This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sure have been missing Ruth alot here lately, just get this big lump in my throat and remembering all the stuff that happened with her..... guess I didn't have any time last year to really greive, but man is it coming up now.... some of you here will remember the banana and kitchen knifes in her pants episode.... and me being cursed in German..... and all the repetitive questions, but alot of good and funny memories too, her wanting me to lay down with her at night, her saying the Lords Prayer in German... ohhhh Lord I miss her..... gotta go... love ya'll
sheila, great story.... I would be the "pony finder".....And a cow pattie is your prize for being the number 00 poster, in your case it is 5500, so cow pattie Sheila...
And I know a messy house, I have been wearing two different house slippers for days, it's not like the fashion police is going to run in on me....the other two are around here somewhere...
Jam hope your toe is better today, with it being cold tho,good excuse to not have to leave the house...
Can't concentrate, need to drink my coffee, later....
I used to drink when I was young because I like to drink with other people. I don't like to drink alone, so I don't drink now because I am always alone. On the other hand, I am perfectly capable of smoking alone. And I am sorry I don't want to quit, I already have too many stresses in my life. There must be a reason why they advice you to stop smoking when you are on vacation!
Everyone is so chipper today. I'm going to build on that. There's gotta be a pony in there somewhere.
My neck, shoulders, back and knee are in a great deal of pain, but I'm grateful I'm able to rest, because Alan is being cared for by the NH staff.
I'm grateful I don't have a Franzia hangover.
My house looks like a bomb exploded in it, but I'm grateful that my Type A personality has changed into a Type Zzzzzzzzz, so I don't give two shits.
My bedroom is a disaster area with piles of clothes, but I'm grateful that I'll have a soft landing if I trip on them.
Anyone else what to join me in posting what your pony is?
Just in case someone doesn't know the story ~
Once upon a time, there was a mom and dad that had two children.
One of them was an optimist, the other a pessimist. Wanting to
understand why the two children were so different, they consulted
a psychiatrist, who set up an experiment to help figure it out.
The psychiatrist led the first child into a room that was full of
brand new toys. Immediately the child burst into tears. The
psychiatrist asked why, and the child replied "all of these toys
are new, and if I start playing with them I'm afraid I might
break one." Obviously, this was the pessimist.
So the psychiatrist led the other to a room that was full of horse
manure. The child immediately dove in, scooping out handfuls of
the disgusting stuff. The psychiatrist asked why the child was
doing that, he replied "with all this horse manure, there has
to be a pony around here somewhere, and I'm gonna find it."
Oh my goodnes , that was just way too much information this early in the morning....and I am sure I have caused others to START drinking.... lol
Happy to hear you are in such a positive mood today, hope it rubs of on mama, naaah, we know that's not going to happen....
Sheila, sorry you are having so many health problems of your own on top of everything else,,,, and I am NOT going to quit smoking... I know it may be killing me but it is saving the lives of others..... !!!!!
Gotta go feed my outside kitties.... love ya'll .... later.
Mis-take your time going through Grandma's things. There may be memories and joys to find as you uncover different items. Blessings and Hugs.
Ladee-so happy you all had a good day. It's it amazing how a cake - the activity, smell, sharing-can make things better. Smiles (and a grumbling tummy LOL)
Brandy-I am thinking about what you wrote. Why do we keep doing this? I can come up with a thousand different reasons, some good and some bad. Some days, I choose to think it's because we are the best people on this planet. The good Lord only picks the best. I can't change the world, or be a famous person that I admire, but I can care for my little corner of life and do something worthwhile. You are doing the same wonderful thing. Hugs.
Sheila-Bring on the vodka! With OJ, lime sour, kamakazzis, you name it! Who am I kidding - my chocolate martini mix will probally expire before I use it! LOL I've always loved vodka. I say it's because I'm Ukranian/Russian. I enjoy a drink, but come from an alcoholic family, so am afraid to start under stress. The last thing we need around here is for me not to be able to stop drinking. But I love to dream! So I'll join you for some Stoli or Grey Goose, at least here in cyberspace. And I'm glad you found us. Hugs.
