This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
"crispy".... so you are one fiesty little crispy critter.... love and lots of hugs...
Vic, thank you for the good wishes. We will go to dinner later at Red Loster, my choice. Three nights of sleep? Bet you didn't.....like I've said before, if they don't wake you up, you have to go check on them.
Mis, PLEASE take time for yourself. I had no idea how much I was affected by things until I went to visit Kathy's mom Saturday at the same NH/Rehab center my mom was in when she broke her hip. I swear I had PTSD when I walked through the front doors. Kathy talks about how tired she is after one week and it all comes back..........
Stormy, as soon as she bites, clamp her mouth shut until she squeals and say "NO BITE".....always worked for me, but she is going to go through that stage regardless. Watch Cesar Milan on NGO........love that man. Don't forget you have to be the "Big Dog"....Connor, too.
Starri, glad to see you posting. Going to Texas soon?
Ladee, I would feel demoted, too. Now that there is just housework for me, I don't want to do it. And I can find the damndest excuses not to dust..........I swear I'd rather take a beating.
Jam, you either have the best memory ever, or you have watched to see my profile flip to 60. That was one funny card. I played it loud so hubby could hear it........while he was in bed already. He worked last night again, so I will eb quiet all day.
Everyone make it the best day possible......ttyl
mis, take that time off !!!!! I would take a week myself if I could afford it, but I know hubby will be ok with it....he wants you around for many years to come....
Ok, am going to work today with a different attitude, housekeeper it is.... does that mean I don't get to post now??????
love hugs and angels... everyone have a safe day....
Oh and vic, Marie always did great on the procrit shots.... so hope dad continues to improve and you get some much needed rest yourself.... tell your sweet hubby hi for me.... love and hugs
Thanks again a great reminder and a way to asses our day honestly!
As for us..dad has had three decent day and nights...waiting for the bottom to drop out (how bad is that!). Looking to hope instead and praying he will just be comfortable and at peace with his limitations.
Naps...well we all had one yesterday after church and lunch! Pray we all have the best day and that we can be gentle and loving despite their crabbiness! Love and prayers
River thanks for posting your story about saying no.
I had no problems with that saying that word to grandma. She'd want to give our cat milk or something and I would say, No, daisy don't like that stuff and she only eats her cat food and drinks her water. Grandma would throw a tantrum and either storm off to her bedroom or threaten to hit me or threaten to kick my hubby and I out of the house. I tried not to take in personal but it was hard not too. Other family members would just let her have her own way and that it was the right thing to do. Or the many times when grandma wanted cookies for supper instead of a real meal. I knew it was the demintia talking and not the grandma that I knew. People would ask us sometimes if we had any kids. I'd pipe up and say sure we do we have an 80-something teenager at home our grandma. I miss her daily but I know grandma is in a better place and I do miss the caregiving part but I do like my freedom. Just the other day, I left the foot rest up on her lift chair and the hubby yelled at me, Put your foot rest all the way in. lol
Ladeeda hugs to you.
As for me, I'm doing alright. I may end up taking an unpaid temporary leave of absence from work with all of the stuff going on. I need to get my health back in order and taking care of me for a change. I haven't talk with the hubby about it yet but sure am going to. I just need that extra time to heal especially with the heart issues that I have and doing the normal working 5 days a week just isn't helping the stress level.
Hope everyone has a good week.
Ladee, what is out there for you is just waiting for you to see it.. it's there as sure as the sun is going to come up tomorrow. Things are letting up a little for me, while the stress isn't gone, it's better.
Ya'll were talking about feeling relieved when a person passed on, I will have to stand and admit that when my Mom's 2nd husband passed, I was ready to throw a party. I did buy a black cocktail dress to wear to the funeral. Would have danced on his casket had I not considered that really tacky. Sounds evil of me I know, but when someone has abused you for so long, you can understand.
I hope that all are having easy nights, Big Hugs.
Sorry Stormy, I am a cat person, but othes have dogs, they'll have suggestions I'm sure....
stormy I have some suggestions that you might try....how about I send you an email?
How did you find out to begin with that your mil had been hospitalized and had received EST????? That was the treatment back in those days....and if they weren't impaired in some way BEFORE they certainly were afterward.... make my heart sick to think about her going thru that, and then feeling the need to keep it a secret because of the shame.... let us know what you find out.....
Am going to get ready for bed, want to go now, but it isn't even 7 yet... I'll be up at 2 and then grumpier than usual....so am going to make myself stay up....
Everyone check in and let us know how your weekend went... love hugs and angels....
I've been doing a little research. My Mominlaw was a patient at st joe state hosp. in st joe ,mo, in about 1963 . She spent a year there and received over 100 electric shock treatments. My husband just remembers the arguing & her crying constantly. She's quite a powerful little personality. He never knew her diagnoses because his father acted like it never happened. (Common in that generation). Even her med doc had no idea what I was talking about. I'm in the process of attaining her mental health records . Had to go through the old instutution (now a museum) to get to records. Now hoping her doc will request them. Otherwise have to have her sign to get them, which will set off another mental frenzy! She subconsciencely covers that year will an imaginary trip around the world (& will tell you every detail of it, repeatedly). I have learned a lot about the brain damage the ect's ALWAYS cause. Knowing the horror she survived back then gives us more grace for her now. She was borderline genious before. She's so smart that she can make up a cover story that people believe! She had a lady from her church believing she had been to the vatican. When I told her she'd never left the country, I could tell she was suspicious of me! She checked it with my hubby & believes me now.
I've noticed too that the closer the conversation gets to revealing her mental illness, the more vicious her personal attacks get! I guess the best defense is a good offence! I ffeel like I may as well get a degree in phsychology, sometimes. Anyway I'm hoping to find out what her diagnoses was to know what I'm really dealing with. Also need it for family history for my kids & grandkids.
Since I'm stuck here with this virus, I've been able to spend time on it all. She is still congested & short of breath but no ffever & getting around ok. May call her doc tomorrow if not any better. Hugs to my fellow captives out there! :-)