This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sorry about all the hard days.....sometimes they just feel like they will never end.....and one good meal can change the outlook of the whole day......been there, done that.
Mil had a bad day yesterday...didn't make any sense on the phone. I've been reading how to approach the topic of AL.....I can be armed with information, but it won't necessarily persuade her.....I am dreading the conversation, but I will do it.
And Ladee has a new g/baby to love on. Diva will be jealous. Ladee will be goo gooing and Diva will be wondering what the fuss is all about. Glad Marie has been good to you, at least as good as she can be.
Notlike, I need you to get me inspired to take a walk. Maybe I could just keep up with M&D. Maybe. We have great weather forecasted for the next week.
Hubby took me out to dinner.....and we managed to make it home in time for me to get to the bathroom. Seems like a waste of money to me..........
Tomorrow I get to work non-stop on my project. I am painting a 6 foot giraffe for my sunroom. It looked like a wannabe Arabian camel with gold wicker and braid all over it. It took me longer than a day to get it all off, mainly because I lost the grip in my right hand pulling a hundred little brads out of it. Now I am filling the holes with wood putty before sanding and painting. I haven't been involved in a project like this in years. Had too much going on with mom. It is 6 months since she died, and I am finally feeling alive. Of course, her birthday would have been the 21st of this month...............we'll see how I am then.
Everyone have a good night with plenty of rest. God love you all.........
Vic, I wish the medicine could help, but sometimes the side effects aren't worth it. Tough call to make.
We took Glenn's Stepmom to her therapy session today, she's got the beginnings of AZ and had taken a spill a couple of months ago and had a concussion, so their working on her balance and stuff. Took her to two grocery stores, had her to three different stores yesterday, today reminded me so much of mom, her traits are just like her... kinda tickled me, seeing that, and made me sad all at the same time.
She had to go to Safeway to get apples that were suppose to be on sale for .99 per pound, well, that was a 4 day sale and needless to say we were a day late and a dollar short...rofl.. so we had to go across the street to the smiths store and found them there for .99, she got 5 small apples that might have weighed a 1/2 pound. She fussed over spending .05 more for something at Safeway than she would have at Smiths..
We're still in Needles CA till the 29th at the latest (cross your fingers and toes for me) I believe even if we only get 10 miles over the border I will be much happier. We've been here far to long. Told hubby last night that if we didn't get out of here soon, we'd be selling the RV, the new trailer and just driving the truck and bike back, cause I could not take much more of this.
You know how I've been encouraging those of you who could do it, to do this kinda traveling? well if your married, make sure your marriage is strong..rofl.. living in this close of space with basically no where to escape too, will test any marriage., and make pillow therapy sound wonderful.
My girls (2 dogs and a cat for those of you who don't know) are doing well, they get to run some here at Mom's. claire and maggie have their pen they stay in during the day, would put them in with Glenn's sisters dogs, but one of her dogs is a herding dog for her goats, and would make a small snack out of them, throw a saddle on Polly and take her for a ride...lol..
Ladee, tell us all about the stuff that you and your granddaughter make.. Have a wonderful evening everyone.
I am sorry dad is in the shape he's in.. and more sad for you that you have to watch what is going on, knowing the side effects of some meds are just not worth it if it is just going to make some things worse...prayers for dad to feel peace in his soul.. and your poor mom... so bad wanting things to be normal.. 59 years, wow!!!! So I do understand her pushing for some things, she so badly needs it to be like it used to be..
And very happy to hear hubby is coming home a day early... does he get vacation so that ya'll can spend more time together.? I wish I lived closer to you, I'd come over and fix you a cup of coffee, take you outside, we'd set in lawn chairs and just stare at the sky, even if it's raining, you know, like turkeys!!!! They are so amazed at the rain that they drown themselves, and this is true, not some story I've made up...
Had to share that I talked to my step daughter last night and got to hear my new grandangel grunting and stretching in the background. wanted to jump thru the phone... she is thinking about moving back to Tx, so ya'll know if she does you'll have to hear all the boring, "he's so perfect" stories that Granny's can tell.
Marie doesn't seem to be as depressed since we talked.. she has her moments, that's just her, but nothing like it was... not saying it won't get like that again.. so am enjoying this while it lasts.... got off that roller coaster with her, new plans in place...
Notlike, have you been by the dollar store to get ya'll's new china and silver???? On the days nothing pleases her, throw that stuff on the table and walk out.... it would almost be worth the hissy fit!!!!
My oldest granddaughter is supposed to be here soon, so need to get finished with scaping her off a place to set here in the tiny GoWW..... she is used to much finer digs, so this should throw her into therapy.... oh well, what ya see is what you get with this ol' Granny....
Will check in later, love to everyone....
And Dad's C-pap should cost less than $25/month. Mom seems to have agreed to pay for it. Another Yeah! And even if she changes her mind, hubby and I can cover that. She did say if it's too noisy, he will have to sleep elsewhere. I'm not sure which house she thinks she lives in, but there aren't any more rooms available here. I'll buy her earplugs before I build another room. Maybe I should just buy myself the earplugs for daily use! LOL
All in all a good day. It is hard to watch our people decline, but nice when they have a good day or are able to accomplish something.
