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Well Jam, that cinched it, I won't be moving in.... all that BROWN would cause me to be more distrubed than I am... of course I wasn't invited now that I think about it, it was the lake house... yeah, yeah, now I remember... what colors are in the lake house, and if you say brown, then it's to Seeme's house I go....
RW, we are trying to figure out where to place ME, I am older than both of them, so as my caregiving days wind down, I will need a place to stay... I take care of Alz. patients, so will try to help you if I can, but many on this thread take care of family with Alz.... I am so tired and forgetful we'll never know if I get it...no, I have had four days off and I feel ready to go again... much needed respite for me... almost waited too long....
Am looking forward to seeing my sonny man tomorrow... He won't remember me, I walk out of the room and walk back in and he forgets I was there 10 seconds ago... I am going to approach Marie again about him and I going to the Senior Center... he is getting depressed with no stimulation... he didn't want to go outside last week and that is not good.... and he is sleeping more.... hope Marie did ok with me gone all those days... I'll make up for my lost day this week because she will need a blood transfusion so at least one late day.... but it does feel good to be rested...
So back in the trenches tomorrow... it has rained all day, this spring is going to be beautiful, we are still not out of the drought, beleive it or not... so , rain, keep comin'. Don't think I can do another summer like the last one.....
Ok, have to go to bed here soon... love and hugs...
Mis, you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow, hope you can check in in a few days and let us know how you and hubby are.....
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rw....thank you for filling out your profile....that helps us know a little more about your situation. Since your new to the care giver role and you state Mom has mild dementia, I wonder if you've given thought to getting a POA for your Mom? It's something that we really don't like to think about, but it sure helps when all of a sudden you are at that point where Mom isn't able to make rational decisions. We got one for the col back in 2005 and told her that was only done so that if something happened to her and she wasn't able to answer for herself, then we could do it for her. Of course, she was already starting down the road of dementia and we knew it wouldn't be long until we were making all the decisions for her. And the POA was already in place.....one less thing to think about. I admire your stamina in taking care of yourself by going to the gym...bravo! After 25 years in EMS, I don't have a back left....it left town a long time ago.

Now you all have to put on your decorating thinking caps.....I'm putting a few changes into the col's house and need some ideas. The walls are pale apricot, the trim is a beautiful medium oak stain, the carpet is a dark beige (?), one window has chocolate curtains, hung with large grommets on both sides, the middle curtain is white background with a chocolate swirl pattern. What color (s) for throw pillows, throw rug, centerpiece on dining table, cover for table.....have to use a table cover until I decide what to do with it.....years ago it belonged to Luther Burbank's sister, so being an antique I'm not sure what to do with it. Paint it...restain it.....my mind is a complete blank, so this is your assignment for today...:) Help!!!!!!!!!!

Going to get comfy and watch some tv.....hope everyone is having a super day and evening........

