This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
just never know what his mood will be . i love it when he s alert and smiling and talk away . happy eating , this morning he couldnt feed himself , whiney and i fed him a small bfast , just so sad ,
i feel like im swiming in a black hole , i cant finish what im doing and now my house looks like mmmm ok hahaha ,
take care and try to have a happy day . xo
Feelings of resentment, anger, selfish, and dread. So i get what you mean. I guess we are suppose to learn love, compassion, sympathy and all that stuff. But i just feel like most of that has gone out the window. I hope ya'll don't feel harsh towards me for saying that. I'm not a bad person. I am a very loving, likeable, easy going person. But i just feel that this whole caregiving stuff has changed me not for the better i must say. Love and hugs stormyyy
As you can probably tell.....no lunch out today. Something came up and will go tomorrow instead.....gee that means I have to cook......weathers great, maybe fire up the grill......
Sorry about the rain ladee.....even though I know it's needed. We're pumping into the pond as I type...........gotta get that level back up...:)
We or me just has to work each day to make it a good day..moment to moment..step away take a deep breath come back try again.. Wouldn't change things if I had the chance..for as much as I would love to be able to have a job play in the garden talk to the cat..go to the store all in my time ...well I love my parents and want the best for them. God put us here and for some reason ...he gave us this gift,chance, purpose, suffering.. We can say God take it back..we are ok now..we have had enough...Jonah was the reluctant prophet ... He did everything not to go to Nineveh then finally he gave in and they repented right away..and he got mad! Arghhhhhhh...so here we are. ...know it doesn't help..
Today is going to be a good day today is going to be a good day today is going to be a good day....ohmmmmm we ARE blessed
Love you all
Doing a drive-by this morning......hubby is taking me to lunch later....woohoo! I get to put on real clothes and shoes, instead of my comfy stuff...lol.
burned.....sounds like you are having stressor headaches......horribly painful and debilitating. Make sure you are eating properly and drinking lots of fluids. A drop in blood sugar or a bit of dehydration can make those headaches worse......the brain MUST take a bath in sugar constantly or it doesn't work right. Have you considered finding a new doctor for yourself....one that will listen to your problems and make the effort to help you? Might be worth looking into.
notlike.....let us know how Mom's chemo goes. I'm glad to hear she is feeling better. When the col was still home, she would go to bed around 10pm and I would have "me" time then until about midnight and sleep until 7....never rested well. Then when we put her in the NH in Oct, I was sleeping 10 hours a night but since then I have gone back to maybe 6 hours and that is interrupted by tossing and turning and looking at the ceiling. I have the advantage of being able to do nothing during the day, but I still exist in a state of "tired"....I think we all do.
Lori....welcome and glad to see you here. You're not alone in your frustrations. I have a brother and sister who were like your sister with my mother....she died Dec 2010.....and when Mom died you would have thought those two were the only children and had done everything....brother stopped seeing Mom years ago and I'm surprised sister could remember how to find the NH. You will fit right in here....
ladee.....hope Marie is a good girl today. And I haven't looked at the weather yet, but hope it's good for taking Sonny out. Have a good day!
I hope to see a check-in from the rest of our friends today....hint, hint........
Happy Trails,
Jam
overslept myself this morning so have to get going.... hugs and agels to you all.
Today is chemo day. Mom feels better so we're going. And maybe get some answers about the CT scan report.
How did I go to sleep an hour early and still wake up tired?
Have a good day everyone.
thank you for the hugs and prayers ,
means alot to me .
big bear hugs to you .
xoxox
rossella - ouch ! fallin off the chair . bet it woke u up lol ,
love you rossella . hugs and kisses to you dear xoxoox
So join us and let us know how you are, and say what you need to say..... this is the place we gather to stay sane.... well, sort of sane.... hugs to you
Stormy don't worry for your medical problem. It will certainly be something which goes away with some antibiotics. i agree with the others, something must be done for your niece - FOR HER. If you don't stop her, she will put herself in major troubles. By keeping it quiet, you don't make her a favour.
ASG I am happy to see you are still a sweet and compassionate person after all you went through.
Burnedin, I am so sorry and worried for you.
Vic, I admire your energy and courage...
Ladee we can't live in the country. We can't stand what people do to animals... Stories of ordinary and daily cruelties.
Caregiver10, try to keep the "independence" you have (2 separate apartments) as long as you can....
Sorry my head is empty tonight. I have to work. Kisses everyone
Stormy ditto to what Jam said. You're most certainly welcome.
Everyone else I hope things are good where ever you're at. Got some more work to do and then maybe I can rest some.