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Happy Birthday lildeb, and what an amazing story you have.... we are grateful for your positive outlook and thanks for sharing..... we all need to be told we are "doing good" for a change....hope you come back and visit us more often.... hope you got to do something special for you Bday... hugs to you...
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I feel guilty even admit to y'all that I actually had a great day today and it's my birthday 47 and still going. It's a miracle that I reached age 40 for I was on dialysis for 2yrs n now going on 10 yr post kidney transplant. However, yesterday, my creatine did go up a bit so I will get recheck within 2months and I know nothing last forever.

With that said, everyone try to take some time to yourself even if u have to go to your room for 15mints and just try to relax. I know it is easier said than done and I thought this was great of Jam to open a spot on the 'CAREGIVER' feelings and etc. I have notice this forum has helped me tremendously by knowning I'm not alone and that some of y'all r experience similar issues and the advice is great sometimes for it comes from pesonal experience and I know every situation is different. Kudos to everyone for taking on such a challenging yet sometimes rewarding job. My mnl actually told me she loved me one day and told a few people that, "she would have no idea what she would have done if it was for her daughter-n-law." she has never called me her daughter-n-law and I have been married to her son over 16 yrs and together over 18 yrs. I liked to cried when I heard her say those word. Of course, yesterday i could had strangled her. : ) It like riding a roller coaster but I know I need to remember to breathe in/out and I have to try and take care of myself for no one else is going to do it for me, at least for right now.
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I had the depression and the worst ...I havent been able to eat anything today. I got my daughter ready for school then neighbor came by. My husband has had somewhat of a good day but I woke up this morning feeling dizzy N almost blacked out so I laid back down again and then got up made it to the bathroom by the time late afternoon rolled around I passed out again. This town is small right well i lost my way to the volunteer office to do my fingerprints. I have to redo app for medicaid and food stamps again. I also found out i have some follicular cysts near abouts my ovaries but they won't remove them until they are about 4 inches in diameter...how dumb is that and yet it suppose to go away...Ok i get that but they haven't gone away now or any other time I have had my menses, Then the doc laughs at me when I am developing chest hair on my chest. I said it is similar pcos and she says no I do not have that ...excuse me I have a friend with the disease. I am just tired of BSing and assumed that i know nothing ...so tired yet i work tonight....still have to do dinner .
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Back atcha Cindy!!!! And happy to hear you have found a place that feels "normal", but that's kinda scairy too if ya think about it...lol
Had a weird day at work, and my little Sonny man came into the living room with his pants down around his ankles, he couldn't find the bathroom that I had just taken him too... breaks my heart, and of course had to shuffle him out quickly before the Dragon Lady singed all the hair off of him with her outburst.... I feel so sorry for him when I am not there....
Anyway, another great day... trees are budding, looking a lot like spring..... hope everyone had a good day... check in so we know how ya'll are.... love and hugs...
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I know I've said this before, but this website has been the BEST thing to happen to me in a long time!! I find myself not just laughing out loud at some of the responses, but feeling sadness when I read some stories. Most of all, I thank God for this little place where I can rant and rave and know I'll have lots of company doing it right along with me! What a blessing this is!! Gentle Hugs to all!!!
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Just read this article...it was dated 2/21/12, amazing!!

A woman responsible for taking care of a 95-year-old with dementia was arrested Sunday after leaving her in a car for more than two hours to gamble at a South Florida casino, police say.
According to the South Florida Sun Sentinel, Maria Holly, 53, was arrested after a visitor to the Seminole Casino Coconut Creek noticed the 95-year-old woman sitting in a car and called police
The elder woman, Belle Sapstein, who wasn't able to answer questions about herself because of her dementia, was uninjured, police say. She was taken to a local hospital for observation and was still listed as a patient there Monday afternoon, the newspaper says.
Surveillance video from the casino, located about 40 miles north of Miami, reportedly showed Holly driving into the parking lot at 4:49 p.m. on Sunday. An officer was dispatched at 7:07 p.m.
Though Sapstein appeared to suffer no distress from the incident, she was left alone without food, drink or a cellphone, WPTV in Palm Beach says, citing a report by a police officer responding to the call.
Holly, who says she is a licensed nurse, thought it was OK to leave the elderly woman in the car, according to the arrest report.
Broward County Circuit Judge Louis Schiff ordered Holly to be held on $6,000 bond and to have no contact with Sapstein, the TV station reports. Schiff also prohibited Holly from working as a caregiver until her criminal case is resolved.