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Been a long busy day. Dad was more aware today..big plus. Had lots of this an that to get done. Dad wasn't feeling well...got him to bed early..moms worrying...pray he has a restful night..
Welcome rw...
Goons get some rest while I can...night all
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welcome again rw, glad you filled out your profile, then we won't have to ask so many nosey questions.... hope you find a "home" here..... hope to hear from you again soon....hugs
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I think I have a spare pair of glasses around here somewhere ladee.......:) :) that would be me leaning up against a fountain at one of our local casinos. Too bad we can't enlarge the pics so we could really see what we're looking at....hint hint.....
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Thanks to all for the warm welcome. As suggested I completed my profile. If I need to add more info, just let me know. I'm off to the gym, will be back in a couple of hours.
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Jam, who is in your new profile pic????
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Ladee- I have not gotten the life alert yet. I think mis said that she was sending it out thursday of last week. So maybe it will come in this week. Although i know she has enough on her plate right now. So if she hasn't sent it out yet then i will get it when things calm down with all that she has going on. There is no rush. I know this is a rough week for her and her family. Well, i will talk to ya'll later. hugs stormyyy
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RW- look forward to hearing from you more. My dad has thyroid cancer and has a trach from the tumor that was removed. Me and my sister take care of him. He has alot of breathing problems and other health issues also. Well ya'll take care. I will try to post more tonite. Got to get ready to cut from here and pick up my little red. Later gators. Stormyyyy
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Ro, I totally understand what you are saying, I messaged you on FB... love and appreciate you more than you know....
Stormy, always keep in mind this is a public forum, and as one side has the right to express themselves, so does the other . I appreciate your thoughts on this, and things will settle down, nothing stays the same forever...
And you are just one tired girl, we understand oversleeping.... get those zzzzzz's when you can.... had your dad tried the alarm yet????
My last day off and it is raining.... so peace and quite for awhile yet... and back to the grind tomorrow... I have needed this so bad, feel recharged and ready to hit the ground running, well limping, but I'll get it done...
Hope no one is traumatized by yesterday, but sometimes you gotta do what ya feel is right.....love you all, hugs across the miles.....
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Hey ya'll well my day started out just lovely, i woke up 2 hours late. How the hell that happened i don't know. I did not hear the alarm clock if it went off. I have bad hearing anyway(heritary) I need to get one of those that scare the sh&% out of you. So it is definitility a monday for me. How about ya'll....
Ladee and Sdpeg- i hate that ya'll are buttin heads. I do hope that ya'll can work through your problems with each other. As i know this thread means the world to all of us and i feel we need it in our lives to try to get through this mission we are all on. I know it means the world to me. it is my escape, my time to talk to other people besides my crazy family, because i really don't have that many friends and they are not going through what i am so there you have it. How about ya'll agree to disagree? My sister has a pillow that says that about her and her husband. I love all of ya'll. I will chat later. Hugs to all stormyyyy
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Sorry girls, I have spent the last 3 days with my mother and cleaning my house and I have lost the thread of the thread.
I see there are some conflicts... Please make some effort from both sides to settle them! 90% of the times it is just a question of misunderstanding... of expressing similar feelings in different ways... I don't want to be a peacemaker at all costs, but I really think that if you step back and take deep breaths you can understand each other, eventually!
For Ladee: Ladee, sometimes one is taken by a loop and he doesn't know how to get out of that loop. It happens to me very often, so I understand people in the loops! You are more straightforward and probably this kind of thing disturbs you. But if you don't find an exit, you don't find an exit! There are people who always find an exit, there are other people who sometimes don't find it. I know I am not very clear. If you want, we can talk about it in another moment...
I have to throw my mother into her bed. Literally!
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Nah...it was ur typical housefly kept visiting me while I was on the computer..Today I saw my daughter off to school and she will be home in a lil while..? Is it typical for hubby to have hot n cold flashes ....sometimes he thinks he has a fever yet the doctor here in town is positive about his health but all I seen is a man wore out by his existence and suffering too much pain. I have to help transition a lil more everyday and even tho I aim to do it right it hurts my back. I did get me a neck massage pillow to see if that might ease the tensed muscles in my upper back towards my neck. I have to call SSA today and get a third party signature on some policies of hubby's. I have a choice to allot his annuity to funeral arrangements whenever that day comes or I take over it. He doesn't like this giving up control yet he confuses me with our daughter sometimes and other times he makes straight sense. Well i believe I have done my rambling for now ttyl and God bless :)
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A rubber and...LMBO!!! Glad I just finished lunch or would have had to go to ER..just saying.
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lol, Seeme hubby better get moving, if it is warm enough to deal with it, open up the house, I was just telling Glenn how I dislike these new "energy" efficient houses, people leave the things closed up all the time, what is more energy efficient than leaving the doors and windows open? letting nature take care of moving the air. I've always been a throw open every window and door letting the sunshine and fresh air in. I had to sneak into Mom's other rooms to open up the windows as she kept everything locked up tighter than a drum.

I know you and hubby took a short trip, are anymore in your future? I'm seriously ready to hit the road again, it's about 1400 miles between me and Ladee, right now.

