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Janet, what a horribe story of your life.... I am so sorry that no one appreciates the sacrifices you have made and are making no provisions for you in the future... I hope you come back here and get some much needed support and atta girls for the things you have done for your mom....You will get support here, I promise, and encourgement to start planning for your own future.... so many of us have to learn how to stop volunteering to be other people's victim.... come back and let us know how you are doing... hugs
lildeb , yeah the cow pattie thing, been going on since the begining of the thread. A lot of cow patties have been won on here... and a few crowns... but we all have wings, of that I am sure, ones we've earned.... so you are a horse person... I love the way horses smell, they are beautiful animals, but got thrown when I was young, got hurt and was too scaired to get back on.... so I have a cat now...lol... sure happy to see you coming back and letting us know how you are....
Been a beautiful day here, but thinking of all the loss and destruction... prayers for all of them... hugs to everyone...
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Ladeeda and Jam thanks for the up's on the 'cow patti story.' I know I have step in a pile or two plus horse crap. Oh btw, it makes great fertilzer but not for your yard. pew wee. ; )
All we got was some gusty wind and some rain here in GA. I felt real bad for those that lost their home and a few lives.
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Caregiving for my 83 yo mom for the past 23 years. She had a massive stroke when she was 60 yo (me 36), which really threw a wrench into our already-dysfunctional family! Unfortunately, my mother and father divorced after 35 years of marriage, then dad remarried, moved out of state and mom had her stroke. My dad would have been there for her no matter what, but she chose to smoke cigarettes rather than stay married, so I give up my life--as I knew it--to care for mummy dearest; Of course, I never would have guessed I would be doing it for this long--but what ya gonna do? I am more than happy to help my mom out wherever possible, but I retired at age 50 because I could not hold down a job and caregive on a regular basis. Mom's income was so low that I shared my savings, retirement, with her so she would not feel like a burden. Where did it get ME? Ha, you guessed it, in the poorhouse. When my dad passed about 3 1/2 years ago, mom's retirement more than doubled, making her income over double what mine is now. She seems to get some sort of perverse pleasure out of watching me struggle, while she gives to most anybody who talks to her on the phone! I am so shocked and hurt that she does not want to share with me as I did with her. Since my dad passed, I have little to no support from my siblings and zero help with caregiving and more criticism than thanks. I am convinced that my brother is not capable of any compassion, remorse or human empathy, to the point of evil. My sister is hot and cold, depending on what is going on in her life, but they both are free to go on cruises, vacations, hold down a steady job . . . brother has the means to help financially, but it is the last thing he would ever dream of doing! After me insisting that mom pay me something every month, my brother tries to get her angry at me, so she seems to go out of her way to need more help--I suppose to make sure I earn every cent of what she "gives" me. Walk a block in my shoes? No way jose. Go out of his way to do something nice for mom--not to mention me--rarely for mom and sub-zero for me. Sad that a family would be so lame and unsupportive, jealous I guess--of what, I am unsure--so I just go about my days feeling alone and taken for granted. Mom has now done a reverse mortgage on our home, so guess I have homelessness to look forward to when she does pass. Go figure.
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Hey ya'll well me and hubby have been having a dilemna about what week to go to disney world. Trying to schedule it when brother can help and around hubby's work when other people there have taken off and around my period. I hate trying to figure out schedules. And connor was the one that broke the news to sis that we were going to disney world. I almost died when i heard him tell her over the phone. But it was good in a way that i didn't have too and i knew that she would be happy for him that he was getting to go. Now just trying to find out when.
We carried connor and dad out to our family farm to fly a kite and we were able to get it really high out there today. The wind was really up. Dad sat in the truck while hubby,me and connor were out there. But dad was able to fly the kite while sitting in the truck. Well i hope all of ya'll are doing ok this weekend. take care. hugs stormyyy
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Notlike, what ever works that makes you feel better.... now what are you going to do when she decides to clean your and your husbands bedroom, just askin'...lol
I am so grateful that nothing is written in stone about how we handle
things, so many great ideas and suggestions on this thread and on this sight....love to have choices, always need a back up plan....
Felt good to talk to Marie, with my intention being not to change her, but to set the boundry of not walking on egg shells and that I would speak up when she is finding fault with everything I do....and that now I don't have that extra resentment and can go in there and give her care that she deserves..... she' not a bad lady, just a very selfish and unhappy one....
Hope everyone was safe this weekend from those horribe storms.... Prayers for everyone, I understand how they feel , after Hurricane Rita, it has taken years for me to get my life back together....
So, won't ask how ya'll are, you'll write when you get time... but thinking of you all... hugs
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Good Morning everyone!
Got 5 inches of snow here on Friday. Still wishing for spring. It's so weird to have my parents here, with Dad worrying about me driving home from work in the snow. Sweet, but weird.
Welcome to the new people. This group puts the FUN in dysfunctional! Seriously, please keep coming back. We're here for you. Hugs.
Jam-There's so much on the AC site - I like reading the articles sometimes. But this thread rocks best!
Seemee-Please be careful when MIL comes. Set those boundaries right away, eh? :)
Ladee-Blessings to you for handling Marie! You are awesome! It will be better for all of you. I've had time to think, and talk to hubby. I am going to lighten up about them cleaning. Since they're living here rent-free, let them clean all they want! That's hubby's attitude, and I think I can live with that. But I am changing my usual coming home from work line from "What did you do today?" to "What did you do for fun today?" Yup, that's me...subtle but dangerous. LOL
Huge week ahead...radiation planning and last chemo for Mom, and Dad's sleep study #2 follow up. Hubby has already agreed to pay for Dad's oxygen and C-Pap machine if Mom won't. Have I mentioned what a great guy hubby is? :)
Glad everyone is safe from the storms. Have a wonderful day.
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Good Morning Posse!

