This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It's supposed to rain here today but if it does I don't have a clue where it's coming from....not a cloud in the vicinity! Unfortunately either way it won't help me....the damn laundry fairy took the day off again!
oldwonderful....good to see you again and so glad you are out and about in the world. And another "saver"......what kind of artsy-crafty things do you make? I had put away my crocheting for a couple of years while the col was here and just got it back out the other day to finish an afghan I had started......dealing with a sore right shoulder since I'm out of practice.
stormy......there is one thing I wanted to touch base with you on and that there is always the misconception that antidepressants are miracle drugs and will make things all better.....they do to a certain extent. What they don't do is make you think you are skipping through a field of daisy's with the sun shining while you scatter flowers around your feet. Where you were functioning with tears running down your face and easily angered over the smallest things.....now you can look at those same things and say...eh I can handle that and there may still be some tears and some anger....but the edge is taken off. Don't start yourself on the path to "something stronger" it will only lead to a dependence of chemicals to get you through your day. If sis called to tell you to leave early, I get the sense that she is very aware of what you are going through....don't sell her short. It's time you and sis went out to lunch together for a heart to heart talk. Do not allow this care giving to come between you and destroy the relationship you have.....when this job is over you two will still be here and you don't want an estranged relationship....believe me.
ladee......sending good thoughts to you for a perfect day with Sonny and Marie but for her only if she plays nice.
seeme....you sound so much better.....countdown to fur babies, can't wait for the pics to start. I don't know how to acclimate them to thunder...my Jack/Chi will lie out on the deck while we are target shooting, but when the thunder starts she's right up my behind....crazy!
starri.....hope you got some sleep last night. Is the wind still blowing? Maybe that and the fact that you want to be on the road are making you restless. Did you ever get your medication issue figured out?
notlike......I agree with ladee....from the time you joined us to now there has been such a change in you.....you are so much stronger now and your mind seems to be in a better place. Hugs!
Wondering how everyone else is doing.....check in when you can.
Must call the doctor's office when they open this morning to discuss adding medication and taking some away from the col. The Saturday demanding to be brought home phone calls were just brain melting............mine not hers I think. She finally succeeded in making Target mad when she kept telling him to figure out how to make her Alzheimer's go away......nothing like trying to send your son on the world's biggest guilt trip. I'm seeing the signs of one of her meltdowns....time to try and stop it before it gets out of hand.
Sending hugs and prayers to all today............
Happy Trails,
Jam
Oldwonderful, glad to see you back and happy the 'scoot' is fixed so you have some independence....let us know how you are doing...
Sure wish AC would add emoticons, it would spare me trying to explain the needing to puke sensation about going to work...lol
have a good one, love ya'll
Ladee's right stormy, it does take courage to state your true feelings on something, people tend to cover up what is really going on, thinking oh, they dont' really care, when in reality most of the people that you feel you can share this with do, like us here, we understand where you are, where you've been and where you need to go.
I'm hoping for sleep tonight, took one sleeping pill and trying to decide on taking another. or at least a advil pm see if that knocks me out. Brain is starting it again, won't shut up.
I pray that everyone gets rest this evening as well. and that your days tomorrow are bright and beautiful.
Notlike, was thinkning today how far you have come since you first started posting... just wanted you to know how proud I am of you for moving forward in spite of the obstacles.....
And Austin, we never get too old to learn another way of doing things do we... I am relearning some stuff myself right now... when I stop learning, then I don't want to be here anymore...
And Stormy, I am proud of you for being honest about your feelings.. that takes courage and you are not judged, but very much understood, we've been there.... hugs to everyone else.....
Old wonderful - Thinking of you strutin' your stuff on your little red scooter! Made me smile :)
Stormy - you are not a child anymore. You're a woman who has a family of her own to care for, too. Beleive it, live it, be it. Strength to you and hugs.
With all Mom's drama and meanness, I have sometimes wondered if I did the right thing by bringing her here. Tonight, I made everyone dinner. She's too tired to do much of anything. She even said she would no longer to be able to keep up the pace at my sisters, with two young girls there. My sister can't cook, so she wouldn't be able to help Mom that way. I think Mom is in the right place. And me too.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Jam- hubby and i have been looking online about going to disney world. Not sure if that is the place we are going to carry him this year but we are definetly carrying him someplace, beach, mountains or disney world. And we have been checking on the deals they are running. (((((hugs)))))
Seemee-you're right that resentful place is not a fun place to be in. (((( hugs ))))
Well, sis just called and told me to tell dad that i was leaving at 6 today and i asked her why? and she just said that he will be fine and we have got to start breaking away some. Shock of the century!!!!!! Now i got to think of a good lie of why i am leaving early at 6 to tell dad.