Hugs and Blessings to all.
Today is primary day in my state. My mom believes in her responsibility..not that I don't, I do. This morning I suggested to her that we go vote real quick while dad was still in bed since our polling place is just a few minutes from the house. No, she didn't want to leave dad. No problem..got dad up and mom gave him his breakfast then rushed to get dressed. So off we go, I felt liked ad was really not in his right mind to vote so I dadnt get him out of the car. After mom and I voted she insisted that dad needed to vote. Arghhh... She went to ask the folks if she could vote for him! No but he could vote curbside! So..fill out the paperwork to do that and mom goes to the car. I go out and have to explain to dad what we are doing..I had to fill form out for him and sign his name to ballot. I really felt that he probably should not have voted but I knew who he wanted to vote for but it was really just a frustrating experience. Poor dad to be in the shape he is in mentally and physically. He can barley stand when I pick him up. Heis legs have a hard time unbending and his arms are stiff. I have it in my mind that I should call his primary doc to talk about the rigidness and maybe see if it would help him to have medication. But the side effects from the levodopa meds could be terrible. He is sleeping on and off and the good days are not as often. Poor guy..we were at church Sunday and somehow his bottom teeth fell out. He didnt even know it until I was able to pick up and quickly put back. Not sure if I should be asking for hospice again but his vitals are all stable... Just another day and I get down in the dumps about. Mom seems to understand what kind of shape he is in but then again things like this morning happen and I wonder. In a couple of weeks they have their 59th anniversary! Wow..hard to let go after so many years.
God Bless all...
Pray everyone has a decent day! So glad to catch up on everyone. Jam how is col...check in when you can. ASG..good to hear from you..sorry that Auntie is deteriorating..
Makes my heart feel good this morning to see all of our angels here posting and the positive attitudes.....ladies you humble me!
austin.....hope you had a good time away. Yes the notifications have changed and they seem to be different every day. Sometimes I know when one of you has posted but usually I will get one notification in my email only to come here and see that there has been a bunch of posts and then I have so many to catch up on.
Tina....have been thinking about you a lot....it was funny when you posted the other morning on FB about what a beautiful day it was....my first thought was what's that girl been sipping.....it was dreary and rainy here and I bet you finally got some of that rain. I'm surprised Aunt's glucose isn't off the chart with all that pudding......oh well if she enjoys it and her sugar is fine I say go for it!
Went to the NH yesterday and the col didn't know who I was. She is so slumped to the right and hunched over....will continue to hunch until her nose touches her knees and that is something I hate to see.....I hope God takes her home before she gets to that point. Went to the social worker who did a token look through....yes, looking through everything we had already looked over for the missing hearing aid and still no quilt. She interjected several times about things they have found before....teeth on a windowsill.....soooooo in other words too bad so sad..........I'm calling the administrator today. Target and I discussed it and if it's the home's policy that they are not responsible for these things then we are not replacing it. There is no reason to...she cannot carry on a conversation and right now she is in her own little world.
Today I am looking forward to sunny skies, warm temps and my plan is to uncover the glider and rake a few more leaves.......going to open the windows and let the breeze run through the house...I love this time of year!!!!
Sending hugs to all of you for a grand day..........
Happy Trails,
Jam
As much as I hate Alz. there are parts of it that just amaze me...
For some reason Marie has it in her head that we have to lift her legs in her reclliner as she is pulling the handle to put the foot rest up... I do this a hundred times a day. but many times Sonny helps her.. He had been grabbing her ankles and leaving bruises he was holding on so tight( there may have been a little 'pay back' going on, who knows,lol), but one day I showed him how to put his hands under her ankles instead of grabbing them... ya'll , he has been doing it that way ever since.... Now my little sweetie doesn't remember where the bathroom is, I can leave the room and come right back in and he is so surprised I am there....but he remembered how to llift her legs....amazing.
When I got there yesterday, he was still in bed... I went down to check on him, he was awake and when I walked in the room his face lit up. I asked him what he was doing still piled up in the bed, without missing a beat, 'Today is my day off!!'. Of course we both laughed... and I thought of all of you with grumpy and never satisfied elders, well for me that would be Marie, but I thought of ya'll and wished you all could have a Sonny Man in your life.... He is the reason I stay, just can't express how much I love that little guy....
Told him we needed to give him a shave, no one bothers with him if I'm not there, ya'll know me well enough to know how that upsets me... anyway, after I shaved him, told him the Hair Gustapo (Marie) wouldn't notice if we missed a whisker or two... He burst out laughing...I pretty much say what I want if it's him and me, he doesn't remember anyway, so I don't have to worry about him tattling on me...but it helps him releive stress when she has been on him for something stupid...
And like Janet, I am easily entertained, tiny little wild flowers with heart shaped leaves, the mushroom that was as big as my hand, the cardinals that remind me of my mom, if I didn't look for these things to be grateful about,, I'd be too focused on all the things I am powerless over.
