This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Having a week with only one doctors appointment? you ladies are going to be lost, I know I was on those rare weeks when I had less than 3. There were times I had so many in one week that I had to rearrange things, get hubby to take brother because I had to take mom. Cancel mine to another day, so I could take hubby, Took some juggling and I carried a book with me, that I could consult when making Doctors appointments to keep from conflict. Only problem was that book didn't work for the VA, both Brother and Husband are vets, the VA tells you when your appointment is, you don't get to schedule. On rare occasions like if your making appointments out months in advance you can guess what day is going to be a good one and they'll let you schedule for then, but most of the time, they'll say we're going to need to schedule you, you'll get a letter. Mom liked her appointments first part of the week, early in the day...So if hubby and brother could, we got theirs for the mid to end of the week, any time of the day. I squeezed mine in where ever I could, somedays worked out great, Got Mom done in the morning, had her home by 12, mine was scheduled for 2 or 3, so I could pull off two appointments in one day. We had a couple of days we were lucky with the guys, somehow, the VA managed to book them both for the same day, meant a extra long day in Columbia, but at least it was just one trip instead of two, I hated that 6 hour drive.
Have a wonderful day everyone, hubby's still in bed here, and I am trying to figure out where to start. It's going to be a fun day cause the girls will need to be inside most of the day, I know their dogs but if I don't want to be out in that blowing sand, I won't do it to them.
Notlike-yes it was fun. I love my little man. He is such a sweetie.
Stormy - pizza and puzzles sounds fun.
Vic - what are we going to do with ourselves all week with only one doctor appt? LOL
Ladee-I would send hubby to fix that stuff for you, he's great at that, but I really need him around here. Mostly because I break stuff so often! LOL Glad you found someone.
Well, I didn't start World War 3 last night, but I sure contributed. All over a 1/2 cup of Mom's tea that got thrown out. Both parents were being sh**ts, seriously. It was fun to get to say a few things to Mom that needed to be said, though. Will be able to talk to Dad tonight on the way to the doctor, still trying to figure out why he was such a bear.
Wish me luck :)
Ladee, glad that you've found away to move away from that hole. You give us so much encouragement, we can't have you slipping in. Jam ? can you keep that dust bunny corralled? while I don't at the moment have dust bunnies here, I do have half the desert to try and get wiped and swept out of the RV. Now when we get home, I am sure that the dust bunnies cousins have been doing what bunnies do, might have to have a cleaning crew hired to come in and move at least the 4 inches of dust that ought to be all over everything. That will teach me for being away from the house for 6 months at this point. Looking at another 3 to 5 just to get back home. I think that for the next trip out here to CA, if it is not a emergency trip, there are going to be a few rules in place,
1:No longer than a month here and that is only if we must.
2:No living with friends or family (love'm but there is only so much togetherness that you can take)
We've got the trailer wired for lights and brakes, we have the new wiring on the RV for it. We're expecting a couple of deliveries, should be into day if their not in already. Once I get all of the bill's paid, we'll see if the budget is going to allow us to move to Bullhead City AZ for a month at least, as that is about as far as the budget is going to stretch till next payday. After that, the game of catch up will be done and we'll be back online ready to start rolling.
So from Bullhead, it's Surprise, from Surprise to Benson (we are planning on traveling 150 to 200 miles per day, to the best of my calculations, it's going to average out costing us a 1.00 per mile.. haven't lined up the next stop after Benson, but it's heading towards Giddings. Ladee, I'll give you a heads up, a week in advance, so if you want to run you have the chance..rofl... I found you a very cool rock on the beach, got to find where hubby put it.
Anyway, since we are not going to be able to take this thing out for a test drive today, I'll be able to do a few more things inside, figure out where and how I am going to put all this stuff, don't want to do like I had to do in the camper, just kinda shove sh** in and then have to dig it all back out before we could go to bed. No fun traveling if you have to spend two hours setting up camp and another two putting it back.
Hope that the sun is shining and everyone is having a wonderful day
Nothing got settled except that my bil cannot handle mil amymore. He has had it. Sil gets the brunt of it and it does have to do with being BIC (bitch in charge). I wished the whole time I was in Cognito instead of SC.
From almost driving into a tornado on the interstate, trying to instruct mil on the use of her kindle, seeiing all the drugs she packed into her crap that she thinks has to go back to Maine.............I almost kissed my driveway in my excitement to be home. Even this morning, I have not calmed down yet.
Looks like we may have mil a couple weeks in Mar-Apr. Hubby will consider it a test trial to see if we can deal with her next winter. She is thinking about a AL or NH in Maine, if we find something, and we will check them out this summer. That may come to an end when she sees how much they cost, but money isn't an issue, except she is tight.
But right now I just want to express my admiration to those who live with the challenges of ALZ and dementia every day. You are truly angels on earth. There is not enough money to pay you for what you do. Your reward must come from a higher source later, because nothing on earth can suffice. God bless you.
Think I have found a handyman to fix some things around here that won't cost me so much I have to move in with Jam or Seeme !!!! Can't put more money into it than I paid for it...and when Carmen and OWHN (old whats his name) get here they are going to help me get the water going.... so I will have one less thing to complain about....won't that be nice.....!!
Love to you all this morning, prayers for compassion for our elders.. I never pray for patience as God gives me extra to be patient about...
hugs and angels to you all this morning....
Welcome to our new posters....come and visit with us and vent away if you need to...that's why we're here.
Oysters1....we think the same things....I hope that my mil will pass in her sleep....I think we all hope that our loved ones will go quietly and in peace. My mom struggled to breathe through the pneumonia but at least the morphine helped ease her somewhat.
stormy....we do homemade pizza here a lot...so much better when you can really glop it on. I bought some of the individual pizza pans and occasionally my granddaughters will be here and we have a pizza assembly line....they are making their own and they love it. Hope things have gotten better for you with care giving.