zazzy.....I'm glad you're going to enjoy being with us...this truly is a great website and a great thread........we have a wonderful group of loving care givers here who will give support and hugs and love and they're available 24/7........though sometimes we can get silly it sure does help when all you feel like doing is beating your head against the wall.

We had the NH start Seroquel a couple of weeks ago on the col and the phone calls have stopped. Even though the col couldn't tell us what she did 5 min earlier, I still liked to ask her what she had for dinner or if she participated in the entertainment but when she was constantly harping on coming home that just made everyone miserable. Thank goodness it has stopped. Going to see her today so will report later.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend so far....it's been pretty quiet in here....check in when you can....love and hugs angels!

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Hi zazzy, welcome to the thread.... yep, beleive it or not, we do find things to laugh about here... glad to hear mom is past the aggressive stage... that was the worst for me... can deal with all the other stuff. And the 'crazy world', well here that is 'normal' for us... so you'll fit right in.... hugs....
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I remember back in 1998, Mom was acting odd and cranky. I am pretty sure she was dementia then. That's a long time. I thank God she was nice when I was a child. I probably wouldn't have survived if she had been this mean. I was the victim of bullying and she came to my rescue and even went to the school board and got things better for me. But now she is very cranky and crabby.
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Hi Jam....it was so good to hear from you in my crazy world. Yesterday and today were so bad, and it was great to not only smile but to laugh. My Mom has no short term memory anymore so I completely understand about hearing the same thing over and over. She has gone through the aggressive stage, but thank goodness for Seroquil. They should call it the miracle drug. I am so glad I stumbled upon this website. I know I am going to enjoy it. Tomorrow is another day, and it can only be better.
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Hi zazzy.....welcome to our world! Awww sanity isn't all it's cracked up to be.....I gave up on it a long time ago. And why can't you complain...this is where it's okay to do that....unless you are a saint it just doesn't seem right that any of us should have to wipe the butt of the person who raised us...or in my case the butt of my mil......I mean that's almost as bad as baring your hoohah to the world giving birth and we all know how fast modesty takes a hike during that! Come back and visit with us zazzy...would love to hear more of your stories and we'll leave the light on for you....HUGS!
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I had a bad day yesterday with Mom. She had diarrhea yesterday and had to clean up her and bathroom.....again today. This is one of those times that the day is worse. But I have no right to complain. I am not going through anything like a lot of you are. Your comments are humbling to read. I just pray for patience and hope to keep my sanity.
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I hope most of ya managed to survive the wicked early spring weather that hit midwest and south above Arizona because all we experienced was strong gusts but reviewing the pics...I hope alot of you made it thru safely and I hope there is a long calm before another series of storms...my prayers are with u and urs as you try to find info and/or make calls...
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and NOBS stands for no bullsh*t.....my lord we had a lot of fun back then didn't we, guess we need to drag out the deer antlers , tape and pillows and let the new ones see how to really have fun with the elders..... Yeeee Haaaaaa
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YeeeeHaaa, yur shore did Ms. Jam.... culdn't have splaned it better m'self!!!!!!
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lildeb.......the 00 post is when you post at 6300 or 6400 or 6500.....when one of us gets to post at 7000 we win the "crown"......seeme had it and I think either stormy or ASG got it at 6000, but I don't know if seeme shared....:)

