This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
How do you get treatment? Health care (at least from my mom's docs) makes me want to scream. I am so not used to this. I have not encountered this before, it is a foreign world to me.
Does it just heal on it's own or is there something other treatment need to happen? It sucks not knowing what to do and get no help from professionals. Any advice?
Ladee- I have been smoking for a long time since i was a teenager. I have quit 3 times. One of those times was when i found out i was pregnant with connor. Then dad got sick and i started back from all the stress. There is no way i could do this caregiving stuff without smoking. I would be the BI%$# from hell. Gotta have my smokes. I know they are terrible for me but I need them right now or i will go insane and i can't do that right now, got too much on my plate. I can't be going to no looney bin. I'm glad that you and marie are getting along these days I know that must help with the stress level for you and her. And i am glad that sonny is still smiling these days. He sounds like a sweet man. And meeting Starri and her hubby in a few weeks that sounds exciting. You will have to fill us in on what all ya'll do.
Burned- Love and hugs sweetie. You have your hands full.
Vic- I hope you will be able to find something that will work for your dad and his undies. I wish i could offer more advice on that but i do not know much about it. Thank God dad can still do that for himself. The Mucus is enough for me and his feeding tube.
Shelia- I hope that you will come back here and post. This place has been what has kept me sane for the last 6 or 7 months now. It will be your place to go when you feel like you have no where else to turn. The girls here are wonderful and will offer you advice on different topics that you have concerns about. So come back and check us out. Love and hugs to all stormyyyy
A dear friend who spent 72 days in ICU had to be declared incompetant by the court, which did require a court visit to ICU, before his wife could become his guardian and therefore apply for his long term benefits through his employment. One of the first things they did after his recovery, and another competancy hearing, was to fix it so that never happened to either one of them ever again. Just not sure how they did that. Makes me want to cover our butts here...hmmmm.
BTW, Sheila.......welcome.....hope we have something to offer you. RW is new here also.
Jam, hope you can get a shoe on.......I would have a bowling ball on my toe by now....I'd rather put my foot on a slug in my shoe like neighbor Kathy did. Wasn't thinking bee this time of year. Bet you hurt from the dancing tomorrow.
Vic...sending you more zzzzzzzzzzzz's uninterrupted tonight.
9:30 pm and have been cooking for hubby. Only a few more days on this shift. Amen..............later...........
Damn, my toe is sore!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Burned thank you
Seeme and Ladee...thought the undies would be her by now myself...I always write order number down and then look for email confirmation...weeeelllllll....dummy me.. didn't write order number down and of course wouldn't you know no email confirmation! and of course the company is now closed...ah another item to add to the list.
Dad went to see hematologist today ... his kidneys are not producing the erythropoietin. He started on the procrit shot and will go back every two weeks for two months ...we will see him in march. Dad was diagnosed with pernicious anemia back in 05. they had to do a bone marrow test. at the time they found early myelodysplastic changes. as was explained today this is a slow deterioration of the bone marrow. the reason I mention this is that the treatment for deterioration is the same. ...
anyway he should start feeling a little better soon and maybe his confusion etc will abate a bit. who knows he may even stand and move better.
am tired has been an exhausting day. we are blessed to have a cancer center in our town..so we didn't have to go far. the doc was great.
yes, in order to keep your loved one safe and you being able to step in when neccessary is vital... then you can get on with wiping butts.... but at least you are covered legally and can help your loved one to not be taken advantage of....It a blessing these things are in place but can be mind boggling to a new caregiver.... you are very welcome here, hopefully the storm has passed and we can get on with things.... others will welcome you also.... let us know if you have any questions or just need to let it all hang out.... hugs and angels sent to you....
Stormy, I didn't know you smoked.... don't think there are many on here that do, I do, I tell others that it may be killing me but it is saving others lives... have smoked too long to give it up now....So put Conner to bed and fix your drink... long day with dad????? Relax and have a good evening....
Had a very good day at work, I really think Marie missed me... we talked more today than we usually do..... her and I have come so far... and then there's my sweet little Sonny man.... He slept until almost 9 this morning, but woke up with a smile on his face like always.... other than my back hurting, it was a good day.... Hope everyone else had a good day, check in and let us know how you are... hugs...
As I said, this trip down loss-of-memory-lane is new, so there's a lot to learn. I learned something new today that I'd like to share in case anyone else can benefit. There was talk here of getting POAs. I thought I had all our i's dotted and t's crossed when we got what I call our Dead Documents done--wills, living wills and POAs, both health and financial. My husband just went through a psych eval, and the psychologist was talking to me today about the fact that she believes him to now be past competency and urged me to get a one-step-further document--guardianship. From what I understood, the gist is that the POA allows us to make decisions for our loved ones if they are unable to speak for themselves, and the guardianship allows us to override poor judgment decisions that our loved ones may make; e.g. if they wanted to start giving chunks of money to strangers, or they refused NH placement, but weren't safe alone, or insisted on buying a car and driving even though incapable.
There's so much to consider besides just wiping butts.
Like Seeme, I remember when you first posted.... and to see how far you have come, the things you have had to do, all the outside help you have had to ask for.... you are amazing, and glad to see you posting more often... hugs and angels.....
Lindy, hope there was no major injuries with your mom.... I know you are worn out and are just hoping things go more smoothly until time for her placement...
Vic, have you ever used the extra pads for men in his "night pants", that's what I called them so I could get Ruth to wear them.... hope the new ones come in soon...
RW, hope you had a good work out last night, wish I had that kind of motivation....
Is there any kind of elder day care or senior center your mom could go to, or would she not agree to that....let us know how you are....
Seeme, good news about mil... nothing serious... a blessing all the way around...hope you are feeling better with your cold... how much longer before you get the puppies??? Think M will post some pics on FB???? Gotta show everyone the new babies.....
Jam hope your toe isn't swollen, I could just picture all the dogs howling and jumping around...not to mention you dancing..... and of course Target knows nothing.... did he even find the meds for you to put on it????
Have got a ton of things to do around here, Starri and hubby will be here in a few weeks, am really looking forward to meeting one of my sister friends..... love and hugs and angels to help us thru......
This is not a high school clique. And you don't own it.
Answer the question. Does your employer know that you complain about them on a public message board?
Something tells me that they don't.
And yes, you contribute to it being off-topic all the time. Should I remind you?
I do know what I've witnessed in these attacks on Peg. I see where you've taken it upon yourself to decide where and how this thread will go.
Once again, you don't own this board, so how dare you say that you're taking it back. That's ridiculous. Grow up. This isn't a high school clique.