I dread having to tell him i am leaving cause i feel like he is thinking i should be here with him. God i wish i could just cut my feelings off, and just not give a shit. But i can't.
Ladee- you are right about everything. And we are carrying connor somewhere for vacation this year. Probably disney, i could not go through another year of the guilt i felt for not carrying him on vacation when he was 3 years old. I am a wuss and a coward when it comes to my family especially my dad and sis. And i do need to grow some balls when it comes to them. I have always been scared of my dad ever since i was little. He could look at me and make me cry. I guess i still carry that with me. I am not scared of sis i just don't want us to get mad at each other because i feel that this whole situation with dad has changed our relationship. We are still close but it is just different not like it was two years ago. And i just don't want to damage it further. I guess too i feel like if i ask more time off from dad not just for vacation, that it will seem like i am being selfish. And sis and i don't talk about dad's situation - long term- it is like the big elephant in the room. Walk around it, jump over it, crawl under it, but don't approach the subject. I have no idea what she thinks about our lives long term, how long we can keep this up. In my mind i do blame daddy for this being our lives right now and i know it is not his fault he did not choose to get cancer or have a trach. But try telling that to my mind. I still blame him i guess cause i got to put the blame on someone and he is the one i blame. I have even thought that maybe i need to look to god to help me with all of this, read the bible, pray something. Then i just don't know what to say or do. Ladeee- i want to thank you for being so forward it's not something we want to hear but sometimes we need to. I know i need to talk to sis and see where we stand concerning dad and staying with him. Thanks again. Love, ((((hugs)))) and prayers to you!!! stormyyyy
Speaking of that, we are headed to SC next weekend to check on my mil as she has been told she can no longer drive. The doctor took a lot of blood and some urine hoping to figure out what is wrong with her. May be nothing he can fix. Now comes the hard part......telling her she can't go back to Maine to live by herself. Don't know how that will play out. She kinda reminds me of the col without the make-up and rollers.....she's a shoppy, shoppy spoiled only-child-woman. To me, she is showing signs of end of life, but in the meantime we have to figure out how to deal with her living arrangements. Never easy, but I find myself more detached, since she isn't my mother.
I will be checkin in more often now, as I find comfort with you all. I have been selfishly trying to get back to normal.....whatever that is.....
Starri, I laughed at your certification!!! I just missed mine by 6 weeks of St. John's Wort....and six more weeks to grieve. Doc was pleased to see me smiling and joking at my last visit. Plus when I told him the things I had accomplished since the previous visit, he gave up on the psychiatrist.
Still a couple of months till puppy time. We did buy the mattress pad for the big crate, and hubby looked at feeding stations at the flea market we went to yesterday. He should be able to make one, no problem. Even bought another toy for them yesterday. You wouldn't think I am a strict parent, but I am.....comes from not having kids.....guess it was a good thing I never did.....I'd probably be in jail....but my dogs will behave in public, be social, and these will travel with us more than any others did.........and it would be nice to have one that wasn't scared of thunder and lightening, but I don't know how to train for that.......oh, well.
Just rambling now, so I will check in later. Rainy and cold today with off and on showers, so I am going to read while hubby sleeps.....temp is dropping as I write, so good day to stay inside. ttyl
Stormy, I know it won't do any good to tell you this because guilt rules your life, but you would not be 'leaving' your sis to take care of everything... it is a choice her and your dad are making to not get outside help.... it is part of growing up, to be able to set down with your sis, no matter how nervous you are, no matter how much guilt you feel, ect... and tell her what you can do, what you are willing to do, what you are no longer going to do.... I know, just reading this you are feeling the anxiety in the pit of your stomach and shaking your head no....sometimes depression is anger turned inward.... and to be honest, I don't think it will be your dad you will be hating, it will be yourself for not figuring out a way to make a stand.... so you will be upset and nervous and afraid you are going to upset someone... so what, isn't your life worth more than being a puppet on a string, isn't Conners life worth more than having a depressed and angry mom, all because you and hubby could set sis down and make some changes... possibly small ones in the begining....and just because dad doesn't WANT outside help doesn't mean he can't get some.... none of us get thru this life with everything we WANT and that appliies to your dad also.....
