This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
River, the ladies are correct.....we have all done it at one time or another....and usually from exhaustion.....if you were a bad person, you wouldn't care that you did it......and if she has dementia, she won't remember it. Take it easy on yourself....it just uses up more energy you don't have.
Angel, don't stop there......sounds like you have more to get out of your system. This is the place to do it......and include yourself in that blessing!!!!
Marie got in early today from having her transfusions, so got to get out of there, get a few groceries, and made it home before the rain started.... supposed to be some high winds and some hail later on tonite.... it is amazing tho ya'll. no one has yet to complain about the rain... when you have a half million acre wild fire ten miles from you, cracks big enough to fall into, and not a drop of rain in two years, we just think we are blessed..... not crazy about the high wind.... but am not complaining about the rain... they are saying if we can get another 8-12 inches we will be out of the drought..... first time in over three years.....
Sonny's new thing is hawking and spitting, I have to keep an eye on him when he starts, he will spit anywhere, washing machine, trash cans, flower pots... YUUUUK..... I'd rather wipe butts than clean up spit......
Ok, am winding down, will check back later...
Vic happy to hear you are feeling a little better....yeah, wouldn't that be something if you went ahead and went to the Dr... soon.... yeah, that would be great...(sarcasm).... I really think the new format should have emoticons.... don't ya'll??
later, love ya'll and Jam thanks for the love this morning, I know I needed it....
I'm thinking I don't much care for the "new" news feed. Too many steps to get where I need to be....and the news feed is backwards.....oh well....what's that saying about teaching an old dog.........lol
ASG......no offense to any of our nurses....some of my friends are nurses and you all have my admiration and respect.....but what does that woman think a nurse can do that a doctor can't? Is she talking about a nurse practitioner? Even then, they are limited as to what they can do and it all has to be on the doctor's approval.
notlike.....it's hard isn't it? It seems like no matter what you do sometimes it's never good enough. God willing, you will still be here when your Mom is no longer on this earth, but you won't be much good to yourself if you don't begin by putting YOU first sometimes. I found for myself, that I had to put up a bit of an emotional wall or I would go nuts. It's almost like a marriage ending....you have to create some distance. You are a good daughter and take good care of Mom and Dad....and work outside the home....you deserve a pat on the back.
Everyone gets a gold star for the day.......just because you're all special!!!!!!
It's raining here, thundering, the darn geese on the pond are driving me nuts....we have two that come back every year to lay eggs and if others come also it's terrible listening to them. Nothing scares the regulars.....guns, dogs, firecrackers...I fondly remember a few years ago when the Muscovy duck showed up and soon became a pet and would come up on the deck and sit in a row with the dogs to get a treat. And it would knock on the door if no one was out. I love the country!
The NH is going to work with the col again to see if they can get some improvement. We told them to go ahead and try, but it's doubtful there will be any change. She doesn't want anything except to come home. I would love to have her here, but I can't physically take care of her anymore.
I hope everyone starts to feel better...hoping the same for your loved ones...you ALL are special and are angels here on earth.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
So sorry everyone is having rough time. Jam ...we are never prepared...hate it for you guys. Notlike seemme said it well you wouldn't be bothered if you didn't care!! Do what you do best and take care of you! I always feel guilty when I look back and see I should have...well we are human and do the best we can ...at least that is what I keep telling myself!
We found a new caregiver who has lots of experience...she is a CNA and liked her personality ..it will take time for daddy to get used to her and The rest of us too. But I pray it works out. I really need a day a week. She will come tomorrow...will hang out close to home to help and advise if needed. Our caregiver that we have had..had her hours changed at another job and instead of asking or telling us that she could come on the Fridays but it would be less hours..just decided to pick up another lady.. She would only be able to give us every other Saturday.. Felt kinda hurt abut it but that is the way it is..she has to do what she needs to do. So..praise God that I was able to find this other lady pretty quick through a friend. Had to tell first caregiver that I wouldn't need her as we got someone.. She said no problem ..she has already picked up someone else...
Oh well all in the day in the life.
Daddy had a crappy day yesterday but he is still sleeping pretty good..starts getting pretty antsy early though..this morning he is already up ..his leg keeps going up and down like a twitch....poor guy. Wish I could fix him...
Today I am having a it party..won't last long as we have to go to the hairdresser.. Awe well.
Love and prayers for all of you and yours. Will write again soon.
Notlike.....I agree with Ladee......sometimes you have to detach enough and see the patient. It helps to free up your mind to see what is going on with her medically. Just remember you are not a doctor, and you can only do so much. I wore myself out trying to diagnose my mom. You aren't a doctor, and regardless of all that doctors can do, no one can stop any of us from dying. Just get rid of that notion now, cause it can haunt you later. You are doing a wonderful job. If you weren't, you wouldn't be so concerned about it.
ASG......Can I give the old biddy a raspberry for you??? hummm, I must be feeling spunky today.
Ladee, hope you don't have severe weather today....just saw your forecast.
Will talk to you all later. I have a smoke alarm beeping for a new battery and I don't know how long I can stand it......and I dread getting up 10 feet high to change it. What a wuss I am.
You have so much worry and unknowns in your life... you are an awesome daughter, don't ever ever forget that... regardless if she thanks you or not, I am thanking you for all you do, all you put up with....and I am giving you hugs instead of grief...... take care of yourself the best that you can.... hugs to you lady... and angels to help carry your load....
hadassah-I agree with you about Ladee's comment - it is the best way to survive most days.
Jam-sorry to hear the Col is worse. Hugs.
ASG - hold your ground! You are doing what's best, no matter what anyone says. Hugs.
Stressful day here. Mom was up early getting ready for her MRI, then wouldn't eat breakfast because her throat hurt too much. The whole left side of her throat was white. So I called the doc, and they got her in right after her MRI. They are so good about working things like that out! The nurse even called me back just to tell me it was all taken care of. They gave Mom an antiobiotic and a new nasal spray. Hopefully she will get better now.
Stressful for me, though. I called the doc and left a message at 8:02, then called again at 8:45. Called my Dad 3 times before he answered his cell - he screwed up the ringer and couldn't hear the phone. The nurse actually called the MRI department because he didn't answer. This whole time, I'm at work, stressing on if they could even see Mom today, if it would be while she was still there, and if Dad was going to answer. And my co-worker wouldn't shut up about mundane things and internet gossip! Argh! On top of it all, I was told before to quit treating Mom like a patient, and treat her more like family. So I've been asking her everyday how she feels, but not specific stuff like checking her throat or temperature. I figured a 73 year old woman who likes to be in charge would say something if she needed to see a doctor. Guess I figured wrong. I feel guilty, but also mad that she stared at me tonight while saying she wished she would have gotten this medicine sooner. All I said was Yes. I didn't want to go down that road. The last time I really asked her about her health before she had the cold, she screamed at me. It's a very fine balancing act between helping her and letting her be. I feel like I screwed it up this time, but also learned I'll have to be more forceful in asking her how she's doing.
Another big day tomorrow. Dad has treatment, then we see Mom's doc about her brain MRI from today. I think I need to get some sleep now :)