelly......made me think about the days when mil still lived here.....not much made sense coming out of her mouth and she also liked to do weird things with her food....like the day I asked why her oatmeal was pink.....yep cherry popsicle!
The HIPPA law came about because a group of firefighters from somewhere were sitting in a restaurant after a call one day talking about the circumstances and outcome of the call. It just so happened that a family member overheard and complained about personal information being tossed out for anyone to hear the embarrassing details.....thus the law was passed. The biggest problem was that it went way overboard. When I was still working I could come back to the station and talk to my partner about it but no one else. If working a car accident I couldn't even give information to a police officer unless they were actively involved with patient care......you would be surprised how many of them I used for temporary iv poles or had them hand me a bandage or c-collar....something to make them involved. Someday the "right" person will be hurt because of not being able to pass along information and the law will be changed. Technically those involved as care givers should have easy access to pertinent information....the problem is that the law is so vague as to who is allowed what......and the initial fine is $25,000 and goes up.....that doctors and other health care professionals just keep their mouths shut.
Vic I heard you quacking from here!!!! Started raining again yesterday at 5:45pm....pouring actually and the blind doggie chose that moment to wake up and want out....umbrella didn't do much good. My poor grass looks like a jungle out there!
Thinking about all of you today and hoping you get through the day with partial sanity still intact.......sending angels and hugs!
Happy Trails,
Jam
So just keep on keepin' on , keep the Laundry Room in the back of your mind, one of these days we are all going to meet in the Laundry Room and tell ALL our elders secrets..... to the National Enquirer!!!!!
hope eveyone had a good day and yeah Shelia, that 's what it feels like when they get on a run about something, round and round and round and round...
Angela - welcome. And at least I wasn't eating a tuna and jelly sandwich, too, on my bad day. YUCK!
Lindy-missed you. Hugs.
Vic-hope you get answers about your Dad. This "two for one " caring we do is hard when they are worried for each other. Hugs.
Maybe we could send all the pollen to the Laundry Room? That way, everyone would feel better.
Looks like Dad has cellulitis on his leg. So neosporin and bandage changes every night. Thank goodness he told me (after three days of it being red and sore) before it got any worse. And he's been using his C-Pap, even though it will take a while to get used to it.
What Mom didn't tell me was the results of her cognitive test. I heard from Dad that the hospital called her and she is doing better than she did 3 months ago. It's strange, because she all but threw the last one in my face, because it showed she was okay. It's been 3 days now since they called, and she hasn't even mentioned it. And sis and I have both noticed more forgettfulness, so we're wondering if she even told Dad the truth about the call. It's very frustrating to take care of someone who treats you like the enemy. I didn't give her cancer, or memory loss, or any of this - I'm here to help. But helping to her seems to mean she would have to acknowledge she's sick. Too much round and round with her - I would love to sit and talk about this with her but I already know how that turns out. Not good. So I will try to be patient until she's ready to talk to me, or there is a crisis.
Looking forward to it really being Friday! And payday! And a short day at work! Maybe the stars are alligned right for today :)
Hugs to all.
Just like today, Sonny constantly hawking (sp) and spitting, I was afraid he was going to make his throat bleed... I finally told him to come with me to see the bluebonnets outside.... got him distracted and he stopped.... lord, they get in a hamster wheel about something, and you sometimes just have to stop it and take them off...
And happy to hear her eating the ice cream did not make your sugar go up... lol.... proud of you girl.... you are doing good..
I also called and talk to someone from the Area Aging Agency and they were so helpful and are going to send me brochures of what their program offers. I also didn't know that the mnl was ease dropping and heard her name mention while I was talking to her about our situation. the mnl just blurted out after I got off the phone that, " I had no idea that you felt that way about me." I was stunned! So, dumb me try to explain to her that she was diagnose with mild AZ back in Sept.
Well, she is in denial like always and was very pissed at me. Then she stated that she is just a dumb country girl and that is why she does some of the things she does or says. I told her she is not dumb and that it is an illness but then she wanted to argue. I told her I was NOT going to argue about it and that I was just trying to get information to learn about AZ so that we can communicate without yelling at each other. She just clammed up for about hour. hey, it was kind of quite for a little while. So, that is when I got her to do the swans and later we went and got tax stuff ready for tomorrow appt and we treated ourselves to a single dipped ice-cream cone and she ate the whole thing and it didn't affect my sugar. yeah...
Hubby is having the same issue of the pollen as you all for he sounds like he has a frog in his throat. he's taking Mucinex and hasn't help him too much. I did wash his car to help get the pollen off and wax and hopefully that will help somewhat. I'm taking Sudafed and it helps somewhat. Hearing the thunder and lightning and hopefully it will shower all the pollen away.
Sending all you allergy suffers a big fat hug and hope y'all get to feeling better soon.
Ok, I want to smoke a whole cigarette, all at one time, like back in the olden days,like last week... I am getting CRANKY..... cough please go away before I kill someone....
I believe you have done the right thing, like placing my Mom was the right thing for me, I could not physically tend to her needs anymore. She argued about using the adult diapers, so that meant getting her up and getting her to the bedside, hopefully in time, other wise you had her to clean up and everything else.
Take the Doctor's advice, and maybe talk to your own doctor about something like this , does the NH have like group activities? something she can get involved with? that association with others might help pull her out of the depression.
