This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
ASG, you are one awesome young woman.... that is so morbid.... but my dad talked about dieing all the time...but I didn't live in the same house, so I didn't have to listen to it all the time...
Jam, great article on FB this morning....and sorry the col is in decline.... The craziness of Alz tho is it can be like this for a long time... just never know and no two people are the same..... still sad tho, and I know it's hard on Target.....
Seeme, hope you are feeling better today.... just one thing after another.... maybe you'll have it all done by spring and then won't get sick for the rest of the year...you are just still so run down from the past five years of caregiving... will take time for your body to get back into rythym....
Vic, what sweet goody did you fix for mom to take???? Glad Marie and I did ours lat week, as this is the week for her blood transfusions, so she is weak and depressed... hardly saying anythin.... so I just leave her alone... did tell her today tho that Sonny had shortness of breath after his shower today.... he is just setting around.... nothing else has been said about me taking him to the senior center, will ask again next week when she is feeling better..... but he does get antsy when he can't find Marie, so I don't know if it will be a good thing or not...
Well, clothes fairy is here, told him what I said and he said to tell ya'll ,"he's a very hairy fairy"... apple doesn't fall too far from the tree ....
right now while I am in the mood, going to fold and put away..... love ya'lll
Asg, I know grandma would talk about her going and wishing that she could go. I just listened to her and write a few of things down that she said so I could remember them when the time came and I remembered. She wanted to have the last laugh.
Seeme I hope you get to feeling better. I still have my cough. I have to schedule another appointment.
Jam sorry to hear col is on the decline.
ladeeda - lol
I'm taking things slow. Hubby just wants to get things done so he's working at things on his own pace which it helps him. It's soo odd around here. It's sort of like empty nesters but it's empty senior nesters. I catch myself wanting to fix another cup of coffee. I'm here by myself at night, hubby works 2nd shift. It really helps to have the animals around.
Between the absent cleaning fairies and the pukies we are a special bunch today! I had to break down and do laundry today.....sorry everyone! It was either that or start wearing Target's underwear!
I shared an article this morning on FB...was originally on the Yahoo page....about a wife caring for her husband after he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Good article and our own VP of Aging Care, Richard Nix was quoted.
Speaking of decorating, the col saw a flower on the back of someone's wheelchair, it looked made of felt with a rigid stem so that it stood up......she wants one and I guess I'm going to have to make one myself....unless someone knows where I can find such a thing. Can't do much more decorating than that since the chair doesn't belong to her.
I hear my washer beeping at me.....empty me empty me........hope y'all have a most terrific day!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Ro..had a friend who had to use a walker for awhile...she dressed it all up with beads and stickers and a front baske with bows! Like the idea of an office chair..gcould be a fun game. The animals could all get involved. I hang a lot of my clothes on light fixtures! Too funny when walking into house!
Sheila..I know about getting them in the right place...so much easier than cleaning floor and toilet...arghhhhh
Carol. Glad to hear about mom. Know all will work out. You are such a good daughter and the kids see that as well. Blessings.
Burned..hope you can talk to doc about hubby's meds.. You never know and he may have had a Tia. Can he take a baby aspirin?
Jam..how sad that they go down so fast. Guess all you can do is make he happy in her own little world.
As for dad..well he was seeing bugs on the walls this morning and asking who's room he was in...seemed to come back around ...will see what today brings. I was thoroughly out of it yesterday with an excruciating sinus headache...ughhhh. Today better...Seeme you are sending germs my way!!! Lol.
Stormy love ya girl. Gotta make something sweet for mom to take to neighbors to play a few games of yatzee! Talk to yu all later...love and prayers
Seeme, I am so sorry you are sick again... and throwing up.... nooooo, get yourself to the Dr. if that keeps up, you just got over that bad cold....your resistance is too low and stay away from Kathys for awhile.... you got the cold from over there too....
and you can "woe is me" all you want when you aren't in the bathroom.... hugs but no kisses today....
Ya'll are crazy and I am loving coming here and laughing, imagining that my 'fairy' looks like the cartoon Maxine, and yet hearing how everyone and their charges are doing.....
Notlikemom, you and Vic just make my day reading your posts.... ya'll arent jaded like us old ladies, and ya'll always brighten my day.....
carol, you made a good point by saying you missed her... just further proof why this thread is needed, we get to fuss, but we DO love who we are taking care of.... the message of love gets lost sometimes when we are tired and crazy.... we love them or we wouldn't be doing this....