Now, had she taken that poor woman into the casino and sat her at a machine, no one would have said a word....not often I'm at a loss for words....:)
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All is well Ladee Lou! In a perfect world they wouldn't suffer! Dad just frustrated and no way to let things out.. Hubs does better with him cause he can lift better. Dad is a good guy and as sweet as can be..he is only ugly when we are both frustrated with the situation... Oh well.
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Vic, sorry things are so tough right now... and that's not good for dad to raise his hand to you, the only time my old man did that I went absolutely insane... probably said things to him I had been needing to say for years.. but you have a different relationship with your dad.... I'm sorry I can't come help... wish I was financially stable enough to travel around and give you all a break... in a perfect world that would happen.....I just feel so bad for you all that never get a break... I know how I felt when I was with Ruth, and believe me, my respect and love grew knowing ya'll that do this everyday, day in and day out.... love you all and appreicate what all you do.... have a blessed day.
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Morning morning...I did good yesterday..one day at a time. Dad didn't seem so good but he has had a pretty good night.
Jam hope all is well in your area..
Stormy .. Glad all went well for dad.. Hope dad has better days
Hadassah..hope things get better..my mom stopped having TIAs when they figured out is was atrial fibrillation and right meds.
Seeme..you are a great dil!
Cindyeb..right ther with ya girl! Dad mumbles under his breath or raises his hand to me.. All I am trying to do is help...arghhh .... Told him yesterday if he wants to hit me to go ahead if it will make him feel better..but if not stop. I am doing the best I can.. Poor guy everything is soo much more sensitive ..emotions run high! I say he is alright and he says.lthey are not.. His body hurts cause he can't stand right back hurts when I hold him to stand straight...all his muscles not doing right cause he is sitting all day.... Oh well... Way it goes for now..
Ladee..ha trying to talk to bro is like hitting a brick wall.. Hubby called him ..he never called back.. Guess he didn't see the missed call. I have Saturday coming up. And I hope to go see my grand in April...hubby will take care of mom and dad. Best we can do for now.
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MIL called an hour ago....sounded fairly coherent. Busted on the dil most of the time. I think that is the major problem there. We will just have to see.

I also wanted to tell you all that I requested info about AL's in NC and SC from Aging Care, and I received a phone call in 29 min. I talked to a rep for this area, and got 3 emails from her suggestions the next day. If you need to, PLEASE use the services this site has available. And I was told about a VA benefit I had no idea my mil could receive. Yeah, Aging Care!!!
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Well , not only do we answer questions over and over, some days we have to post over and over.... If I hadn't made a commitment to myself this morning for nothing or no one to steal my peace of mind... I would be writing things like DAMN IT, LOST THAT POST AGAIN, but since I am so peaceful today, I won't....lol
Notlike, try writing down what you want to say and practice saying it in the mirror, at least you will notice when your face starts turning green and you'll already be in the bathroom , good place to practice... but I promise you, is does get easier, for everytime you set a boundry with her you get more of your personal power back. You can send me an email of what you REALLY want to say...... hugs and angels to you, you are worth standing up for......
Vickie Vic, it is time for you to have some time off... make arrangements with your bro and have him come for a few days next time hubby is home.... none of us can do this day in and day out and stay calm, patient, and you remember when you and I was talking about saints, well, I don't remember your name being on the list... so TAKE SOME TIME OFF.... if you loose your mind who will be here to tell me to 'breathe'..... love, hugs and angels to you too....
Cindy, you know it's ok if you choose not to do this... it really is... not everyone can, and there is not shame in saying you choose not to... sounds as if she is non compliant and that makes it even harder.... at least in AL you know she will be given her meds, stay hydrated and eat when she is supposed to.... do what you need to do.... hugs and angels to you...
Jam, I was worried about you today when I heard about the bad weather...but remembered you posted on FB this morning... hope it's not a crazy spring like last year..... hugs
Seeme, hope you are over your weekend from hell.... I know you dread having her there for a few weeks, guess we'll be hearing from you more often....hugs
Stormy, don't look for problems where there isn't any..... if the Dr. thought it was something serious he would have told you so....
had, let us know how things are going ... at least she is in the hospital.... hugs...
My page is jumping all over the place so am going to go for now before I loose this again... love ya'll later.
