This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Glad you guys like the pic of parents. It was taken year and a half ago when mom turned 90! Dad was doing pretty good that year and was released from hospice.. They both still look pretty good though! Dad will be 87 in June ...mom 92 in July!
Dads cheek is still red and has this 1/2 in diameter hole..redness around but looks better today. Just going to take time to heal. Yesterday dad had another procrit shot. Think one more befor we see doc again in March. He looks better and with the melatonin sleeps some better... Mom had her monthly protien test for blood thickness since she is on Coumadin. It was perfect..and I was even the little hostess as I made spaghetti.. Ro, dad is first generation american on dads side and secon d on his mothers. Grandpa was from northern Rome and Grandma was from Sicily! And my mother became a US citizen..she is from Costa Rica. So we have a very diverse eating style!!! Haha. My uncle once had family tree done..never did get to read because the one mom had borrowed was in Spanish! Course all I speak is American...hahaha my understanding though that the Baglioni I Hotel in Rome are some distant relations....they must have been the rich ones..oh well.
Well....today the cleaning lady is here..been a busy morning before she came as we had to get the house "straightened"! See Baumgark...aaaarrrrgggghhh....
Oh yea..my mom had bought new living room furniture a ear or so ago..and of course dads recliner had to be replaced as well. The new one..he has always slipped out frm and sits low ..well anyway hubby and I took the old chair to our house and had been talking about bringing it back here to see if dad sits better. Weeeelllllllll....yep got a wild hair up my behind! I go get it rearrange living room but can't move the new one to our house cause it doesn't come apart and is heavier...so I bring it to my bedroom here at moms...well had to rearrange ts room! Mom DID NOT like it cause I moved the chest of drawers and put tv on top so that I could put chair on my side of bed....she said it looked terrible!! Soooo, this morning before cleaning lady comes I swap the end table that is on hubby's side with chest of drawers.... Mom is happy and I am sore as heck.. Still have to swap out stuff in drawers..but have a week before hubby comes home....
Was going to make shrimp creole tonight for dinner...think they will get a frozen pot pie instead!
Stormy so sorry you and sis have brain fog..probably stress and lack of sleep and a regular routine.... Hope you all can catch a break soon.
Notlike ...glad birthday celebratin was good and happy! Hope you guys can have a good discussion with moms treatment.
Jam..hubby had the snow yesterday too..only a couple of inches and it melted pretty quick..now he is complaining of it being cold and rain coming in. Poor sweetie..I do ask him if he needs me to call the waymbulance!! So sorry about COL' decline.. Praying for her and you all.
Ro..I get so tired of hearing my an,e and you are right we have to be the fastest pee ers on earth! Wish mom could go outside but glad you can get out there.
Dear ladee...hope you get to feeling better...take OTC drugs!!... Chicken soup and sleep! ..sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Woke up to a dusting of snow on the deck.....didn't think I would see any of that this year. As soon as the sun comes out that will disappear.
ladee.....don't you wonder if Marie will get meaner as she ages......I wish she felt better, then she might be in a better mood. Hope you get to feeling better.....I hate colds!
Ro......very beautiful photography of the snow but I so wish for warmer weather for you. From what I have been reading the winter is devastating for Europe and Asia. I read why this is happening which was interesting....has to do with a certain Arctic wind pattern. This time last year we were digging out of 3' of snow....this year the grass has been turning dark green and my daffodils are up about 4 inches and daily temps in the 50's and 60's.
notlike......so happy Mom's birthday celebration was good....doesn't that make your mind rest? Decisions, decisions painful to make....please let us know how things progress with Mom and Dad.
Vic....yes I also love seeing the pics...helps so much when you are writing about Mom and Dad to have that visual in my head. Sometimes take-out is such a life saver......Zoey did crockpot last night, waiting to see how it was....:)
burned....all that paperwork is a royal pain in the butt...once you get it done though you can sit back and relax and be a good momma.
Talked with the floor nurse yesterday at the NH....they are putting an elopement alarm on the col's wheelchair. So far she hasn't attempted to leave but she is talking about it all the time. Target is praying her Alzheimer's doesn't deteriorate into her sitting in the corner and hollering all the time to go home. He is having a hard enough time dealing with her decline as it is. We still listen to the scanner constantly and I just heard the ambulance go out for a fall at her NH.....this is what we deal with now. When that happens I wait to see if the phone will ring....did that same exact thing when my mom was still alive and living there.