Clinically depressed I believe is something that stays with you all the time, before I finally got the right diagnosis, they had me listed as being severely clinically depressed, just thinking of that name made me depressed. Grief never goes away, it just lessens over time... The pain of missing them eases. I think the first year is the worse, then it starts getting easier, but to each person it's different. I'll be fine (kinda) for a few days, weeks, even a month, and then all of a sudden, I see, hear or think something and the flood gates open, I just tell people to ignore me, I'll be fine. I'll cry for a while, and then it stops, and the round starts again.
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rw.....welcome...so you have been reading for a while.....hope you have read some things to help you out or give you some comfort.....maybe make you smile. We are in different stages of caregiving or grief...so maybe this will help you along the journey.

Mis, thought of you yesterday and the services this week. Be sure to get rest.....it can wear you out. Hugs to you and family...let us know how it went.

Starri...thanks for reminding me that I don't have to be finished grieving just because it has been 4 months. A sister called me yesterday to tell me she cleaned out her suv and opened a compartment she didn't normally use, to see some of mom's blankets in there and lost it.....it actually made me feel good to hear it.......I have missing her presense in my house....not just phone calls...and how every time we passed decocorations in the house she would be so delighted to see the lights, or candles, or her nativity set. Maybe I'm not clinically depressed, just grieving......

Vic....if you think you opened up and then just got on a roll, then that sounds like you have been holding things in and needed to get it out much sooner than you did. That'll teach you to stay away so long!!! Hope you get the undies soon. I am curious to find out if they work for men.... not that I have the immediate need to know, just want to file the information for possible future use.......don't you wish a rubberband would do the trick?

Never did get all the paper out of the secretary, but the lid does close better. Didn't damage it. Found deposit slips from the 1930's. When hubby gets going on something like that, it becomes a big production..... that was the gist of the whole ordeal.

The cold has been conquered and I am off to clean more sickness out of this house. If anything sets too long, it will get Lysoled. Hubby better get moving.....
will check back later.

Ladee, thanks for cleaning the air............ttyl
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Hi rw, welcome , hey Jam welcome back, been kinda wondering where you were, I see that we have new people and the older ones are still here, I will have to admit to kinda lurking, will go a few days and then try to catch up, Jam you saying your foot was on the door frame reminded me of me a few times...lol..

Seeme, did you win the fight? who came out the worse? you or the calender?

Ladee ((((HUGS)))), hoping you've enjoyed your days off, they are sorely needed at times. Your posts I've seen haven't said how Sonny and Marie are doing, has she still got you ready to pull your hair out? Been in anymore hanger fights? lol, that was funny, I could just picture you wrestling with the hangers.

I've seen where a lot of us have lost our loved ones over the past year, it's hard, I didn't get a book of the process of dying, I knew some of the indicator's myself, and then the nurse from hospice gave me some more as I was telling her what was going on with mom. I think that knowing what you were looking at made it even harder in a lot of ways, knowing that Mom would be talking to people that were no longer with us, my grandparents, my aunt, etc.. it did make it easier for me to react, she once told me that there was someone out in the front of the store (my grandparents owned a small grocery when she was growing up, store in the front and living area in the back) she wondered who would wait on the customer, I told her I would take care of it. Knowing what I did, rather than trying to convince her that the store was gone, and that there wasn't anyone there, I just went with what she believed. It didn't hurt her anymore, and it made it less stressful on me.

As for siblings? you can't live with them, and you can't legally kill them.. although I believe a lot of us would like too. I know I did.

Mom passed in June, Glenn and I have been on the road since august, I honestly can't say it's getting any easier, think I've been kinda numb and just pushing things down. Been my habit for years, bottle things up, shove them down as far as I can get them, and just plain out not deal with them, her birthday is coming up, that is making it kinda touchy.

Christmas was rough, could not see a Christmas Light with out thinking about her, and how she use to love to go looking at Christmas Lights, went in a craft store to get yarn a couple of weeks ago, and was teary eyed through the whole place, she loved to do little crafty things.. Teased her that it kept her from running the streets chasing men and getting in trouble.