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Well today is not a good day for Catherine. Sitting in ER. Her breathlessness was caused by Atrial Fibrillation. 1 or 2 days in hosp. If all goes well, she'll go home with a few new med's. Lucky she hasn't had a stroke already! It wasn't easy getting her here!!! But I'm glad we did. Talked her into seeing her Dr. He sent her by ambulance to ER. Kinda sneaky, but it got her there...appreciate your prayers...keep u posted
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Hey everybody I hope all is well with ya'll. Dad had his throat stretched today and came through it fine. Sis talked to his dr the one that done the procedure today and was telling him about dad coughing up the blood for several days in a row and he just told her the same thing, " Its probably irratation" and he said that everything looked fine in his throat. So here i go with a deep mental thought!!!! If everything looked fine in his throat then i guess its coming from lower down in his chest say THE LUNGS MAYBE. DUH. To me people don't just cough up blood for several days for no apparent reason. Lord let me say a prayer that i don't blow a gasket.
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Cindy.......what you are describing is exactly what we went through and basically are still going through with my mil......and yes, it makes you crazy and causes, as ladee says.....the "Jackie Gleason" response......"To the Moon Alice...to the Moon!".....mil lived in her own home, attached to ours for about a year and a half....she went downhill pretty rapidly...mentally that is. We placed her in a NH last Oct after a fall......for the past month she has been calling us 2 and 3 times a day demanding that we take her home......she has tried every guilty trick in the book on hubby.....doesn't work with me. Makes him sad and depressed...makes me want to get the duct tape out....:) Seriously, I feel sorry when our loved ones start that because we really don't know what memories are still in there making them homesick for their own "stuff".....thank God the dementia allows them to shortly forget. We had to put the col on a new med because we couldn't stand to see her get herself so upset.....The phone calls may have been tolerably irritating to us, but they were causing her to be agitated too much, so best to keep her sedated. Because bottom line is...she can't be in her own home. She put herself in a wheelchair and now can't get up....she never got the hang of using a walker, couldn't figure out how to work the lift chair, and even though when we had her house built I had wheelchair accessible doors built, our physical disabilities prevent us from being able to lift her. So if she can exist in a sleepy, but happy state I would much rather have her like that. I hope you do manage to have a great day.....hugs to you!
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Hi Everyone!!
I'm at the point where I'm ready to toss my mother in the street!! All I hear is I want to go home. I've been taking care of her since she got out of the hospital in Dec.She has early dementia and hasn't done 1 thing she's been told to do by Drs., PT and nurses. I always thought I could do this but I can't. I hoped she would go home again and not into an assisted living facility, but she doesn't take her pills correctly, she refuses to use her walker to regain her balance and refuses to stay hydrated unless I'm here forcing her to drink. She has her cat which she misses and I understand that completely, but I can't bring him here because my cat is not very kind to other cats!! We argue all the time, she gets to that angry phase and calls names, which 5 minutes later, she forgets, but it still hurts. I just want to thank you all again for being here for me to vent. My friends are great but are not going through this and unless you've gone through it, you can't relate.
Have a happy day! I'm trying to!!!
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Ladee - thank you, thank you. I will first work on not throwing up while thinking of what to say. LOL
Vic-Wish your days were shorter so they'd be easier to get through. Hugs.
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Morning all. Stormy glad dad is going to doc today..Notlike ...stay calm! I have a real hard time being calm and loving...I start out decent in the mornings and by night..am just ready to go and hide..did get outside yesterday, mowed and weedeated moms yard.. Body is paying for the weedeating.. Was worth it to get out and do something.
Ladee..kudos and lots of love! Mom doesn't have al or dementia but she asks same question over and over...know it takes longer for her to understand some things and sooo wish I could be calm about it...she says she gets it and then she asks again...arghhhhhh
Hubby just left and already wish he was here to help. He helps me to keep the peace. Lol ...I just need to do better today!
Love to all ..
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Notlike, it is ok if she gets angry, that is a choice she makes... give it some thought and TELL her no, she is used to doing as she pleases when she pleases... it is not ok to take over your house, and possibly put your dad in harms way... I am learning how to handle Marie, and it's ok if she pouts or gets angry.... I simply TELL her, in as few words as possible, and then go on about my business, not setting there waiting for the drama... We are controlled by the 'what if's', what if they get angry, ect... yes they are going to get angry from being told NO... but better for them to be in the state they stay in anyway than for you and I to be in gut knotted tizzy from wondering how to handle it..... the worst that will happen????? They won't speak to us for awhile... sounds good to me... and yes there is anxiety standing up like that, but it's only a 'feeling', can't say I was all relaxed and ready the first time I told Marie NO.... but it is getting easier..... and I am feeling so much better about myself..... I'm not ugly, just matter of fact... regardless of what I am feeling on the inside..... I just 'act as if', I've been telling her no from the begining......she doesn't quite know what is going on, but she stays mad and in a crappy mood all the time anyway, and I need to take my power back of being belittled and overwhelmed by her actions.... I love Sonny and am not going to miss out on this blessing because of her....