I know you won't do any of the above, but I am just saying what we have all been saying to you for months... YOU DO HAVE CHOICES ABOUT YOUR LIFE.... that is not to negate any of the feelings you are having....they are very real, and causing you all sorts of problems.....grow some balls Stormy, or borrow your husbands, but do something about your life... you are worth more than just being a slave to illness....your son deserves a mom that is not teaching him to do things in life out of guilt.... and I hope Conner doesn't end up resenting you for not putting him and his dad first.... strong words here Stormy, but also said with love and worry that you are disappearing before our eyes... into that fog of caregiving that changes us forever and not always in a good way....
Just some things to think about.... and if you don't go on that vacation with your son and husband, I hope you don't tell us about it... I will be so upset for Conner that I will find it hard to keep posting to you.... I know your mom is no longer here to help you with this... but you have a whole bunch of mom's here that are willling to wallk you thru standing up for yourself and your relatiionship with your son.... I know how terrifiying it can be, the first time I really stood up to my dad, my arms went numb, literatley, my head was buzzing, I couldn't breathe, and I am not making this up.... but it is the best thing I ever did... I saw that I lived thru all the fear, the fear of someone being upset with me, the fear of taking responsibility for myself....I could no longer play the 'blame game', if I was so unhappy with what was going on, I needed to change some things... and guess what, I survived, he survived, and I had a hard fought and won freedom that no one could GIVE me. I am sorry you are in this situation, but nothing changes until something changes... my intention here is not to fuss at you, or make you feel bad, but I would have regrets in my own life if I didn't share this with you.... if you don't or can't change things, I'll still love you, and care that your life is what it is...but I think you need a good dose of self respect..... and that has to be earned... it is not a given.... so with all that being said, prayers sent for you to at least take that much needed vacation and have some fun for a change.... angels to help lighten your load....
s
Sun is shining here and will be in the 50's.....supposed to go see the col today but think I will stay home while Target goes and do some baking. She's mad at me anyway....her first phone call yesterday resulted in her getting mad because I wouldn't rush to the NH to bring her home....after all Target is a doctor and can do anything........the second call last night...she refused to talk to me....resulted in her telling Target that there's no reason he can't fix what's wrong with her. This conversation went on while she was drinking a glass of brandy...yep standing orders for alcohol at night.....but the nurse and I discussed trying Seroquel so will call the doctor on Monday. Going to take her off Namenda and Aricept..costing her too much each month out of pocket and for what? Neither one does squat for memory so why bother putting more chemicals in her?
starri.....omg they were twin Mom's!!!!! Anything that came out of a box, wrapper, package of any kind was saved. That must be where I got my throw away attitude....there isn't much I keep.
stormy.....maybe you're not dealing so much with depression as you are anxiety and that's why you aren't feeling better. Treated differently. At least you recognize your feelings and know you should do something. And remember....we can't allow guilt to rear it's ugly head....don't put away your family plans, they are important and your immediate family must come first. So make your plans for Disney....I think they have been running some specials so get them while you can...sis and bro will suck it up and take over where you are absent. If I remember correctly, sis got the opportunity for a few days at the beach with short notice to you and you stepped up to allow her the chance to go. Is there a calendar on the wall at Dad's where everyone can see future plans? We kept one for the col so there wasn't any doubt.....put one up, put your dates away on it and everyone can see you will be gone and plans for Dad's care can be worked around that. It's not as hard as you think to stand up and say no.....the world won't collapse in on itself....I've discovered that lately with the col....just say no.
starri.....you're going to take away my vision of ladee sitting on her special seat with an umbrella in her hand...:)....but I do like your plans for getting out and just think about all the rocks you girls can put in the back of the truck.....
Well it looks like my day of baking has been shot to hell.........Target woke up with gout in both feet so it looks like I will be doing the running today, so instead of finishing this I must hit the shower and get busy.
Wishing a peaceful day filled with love for all you angels........
Happy Trails,
Jam
I look a lot like Mom, my baby brother really does, lol.. Thankfully I haven't acquired many of her habits.. Jam I did find doll heads, paper towel rolls, toilet paper rolls, Styrofoam balls and cones. Lets not forget the croissant boxes, lol. More beads and bottles of paint than you can shake a stick at. Oh, found boxes of packing peanuts, she thought that in her crafting she might have a need for them, I read your post and thought Oh, My God, Mom had a twin..she didn't know about rofl..