I'm glad to have found this thread, and to have met the wonderful people I have, it's been a place of comfort to me.

rw? you said your on the west coast, are you in CA? that is where my husband and I currently are, we live on the east coast at the moment.
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mis.....we all understand what you are feeling right now and how overwhelming it is. As everyone else has said, you are in our prayers and angels have been sent. We'll leave the light on for you....................
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Good morning all..
Seeme..I knew you didn't run away! ... Love the fight with the Secretary! Have you had it long? And hope you didn't tear it up in the process! Hahaha
I understand what you are saying about the dying process..will have to find that book. Been waiting on this appointment tomorrow..just to see if this is something that can be treated to ease his suffering...and then to decide if we need hospice again. I ink it is coming to that point but who really knows only God. Think dad has been defying death for years ..not sure why but I do know that it has helped my salvation. Yesterday getting him in and out and moving from here to there just was harder..hospice has been on my mind for awhile
Funny thing is that dads mind can comprehend everything going on around him and he has a good understanding mentally..but he can't communicate it.
Didn't mean to get on a roll when you asked a simple question yesterday...it all came rolling out! He had a rough start to the night but then he relaxed enough to sleep ok..oh yea on a pee note: have had so much trouble at night.. The pee goes to the side and wets him down..hope you all can visualize that a man is different...hahaha but anyway..awhile back Jam mentioned the ones that are NASA inspired..well I read up again and found a decent price for a small package..hope they come in soon as they tout ..better for side loss. So we will see..will let you all know how they work out.
Rw welcome!! Keep coming back our journeys are in different stages and differing diseases..but the one thing we all have in common is we are caregivers..reluctantly or not! ..we need a place of understanding and I have thanked God daily for finding this thread and this site. Hope you will feel comfortable and safe here to let out all the feelings you will and do have without any fear of judgement or reprisals.. It is about love and compassion, hugs and prayers from afar that in a spiritual sense gives me hugs and tears and laughs right here when I need it.
Mis - you are in thoughts and prayers...
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mis,we know how you are feeling right now.... just know you are loved, supported, we all know what a great granddaughter you were to gma.... and hopefully we will get to hear some gma stories later when you feel ok about telling them... she sounded like a character....we will be there with you in spirit....and please let hubby know we are sending him hugs too....it's just a sad and overwhelming time for all. We love ya and check in and let us know how you are..... hugs across the miles.....
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Jam- nope didn't realize I got the cowpattie. Yipee, I hope it comes in different flavors cause if it does I'll take chocolate and coffee. :) Lord knows I'll need plenty of coffee today for it's going to be a long day. Jam thanks for getting this thread back on track.
rw- welcome. This blog and this site has been a god send to me. I have taken the advice of many on here and it's an awesome place to vent cause we all have or had similiar situations and everyone understands where we are coming from cause we're in the same boat.
seeme- agree with ya.
vic- (((hugs))) to ya girlfriend.
ladeeda you're soo right on so many things.