Think about what you want to say, in as few words as possible, say them gently, and leave the room.... you can throw up then...lol.... that's what I have been doing to Marie...after last Fri of letting her get to me, I said no more.... I don't like myself when I act like that, has nothing to do with her....
So letting you know it won't be easy, but we can do this.... Let us know if you threw up before you got out of the room.... love ya and it's time for boundries..... or you might as well move out of your own home and hire a caregiver... sorry, I'm already being abused or I'd take the job.....lol....good luck and prayers and angels to you...
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Thanks Jam, that might work. :)
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You're welcome cindy and any time one of us can help to ease your burden of care giving then it's a terrific day!!!! I don't know of much that is harder on a person mentally and physically than watching your loved one go through the struggles of aging and the ravages it does to the body. And then comes the realization that we are next.....pretty mind-boggling.
notlike....yep still have bad eyes......script hasn't changed which surprised me. But I did decide to get a spare pair of glasses just in case mine break....can't see to read the computer without them...I would be in FB withdrawal.....lol. With the issue of cleaning the walls it's damned if you do and damned if you don't.......I know it's tough to decide how to handle that.....maybe you might try telling Mom that your intention is to paint later instead of washing walls. And hopefully she might forget about it.

Getting ready to rain again....dogs are antsy to go out....so wishing everyone a good night with peaceful dreams...........
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Thanks Jam for your words of wisdom and compassion! I love that I have found this site! It really does feel so much better to talk with people who know exactly how I feel!
Hope your day is a great one tomorrow! Thanks again!!!
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Stormy - hope you get some answers tomorrow about the blood. Hugs.
Jam - Give us an update! How are your eyes? Hugs.
Ladee-Sonny just sounds like a great guy! I'm glad we got to meet him through you. And thanks for the support - always :)
Okay - I don't know how to deal with this one. Looking for ideas. My house is neat, if not ever spotlessly clean. (If you don't slow down, you can't see the dirt LOL) Mom sits here all day, and sees the dirt. When she feels up to it, she cleans something herself. And I hear about it. And I'm supposed to tell her how great that was. Because it doesn't happen too often, I can live with that. But then she picks something bigger to be cleaned, and volunteers my Dad. I hate that. He is not here to clean my house. I think he already does his share. I can't keep doing these big projects myself, though, just to keep the peace. Today she moved the toaster and such and wiped off a kitchen counter. Now she wants the walls cleaned in the kitchen. I don't want Dad up on a ladder doing that. And I'm pretty sure he'd rather be doing something else, too. But I don't know how to tell her without starting a fight. Argh!
Good night all, and better tomorrows.
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Hope everyone is doing ok today. Dad coughed up blood again today but not as much as yesterday. Tomorrow he goes to the hospital to get his throat stretched. Maybe the doctor can tell then why he has been coughing up the blood. Today makes the third day in a row that he has coughed up the blood. Well i gotta go shave him. Hugs stormyyy
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Cindy.....that's what we're here for....you to give you support while you wonder if it's not YOU that is nuts....:) You know what the best thing to do for Mom is......and of course she won't be happy with the decision, but sometimes that is what has to happen. You mom sounds like my mil before we had to place her in a NH. It was a fall that occurred to make the choice and since I can't pick up more than 25lbs and have herniated discs in my neck it wasn't hard to figure out what needed to be done. The main difference that I noticed in home vs NH is that even with a lot of help coming in, the bulk of the care would have still fallen to me.....in the NH she is being taken care of 24/7, I get the opportunity to have a "normal" life, still see her, and I appreciate her so much more because I don't have the stress of constantly asked questions, changing diapers all day, running here, there, and everywhere, doctor appt, eye appt, hearing appt, grocery shopping, whew the list goes on...........................when making the decision to change living arrangements I think that is the only time dementia is a friend, simply because they don't remember. Keep us up-to-date on what's going on with you and Mom....

Supposed to rain today......yes I know we need it for the green grass and to fill the pond....but when I have to get out in it it's not so nice. I hope there is no dilating my eyes, but since I have procrastinated for 5 yrs I bet I don't get away without that. It's always fun picking out new glasses.....

Hope everyone has a great day...will check in later...hugs to all you special angels!

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Notlike, nothing like being pulled in 20 different directions at once.....what an amazing daughter you are !!!! AND a sense of humor... I know mine has gotten me thru some pretty rough times...
