This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
lildeb , yeah the cow pattie thing, been going on since the begining of the thread. A lot of cow patties have been won on here... and a few crowns... but we all have wings, of that I am sure, ones we've earned.... so you are a horse person... I love the way horses smell, they are beautiful animals, but got thrown when I was young, got hurt and was too scaired to get back on.... so I have a cat now...lol... sure happy to see you coming back and letting us know how you are....
Been a beautiful day here, but thinking of all the loss and destruction... prayers for all of them... hugs to everyone...
All we got was some gusty wind and some rain here in GA. I felt real bad for those that lost their home and a few lives.
We carried connor and dad out to our family farm to fly a kite and we were able to get it really high out there today. The wind was really up. Dad sat in the truck while hubby,me and connor were out there. But dad was able to fly the kite while sitting in the truck. Well i hope all of ya'll are doing ok this weekend. take care. hugs stormyyy
I am so grateful that nothing is written in stone about how we handle
things, so many great ideas and suggestions on this thread and on this sight....love to have choices, always need a back up plan....
Felt good to talk to Marie, with my intention being not to change her, but to set the boundry of not walking on egg shells and that I would speak up when she is finding fault with everything I do....and that now I don't have that extra resentment and can go in there and give her care that she deserves..... she' not a bad lady, just a very selfish and unhappy one....
Hope everyone was safe this weekend from those horribe storms.... Prayers for everyone, I understand how they feel , after Hurricane Rita, it has taken years for me to get my life back together....
So, won't ask how ya'll are, you'll write when you get time... but thinking of you all... hugs
Got 5 inches of snow here on Friday. Still wishing for spring. It's so weird to have my parents here, with Dad worrying about me driving home from work in the snow. Sweet, but weird.
Welcome to the new people. This group puts the FUN in dysfunctional! Seriously, please keep coming back. We're here for you. Hugs.
Jam-There's so much on the AC site - I like reading the articles sometimes. But this thread rocks best!
Seemee-Please be careful when MIL comes. Set those boundaries right away, eh? :)
Ladee-Blessings to you for handling Marie! You are awesome! It will be better for all of you. I've had time to think, and talk to hubby. I am going to lighten up about them cleaning. Since they're living here rent-free, let them clean all they want! That's hubby's attitude, and I think I can live with that. But I am changing my usual coming home from work line from "What did you do today?" to "What did you do for fun today?" Yup, that's me...subtle but dangerous. LOL
Huge week ahead...radiation planning and last chemo for Mom, and Dad's sleep study #2 follow up. Hubby has already agreed to pay for Dad's oxygen and C-Pap machine if Mom won't. Have I mentioned what a great guy hubby is? :)
Glad everyone is safe from the storms. Have a wonderful day.
zazzy.....I'm glad you're going to enjoy being with us...this truly is a great website and a great thread........we have a wonderful group of loving care givers here who will give support and hugs and love and they're available 24/7........though sometimes we can get silly it sure does help when all you feel like doing is beating your head against the wall.
We had the NH start Seroquel a couple of weeks ago on the col and the phone calls have stopped. Even though the col couldn't tell us what she did 5 min earlier, I still liked to ask her what she had for dinner or if she participated in the entertainment but when she was constantly harping on coming home that just made everyone miserable. Thank goodness it has stopped. Going to see her today so will report later.
I hope everyone is having a good weekend so far....it's been pretty quiet in here....check in when you can....love and hugs angels!
Happy Trails,
Jam
The cow pattie originally started with ladee.........several of us migrated from another thread on this site for reasons that will remain unsaid.....and the cow pattie was an offshoot from that.....but it was because ladee was care giving in the country and had access to seeing some bulls born.....and since her next ex-husband is the actor Gary Busey there was a contest held to name one of the little bulls and the name NOBS Busey won....and since the pasture is a good place to leave poop, the cow pattie award was born! And it's considered an honor here! Did I explain that right girls?
And yes, it was good to be able to talk to Marie and not be angry ... it's been a long time in coming... and my intentions are not to change her, but to let her know I will say something to her now when she is romping on my ass all day.... so either way, I feel better it was handled calmly and with respect....
I am praying all of you in these storms path will take care and head for cover if it gets bad....So many of you live up that way....please let us know ya'll are ok....
going to bed.... love ya'll
Stormy, I agree with your hubby, go let your sister know so she can get her rear in gear to take her part of caretaking. You been doing it all this time and giving up yourself, time, friends and etc so can she too. Just go for it!
burnedncaringst, You have a lot going on your plate too. Try to look at it positive that you do have your rent and babysittter paid and those r two less bills to worry about for now and sometimes u just have to "Take One Step at a Time."