I am going to try and call the Area Aging Agency and see how the Respite works and the cost and discuss with the hubby. Right now he is sick with the pollen and trying to teach high school students. I also have a grandson who just got out of hospital but was sent home with an oxygen tank for his asthma due to the pollen and he is only 5yrs old. I told my son that to see if the dr thinks he is immune to his asthma meds and try a new one and to get a hepa=filter and humidifier, poor thing. Be nice I could just go over their & help them but they live in NM.
seemeride, You will be in my prayers for I lost my mom at age 58 and I know how it is to lose a mom. I hope you can find peace during this time.
Notlike, bless your heart!!! And I thought I had a bad day yesterday!!! NOT!! You humble me. Wishing a better day for you today............
Welcome to all the new posters. Remember that a problem shared is a problem halved. We are hear for you in any way we can help.
Anyone heard from Rosella lately? She must be working hard again.
Looks like it will be another 4 months before we get puppies. Momma had a false pregnancy, so she is retired. But, the extra time will allow us to settle the mil issue and bury my parents' cremains. Maybe even take a vacation to the northeast. If I wasn't so picky about wanting an OES and would settle for a Lab, I would have had puppies by now. As it is, I will have waited 10 months........I could have given birth myself!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! NOT!!!!
The lilac bush and river birch trees grew leaves overnight. I can hear the hosta growing. May start tilling the garden this weekend if the weather holds. Life does go on............
Hope you all have a wonderful day with few problems.......hugs to all.
It's good to read from you lindy although you don't have good news to share with us and I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard time! You do have the HONOR of winning the COW PATTIE for posting #6500....woohoo! The first thing we need to work on is drying up your tears....they make your face red and splotchy and stuff up your nose.....you know Mom is being taken care of because you took the time to find a great home for her...if the doctor wants to start Mom on some Zoloft then by all means do so, it's a pretty benign medication and if she hasn't been on an anti-depressant prior to this then that is a plus. The change is hard on all of you but needed to be done before you were hurt physically and Mom might have been hurt because of the need for more help. I know you will find it hard to take a step back but that is what needs to be done at this time.....as long as you are spending every hour you can with her, she will not start to acclimate herself to her new surroundings. It's time for you to concentrate on getting yourself back, spending time with your husband, and allowing Mom the chance to start making her new home her "home"....and she won't do that if she thinks there is a chance you will relent and take her back home with you. Remember that you did all of this out of love for your mother....you want the best of care for her and that shows in realizing your limitations and finding a home that will care for her properly. Stay with us and we will help you through this....hugs to you!
Welcome BS0213......selfish siblings seem to be a common denominator with care givers. And there isn't anything you can do to change the way they are. So you will probably have to look at outside help or a place for Mom until you are able to care for her. Or this could be the time for all of you to look at placing Mom. Your health should be your #1 priority....without that you can't do much caring for anyone else. Come back and visit with us and let us keep you from falling into the black hole of burn out.....
seeme.......we had lightening and thunder yesterday morning....yep that girl just walked into church....:)
ladee.....the rain should be moving away from you and we will be getting a little more today but that should be it. Hope no detours to work this morning.....
notlike.....hope Mom settles herself down....you just amaze me, you are such a good daughter and give of yourself daily and too often have it thrown right back at you.....you are very valuable to us!
Vic.....are you swimming yet? This rain should have reached you by now.....I don't want to quack alone...:) Hope things have gotten better between you and Mom....maybe it's time for you to get away for a few days.
I'm thinking of you all today and hoping for a day of peace.....sending angels to watch over you as you go about your day!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Talked to dads doc yesterday...results of bloodwork showed some inflammation ..suggesting that it is coming from marrow. Uric acid level was good... Doc suggested that we talk to hematologist when we go for his shot next week. He is sending test results over. So basically no help yet with his rigid body. I know in my head I am doing everything I can to keep dad comfortable but sure hate to see him in this shape and my heart tells me to keep pushing.
It is frustrating because he has so many things thing wrong with him but all in all not any one reason he is in the shape he is in. Mom is declining little by little but still able to take care of herself. Moving slower more back pain
I see her worry with dad as he gets confused in the day. We are feeding him more often.
Ah well.. Sucks getting old and having to depend on someone to take care of you.
Hope and pray that we all have a decent day
Sonny went to the Dr. yesterday about his BP, hope I can get a straight answer from Marie today... Sonny has declined this past winter... but as I have said before he is very social, and all she does is set in her chair and watch tv and read the paper... but he is more frail and not as steady on his feet.... makes me so very sad, I hate this disease, hate it with a passion...
Sorry some of you are having such a down time right now... wishing I could come and give you all the respite care you needed... that would be my ideal job, traveling around, helping the people I have met on here, and giving back for all you all have given me.... maybe one day.... who knows what God has planned...
Love you all, and maybe today all we can do is put one foot in front of the other...hugs
Welcome to all new posters... good place to put your feelings and get up and do this job all over again....
hugs and angels to all of you...
My horrible day started last night with finding out Mom is keeping medical things from me. Like the results of an appointment I set up for her. And once again having her not appreciate me, after an hour in 80 degree heat setting up a bird bath and feeder for her to watch.
Woke up today and I knew it was Friday, until it turned out not to be. Dropping things, crying jags, a patient with bed bugs, and my cell phone walked away by itself.
I wish I knew why I've felt like crying all day. It's not my usual response to troubles. I guess things just pile up in my heart. Ah well, keeping calm and carrying on...
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.