Have a great day.........will check in later!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Prayers for everyone today, and thanks Jam for telling us all we are worthwhile women and men, we need to hear that sometimes.... a boost in the joy department.... hope everyone and thier loved ones have a good day...
Ro, you are taking some awesome pics..... enjoy what you can of the snow and the dogs look they are enjoying it too... sorry mama is calling you a million and one times a day.....too bad she just wont set in that wheelchair, then she could be where ever you are....
notlike, let us know if any decisions have been made in regard to your moms treatment options....
Vic... arent' we lovin' being humans..... sucks sometimes doesn't it...
Ok, going to go see if Marie is in a better mood today... don't feel good so will fly under her radar today...she is going to the beauty shop for a perm and haircut, so Sonny and I will set on the couch and stare out the window....
love to everyone....
The snow was melting and I hoped we would come to an end of this, but it seems another snowstorm is arriving, which means one more week or 10 days of this life! Geez I love snow. I enjoy my walks with my dogs and they are crazy with joy. But I would like to find a way to have snow and a normal life in the same time.
And you are just precious is what you are..... I know you have a very strong faith and I take out a little loan every now and then... when my bucket is empty, I know you have a little extra.... love and hugs to you.....
We do this because there is something inside us that guides us to help others and love...thank you for everything you have given me..when you. Vent rant and rave when you tell happy stories and little milestones...it makes it better for all of us to carry on. We are in this together and have formed and forged friendships though hardships..God Bless you all
Let us know what is decided, prayers for all of you....
Very happy to hear her bday was fun for everyone.... In case this is the last one, I am happy it was a good one and good memories for you....
How is your dad doing with his treatments...
I just don't know how you are holding it all together with all that is going on.... it just amazes me.... extra hugs for you... and glad you're walking better, stay off of it as much as you can...
take care, love and hugs...
Did have a nice birthday supper for Mom yesterday. Got her flowers and some crossword puzzle books. My nieces played her a little concert, including Happy Birthday, on videochat.
Not so gimpy today. My ankle is still swollen, but getting better.
I'll try and check in tonight after I see how Mom is taking all this.
And paid or not, we all have pretty much the same things that drive us insane or makes us worry..... Yes, this is a choice....
Marie is hurting today, she is always hurting somewhere... and man was she grumpy.... after she ripped Sonny's head off, instead of saying anything I just went to him and rubbed his back, showed him where his water was, showed him his pills... I could see her out of the corner of my eye, she looked ashamed.... first time I have seen that.... so I didn't say anything, just got Sonny settled and went on about my business... as the day progressed, when she saw I was going to ignore her bad mood, she got nicer..... sonny can't help the things he says or does, but she can... it does no good to talk to her, I've already tried that... so guess as the old saying goes, actions speaks louder than words... she was alot nicer to him as the day went on.... I can only imagine some of the things she says to him when no one is around.... I don't expect her to walk on eggshells with him, but he wasn't doing anything, it was just the mood she was in.....
So at least for a few hours a day I know he is safe, treated with respect and dignity, he will do anything I ask of him, taking the laundry hampers back to thier place... I have to go with him, and if he sets one down in the middle of the room he can't find it later.... bless his heart.... and yes he forgets about her outbursts a few minutes later, but at the time it hurts his feelings and embarrases him....
Alz leaAves them with no dignity.... it is up to those of us who care for them to provide that in meaningful ways.....I have taken care of some people who are so selfish, self centered, mean, physically abusive, ect... and Sonny is just a little sweetheart....so I am the one receiving the blessing here....
So no matter who we are, why we are doing what we do, we have to have each other.... I would be so lost sometimes if i didn't have you guys to talk to , laugh with, cry with.... so on those days when we are judging ourself too harsly, we need to give ourself some credit for still being there doing what we are doing...
love and hugs...
