This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Well I am back at the house of horrors!!!! For those of you that are new here that is what i call my dads house because we never know what he is going to cough up out of his trach. We have seen some pretty gross things come outta there. One time something looked like a little brain and the other time something that resembled a bats wing. Just never know over here.........
I will check back in later ya'll. Hope everyone has a great day!!!! love and hugs stormyyy
Night before last dad had a horrible night..he couldn't seem to relax ..I didn't get much sleep at all. Sat with him to help him early till he dozed off..then it was on of getting up every coup hours..then he called...he had to get up to make a phone call..eyes wide open wonder if he was really awake...sat with him for awahile again.....rough..anyway it was a fairly typical night. I let him sleep since he finally calmed and was not squirming or raising legs from one side to the other. ..ok so yesterday...early was another "normal" day...except that as the day went on he seemed a lot more clear headed and he didn't look as drawn and sallow. At lunch he joined in laughter as hubby was teasing mom and was able to add a sentence or two..by dinner he was ready to go to bed..starting to get antsy and squirmy...figured it would be another long night...but he went to sleep ..called a couple of times ..ialmost in time to pee..but he has stayed relaxed and calm in a good sleep. Yaay! Maybe the procrit is staring to help his body and maybe the melatonin is finally helping...
Course today is another day but I will take a good night any day!!
Time to catch up ...love and prayers
Ok, just another sh***y day in paradise....
love ya'll
Up early again with the dogs.....I so wish they would learn to sleep!
hadassah....... Sorry you are still feeling crappy, but glad you had the energy to make soup. And nothing tastes like the good homemade kind. Hopefully with some rest you will start to feel better.
ladee.....one day and then you can rest for a couple of days. I haven't looked at the weather this morning to see what you are supposed to get. Chance of rain here today although I don't know where it's going to come from.
Guess I will get my coffee and act like I want to do something today. Hope it's a great day for all of you.......with some fun thrown in to make it better!
Happy Trails,
Jam
zoey.....do you find after drinking one of those energy drinks, you crash? It seems like I read that somewhere. I've never tried one.....afraid I might miss some worm rest....lol
Was going to go see the col tomorrow but it appears the NH is in lock-down. They have the pukies making their way through the place and that's okay that they don't share it with me. I won't be offended.
Watching a show on tv that features the town where burned lives....there's not much but sand and cactus is there?
I hope everyone is having a good evening.....it's my time to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....Good night all!
Seemee- Thanks, I try to be good to her, she was the middle child and kinda got lost in between her sister and brother cause they both demand your attention. Her mom, my sil has always rave more about the other two kids. And she was just kinda left out.
Ladee- Thanks for posting a comment about the mural!!!!! Maybe she will stick with it now since she has seen that she done a great job. Plus she is planning on painting a picture frame around the mural so it will look like a real picture in a frame. And she still has got to paint the faces of jesus and the others in the boat.
C-mag- good luck with the new dr. I hope you have better luck with this one!!!!
Asg- girl you are too funny, I enjoy your comments and humor.
Well, for my day I had to carry dad to get his hair cut so we were going to his truck to get in and he had grabbed the keys. He was wanting to drive. I on the other hand did not want to ride with him. I thought that i was going to drive him. So i get in the truck thinking to myself WHY in the hell am i going if you can drive yourself. So I get in the truck and I normally put on my seatbelt but didn't today. We are going down the road and the next thing i know dad bout takes my head off with a mailbox. He is almost running off the road. And i'm about to S$#% in my britches. He was looking at some field. And he said i took my eyes off the road for a minute. This is why I do not like to ride with him. Thank God he doesn't ask to go riding much at all. So i was like when we get ready to leave from getting his hair cut my ass will have that seatbelt on. But i think he was starting to feel bad so he let me drive back to his house. I was singing praises when he told me to drive. And i needed a cigarette bad. Got one when we got back to his house. My nerves were shot. So that was my day. Nothing like a good old scare is there????? Love and hugs stormyyy
ASG, I am having a worm rest, now. I am crawling on the floor! I am tired. I would like to sleep, on the floor too. Like a worm, too.
After one month of doing-nothing I am working too much, but this how my job works. Next week I might have nothing to do, again. Of course if they propose me 7 translations in one week I have to do them all, because next week I could have none.
Night everybody
Burned, go out and get yourself a 5 hour little energy drink. Also get a Snickers bar Seriously. It will work. Someone told me that, so I did and it gave me that extra boost!!! enjoy,especially the candy bar
Seeme, no not really having any problems, and never with the daughter... she is so burnt out with her mom, she appreciates what I do... Marie is depressed... understandbly so, but she gets really hateful when she's like this....I finally told her today that maybe I just needed to go home as it seemed I was getting on her nerves.... this was BEFORE lunch, so I knew she would straighten up some.... she said no, she was just tired....but she did stop snapping my head off.... I really knew she wasn't going to let me go home, but I've learned how to deal with her mood swings....by me saying it that way, it didn't come across as ' bitch what is your problem" which is what I was thinking.....Just like I was talking about earlier, had that been a family member I would have said tell me what's going on, or I'm getting out of here for awhile..... I do get tired of working my brain so hard to keep my damned job......
