This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jam hugs for you and Target..Col is in my prayers. Stormy..know your dad loved his birthday present! Homemade pizza yum! You made his day special, I am sure.
Ladee..you make my life day to day better too! Notlike, glad you are standing up for yourself and your sanity.
Love and prayers for all of you
Five days of rain... Thank You God, I'm feeling like the drought should about be over now, just a few days of sunshine please..... we are getting pretty cranky , cabin fever and mold starting to grow on our eyes from not getting to see the sun...
I NEED TO GET OUTSIDE!!!! Oh, sorry, a little momentary lapse of sanity there, I should be ok in a few minutes.... hugs to everyone, check in please, I need something to look forward to... OK??
Good to read from you river and to see your positive attitude again....and so sorry to hear all of your not so good news. I'm sure the near-perfect job will come along, one that you will be happy doing, I don't know that anything can be perfect. What would be the challenge then?
Update on the col.....walked into her room yesterday and had to bend over completely to see her face.....she is so hunched over. She is not able to sit up straight anymore. Yes, she was in her wheelchair but she has the "look".....and I'm not sure she knew who I was. BP is up slightly, pulse still rapid but that may be from elevated temp, oxygen sat is good. She doesn't respond unless she is asked something. Tomorrow the social worker and I get to have a chat.....she was missing one hearing aid and we looked the place over and never found it, still haven't found her quilt and found her remote to the tv on the counter at the nurse's station. I'm praying that she goes to sleep and the angels take her peacefully.....I truly think we are in a day to day wait now.
I hope everyone has a beautiful day...........
Happy Trails,
Jam
All of you here are inspirations. Hope you know that.
Ladee-maybe we can get the Laundry Room to sponser the t-shirts? You know, like a baseball team? LOL
Mis-good to hear from you!
Couldn't stay with Dad any longer at his last appt. Waited 1 1/2 hrs without seeing the doctor. I had to get back to work. Doc did call me, though, and told me what they talked about, so that worked. This was an easy appt - really just to say he needs the C-pap machine. I am thinking of asking Mom's radiation doc to do the same. I can't go every day for 3 weeks, just in case the doc wants to talk to us. But I will go if the doc says she wants us there and lets me know.
Nice enough here to hang laundry out on the line today. Yeah! I plan to get 2 loads outside, then take a nap.
Good day to all.
Wanted to check in and say that I'm thinking of you all and wanted to let you know that the col had a hypotensive crisis last night......she has been coughing and hoarse and then last night extremely low BP, rapid pulse, low grade fever, unresponsive.....she is a DNR and will be treated at the NH. I will keep everyone up to date as I can.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I've been working some overtime. Geez, have to have the gas money for our trip in Oct. We got our new toys (quad, side by side, and new cargo trailer). Now just to find the time to enjoy them between having dental work done.
Just wanted to say "hi" to you all. Hugs to you all.
Will try to go again today to the Dollar Store to get the tea I drink. Put my stuff down and walked out yesterday as it was about to be a " Jerry Springer smack down" moment in there... and for once it wasn't ME causing the problems...one checker, one lady getting upset because her food stamp card wouldn't come up with a magic amount... one lady getting hysterical because there was only one checker... no, too many shooting is public places right now, and everyone, except me, carries a gun in Texas..... nope, got my fat ass out of there....so will try this again today, may hire me someone to go in and get my tea...I'll drive the 'getaway' car.... all this drama to save 20 cents, but it's 20 cents I can put in the gas tank....Well not that I think about it won't be saving ANY money as I have to go again.... I make myself so tired... love ya'll.
Stormy-Bird feeders are a great gift. I'll bet the birds appreciate it, too! Hugs.
Ladee and Jam-I guess I'll have to learn new languages to say Good. LOL Thanks :) I really do feel better. And I like the Welcome mat thing - I might just use it next time she treats me like dirt.
Having a good day...slow at work, payday, got donuts.
Have a good day everyone.
My fellow caregivers, sometimes what seems to be disasterous sometimes turns out to be wonderful. You never know when a "catapulted kitten" just might become an answer to prayer. Night All. Hope you all had a blessed day!
I'm adding a WOOTWOOT to ladee's YEEHAAAAAA........my goodness girls I'm very proud of you for standing up for yourselves!
cindy....if sis and son don't like that Mom is going home by her own wishes, perhaps they would like her moved to their homes or perhaps one of them would like to move in with Mom to take care of her. Sure we're all living proof that some elderly shouldn't be living on their own, but why some people think that when you reach a certain age you shouldn't be allowed to breath on your own............as ladee said if later on Mom is not able to care for herself then you can deal with that. Maybe you can sweetly suggest to sis that if she has so many opinions then she must be wanting to take on the care giver role. Enjoy your job and now just think of all the time you are going to have to be yourself again....that's what I am doing now......somewhere in the last 2 years I went away and I'm now working on finding ME.....
notlike....mom isn't going to change this late in the game but at least now you know you can stand up for yourself and not stand still for any berating over unmopped floors or the wrong bowl!