Sunday we did make it to church..but got take out as it is harder and harder to get dad in places. Yesterday..he had appt with ENT to get wax cleaned out of ears ..he did great..we have to do this about every three months ..they checked his hearing aids and off we went to dermatologist for a walk in..dad had a cancer on his check that was pretty bad underneath shin mor than on to...poor guy it was vet painful for him..he did pretty good last night except for the times he called me to find out what time it was..as he didn't want to ach for his clock and the time he wanted coffee and the times to tell me to take bandage off his cheek....oh well!! Lol he is pretty perky this morning...today he goes for another procrit shot. guess I will make lunch/dinner early so they can have their big meal at lunch time. They seem to do better that way...and I am not so tired...love and prayers to all.
Hope everyone has a good day.... quite here yesterday.... everyone trying to stay warm or dry or both...ready for some sunshine... grey days are getting old....
Ro, even tho this is your first snow in twenty odd years, you are one awesome photographer.....not everyone can take pics of snow and make them so beautiful..... hope you are staying warm and get to get mama out of the house soon.... at least push her chair outside the door for a few minutes so she can see the snow, then bring her back in....
Everyone else, let us hear from you so we know you are ok.... love, hugs and angels...
Have read back over some of the posts lately and I have noticed that even though everyone hits the occasional rough spot in their care giving....when each one of you closes your eyes at night you are still a loving, compassionate, supportive group of care givers who wouldn't trade what you are currently doing. And those who are not currently care giving wouldn't change a thing about the past. I am blessed to know all of you!
The col is on a campaign to come home. She has decided she has no friends, she is losing her identity, she is a prisoner and there is no reason she cannot come home. Her Alzheimer's prevents her from realizing that a wheelchair won't fit in her house and neither one of us can lift her. Her comeback is "you're a doctor, figure it out"......or "get stronger"......I'm just thankful she forgets in 2 minutes. I still expect at any time to get a call saying she went to sleep and didn't wake up.
Supposed to rain here today so don't know that I will get out and go anywhere.....maybe it's a good day to crochet and watch tv.....laundry done yesterday.........hope you all have a wonderful, peaceful day!
Ro..........I hope you are staying warm and safe.....have been thinking of you!
Happy Trails,
Jam
I have a quiet day ahead of me, got a little running around to do, but beyond that a lazy day... been having several of those.. Almost for a year now..lol, Glenn and I are going to be heading back to SC soon, if the situation with his Mom doesn't require us staying put on this side of the USA for a while. His step Sister is currently living with Mom and Mom's condition has been going down hill fast. Physical ad Mental, we believe it's the onset of AZ, she's having more and more problems being able to move around.
We're planning on stopping and seeing her again on our way out, Glenn and his Sister Kathy went up the other day. We'll stay over a couple of days on our way out of CA and then head for Surprise and then Giddings, we will make it to Giddings and then see if we need to head back this way or continue on to SC. Eventually we have to make it home, just not sure when, and what we are going to do when we hit there.
Hope that everyone has a wonderful day...
Now I may be an out of control freak by 9 am, but I am trying to start it with love and gratitude....hugs across the miles to you all....
Like Starri, it's just been a lazy day... cold here and that is unusual for us....
Have been working on a sculpture of a doll head, relaxing when I can be creative... haven't done anything like this in a long while....
It's not even 8 and I am ready to go to bed, but know I can't... I'll wake up at two in the morning and won't be able to go back to sleep....
I would find a place to watch the game if the Saints were playing... WHO DAT???
Hope everyone had a good day, love ya'll
It seems that everyone is having a better day, it's been a lazy one for me, haven't been doing much at all today, I'll be missing the "Big" game, we don't have a TV here in the motorhome, been without one since August, although we have had the opportunity to watch some when we either had a hotel or were at a friends house.
Even if we did have one, I don't believe it would be on the game..lol, I'm not a football fan and Glenn isn't a big one either. Give me the History channel or Animal Planet.
Back started acting like it wanted to go out, so I went down and soaked in the jacuzzi for a while, feels much better now, will miss having those available once we hit the road. Everything is looking good for a end of Feb, first week in March take off.. Big hugs everyone
Asg- I will try the jello trick, sounds good to me. Well i hope ya'll have a good super bowl day. Love and hugs stormyyy