It sounds like we've all managed to find and remember something that gives us pleasure. Hold on to those little things, and if your "life" caring for your loved one has gotten to the point that you have forgotten to do them, start again, nothing says you can't.
Jam, I will do my best to send you some of this wind we have here to blow those leaves away from the fence if you promise to keep it.. We've got a lot of work to do in the next few days. Kinda hard to work outside when you have sand blowing in your eyes. OWHN ( I love that Ladee and am stealing it, kinda like the COL) is fighting a ear infection and wants to be a pain in the ass about going to see the doctor. Won't take long, won't cost a thing, but he wants to be a pain about it. I threatened him with a ambulance last night. We'll see how he is feeling today, if he's still not well, like it or not he's going to the hospital. Last time he wanted to argue with me about going, he ended up spending a week in ICU with septis. You know the marriage vows "for better or Worse, in Sickness and in Health?" well, I've covered all those now..lol.. including putting diaper cream in places that have not seen it since before he could walk. I thought my therapist was going to fall out of the chair when I told her about that.
195Austin, I am glad as well to hear that someone else likes to stomp the fall leaves.. OWHN looks at me like I've finally lost hold on my last bit of sanity. I keep reminding him, I'm crazy and have the paperwork to prove it. You'd think a 3 inch folder from Mental Health would do the trick...lol..
Stormy, I believe it was you who was talking about anti depressants, go get you some more. This job is enough to get anyone depressed, and there is nothing wrong in asking for help.
Ladee, your sculpting? What about making that head look like someone you know and then beating the snot out of it.. lol, might just make you feel better. Release some of that frustration. What about asking her daughter or son if you can take him to the Senior Center for a while, isn't it him that you are caring for to begin with? to bad you can't hog tie her and throw her in the trunk and take her too, getting out of the house and having someone to talk to might make her feel better as well. It is weird but the guy that we bought this motorhome from told us before he sold it that he had put sealant on the roof for protecting it, guess what? he has 3 gallons of the stuff that he is suppose to be dropping off at Glenn's sisters for us. I'll make sure he does, and you start looking around for someone younger than us to be climbing up on top. In the mean time, get your butt to the nearest hardware store, walmart or dollar store that you have around and get yourself a couple of tarps and some bungee cords, the tarps can be put over the top and secured with the bungee's to help keep down the damage. Rope or clothes line will work as well. I've used clothes line in re-screening a door. Ya got'd do what you got'd do..
Getting rid of Glenn isn't going to be a problem, there are new roads for him to explore on the bike, he likes to stay in his lounge chair and not to mention the fact that we won't be in the same park together, so I just take the truck and come on over, actually the truck might be a good thing, it's 4 wheel drive.
I want to get on the road so bad.. but I have to be patient, Glenn's already agreed with me, that holing up in TX for a month or so is going to be a good thing..lol.. We might have to over night the paperwork on the motorhome to a friend so that he can get it registered for us.. tag's go in april. Anyway, been working on this for over a hour now.. need to send it before it's too big
Hugs all
Notlike- Thank you for the blessings I know i need them.
Jam- I am sorry but i feel that i am already at the very resentful point. I wish that i wasn't cause i do not know what to do with all these emotions and feelings. When i was so depressed before and had to get on the antidepressants, i was feeling the same way and the pills kinda helped take that away, but the feelings have resurfaced again. And hubby and i have talked about carrying connor to disney world in may for a week. And then the guilt of having to leave sis here to take care of him hits me in the face. Then having to think about a schedule for everybody for that week. And seeing if they will stay with him. Just everything seems like a hassle. I'm just scared that one day i am going to end up hating him and i don't want that. And sis will not get anymore help in there, she would rather me stay there and let resentment turn into hate, just to keep dad happy. Cause i believe he just wants me and sis to take care of him. No one else, no outsiders.
Ladeee- like your idea of running away and meeting. And i don't know what we are going to do with the guilt and shame feelings. I guess we could figure it out together. Love and hugs everyone, thanks for all the suggestions stormyyyy
Stormy - many, many blessings to you this coming year. Take just one day at a time. You will not get your days off back, so try to relax and enjoy them. Your days with Dad will come on their own, without you worrying about them.
Stari - I love puddles and rain and catching snowflakes on my tongue! You are so right! Hugs.