I am glad everyone had at least an ok day. btw, we starting to get some heavy wind tonight and suppose to get some nasty rain in morning down in GA.
Got a phone call from bil this afternoon. Mil has been trying to hit his wife, knocked her pill box out of dil's hands after she straightened it all out, refused to take any pills or eat all day.....except for chocolate....all after taking a muscle relaxer that makes her nuts. Poor dil can't find those pills to take them away. Mil is threatening to fly home......but she can't get to the airport. Bil finally told her when she leaves, it will be for good....he is done. And I know this was all done at high volume as they always scream. We will get her at the end of this month. Should be interesting to say the least.
Looks like some of the bad weather will be headed our way for the early morning. Our yard sale plans have been cancelled. So was a cookout for the afternoon. So many tornadoes today.....wishing the best for all those in the way.
Welcome to all the new posters....hope we hear from you often....been too quiet here lately.........I could tell you a humiliating story about me, but I will save it for a later time when things get really boring here..............
I did let her know I was sorry she felt bad all the time, that being left alone was not always the thing to do when you are depressed... and that there were times I was going to have to ask her questions.... but that I would really appreciate that she make more of a conscious effort to not be snapping at me all the time and finding fault with everything I do... you are the one unhappy Marie, not Sonny and I, and I will do anything I can to help you, but if it doesn't calm down some, I would be leaving.... I thought she was going to cry... OMG.... but I meant what I said... I am all about giving someone a million chances, but this is not what I want to be doing with my life at this stage of my life....
So Notlike, I did it, and didn't throw up, didn't raise my voice, and set the boundries... doesn't mean I won't be resilient and bend when I need to, but to be her verbal punching bag is over, starting today.....
It has taken me almost nine months to get here, I had so much going on when I first started working for her, nothing in my mind was clear at the time, so what needed to be done from the get go got put off, until today.... I talked calmly, with compassion, but also firmly and asked her if she understood what all I had said... YES, got up , got her some fresh water and went on with my day... feel like a weight has been lifted, and I am the one that had to remove it.... with Gods help of course...
It really was OK..... love ya'll, hugs and angels....
Hope everyone is doing alright on this gloomy day. Not much going on here same old same old.
Ladee- I know I shouldn't make more out of the deal with dad coughing up the blood. It just makes me wonder.....
Well, I think we have decided that we are going to carry connor to disney world in may. Now i just have to figure out a way to tell sis. I dread it. But i got to so she can start making arrangements if she needs to be off work some that week. But i will probably be the one trying to do the scheduling for who is going to stay with dad. I already told brother i was going to need him some that week. Got that part down. I just hope sis doesn't get a case of the ass when i tell her. But hubby is pressuring me to hurry up and tell her. Lord my chest feels so heavy. But i know it will get better as soon as i walk out of this house. I just wish i could run away and never come back. Just me, hubby and connor and of course lily. Hugs stormyyy
Good idea ladee..........I'll see how long I can keep that thought....does that mean it's okay to get the noose ready.....:)
Those of you to the south and east of me....please be careful and watchful today and when the weatherman says to head to the basement, please run!! We had a rainstorm move through here around 4am....
I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday!!!! Hugs to all.............
Happy Trails,
Jam
Love your idea!! I think that's how we should feel every day, but we all know that might not happen. I hope to get my optimism back one of these days and hope I can make others smile and forget their problems even just for a few minutes.
Have a wonderful Hill Country Day!!! xoxoxoxo
Three appointments next week plus hair day... One for mom two for dad... Was thinking yesterday that I would have to bring dad in to waiting room with us for moms appt... Definitely not going to leave him in the car!!! Jam..would have put major dollars for bail on that woman!
Had dad on the porch yesterday..it was really pretty here. Today is windy and cloudy..geez. .... We had a decent day and dad slept all night again ...
Burned..so sorry you are not well. Wish I could help.
Love you all, appreciate each of you for all the sacrifices you make, understand how tired you are.....and for today you are loved, hugs, and it's ok.....
Talked with the col today and somehow she had herself convinced that she was getting an xray on her arm. Nope didn't fall...I can only figure that she overheard the staff talking and thought it was about her.
Temps in the 70's today....opened windows and doors...tomorrow night might have snow flurries...only in the midwest.
Hugs to all of our angels.......hope y'all have a peaceful night!
Happy Trails,
Jam