This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The other day my mother called from the nursing home and left a message on my voice mail that she wanted to know what my plans for moving were. What? I don't have any plans for moving myself or her for she is in a good nursing home and her husband can visit her everyday. When I visited her, she did not say a thing about my plans for moving. So, I did not bring the question up. She did ask about her brother who died two years ago. When I reminded her of his death and my bringing her a CD of his funeral, she remembered that he was dead. She said that she had forgotten only temporarily. She's lost tract of time for she thinks it is time to go Christmas shopping and wanted some money so that she can go shopping next week and she thinks by then she will be ready to get out of there. This is so sad for she cannot even get out of bed on her own. Upon, visiting my step-dad, he told me that she might even forget that I visited her today when he sees her in the morning for he's noticed quite an increase in her bad vs good days as far as her thinking goes. For right now, she knows who we are, but she might reach the point where she does not remember us.
Changing the subject, I went to see my sleep apnea doctor and she said my machine needed to be reset in light of what I told her I'm experiencing with my current machine. Instead of getting another sleep study, she gave me the option of borrowing a CPAP that automatically senses what you need to keep breathing while you are sleeping. I'm using this for two weeks and then we should know what my machine needs to be set to.
If the setting on the CPAP turns out not to be the problem to my not having the energy that I need to get through the day, then my psychiatrist is prepared to increase my anti-depressant and if that does not work take me off of nuvigil which is not working and put me on something stronger. I somewhat think that is where we will end up. I will see him on the 22 of February. My new lab results should be in by then also, but I doubt they will show much.
I am glad to learn that we now have an endocrinologist moving into our city for ours left several years ago and I have been having to go out of town for mine. Now, I can have this tended to here which is great given the price of gas.
Thanks for letting me get it out of my head this morning..... maybe I won't be feeling sorry for myself as the day goes on..... love you all and prayers and angels
Even though the patients take the Ativan..I think it is for us!! Lol!
Jam..prayers for you guys too...know your hearts are heavy.
Ladee Lou..hope you are better.. Hate this weather..hot cold ..get sick! Ughhhh
Well yesterday I ended up in the emergency room. I was having pain in my shoulders and a burning sensation across my chest. So better to be safe so I had hubby take me in. I ended up getting admitted and they ran a stress test. I couldn't get my heart rate up to where they wanted it to be. I have this dang brace I wear for my dropped foot and couldn't walk as fast as the treadmill was going. They couldn't find anything on the stress test and said it was skeletal problems and released me and said if the pain worsens to come back into the er. I called into work yesterday for today since I didn't know how long that I would be grounded for. I gotta call my manager and see if I still have to manadatory training tomorrow. I was having the same pain I had about a month before I had my heart attack. I go back to see my cardiologist next month. I'm thinking that I really need to take a leave from work to see what the heck is going on with me.
ASG....didn't see that on CNN, but sounds interesting......
Good luck to everybody! I'll give you a new snow bulletin tomorrow.
ASG.....isn't it funny how they can stand in front of you with this look of innocence, denying they fell, while they are turning black and blue? Hope the HH aide works out well.
lirp....is sis taking Mom to Florida permanently or just for a while? Yes, you are correct with mono.....nasty little condition and so many poo-poo it off like it's nothing.
austin.....the house isn't THAT clean..... it wouldn't pass the white glove test by a long shot. There's places in this house that would run screaming if I showed up with a dust rag in hand.....there's corners I haven't seen for a long time.....:)
The col is still trying to get us to bring her home....she sounds so pitiful and whiny...she's trying every angle she can to get us to do what she wants. I hate telling her no, but trying to reason doesn't penetrate.
I just got my March Family Circle magazine today and it has a good article in it about memory.....what's normal with aging and Alzheimer's.
Happy Trails,
Jam
Love the name. I joked with my hubby one day asking him if he thought the ativan was prescribed for the nurses or the patient
Sorry to hear about Aunties fall, and thank goodness you are finally getting some help..... I know that is going to help out a lot..... give you a much needed break, especially this summer with the kids out of school....
Seeme, loved what your sister sent.... but most of us are not 'into' sharing....... just grateful we have some....
Will check back in later....
Hi Vickie Vic.... more later, hugs.
Jam and Ros- Well i feel better today thank the Lord. I just hope whatever it was has now passed on. Thanks for the concern.
Ladee- Glad that you and Sonny had a good laugh at the head bangers. I can't say a thing cause i used to be one of the groupies. Loved me some head banging music. But that was yearssssss ago. I can definetely see where sonny would think where do they find these people at?
Asg- glad to hear that you will be getting some help for your aunt now. But sorry about the fall. I hope you get a good nurse too!!
Well hubby was in pain last night. His knee has been bothering him for a week now and last night he decided to go to the dr today. They said that it was inflammed and that he could have a torn meniscus. Or it could be just inflammed. He goes for a mri saturday and doc has taken him out of work until then. Then he goes back tues for the results. Ok Jam- you are the emt/dr in the ac family. What happens if this thing is torn? Love and hugs stormyyy
Maire got her hair cut and a new perm and she was a little perkier when she got back....Sonny spent 20 minutes trying to explain to me how the place his is "staying" is going to be changing... he kept sweeping his arm and trying to show me where things were going to be different... my laugh with him for the day came when I took a break and sat by him on the couch....there was a local news station on and they feature local muscians, this particular group, one had dreds, one had on neon red leather pants and hair out to here....they were jumping all over the place, the guy with the dreds was swinging his head and they were head banging the music, Sonny looked over at me and said in a very sarcastic voice, " well I could just listen to them until the cows came home"..... I roard with laughter..... see why I put up with Maries mood swings.... Sonny is my sweetie....and we do spend time laughing... and every now and then when Marie can't hear him he'll look at me and say, " that one there is a mean one"..... and ya'll know I am loving that.....so in order to be able to share this part of Sonny's life, I tolerate the other stuff... there is no perfect situation, no where on earth... so I enjoy Sonny and take the rest in stride.....