Maybe seeme can talk to Kathy about keeping the CLOWN TRAIN fed......now we need to decide where we're going to push our carts....any ideas?
Sending hugs and love and peace of mind today as you go about doing what needs to be done..........
Happy Trails,
Jam
And your right, it won't change your mom... but now she knows you are going to say something... just like with Marie... the talk with her was not to try and change HER, but to give her a heads up that I was going to start speaking up when shes taking her life problems out on me...and you didn't even puke.... so it means it was time to stand up for yourself... this woman lives in your home.... she doesn't have to like what is happening in her life, but like Marie she has choices on how to handle it...and for every action there is a consequence, regardless of who you are...it can be a good consequence, seeing a smile on someones face because you said or did something thoughtful, or it can be the person you are abusing standing up for themselves....I want to tell Marie sometimes that my name isn't WELCOME and I am not here for you to step on...
So very proud of you girl, and you are NOTHING like your mom.... you and Vic are my inspiration on many days whethere either of you know it...
And yes, the pets.... Lord what a sight we are going to be.... but a 'happy' sight, and God knows we've earned it.... love ya, hugs to you and angels to help you to take the steps neccessary to continue on this part of your journey....
Ladee-As always, your posts remind me I am loved. I can't say thank you enough.
Jam-Mom has a mean streak a mile wide. I've spent years learning to be myself, now I get to learn how to deal with her at close quarters without becoming her.
I got tired of feeling sorry for myself all day. Even sat in the park after work just to think before coming home. So I told Mom how I felt about yesterday. I went back and forth between being sincere and just saying some things that were true, but not nice. Figure if I'm going to get in trouble no matter what, I might as well make it worth it. I feel better, and not like such a door mat. It probably won't make any real difference in the long run, but at least I'm not sitting here again feeling like a fool for putting up with her meaness. And I didn't even puke! LOL
Clown train...hmm. We'll look pretty funny toting all the dog houses and cat carriers. We've got alot of pets, and we treat them right! So here's this bunch of bag ladies with pampered pooches and king kitties, strolling along. We're strolling - the pets are riding in decked out shopping carts!
Good night, and better tomorrows.
But we'd be laughing for a change...and I really don't think anyone would bother us, at least for the first few months... we'd still have the 'scowl' on our faces...We could have contests by the fire to see whose back hurts the worst, but telling ya'll now, I AIN'T COOKING.... if it doesn't come from the soup kitchen, ya'll are out of luck.... and no one would get to criticize or ridicule or roll their eyes. And we'd all have to be in charge of changing our own pants....
Just picture us going into Goodwill for our summer wardrobes.... I want anything that is loud, has sequins, glows in the dark.... come on ya'll I know you have something to add... let's get this clown car rolling.... love ya'll
Make sure she has what she needs at her house, call and remind her to drink plenty of fluids, take a deep breath... and the family will be upset..so what... as long as the case worker is in agreement, then the family is only making noise.
Best of luck to you, prayers and angels, and let us know how things go... hugs
You could be describing my life. Right now I'm sitting here in tears wondering if I'm doing the right thing or not. I've decided to take my mom home tomorrow. She is still able to take care of herself and misses her kitty and I'm at the point where I can't take the mood swings and my impatience. My son and sister have called me every name in the book and threatened to report me to Adult Protective Services for gross neglect!! The thing is, they don't know that their case Worker has been on my side from the beginning! I'm so torn as to what to do! The guilt is making me sick. My nerves are frazzled. I don't know if she'll stay hydrated (a huge issue), whether she'll eat if I'm not there, but I have to give her a try. Nobody and I mean nobody has helped me at all. I took her in after she had carotid artery surgery when nobody else offered and now, I am the bad guy for making "terrible" decisions. I don't know what to do any more. I'm so depressed and sad and actually look forward to my part time job! Work has been slow and sporadic which hasn't helped either. Financially, it's been hard on me. I just wish I knew what to do and what is the right thing for my mom. I hope and pray she'll be safe and happy. That's all I ever wanted. I don't want applause or ovations for what I've done, I just want my family members to realize I've done everything I could without their help, just their opinions. I'll keep you posted, if I make it through tomorrow!!!! HUGS!