Well, it's the weekend. Home with Mom. What will it bring? I really don't know, but I feel good today and ready for whatever comes.
And as for food....not much I don't like....sushi and oysters can go to the trash....hubby loves calamari which makes me ill......but most everything else I love.
E-cigs: I bought the whole kit of one brand with zero nicotine juice. The one I tried was inconsistent with the amount of "draw', and it was quite a bit heftyier (is that a word?) than a regular cigarette and felt really unnatural, so I quit it. I saw that one brand specifically advertised that it was lighter than others, and I may try it. I've quit several times, but always picked it back up in times of crisis, and this is definitely a crisis. I've been hearing a lot about e-cigs also being unhealthy. But given enough time, they find everything one ingests unhealthy. But my COPD is becoming quite a problem lately. The slightest exertion makes me huff and puff. I look at it as a sign that I'm not supposed to exercise. I find it amazing that an intelligent human being will continue a habit that they know is so dangerous to their health. My son is/was a a drug addict, and my cigarette habit gives me an understanding of his problem. I'm also a food junkie.
For those of you smoking, wanting to stop or trying to stop......I stopped smoking Oct. 19, 1999 at 10:30 in the morning. I'm a terrible smoke tyrant now so you can imagine my frustration being married to a chimney. A couple of years ago he discovered the e-cigarette....I know, there are some with wild stories....but if you want to stop that's the way to do it. The "juice" is glycerine with nicotine, which is what your body needs, but the "smoke" is water vapor. Hubby is a chimney, and when the hospital went non-smoking he was at his wits end, but he could work a 12 hour shift with the e-cig and not want to smoke one time. So you might want to consider one.
The drink of choice here is Cruzan rum and coke zero..............
Linda and y'all going through hospice ~ I spoke about revereing you ladies that have been witnessing your loved ones going through hospice. I watched two of my BFFs go through it, but it's not the same as a parent. When my mom went from a stroke and my dad from a heart attach, I was spared the drawn-out dying process. I'm not sure I could handle it, and I'm terrified about the possibility of doing it with Alan. He'll probably cause my death first from stress with caring for him!
Linda ~ When it comes to the time, it may do your heart good to put your dad's hospital bed on Freecycle or Craigslist Free so it goes to someone who can use it. Or, sell it and donate the money to an Alzheimer's charity.
I have one request of all of you. When it comes to partay celebrating, you mostly reference Margaritas. I'm not all that fond of Margaritas. Could we have a second high alcohol content option? If not, it's OK. I'll bring my own box of Franzia. Or vodka.
Stormy ~ I certainly don't want to downplay your problem with sharing caregiver responsibilities, but I gotta say I'm jealous of your pool of possibilities, even though they seem reluctant. We all have our crosses to bear. I've got no sibs. Alan's sons are useless--the little bastards. My daughter has fibromyalgia, so has her own health issues. My son is disabled himself. My one adult grandson is schizophrenic, and my granddaughter lives far away. It's up to me. Off the pitty pot now. Pouring another glass of Franzia.
I have to confessmy ugly secret. That's what you do when you've have a few glasses of wine. I've got COPD. I'm not supposed to be smoking, but I'm not stalworthy enough to go through this without a crutch. I've been trying to cut back, but it was a half pack day.
I'm so grateful to have found you ladies to vent to. You understand pity pots without judging. And crutches. And share tips. And huts. And prayers.
Brandy ~ You said your sister is boss. Maybe you could politely remind her that it's your mom too, and you ARE involved. You are, afterall, picking up the duties too.
What's MCI?
sounds like you have your hands full...have you told sis about the shape the house is in and that the sheets haven't been changed... the worst that is going to happen is sis will get her panties in a wad, mom needs clean sheets and a safe place to live..... let us know how you handle this....hugs...