This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The posts about ADHD were interesting. I raised two kids with that, and both are doing well in the working world,etc. My daughter is not taking any meds right now as she is still nursing the baby, but says as soon as baby is weaned she's going back to it. She has struggled with memory and attention issues for the last two years, both of which she needs in her job. Son does not take meds, but chose his profession (Civil engineering/highway construction management) so he could be outdoors rather than behind a desk most of the time. The local children's hospital in Ohio had classes to teach coping skills for the real world, and we never let them use the ADHD as an excuse to not do their work in school (and allowed them to face whatever consequences resulted from NOT doing it!). But really can't take credit for how they turned out...credit belongs to HP(God) for that, I think!!!
Vic, sure like your comments on how we survive caretaking. I thought I knew what I was getting into when we invited Mom to come live with us, but the reality is much different. And she is still really quite independent, except for the memory problems. So, change and adapt to whatever each day brings. And now my DH has retired so we face a whole new set of experiences. Yahoo!!!
Well, will finish reading all those posts and catch up later, I hope. Hugs to every one!
I had a long post written to explain to ASG and stormy how NORMAL they are and guess what? Yep.....POOF! Too tired now to rewrite it, but will later. The computer trolls are out again.
Not one thing is written in stone, you do have the right to say enough, if you can't then understand you have picked the pain of things staying the same, rather than the pain of change..... at least with Change, things get different... not always better, but different....ya'll are tired and resentful, and everyone here understand that..... but always know you have choices... always....
ASG, that girl with the smile on her face, well she's still with us....
Stormy that girl with the easy going personality, well, she's with us also.....My prayers are that ya'll face your fears and change some things..... I can not imagine myself doing what ya'll are doing at your age.....so kudos to both of you for doing this thankless job.... prayers for you both to find some peace.... love ya both....
If this came across as a lecture, then I'm sorry for that, but not sorry for saying what I said.... love ya both
Thanks for this site. Nice to see the universal feelings we all have.
Take care of yourself... prayers and angels to help with your broken heart....