Do you think as mom gets more in tune with what is going on with her, there is a possibility of a change of heart???Wouldn't that be an awesome blessing for her and her family... prayers for you and your family...
Vic... sorry to hear dad is declining. It is so hard to watch... I know the last time my mom was sick, I remember feeling so much anger and helplessness... we knew what was going on, so did she... and with Grace she showed us how to deal with it..... Give him a big hug from Ladee today, he is in my prayers... and of course you are too.
Seeme, I know this lady needs one on one care, but I am praying the family finds a solution other than you taking care of her.... if she has the money for care, then hopefully one of the kids will get control of that money and see that she is placed in a good NH, she sounds a little advanced for AL, but guess a Dr. would have to make that decsion...I just know it is too soon after your mom to be doing this again....
Jam, hope your yard is looking good again... it's springing spring here too in little ways.... looking forward to sunny days...
Was helping Sonny get dressed yesterday, this look of concern goes across his face, I asked hiw what was wrong, "Do you think they are going to let me in?", without skipping a beat, I said, " I'll kick their ass if they don't !"... He laughed and off we went into the living room... how frietening for him to wake up and not know he is home and be worried that he would be 'accepted'... I hate the disease of Alz... with a passion..... this is one of the sweetest, funniest, kindest men I have ever known in my life.... and his sense of security is being stolen from him everyday..... just blessed to be a part of his life.....
Got a pic of my new grandbaby and his mommy yesterday... he was looking at her with this," hey, I know you" look on his tiny face.... thank you God for this little miracle...
Hugs and angels to you all today... we can do this, together, one day at a time, one crisis at a time, one Dr. visit at a time, one more answering the same question at a time.... we have each other, and that is a blessing....
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Stari-How many caregivers does it take to go to all the appointments in a week? Answer: One, and family and luck! LOL
Cindy-Welcome. Keep coming back, we're listening. Hugs.
Vic-sorry to hear it is getting harder with your Dad. Hugs.
Well, so much for Dad saying talking to Mom was a waste of time. He told me she was nice to him yesterday, even said good morning for the first time in years. I wonder what she's up to.....
Not the greatest appt. for Dad last night. Gaining too much weight, chloresterol high, sugar high. It will help when the weather's better and he can get out more. So I've got one I need to get to eat (Mom), and one who needs to be on a diet. Yipee, not.
And his kidneys aren't working well. Doc said he is CKD Stage 3. More blood tests and another appt. in 2 weeks. Fun, not.
Have a good day everybody!
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Vic- dad stopped coughing up the blood today. I don't know if he coughed up anymore after i lefted. I guess i will find out tomorrow from sis. She called the ear,nose and throat dr and talked to the nurse and she said it was just probably irritation. I personally think she should have called the lung dr but hell what do i know. Hugs to all of you stormyyy
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Stormy..I would take him to er if it is that bad...
Cindyeb..know just where you are...I am getting relief once a week and hubby helps lots when he is home from work. Don't think I could do it by myself but would try. Have you contacted your local area on aging? There are programs in many communities and resources to help. Dad won't even try to walk anymore and we are giving him his pils now with applesauce as he doesn't want to swallow them. Have a hard time getting him to drink water..so we use crystal light and the instant tea. He drinks it much better.
Just back from dr appointment with mom and dad...whew..good to go until hair day on Friday. Next week dad goes to see the hematologist ..so we will see how the procrit is helping. Seems to have made a difference ..he doesn't bruise as easily. melatonin at night has been good for him too.
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Ok he started coughing up the blood about an hour ago dark blood and bright red blood. Who should we call- ear,nose and throat dr or lung doctor?????????????? hugs stormyyy
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All I can say is HELP!!! I have taken my mom in since she was discharged from the hospital after surgery in Dec.She has tested to be mild Dementia which was tested a year ago. I can't do this any more. I have no help, I am not in good health myself, and she has always been there for me and my sister, and I'm the only one who has stepped up. BUT, I can't handle the mood swings and the constant questions about when is she going home(soon I hope), why is she being held prisoner, etc... She won't use a walker to regain any sort of balance, she has fallen 3 times and has banged her head BIG TIME, she refuses to stay hydrated because she doesn't like water, she doesn't take her pills correctly unless I give them to her, etc... Every day is the same argument, and I have had a social worker come out and talk with her. She is going to bring info about assisted living options, but I know my mom will have a fit! I did receive some wonderful info the other day about resources, but I am just glad I found this site so I can see I'm definitely not alone! Thanks for letting me vent again!
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