Hope Kathys mom is better tomorrow..... and you know you can always run away to Texas while mil is there...... good thing you threw away all mom's drugs... she'd be snooping to find them.... any word on the babies????
Waiting on a call from the ex, guess he is wondering about son.... so talk to ya'll later..... love and hugs....
Talked to my MIL today and just had to hand the phone to hubby. She is his mom, let him deal with her. She was trying to whisper, didn't have her hearing aide in, and mumbled most of the time. Still sounds like she is drugged up to me. Looks like she will spend a week here in April before Mike takes her back to Maine, so maybe I will get a better handle on how she is then. Scares me to think she is expected to live alone up there, but she isn't my mom.
Ladee, hope you aren't having any problems with Marie or the daughter about Sonny.......but you will speak up....so he is in good hands.
CMag, good luck with the new doc.
River, sounds like you really do fit in.......
Stormy, a little affirmation goes a long way. What a good Aunt you are.
ASG, normally the cow patties are for the 100 mark. If you need one that badly, be sure to let us know why. I am looking forward to the reason. Must have something to do with dirt napping......I will never take a nap again without thinking of that. Blink, blink. Anyway, I may have a spare one.............
Have been laying low today.....no good reason, other than I just wanted to.....lol.
hadassah.....I would put a picture of homemade chicken soup on the fridge while I opened a can....sometimes it's just easier. Hope you get to feeling better soon.
Good points ladee.....and yes I remember the rough time you had with Ruth and how bored you were when you were healing and she wasn't able to be there.
Saw the mural stormy and will go post something. Did you get the results from your culture back today?
Hope everyone has had a good day....before I start babbling nonsense I'm going into lurk mode for a while.
Happy Trails,
Jam
hadassah, fresh out of chicken soup, but have lots of prayers to send for you to feel better.... take care of yourself....
hope everyone had a good day, I'm feeling like Fri. can't get here soon enough.... Recently some things were referenced about paid caregivers getting to go home at night, we can detach, ect.... yes we get to go home at night, but just like ya'll sometimes we dread the next day.....
Here are some things we deal with that ya'll don't.... trying to get family members to listen when we feel something isn't right..... no matter where I have worked there has been at least one "power tripper", whether that be my charge or a family member... regardless of how we feel, what is going on in our lives we don't get to show that., we don't get to raise our voices out of frustration, or being tired, or being bored out of our minds..... depending on what mood our charge is in, we have to keep smiling and always be respectful.....and yes to some degree we detach, but at the same time, if we don't really care about these people we shouldn't be in thier home..... and no, we don't have a history with these folks,but being spoken to like you are stupid , the feelings that come with that are universal.
So yes we get to come home at night, unless we do a live-in job, then the family expects you to work for next to nothing, 8 hours off a week, and still do all the smiling and no complaining.....some of you know when I was workig with my lady Ruth, her daughter almost drove me insane... why didn't I seek other employment, because I knew when I wasn't there Ruth was being abused.... why didn't I turn them in... they had been turned in by a family memeber, the cop that came out knew BG so he bought her story, did I finally get a home health RN involved after Ruth broke my leg... yes, and she intervened , Thank God, so at least Ruth was put in a NH while my leg healed....then the NH RN would not listen to me when I was trying to tell her Ruth had a UTI, they treated her for behavioural problems.... the UTI ended up being what took Ruth's life...... I question to this day should I have done more to get someone attention.... what a f**ked up situation to be in, because after all, I was only the paid caregiver....
And don't get me wrong, I'm not upset at the perception of paid caregivers, but did want ya'll to know a little of our side of things.... we put up with a lot of crap, literally and pyhsically, and we have no voice.... it's more than a job to me.... or beilieve me, I wouldn't be doing it for lousy pay, long hours, no insurance, no paid holidays, verbal abuse, and on and on.... so if some of you are blessed with a caregiver coming into your home, please know that we are human, feel what you feel, think what you think, and we have no voice..... thanks for letting me share this.... many years ago when I first came to the AC sight, I was told I was not 'accepted' because I was a 'paid' caregiver.... I had to fight to have my place here, and admin stepped in and welcomed me... some still shunned me, wouldnt' reply, ect.... so I am very proud to say things have come a long long way, there are a few paid caregivers on the sight..... and I have some awesome friends here.... and I wouldn't want to put my heart and soul anywhere but here....
love, hugs, and angels....