Jam-dance all you want :) Fluries are pretty and don't make a mess. LOL
The floor did not get mopped today, oh my. Instead, hubby and I moved closets around and the kitchen floor was the staging area. I just finished putting the stuff away and we're not mopping tonight. Dad said that there's always tomorrow for mopping...he really gets how things work around here :)
I did take Dad out to do a bit of grocery shopping. All Mom said to him was "Don't buy alot of stuff." She's really tired from chemo this week, and it shows. Dad and I have alot of fun shopping together, and she doesn't like that. I feel bad she is worn out, but he needs to get out sometimes, so that's the way it is. I offered to bring her lunch and make her dinner, so she has nothing real to complain about.
Mirrors are not my friend either. I see my mother's face. And traces of that younger girl. I know it feels like surviving, but it really is living. The care you give, the warm blanket you curl up in at night, a good cup of soup, a smile from a stranger when you're running errands - that's real. Real life. The rest is just baggage to make us appreciate the real. And I think losing idealism is the price of wisdom. Wisdom is better - it doesn't take as much energy as idealism. :)
Good night, and better tomorrows.
Night everyone.
And I don't think I needed feedback as much as I needed to know I am not alone in my thinking... I know what I have to do... I've been digging myself out of holes my entire life... just goes with the territory....
And Stormy, I so relate to you... being the youngest no one thinks we have a brain cell or a voice...it's hard to stand up for yourself in these situations... family dynamics are stronger than us sometimes...guess one day you and I will meet on the hiway when we both decide to run away from home..... I'll have my cat, a few clothes and the rest will be art supplies, piled in my car.. You'll have Conner, the puppy, lots of clothes and we'll both have the same look on our faces.... WE DID IT!!!!!!! Then we can help each other thru the guilt and shame.... lol....
And Starri, there hasn't been a dry leaf here in weeks.... it we hear anything 'crackling' it's lightning, followed by thunder...wouldn't be so bad if my house wasn't so tiny and there wasn't leaks in the roof... and we all live so close together here, it's not about opening the curtains.... it's like the commercial, we can reach out and touch someone... I'll be ok once I get to go on the back roads... and everyone is so looking forward to spring... not summer, but spring.... with all this rain the wildflowers are going to be overwhelming... hopefully Starri, you will be getting here about that time....
Starri when you get here, we'll plant something... mostly we'll be planting our butts in lawn chairs and getting caught up....but it will be so goooood to have another woman to talk to.... OWHN ( I call her husband old what's his name) will just have to find him something to do..... maybe him and my son can whine and piss and moan together and leave us alone..... I do know the backroads here, he'll never find us.....
So with all that being said, I am going to work on my "head" that I am sclupting.... it is starting to reflect my mood, she is a tad disgruntled, but that's what art is, speaking from your soul....
Hope everyone has a DAY, whether it be good or not...and also hope we start getting more posts as this life is hard enough without having to do it without our friends... it's ok if you aren't in a good mood, not grateful today, tired, back hurting, frown on your face.... hopefully we are in this together....
love and hugs....
t
Lots of winter blahs here......I've always said "we never grow up....we just learn how to act in public".......don't you just want to do something outrageous occasionally to shake people up? The last several days have gotten very oppressive for me also and I find I'm tired of having to make phone calls, fill out paperwork, make decisions on things, worry about insurance and SS and Medicare, pay bills, in short I don't want to play adult right now..........I've got plenty of dead leaves in my yard, but darn it I have to rake them away from the fence first and this old body doesn't have the back to do that. That's why notlike is getting flurries with the sunshine.....can't do an effective snow dance...:)
stormy....I know this is hard on you, heck it's hard for those of who have raised kids and are 20 yrs older than you......can you take a break? Hire someone to come in and stay with Dad for a week and give yourselves a mini-vacation. You have to do that sometimes before you become very resentful. You might also talk with Dad and let him know he MUST wear the mask to keep all the goobers from plugging up his trach.....otherwise when he becomes so occluded you have to call for ambulance, it means hours in the ER doing what could have been done easily by you.
starri's suggestion is excellent..........throw open the curtains and drapes....get some fresh air if possible.....buy some fresh flowers to put on a table, little things like that can pick up your spirits. I keep Walmart fresh flowers in the center of my dining table......$10 every couple of weeks is well worth the benefits I get from seeing the flowers.......puts a little life into an otherwise dreary day.
ladee.....sounds like you are feeling better and that you also need a break....so glad starri will soon be there to give you some diversion. I look in the mirror and see my Mom staring back at me....oh Good God just don't let me start to act like her! While married to her last husband she got very "crafty" as in arts and crafts....she would save everything and I mean everything because maybe she could use it to make something.....from popsicle sticks to toilet paper rolls to cotton out of pill bottles......when her things were brought down here from Michigan after her husband passed away, I found a box of doll heads.....rather spooky looking things. For years myself and my siblings talked about the time Mom got into this painting mode and before she was done, every floor, molding, trim, stairs, railings all were painted brown....might as well have moved outside and lived in a dirt hole........so I pray that her paint gene didn't get passed onto me also....:) My Dad always said he felt like he raised 6 kids instead of 5, but now that I look back, maybe she was a lot smarter than I thought!