Ro.......glad you are getting to work but hope it's not so much that you aren't getting any rest. Is Mom able to get outside now?
Vic....a day for yourself....wonderful!!
I opened the sliding doors yesterday to get some fresh air in this place...it was almost 70 degrees in Feb! And across the floor here comes one of seeme's dust bunnies........I let it live. I really felt guilty about not jumping up to get it, but had just come inside from raking leaves and I don't think I could have moved if someone put dynamite under my butt. Probably won't do much of anything today....tomorrow get to go to the eye doctor.....have put that off for about 5 yrs....yeah I know but didn't have problems until lately.
The Seroquel seems to put the col in a sleepy state. She asked yesterday how my son was and his wife_______, she used my name instead of his wife's name. She never asks about anyone else but son.....strangest thing. Took her a milkshake which she played with and got all over her...she enjoyed it for a while. Only tried once to start in on coming home, was able to redirect her. We also dc'd the Namenda and Aricept.....that will save her a nice chunk of out-of-pocket every month and besides it's not doing her one bit of good so remove a couple of chemicals from her system.
Hope everyone has a wonderful, peaceful day....check in when you can....
Happy Trails,
Jam
Good news about my preemie grandson... he is taking his bottle and making such progress that he may not be in the hospital as long as they predicted....he is getting stronger every day... Thank you God, for that little miracle that I am going to spoil rotten.....
Going to get on with my cleaning and feel good about some progress being made....
Oh and by the way, I found a globe to replace the one that I dropped at Maries... so hopefully I will use this fresh awarness of my lack of taking care of myself to have a much better week with her....
Love and appreciate all of you... could not continue this jounrney with any kind of sanity without y'all.....
love to you-
who is now on this little island "music"-taking a dip to cool off..i get so wound up sometimes-ya know?
Today is going to be a good day!
Notlike, hope you body feels decent today after all that work! Glad you got some quiet time at home! Like you ..we only have one dr appt next week...
Thanks for love and support, it is sort of like raising children, there is no handbook on how to handle ourself when tired and frustrated.... well there is, the Bible, but all those wonderful words just go out the window sometimes.....
I so appreciate that we all accept each others humaness , even when we can not accept our own......
love, hugs and angels to all my YOU friends......
Hugs for Dad....I'm sure his appt will be fine. Glad he and Mom got out today...
Hugs to everyone. Those who can see the spring coming with flowers and trips, and those still in winter's darkness with sick children, and our everyday burdens.
Had the house almost to myself today - just the son home. Hubby at work and M&D out shopping. Mopped the floor (without Dad, and my back is paying for it, oh well), dusted, laundry. I get alot more done when I'm alone.
Got some snow here yesterday, so spring seems farther away again. Saw 3 deer in the backyard - Mom was thrilled. Should warm up tomorrow, so I will go out and fill the bird feeders.
Only one doctor appt this week, for Dad with the primary. Not expecting any surprises. Don't want any surprises. I hope Upstairs is listening. :)
I know we have all read the following in a shorter version....but thought I would share it again today.......hugs to all!
PLACES WHERE I HAVE BEEN
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.
PLEASE DO YOUR PART!
Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year.
You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done!
Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly! From one unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty good in mine!
Today however, she has been struggling with a congested cough, weak, tired, little appetite
love you all, hope everyone has a good day...
Burned hang in there. Vic, how about "not" cleaning out his shop today and just enjoy your day off? Ladee, get some rest, no marie thoughts for today.
Ladee hugs hugs hugs Internet hugs coming your way to give you strength and peace.
Notlike hope mom gets focused on sewing and gives you relief..give her some tape to put pictures up. You are a good daughter who love her parents ...
Burned hope you have a better day today sending hugs your way too
Brandy...prayers.
Starri...getting close woohoo!!
Jam so sorry bout your friends son.. Can't imagine why they would have passed on an incline...only like you say must have been their time..but how hard
Hope col does good on the seraquel..walking and fresh air! Now thats a great combo!!
Little flowers are popping up here...there is a light
Mom and dad are hanging in there ... The procrit shots that dad is getting seem to be helping..his arms aren't all purple from bruises and his skin looks better. His body though is another story...so ridgid most of the time communication not real good but does know what's going on.. The other day it was warm so we sat on the porch for awhile. I got him to stand holding the railing for a couple of minutes. He did great...
All we can do is one day and one moment at a time right!? You all are always in my thoughts and prayers....
Hubby and I have day off today..looking forward ... Really need to put things away and clean my house up...hubby my pack rat..wants to start cleaning out his shop...who knows what we will do or not do today...still havent started taxes...why oh why do I procrastinate sooo...lol
ladee.....told ya that might be what it takes to settle Marie down. And I bet her daughter will tell you it's okay and she's glad you stood your ground. Thank goodness you have a couple of days without having to put up with her bad attitude.
Haven't talked with the col yet tonight but will call after dinner and see how she's doing.
Target and I are going to start walking tomorrow.....must get in shape....and this will help when our Vegas trip gets here. My shins always get so sore about the 2nd day of walking around the casinos. Wish me luck!!!!!
Hope everyone has had a great day........check in when you can! Hugs to all!
I will call the daughter this evening and tell her what happened... Don't think the daughter will be upset, but I do want her to know about it....not the most professional thing I've ever done....
Hope ya'll had a better day than I did... Brandy , love what your husband said.... sorry it is so crazy making for you but seems you can at least see the humor in some of it...
Jam, hope the new meds work for the col... think I use some of that myself this evening.....it's times like this that I hate it that I can't even have a glass of wine to unwind.... oh well, deep breaths, deep breaths, a good nights sleep and a new day tomorrow....
love and hugs...