Ro, the chair sounds like a great idea, now lets she if she'll stay quite while she is with you.....
She reminds me of Ruth with the kicking....and pinching, if I got to close to those little fingers when she was mad I would come away looking like a bruised banana... oh sorry for the pun there....
I'll get caught up with everyone later, have to be at work early this morning... love ya'll and sending angels to help with your jobs today...
Talking about our parents following us around, well dad doesn't do that thank the lord. But he whisles when he wants me or my sis. Or shakes his tea glass or hits it on the table by his chair. My sis told me the other day that dad had whisled for her to come in the den 3 times and she had just been in there and she hollered to him and said i'm not coming back around there. I just thought that was funny that she did that. Oh and i know if i stay in that kitchen for too long he will be thinking of stuff for me to do or he will be calling me for something. The way that i can get away with staying in the kitchen for awhile without him calling me is if i tell him i am going to cook him something. Which is fine with me because i love to cook.
And talking about the pets-Little Lily buried her a little rawhide in the yard today. And we went back outside later on and i was showing her where she had buried it and it was like she said hey mom knows where my rawhide is i better hide it somewhere else and so she did. Went back outside later on and this time she dug it up and brought it in the house. She is such a cutie pie. Well ya'll have a good nite. Hugs and love stormyyyyy
Carol: with pets, the only possible flooring is tiles... There are beautiful tiles.
Sheila, Jam, I think I can find a chair with wheels on E-bay which is more or less our Craig's list (but you mostly sell and buy objects online). Otherwise, there are cheap stores nearby. Of course it must be solid. I think she will like it, and she has legs strong enough to push it around herself. At least, when she wants to kick me, my help, my dogs and my cats, she is strong enough!
Jam-sorry to hear the Col is getting worse. That is really fast. Hugs.
Sent the main doc an email today asking about the radiation. Seems the radiation doc is still considering whether or not to do it at this time. The CT report is in her electronic chart. Yes, the lung tumors have shrunk alot. What the doc didn't tell us was that her ribs still look suspicious. They thought they were damaged when she fell, but still can't tell if it's that or cancer in that area. The report says the ribs are deformed, but she didn't fall that hard. And she has a necrotic lymph node in another area, which maybe could be cancerous but the chemo worked on it. Which would mean it's spreading. I was going to skip the next doctor appointment because it was a standard chemo treatment, but it looks like I'll have to go. There's always some surprise or news.
Sleep well everybody.
I was a little sickly today and did not see her. My husband went in to her room though she was asleep. I called later and they said she was doing well and had been to rehab. Her broken leg is non-weight bearing. See the ortho doc this week but I don't think that will change. We are just hoping it is healing. I really would like the threat of infection to be less.
So funny how much I miss her being here even though she drove me crazy. I have too much time on my hands. Lots of jobs I need to do and really plan on getting things done but Mother's 10 day hospital stay wore me out and I find I'm still sleepy. Getting better though.
During all this we had 3 leaks in the house and the flooring all had to come up so we are walking on the slab. Trying to decide on flooring that will look good but also be serviceable to our 3 dogs. Any ideas?
I've got laundry as always so I must get folding.
Take care all. Carol
A friend of mine just sent me this. It'll give you heart a little lift, and we can all use a little lift. I took away the message, "Burn bright, but don't burn out."
Rosella......I don't know what kind of equipment that emergency services uses in your area, but there is a chair, called a Stair Chair, used to take people down stairs, has wheels on the back. Sometimes when they get a little old, maybe a strap breaks, not always needed but must be used professionally, and perhaps they might be willing to donate to a good cause. Might be worth checking out.
Vic....the col's mind is virtually gone. Yesterday she told us all about how she walked out to get her paper, but then didn't go because it was too cold....it was beautiful here yesterday and warm. Then she told us she went out for a walk. She has learned that when we ask what she just ate, it's "oh, the usual" or "a meat and vegetables".....such a drastic decline in 3 mo is so overwhelming. Before she came down with pneumonia the end of Nov. we were still taking her out to eat in restaurants....now she cannot get out of the wheelchair on her own...using a gait belt is the only way to get her up.