Today is going to be a hard day, but we'll make through and tomorrow will even be harder. So I won't be on here for at least a couple of days, but who knows. I just might. You all bring me laughter and joy when I just don't feel like laugh'in and just want to cry.
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rw, yes we are all over the place... some even overseas... most posting is done during the day, so come back and get to know us and let us get to know you.... we will understand how you feel..... but post anytime, some one may be up... and maybe fill out your profile so it will help us to get to know you.... you don't have to tho, just a suggestion.... there are some awesome folks on here and more will welcome you tomorrow, just jump right in.... you'll feel at home in no time.... looking forward to getting to know you....hugs and angels...
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I would like to aplogize to any I may have upset tonight... I own my feeling, I own my words, I own my opinion, I own what I said and did tonight... this is a relfection of my being true to myself, and has nothing to do with the rest of you... my prayer is that you all still feel safe and that Attilla the Ladee will not come after you..I am open to what you have to say , if anything, but save the shame on you, I did what was right for me... couldn't deal with the toxic passive aggresive vicitimization for one more day..... we are a family here and working on it NOT being dysfuncitonal... so the truth ,or my truth was spoken here tonight... you don't have to agree, you don't have to take sides, you can ignore the elephant in the living room, what ever you need to do, but my intentions were to speak MY TRUTH.... I love ya'll, respect what we are all trying to do here, I am not mean or ugly, but there are just times you have to stand up and say enough... so if ya'll need to address this with me, it is open for conversation.... if not, we let it go and move on..... this is my safe place and when it feels threatened , I will have my say.... so love and hugs to you all, and at leat tonight wasn't boring.... angels to help you all....
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thank you..I am learning daily..not always easy..but this has helped me to know that my situation is not unusual. By the way I am on the west coast so I read when it seems most are in different time zones
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welcome rw, hope you come back and vist... lots to learn and to teach... come back and let us at least make you laugh once in awhile....
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Welcome rw.........I used to stand with one foot on the door frame.....lol. My brain was saying RUN.....SAVE YOURSELF.....but I knew I couldn't do that. I imagine by now you find yourself very familiar with terms and signs and symptoms of dementia that you probably never knew 9 months ago. Glad you have decided to join us.....the rest of this wonderful group will welcome you also.
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I have been following your blog for a couple of months now. I am a same or not so same situation. I moved in with my mother nine months ago not knowing anything. My mom is now 83. Not soon after an acquaince, a retired RN said she thought my my mom's behavior was dementia. A new vocaublary word for me. So after a few months and observing my mom's behavior I started reseach and came opon this blog. I have to say it gives me smiles and insight especially when I just would like to flee. But here I am knowing that I cannot do that. Who would look after her. Not my sister. She has other more important things to do like dogsit her daughter's puppy. Not that I don't like dogs just priorities in my mind. That's for your blogs. They keep me sane.
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Vic, I didn't mean to ask a question and run....I still had to put sheets on the bed before I could get in it...then hubby and I engaged in a fight with some paper lodged in his g/mother's old secretary....we discovered a 1902 calendar from a bank in Bangor, ME.....but not without the help of knives, nail files, screwdrivers, removing drawers, and a 10 million candlelight flashlight that weighs 20 pounds....but you can see with it!!!!!!!

OK, glad the thread is going back in the right direction, and Vic, I am going to address what I read from your post. Unfortunately, on eof the most frustration things I learned at the end....... there is no step-down program that your folks will follow.....even in the end stages.

The bummer is that there will be good days and bad days, some decline and then a bouce back, and it is sssooooooo frustrating. And I know you have been through this already.....doesn't make it any easier. We were given a handbook on the "process" of dying..........can you even believe there is such a thing!!!.......at the hospice center.....and while they listed all the major changes, at the end of the list, they added that any or all of the changes could occur within any of the time frames...WHAT?....After everything was over, it made sense, but it didn't do anything for me while going through it.

You are such a loving daughter. You notice things about him because of the attention you pay to him, and that is good, but I hate for you to stress yourself out even more. I know you worry, me too, and there may be no answers, but if it is a gradual decline, he ain't gonna follow the rules. Have I been too long-winded???

Hang in there, girlfriend.......
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Ladee, I'm sure that there is. It's called Overeaters Anonymous. I eat when I'm stressed out. I used to not eat when I was stressed, but it was ripping my stomach apart. I have to take NSAIDs for arthritis and that's another reason why I have to eat something. I'm just trying to keep my stomach intact until I can actually afford to see a doctor again. Full-time caregiving of my mother doesn't come with medical or dental unfortunately.
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We are all down to some extent peg, but I get to say how I feel, me, ladee, not anyone else on here but me.... and I am tired of you setting it up to be the victim.... if you don't like what i have to say then don't read me or go somewhere else.... but from now on, when I get tired of hearing it i'm going to say something... what are you going to do????? Set a boundry?????? I'll respect your boundries when you can learn to respect others boundries, or were you even aware we had boundries???? Do what ya gotta do... because I am tired of setting here for MONTHS and keeping my mouth shut..... we don't have to like each other, thank God, it's not a RULE, but I am going to say how i FEEL...... I am sorry things are so tough for you right now.... we ALL have it tough for tons of reasons.... it's not all about YOU......
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