This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
brandy......what state are you in again? Want to make sure I stay off the roads....just in case. I was in the DMV one day and watched the person administering the test talk a little old lady through the whole thing...she didn't know what the roads signs were...couldn't understand what he wanted her to do....took her pic and handed her the new license and out the door she went. The number of elderly I have picked up from wrecks, without valid licenses, was really surprising. They don't care if they have one or not. I love hubby's response.....:)
We're here in Long Beach now, got the paperwork I needed, it's overcast and kinda foggy, but not a bad day I guess, had a nice dinner with the Eldest.. food was great.
right now I am listening to Glenn snore.lol, we'll be taking off for Garden Grove about noon, will stay there for a couple of days and then head back to Desert Hot Springs to start putting the finishing touches on the RV and Trailer, so that we can hopefully hit the road come the first.
Hope everyone has a wonderful day, and there is peace and quiet on the homefront.
She is always very tired when getting back from Austin, understanbly so, so I really hated to have to tell her of the MISTAKE I had made, so started out telling her the good news first, clean and ironed curtains, ect... then told her I had called her daughter about the fixture, and it worked... it diffused the situation, and the only comment made was, "well, you didn't have it in there right", my reply..... " well DUH".......so got to slide on out of there with my a$$ still attached.... today may be another story since she has time to rest and recharge her ' bitter' batterey....and you're right Notlike, lets make as many mistakes as possible so we will be very very wise one day.... lol...
Hope she does feel like making the girls skirts, will give her something to do and make her feel better (?) ...And give your sis hugs for me for making things easier for you..... every bit helps....
I am up this time of morning because a cold front is going thru and shaking my little house all over the place... so thought I should post before I end up in the Land of Blah's....... love ya and keep up the good work, at least we can see some humor in our situations and that always helps....
Seeme-deleivery dinner always sounds good to me, too. Happy A!
Jam-you could make a fortune in vodoo dolls, I'll bet LOL
Ladee-I am so glad I found you and everyone on this site. I appreciate you all saying how far I've come...I would not have made it through the dark time without you! And I look forward to everyone's posts - the strength here is beyond amazing.
Kudos to my sis, who had the girls make Easter decorations for the shelf in Mom's room. I love my kid sis and she makes this easier.
Mom got material today to start making skirts for the girls. We'll see how much energy she really has. She pinned a picture above her sewing table, on the good woodwork. When I asked her to not do that anymore, she said she asked Dad if I would mind. Argh! Wouldn't ask me herself, and now she can blame it on Dad. I've also been asking her each night what their dinner plans are, since last week she was too tired to cook for herself, and sometimes i make things I know Dad likes. Tonight she asks me if I've been "at her" about dinner because I think she's not eating enough! Well, I thought asking was how you found things out. Silly me. Ladee - this one's for you:
I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm going to go make some more.
Put that in a serving bowl! LOL
Good night, and better tomorrows.
Good thing I don't expect any thank you's or my, that was good's from her, I would come home crying everyday, no, I'd be crying at work.... jeeezz, that's pretty bad when you have to complain about the potatoes, and like Notlike's mom, I probably didn't serve them in the right bowl..... !!!!!
Oh well, the woman is simply teaching me how "not" to be....and guess I don't need to expect a reference from her, I make too many mistakes.... (smiley face emoticon here)
But on the real side of life, it was beautiful here today, got up to the love 80's....
Of course it will be cold again by the weekend, that 's my punishment for making so many mistakes....
I don't have allergies, but feel really bad for those who do... we have 'cedar fever' here and so many folks get so sick....
The Diva is staring at me so guess it's time to eat, should have brought her some potatoes....
love ya'll, hugs and angels...
seeme....wings and pizza and just the two of you sounds good too!
I stopped and picked up a slab of ribs after getting my hair done.....put a few subtle highlights on the top and I'm now wearing the same style as Lisa Rinna.....will see how long that lasts...it's probably been close to 15 yrs since my hair was longer than 3 inches! Something tells me it will be again soon............
Haven't heard from our problem child this afternoon...aka ladee.....she's probably cleaning up her MISTAKES!!!!!!!!!
Hugs to all!!!!!
Thanks for the anniversary wishes. Hubby and I were going to Red Lobster for supper, but I have been shoveling rock from one flower bed to another and I am pooped. Back hurts from all the twisting, so wings and pizza for supper and it will have to be delivered......as long as I'm not cooking, it sounds good to me.
I've decided to get a little bistro set for under the breezeway to use in the summer. Will probably have to be concrete so it won't blow away.....we get real good breezes through there.
Notlike, you have definitely progressed on the trip of your life. Sounds like you are handling things better with mom.......at least, better for you. And Ladee is pissing Marie off without meaning to. If only she wouldn't make so many MISTAKES!!!!! Remember.....a smile makes them wonder what you are up to..........