So hope ya'll find a tiny flower today that makes you smile... love, hugs and angels...
he probably dosnt understand what she's even getting at. She was always a whiz on all that stuff. Its so sad. Now that her medicines have changed, she can't fix them anymore. She keeps saying she's going to sit down with me and have me show her how I do it, and I have, but the one time she tried, she had everything pulled out of the medicine bags all jumbled up, and had her sleeping pill in her supper meds and nothing else in that slot. I guess I coulda let her have it then;) she probably really would have had bedtime time confused. Its so sad. I'm not sure what she's has but whatever it is I hate it to.
Had a okay day today with the mnl. I guess it is better than a bad day. Tomorrow is a whole new day. I hope everyone gets some rest tonight.zzz
Cindy-good for you. Just take it one day at a time. As was said-you'll know if it's not working anymore.
River-I am mostly a dog person, but your cat story was fantastic! A good laugh needed today.
Ladee-storage? Think rummage sale! Seriously, I don't know what you have stored, but if it's important, it will keep until you find it a place. Hugs.
To those job hunting-don't give up! You never know what great job is right around the corner. Blessings.
Dad's doc says his blood pressure is much better. Yeah! It's nice to get good news around here. The meds are working, so it's just a wait and watch thing. He told me he appreciates me going with him, and that's he realizes now that if he speaks up, the docs may be able to help him. I'm so glad there are things that can be done to improve his quality of life.
No doctor's appoitnments now until Mom's radiation starts in 2 weeks. My, whatever will we do with ourselves????
And yes we do love our cats....I talk to mine all the time, she could care less, and sometimes she gets up and turns her back to me... if a human did that I would get pissed, but when she does it I laugh...
Talking about gratitude, a friend of mine posted on FB today that he was 'above the dirt', so I guess that is a good way to say he is grateful for another day.... hugs
As a fellow cat lover/owner, you are so right, they rule the roost! My mom was always so surprised that whenever I sat down to eat, my Beatrice would poke at me until I got up and moved chairs so she could sit where I was! It didn't matter if I tried Cat psychology and sit in a different chair, she'd still want the one I'm in!!
We've have terrible rains here and I must say, today is the 1st. day, I have actually had a complete day off and was alone all day. I took mom home Thursday and she's doing well, sometimes she gets frantic about not finding something, but so far, so good. My other family members are unhappy with my choice but they never lifted a finger or sent a dime to help me during those almost 3 months that mom stayed here. I'm still the only one who gets her meds., food, etc... and I do resent it a lot, but at least I'm giving her the chance to be at home with her kitty and I don't have to be there taking care of every meal and using my gasoline to take care of her cat. If this doesn't work, we will look at different options, but I need to see that she has given it a chance.
I agree with your thought about trying to think of one thing each day to be grateful for, but sometimes it's hard. At least I was able to relax for the 1st. time since December, today!!
Hope everyone had a lovely day! Hugs to all!!!
Sharyn, so your post was very timely... very proud of you and sis, isn't it the greatest feeling when we can not get stupid behind other people's behaviours... I don't do it perfectly, but I am doing it... so thank you for sharing, come back and visit...
Ucant, thanks for the encourgement... I will, but am also going to do it in a way that doesn't throw my piece of mind to the wind.... Marie has been acting like a human since my talking with her and setting some boundries... seems quite a few of us are working on that right now, sure does feel good to not be alone on this part of my journey.... Ucant, come back and visit too....
Jam, any more updates on the col??? Did you talk to someone about her lost hearing aid??? I am so grateful I am able to help people in thier homes so they don't have to go to a NH, but can ya'll imagine what Marie would do if they lost something of HERS... OMG, glad I wouldn't have to hear all that....
It is a BEAUTIFUL day today... have the door open and blowing out the winter and enjoying the sun today...
so, ttyl, heading toward the future... hugs...
ladeeda, I don't know your whole "employer story", but I wish you luck in finding that storage unit!...I ALWAYS find at least one thing to be thankful for! It's good to be reminded, though! Thank you! Have a super day! :-)
Everyone, enjoy the week. Spend time with your family and especially surround yourself with people who support you treat you well. Lord knows, we all deserve to be around loving, supportive people!!♥
Hope everyone has the best day possible..
River, loved the story, my fat cat Diva, would just look at a squirrel and yawn, she's 15, been there, done that...tho she will take a little nip at me if I am not scratching in the right place... I can't remember who on here posted about training their cat to 'fetch',,, ummmm no, the cat taught YOU to throw.... it's a cat world, they rule.
Got a call last night from last employer, those that are new, the story is too long to tell, have got to get my stuff in storage out of there... NOW... so will hope I can find someone to help me move it all and be done with that family once and for all.
Will have to wait till payday, and hope there is a Storage unit somewhere here in town...good luck to me....
Hope everyone has a good day, find one thing to be grateful for, and know that even with the aching back you are not alone... heading toward the future... hugs.