Y'all have made me feel really guilty because I haven't done laundry yet....:) I gave the laundry fairy the week off.........I think she and the cleaning fairy are together because I haven't seen her either........................
Happy Trails,
Jam
I can relate to "does she want to cooperate". Rather than the bag of potato method, my husband Alan uses a different technique He gets aggressive and combative. For instance, I was attempting to put him in the car to take him to a doctor's appointment when, all of a sudden, he didn't want to go and refused to get in the car. I finally opened the car door, pushed him in and slammed the door. He wound up laying back on the back seat. Instead of simply putting his feet on the floor, he started banging his feet against the door like a two year old having a tantrum. He broke the sensor inside the door that signals the annoying lady inside the dash to keep repeating that the door is ajar, and since the "lady" was always switched on, the car battery kept going dead. But the most irritating is trying to get him to sit his butt squarely on the waterproof bed pad at bedtime. He misses it all the time, because he's got a left side unawareness. He refuses my gentle verbal and physical requests to move over, responding with fistycuffs. This happens just about every night and lasts up to an hour. I looooooove bedtime. It's still better than when he doesn't sit squarely on the toilet seat. The deed is done before violence ensues, but I have to clean up Alan, the floor and the toilet. I am grateful, however, because my bathroom floor and toilet are kept clean.
I'm sure everyone will join in a hearty cheer for finding out how to outsmart all their quirks.
Re: wheelchair. My mother doesn't want the wheelchair. If I tried to put her in a wheelchair, she would become a dead weight (she does like this when she is angry at us, she transforms herself in a potato bag) and I don't know if I could lift a dead weight to put "it" on the wheelchair (between the wheels!) and then on a sofa or a chair. The things I can do with my mother depend on "does she want to cooperate?" If she doesn't want, I could have a heart attack. I have to find a chair with wheels (I mean a normal chair with little wheels) at a low price, so I can put her on that chair without her having the impression that she is on a wheelchair! Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I know you all understand me.
Vic, my mother too has ups and downs with her health. Those parents are unpredictable.
Burned, I don't know anything about seizures; it seems a difficult situation! I am sorry,
Stormy ~ Oh, no, not you too. What, did the laundry fairy touch y'all with her "wash me" wand?
Rosetta ~ You make me feel guilty about complaining about laundry when I have a washer and dryer. I can't imagine having to drape damp clothes over the furniture. I suppose I would have layers of clothes on the furniture instad of piles on the floor. On the upside, the furniture doesn't collect dust!
Re constant calling for you, would it be possible to wheel Mom to wherever you are if you'll be there long enough to make it worthwhile and transfer her from the wheelchair to a chair or sofa?
I know what you mean about friends' suggestions. Even though I know they mean well, sometimes I just want to slap them upside their head, especially when they're telling me I should get out. It goes something like this:
Friend: You know you need to get away for a while. You can't do it all youself.
Me: I can't leave him alone.
Friend: There's all kinds of help out there. I know my second cousin once removed says her neighbor gets all kinds of help with her dad.
Me: I've researched it all, and we don't meet the eligibility requirements.
Friend: Well, you could get a sitter from one of those agencies just to go to dinner once in a while.
Me: I cut coupons for groceries. Just how much do you think I'd enjoy dinner with a cash register in my head ringing up $20 every hour I'm out. And how long do you think before I'd be blacklisted because of Alan's combativeness? (Meanwhile I'm thinking that the friend could offer to sit with Alan so I could get out. Funny how no one gives a serious offer for that.)
But, as Gloria Gaynor says, "I will survive." We all will. Somehow.
Ro folks just don't understand about animals do they! So glad you have Dorothy!
Seeme ..you go girl! Laundry done! Woohoo. ...I did get mine folded and it is sitting on the dreaded ironing board.... Course here at moms house it all has to be done right away or she has a OCD attack! Hahahaha. That is why I take mine to my house...
We ended up not going to church yesterday as dad was still semi awake. I did notice an improvement in his standing when I get him up or take him to the bathroom..he had his knees almost straight and his heels down..maybe he will be a little more alert today. And the calling ...well I get mama,Victoria, and Marie..sometimes dictator!
Notlike ...yep will meet you in laundry room glad you had a good day yesterday with dad. And mom, well maybe it will be a great week!! Little blessings
Ladee..love ya girl! Jam how is COL these days...stormy...hope it is a good day with dad. Will try to check in later...