The cow pattie originally started with ladee.........several of us migrated from another thread on this site for reasons that will remain unsaid.....and the cow pattie was an offshoot from that.....but it was because ladee was care giving in the country and had access to seeing some bulls born.....and since her next ex-husband is the actor Gary Busey there was a contest held to name one of the little bulls and the name NOBS Busey won....and since the pasture is a good place to leave poop, the cow pattie award was born! And it's considered an honor here! Did I explain that right girls?
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What is a a double 00 when I post?
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Okay, so what is the "cowpattie?" It sounds similar to what one of my jobs was many years ago-riding race horse and mucking stalls.
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lildeb, here on this thread when you post with a double 00 you get the cow pattie!!! Something we started at the begining of the thread, so you got the cow pattie... congrats..... Maybe Jam,Seeme, or Vic can share how it got started, been too long ago, don't remember...
And yes, it was good to be able to talk to Marie and not be angry ... it's been a long time in coming... and my intentions are not to change her, but to let her know I will say something to her now when she is romping on my ass all day.... so either way, I feel better it was handled calmly and with respect....
I am praying all of you in these storms path will take care and head for cover if it gets bad....So many of you live up that way....please let us know ya'll are ok....
going to bed.... love ya'll
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Ladeeda, good for you for not taking no more verbal abuse for I had to have one with mine as well a couple of months ago. I had let my mnl that we r all going through adjustment and it will take a bit of time for all of us to work together and respect each other as well. Don't know how long it will last due to memory but hey she did understand during our conversation. Breathe and enjoy while it last. ; )
Stormy, I agree with your hubby, go let your sister know so she can get her rear in gear to take her part of caretaking. You been doing it all this time and giving up yourself, time, friends and etc so can she too. Just go for it!
burnedncaringst, You have a lot going on your plate too. Try to look at it positive that you do have your rent and babysittter paid and those r two less bills to worry about for now and sometimes u just have to "Take One Step at a Time."
I am glad everyone had at least an ok day. btw, we starting to get some heavy wind tonight and suppose to get some nasty rain in morning down in GA.
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WooHoo, Ladee.....what a wonderful way to start the day. Glad you got all that off your chest to Marie.....and I hope it does some good. I guess she did get away with it for too long, with you grieveing Ruth and everything else that went on up till now.

Got a phone call from bil this afternoon. Mil has been trying to hit his wife, knocked her pill box out of dil's hands after she straightened it all out, refused to take any pills or eat all day.....except for chocolate....all after taking a muscle relaxer that makes her nuts. Poor dil can't find those pills to take them away. Mil is threatening to fly home......but she can't get to the airport. Bil finally told her when she leaves, it will be for good....he is done. And I know this was all done at high volume as they always scream. We will get her at the end of this month. Should be interesting to say the least.

Looks like some of the bad weather will be headed our way for the early morning. Our yard sale plans have been cancelled. So was a cookout for the afternoon. So many tornadoes today.....wishing the best for all those in the way.