Sending love and hugs to all of you today!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Ladee dear, what is stopping you from walking in the rain? from finding that mud puddle and stomping your way through it? I watch people as they run through the rain, racing to their cars so they don't get wet, do they not realize that they get wetter than that in the shower? their clothes get wet in the washer? lol, take a umbrella if you want, but get out of the house.. might even help the headache.
There is nothing saying you can't go for your dreams, do your art and find yourself a local art gallery or consignment shop and put them there.. I am sure that somewhere among the cattle ranches and the oil wells, there is a artist colony in TX.
The nice thing about our age? We now have the "wisdom" to MAKE our dreams happen.
Stormy, the path ahead you are taking is going to be a tough one. it sounds like you need something as well to cheer you up, is dad's house dark and dreary? If it is, open the curtains, get light and air in there. You might not be able to open the windows and doors, but you can get bright pillows and throw rugs. he won't wear his humidifier mask? Can you stash a humidifier machine somewhere in the room? Go to the store and find yourself some aroma therapy, lavender, will help you both relax. As for dad letting you suction him? can his doctor explain why that needs done?
Find something to help cheer you up as well. While you might not be able to go out in the yard and get dirty, a window or glass door and some pots will help you have a garden. Chia has these little herb pots you can grow now..
Ya'll talking about gardens is making me home sick.. lol, I want to plant a garden, see my fish pond.. we have a friend feeding the fish so their not starving.. Bet my birds think I've deserted them though, I am not there to fill the bird feeder. Nothing like having a cardinal sitting on a snowy branch staring in the house at you to make you feel guilty for not having been out and filling the feeder. I don't know if I posted it on my face book page, but I have a picture of 3 of them doing that, I felt so bad...lol, promptly went out and filled the feeder.
All this "togetherness" hubby and I are having in our travels, have just about got us at each others throats.. He was telling me yesterday about a couple he knew that were married for 30 years, she had him retire early, they set off traveling and were divorced in under a year.. told him I believe we'd better go home before we ended up in divorce court. Think South Carolina still has a cooling off period before they grant a divorce, have to be separated for a year before you can get rid of each other.
Everyone, get out of the house for at least 5 minutes today if at all possible. Winter gets everyone down.
Big Hugs to all
Night everybody. Keep safe
Those poor guys worked in the pouring rain today, mud up to thier knees trying to get finished with the new water line... doesn't do me any good, I have no running water in the house... poor guys, wish I had thought to buy some beer when I was out today.... I sure would have given it to them.....I fussed about all the noise they made, but felt so bad for them working so hard in the mud and rain..... Hopefully they are finished... and it's Friday, so I can sleep in in the morning...
Started feelling better around three this afternoon.... just wish the headache would go away and I'll be as good as a 61 yr. old can be....
Wanted to share something I thought about today, and I know many of you will relate....I was brushing my hair today to go to the store, and realized how seldom I look at my face in the mirror... when I do, I see many more wrinkles than last year... last year was long and rough...but I also think I don't look to closely because I don't want to see what my physical self has become, from the young woman that had so many hopes and dreams, and now I am simply and old lady working to survive, simple goals of paying the rent and taking care of my car.... I don't think I was sad as much as dissapointed that I didn't try harder to realize some of my dreams... but I also know I didn't have the wisdom I have now to get it done... in some ways, some goals can still be reached, like having my own business of making and selling my art work... but just wonder where that young woman is, is she still in there with all her idealism, her being naive about how the world really works....I know she never imagined the trials she would have, but I know she has always been a survivor.... I just so want to LIVE for a change, and not just survive..... it is making my soul so weary.....
As I said, I know many of you will relate and I don't mean to be a Debby Downer, but wanted to share my thoughts with ya'll... deep breath, one foot in front of the other, onward thru the fog, love and hugs....