Hope you new ladies come back and visit..... we always have room for more....
Ro, here in Texas we all wear boots... cowboy and cowgirl boots... it's not the rain, it's the crazy hot one day cold the next weather.... and we are all needing some sunshine.....grey is wearing us down....
I will hurry up and get my clothes out of the basket while the Diva is laying on her bed.... she won't bite me if I don't bother her.... our attitudes are very much alike... love ya'll have a good day and sending angels to help you with the hard parts....
A BIG welcome to eln and baumgark.......it sounds like you can fit in here very well....for the most part we all have limited outside contact with the real world and function on a level of exhaustion. Come back and visit with us....we'll leave the light on.
notlike.....I lived and breathed that darn scanner for 25 yrs and even though I tell Target I'm sick of hearing it, these ears perk up when that tone goes off. Glad to hear your ankle is healing.....I always told Target he would be in a mell of a hess...:) if something ever happened to me!
stormy....sounds like you have a virus...sometimes they affect people differently. As for the other....wellllllllll girlfriend....remember that most of here are way past that and now we can poke fun at you....hugs sweetie...:)
ladee.....I am so paranoid about picking up a germ that when I walk into Walmart I won't touch a cart until I wipe it down.....for a couple of weeks they didn't have any wipes out so I got my bottle out of my purse.....thank you Bath and Body Works.....people look at me funny....but then maybe that's because I look funny.....hope you start to feel better soon and Diva gets into a better mood...my goodness!
Vic.....I thought I was the Queen of Furniture Moving.....I accede to you...............
Looks like the temps today will be the last of moderate weather....going to be in the 20's in a couple of days....winter is here and my green grass and daffodils won't like it. You're right Ro....we need every snowflake and ounce of rain we can get. When I was looking at your pics and showing them to Target, he wants to know if the snow adversely affects the olive trees or if they do just fine.
House is clean, laundry done so today Target wants me to make him another apple crisp...found a simple recipe that is so good...then going to make some pillows for the col's couch and hot glue ribbon to the plain white lamp shade....then I need to decide what color to paint the table the tv sits on and Luther Burbank's sisters table......both apricot....both blue...or one of each......
Talked with the col yesterday and now it's become "I want to go home" over and over......I explained to Target that he needs to redirect her.....he is feeling so bad for her. I have taken a step back, but he isn't able to.
Hope you all have a great day....will check back in later.....
Happy Trails,
Jam
Baum, I understand so much what it means to be out of the normal world. I am starving for human contacts and I chat with any person I meet the few spare hours I have in my day.
Jam, snow is good after all.... When it snows, spring is richer!
Stormy it seems you have gotten Connor's virus. Brain fog? It is my normal state of mind, even before I started to live with my mother.
Notlike, I stole the Churchill quote and I posted it on Facebook. Maybe it is better your parents, and your father in particular, don't understand the situation as it is. Maybe it will help them live better the rest of their life.
Vic, so you have an Italian last name!!!!!!!! Yes I bet you eat well at your home, a mix of Italian and Center American. Yum!
Ladee maybe you got a cold because of the rain. You have to wear always boots and never stay with your feet wet!
'night everybody
i'll get caught up tomorrow, don't feel good, going to bed...ttyl... love and hugs..
Rossel - I am still laughing at your Robocop comment :)
Ladee - Are you feeling better? Sending you chicken soup and hugs.
Jam-Why do we put ourselves through things like listening to the scanner? Remember, we are all there in spirit listening with you. Hugs.
Most of the time. I feel zombified and foggy, too. Part of my brain is always thinking about Mom and Dad, part wonders what important things I've forgotten to do, and what's left just isn't enough to think straight with for the whole day. Winston Churchhill said "When you're going through hell, keep going," so that's what I do.
Mom had chosen not to choose right now. She has another CT scan on Friday, then we meet with the docs again next week. Those results could change what they offer her. So I think she's being wise, not picking right now. On the other hand, she seems to be leaning toward doing the radiation. I hope she doesn't get too sick. She lost 5 pounds and got dehydrated just having a cold and sore throat. Week after week of radiation sickness could really hurt her. We were able to talk about it somewhat last night. She didn't get mad at me, but I could see her starting to tense up while we talked. I'm letting it go for now. She doesn't even have to chose next week, and things could look different anyway after the scan. The hard part was talking to Dad. I asked him what he thought about the whole thing, and he said since it would make Mom better, she should do it. I don't think we were listening to the same doctor! It broke my heart to explain to him that it's not a cure. This isn't the first time he didn't understand the reality of what the doctors were saying, and it probably won't be the last. It's not the docs fault - my parents hear what they want to hear. Hope is good, but false hope isn't easy for me to deal with at home. Thank you for your comments and wondering how it was going. I think this is just another chapter in this whole book. And I'm pretty sure I know the ending.
I graduated myself from an ace bandage to my ankle brace today. I hate wrapping ace bandages! And it's sore, but getting better. I can walk for quite a bit before it starts to hurt. Improvement, yeah!
Good night all. We used to have a news anchor here who ended the 10 o'clock broadcast with "Good night and Better Tomorrows." I don't think he's mind if I borrowed that.