Welcome to all the new posters....hope we hear from you often....been too quiet here lately.........I could tell you a humiliating story about me, but I will save it for a later time when things get really boring here..............
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It really was ok today... got to have a calm conversation with Marie.... to make a long story short I told her she acted like she could not stand me most of the time and did she need another caregiver that didn't upset her like I appeared to be doing.... the conversation evolved into her taking responsibility for the things she's been saying... I said OK, then she said she just wants to be left alone... we talked for awhile about her physical situations and her depression... and she kept saying it wasn't me, it was her... so then I took the plunge, I told her I wasn't going to walk on eggshells anymore, that when she wants to be left alone it is her responsibility to tell me that, I also asked her if talking to Sonny and I the way she does, did it change the way she felt or did it make it worse.... she didn't answer and I let it alone..... so, I let her know I was going to start addressing the comments , did she have a problem with that??? NO.... alrighty then, we both know where we stand, and what the consequences will be, and ask her if she was alright with that, YES...
I did let her know I was sorry she felt bad all the time, that being left alone was not always the thing to do when you are depressed... and that there were times I was going to have to ask her questions.... but that I would really appreciate that she make more of a conscious effort to not be snapping at me all the time and finding fault with everything I do... you are the one unhappy Marie, not Sonny and I, and I will do anything I can to help you, but if it doesn't calm down some, I would be leaving.... I thought she was going to cry... OMG.... but I meant what I said... I am all about giving someone a million chances, but this is not what I want to be doing with my life at this stage of my life....
So Notlike, I did it, and didn't throw up, didn't raise my voice, and set the boundries... doesn't mean I won't be resilient and bend when I need to, but to be her verbal punching bag is over, starting today.....
It has taken me almost nine months to get here, I had so much going on when I first started working for her, nothing in my mind was clear at the time, so what needed to be done from the get go got put off, until today.... I talked calmly, with compassion, but also firmly and asked her if she understood what all I had said... YES, got up , got her some fresh water and went on with my day... feel like a weight has been lifted, and I am the one that had to remove it.... with Gods help of course...
It really was OK..... love ya'll, hugs and angels....
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I am doing a lil bit better and manage to eat something. I also had my day to sleep in 2x actually been so deep down in the dumps that i almost to do that up until evening time. I got the babysitter paid off and the rent paid for this month. I am still waiting on my friend to come down this way and now they want to drive down here with 3 lil ones. I told her stick with greyhound u will get her quicker and i already wired her money...I cannot believe she would go the opposite way of handling this but I am not in charge of her life ...I just do not want the vechicle impounded and the kids taken away etc...this is the safest route for her and I know this but her husband's family has some silly ideas about the homeless riding the bus...for once I want to be listen to and I am not ...this is a bummer but yes its ok day....
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Welcome newcomers!!! Cindy and lildeb.
Hope everyone is doing alright on this gloomy day. Not much going on here same old same old.
Ladee- I know I shouldn't make more out of the deal with dad coughing up the blood. It just makes me wonder.....
Well, I think we have decided that we are going to carry connor to disney world in may. Now i just have to figure out a way to tell sis. I dread it. But i got to so she can start making arrangements if she needs to be off work some that week. But i will probably be the one trying to do the scheduling for who is going to stay with dad. I already told brother i was going to need him some that week. Got that part down. I just hope sis doesn't get a case of the ass when i tell her. But hubby is pressuring me to hurry up and tell her. Lord my chest feels so heavy. But i know it will get better as soon as i walk out of this house. I just wish i could run away and never come back. Just me, hubby and connor and of course lily. Hugs stormyyy
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Morning Posse!

Good idea ladee..........I'll see how long I can keep that thought....does that mean it's okay to get the noose ready.....:)

Those of you to the south and east of me....please be careful and watchful today and when the weatherman says to head to the basement, please run!! We had a rainstorm move through here around 4am....

I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday!!!! Hugs to all.............

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Thank you two so much and yes, we all had a very nice supper and even the mnl got her favorite-mac/cheese and chicken tenders. I had the prime rib and it was mmm good. ; )
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Ladeeda-
Love your idea!! I think that's how we should feel every day, but we all know that might not happen. I hope to get my optimism back one of these days and hope I can make others smile and forget their problems even just for a few minutes.
Have a wonderful Hill Country Day!!! xoxoxoxo
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Morning! Yes it will be an "it's ok day" ! Thanks Ladee Lou!
Three appointments next week plus hair day... One for mom two for dad... Was thinking yesterday that I would have to bring dad in to waiting room with us for moms appt... Definitely not going to leave him in the car!!! Jam..would have put major dollars for bail on that woman!
Had dad on the porch yesterday..it was really pretty here. Today is windy and cloudy..geez. .... We had a decent day and dad slept all night again ...
Burned..so sorry you are not well. Wish I could help.
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Let's declare today, "It's ok day"... no matter what messes we have to clean up, no matter who asks a million questions, no matter who is ugly to us, no matter how tired and depressed we are,no matter what, just for today, or 5 minutes, it's ok....no one else is going to tell us it's ok, so we tell ourself and each other, it's ok.. we are ok, we are a wonderful group of people trying to do one of the hardest jobs on earth, with little or no pay, very little gratitude, no vacations, hurting backs, frayed nerves, little or no sleep, and isolated lives.... so .... just for today, or 5 minutes, it's ok....
Love you all, appreciate each of you for all the sacrifices you make, understand how tired you are.....and for today you are loved, hugs, and it's ok.....
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I think a good day for me with the col was when she would call me a bitch and then in the same breath say "you take such good care of me"..........do y'all remember the hunky guy on the freecreditscore.com commercial? About a week ago I realized why I thought the guy was such a cutey.....we had a flight medic that worked with us when I was still working and these two guys could be twins......just thought y'all wanted to know that and now you can sleep well tonight......
Talked with the col today and somehow she had herself convinced that she was getting an xray on her arm. Nope didn't fall...I can only figure that she overheard the staff talking and thought it was about her.

Temps in the 70's today....opened windows and doors...tomorrow night might have snow flurries...only in the midwest.

Hugs to all of our angels.......hope y'all have a peaceful night!

Happy Trails,
Jam
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