This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The more I read about your ex, the less I like him. A family like the Anthony family tend to produce narcissists or borderlines.
Welcome to all the new posters, everyone has something to say, to contribute, and we all learn from each other.... for the most part this is a very positive thread and that is something I need in my dad to day stuff....
hugs and angels to help you carry your load....
Do you have family that can help... it would help us a lot if you filled out your profile and we wouldn't have to ask so many questions.....
come back and vent all you need to, it's much better for you and for her..... we all know they can't help it, but it doesn't diminsh our stress level....
so, welcome and come back , as Jam says, we'll leave the light on for ya... hugs..
I appreciate your help; I don't want her to feel forgotten. Thanks, Carol
That was cruel of your mom to sign those papers because she could see through the man and knew he would not be around long. I'm sorry that you fell into the I'm going to rescue him from his drugs role which is not unusual. His parents seem to be in great denial about their son. I wish you kids did not have to see him. Is there any way to prevent that? Just off the top of my head, I wonder if your ex does not have an undiagnosed personality disorder which he is trying to self medicate with drugs. How old are your children? Was he mean to them too? Did he act real nice in public but like hell at home? If so, then that is very likely borderline personality disorder and most men with that are in prison. If he was just a pain to everyone in public and at home, then he might be a narcissist.
Everyone has such wonderful posts this morning......and of course you all know how much I love playing the devil's advocate....:) I am like the rest of you in that when I went on "medical retirement" my friends disappeared and then with the care giving it was like I was on island all by myself. None of us thought a few years ago that we would be where we are now. But when we were there, how much thought did we give or even know about some of our friends who might be care giving? I know I didn't. I didn't have time. Sometimes I think it was all part of God's plan for my care giving of the col......we were in the process of finishing her house and making arrangements to move her when I became injured....I had 2 weeks to get treatment for myself and take care of some medical problems going on with Target before she came to us full-time. Because of my work schedule I would not have had time to care for her without risking my own well-being. I honestly believe that if one has never done care giving in the past or not doing it now.....is only offering lip service when they say "I'm sorry for the burden you carry of care giving"...not one of them says "let me come and relieve you for awhile because I know you need some time away"..........they haven't got a clue until they actually do it themselves. And there isn't a one of us who would stand up and say "it's not okay to make me feel like an outsider, so why don't you give me some attention"....so we do become isolated.....and pretty soon all those people have forgotten that we still need them in our lives and we end up depressed, lonely and like River....crocheting chicken butt warmers......let's face it...we are a special, unique bunch of people, who have found a common bond and for most of us this is where we will find some relief from the feelings of isolation. We don't fit in well anymore outside of the circle of care giving and I truly don't think those on the outside want to be reminded that could be in their immediate future!
Welcome to our new posters.......hope you find a place here.....we'll leave the light on for you!
Football today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Trails,
Jam