Hope everyone has a good day..................later
Doing a drive-by this morning to check on everyone.......Mother Hen ya know...:)
Welcome Kenna.....happy to see you here and glad you found the website also....there is a ton of support to be found.
ladee......I wake up everyday and try to have your attitude about things....you're special to me!
seeme......Happy 40th Anniversary to you! Do something fun......
notlike....I have this voodoo doll............ladee is using it but I bet she would share
stormy.....it's probably the trees starting to bud, that is when my seasonal allergies start, so you're not alone in the runny nose department.......
Vic......I also try to have your attitude each day.....you are such a good and loving daughter.
Ro.....have seen you on FB...glad to hear the snow is gone and hope all is well with you and Mom.
YooHoo............where are the rest of you? Having days of leisure.........
The col phone calls are continuing.....Target looked at me last night after the last one and says "where in the world did she find that whiny, baby voice"..........uh, just now noticing that are we? This was a very strong woman who worked as a Social Worker in the inner city before computers and nice soft, cushy chairs and where the customer came to you.........I hate Alzheimer's with every fiber of my being!
Hoping y'all have a wonderful day.......hugs and prayers to all of our angels!
Happy Trails,
Jam
But am very proud of you for starting to have some humor about some of it... I know it helps me to look at how ridiculous some of the things she gets upset about.... and like her daughter says, 'if that kitchen sink could talk!!!'.... so am grateful her daughter understands I am not making these things up.... she has gotten so self involved she no longer fixes the coffee pot, puts our thier meds, leaves the kitchen table and sink a mess.... that's ok, keeps me busy and a moving target..... lol....
It's not going to get better, just different... that being how we veiw it and how we handle ourself... we are both doing so much better, thank God we have each other on this thread....
Vickie Vic, I know you are so tired and wanting to be in your own home.... and I appreciate that you share honestly about things, yet try to find something to be grateful for.... some days, I take it in, some days I say to hell with it.... but it always comes back down to blessings..... Surely God has a vacation retreat in Heaven for caregivers...I could do with an Angel massage, how bout ya'll???? I think I would be afraid to get one now, letting all those toxins loose in my body would probably kill me, at least they are contained in muscle now....
So for one more day we did it, one more day we survived, one more day we appreciate each other and the sacrifices we make... that makes it much easier for me anyway.... so love you all, hope you all get some good rest tonight so we can all be 'happy campers' tomorrow.... hugs and angels to everyone who knows what I am talking about....
Ladee - That long of a list, eh? How do you stand it sometimes? Well, you are strong and you know she is so very wrong. We all do. Must be in the air - Mom's gearing up again for meaness. She was decent last week when she was so tired. Sunday she started getting her energy back and we started all over again in Meanville. Very cold, one word answers to me tonight. Just trying to make a little conversation, but she answers like she thinks my questions are stupid. Then yelled at Dad because he didn't know she was done making dinner for them. Now he's supposed to come ask her and find out when it will be ready, then be at the table. Even he thinks it's funny. Sort of.
Tired, tired tired. Working too hard because the other nurse is off and we've been swamped. Wishing I could hear - my cold is gone except for the stuffed up ears. And escaping whenever I can into my FB games and my books. That's probably not healthy, but it's fun.
Dad's last treatment is this week. Yeah! His sugars came back normal. Yeah! Now if he would stop banging himself up and bleeding all over (he's on a blood thinner), he'd be great. :)
Goodnight everyone, and better tomorrows.
been up since 4, going to go lay down for awhile... love ya'll and hope you all had a good day... Welcome Kenna, hope to see you here again....
Sis carried dad to the dr today just another check up and i carried lily to the vet for her shots but they wanted to start her on heart worm meds first and then she goes back next week for shots. So i came home and straighten up connor's play room and vaccumed in there and in the den. Sis is suppose to call when they get back from the drs appt. So just sitting here with lily lou napping on my lap. She done good at the vets office. Her first visit there. And they said she weighed 3.9 lbs. So she is growing and loves to eat. Well i guess i will get up from here and go do something probably wash the dishes. hugs and love stormyyyy
So then I turn my back and come back to mom and dads and look at them and think that I will never have this time again. And just sigh.....I say a little prayer to get the ugly thoughts out of my head...just do what needs to be done.
It was such a pretty day yesterday...made me feel good to feel the sunshine
Jam-i'm sure i will probably just stick to the meds i am on. They work well and i don't want to try to get use to another medicine. I know that this problem is mine and mine alone and i just have to find a way to deal with it and get through it.
Ladee- i probably do need to talk to someone, but sis has always been the person i talk to about my problems and this one i feel i can't talk to her about but i know that i have got to change my way of thinking. Well dad is awake so i gotta go i will chat later. hugs stormyyy