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I can understand the helplessness of caring for someone who has given up on living. Last week, when the meds were missing, I flat out asked my mother if she even still wanted to live. She, of course, said yes. Like I told her, she needs to speak up and tell the truth of what is going on with her, things like her lack of appetite. If she won't tell the truth, if she won't ask questions of these medical professionals, if she insists on remaining silent, her issues can't be addressed properly. I've gotten sick and tired of everyone telling me how things are supposed to go and hoping that they will eventually. I've also gotten sick and tired of hearing that if someone screws up by not paying attention until these situations are life-threatening and it costs her her life, that it's just God's Will for her to be neglected by these so-called professionals and die because they didn't do their jobs.

And now, I'm going to go and deal with the nausea that she's had for days. Tomorrow, I'll wage the battle for meds to deal with the nausea from the infection and the antibiotic. I've had enough of making do with OTCs and home remedies while these doctors sit on their hands and do nothing to help with it. She's diabetic and she has to eat, so they need to address the issues that are making that difficult. If her diabetes is aggravated by her not eating, that becomes another life-threatening situation.

Let the games begin, but she WILL have something for the nausea before the day is over.
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It is not ok to kick me while I am down.
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Peg, put your hands up by your face and shake them like you are doing "glad hands" and repeat.... I am the victim, I am the victim.........just so tired of hearing it....
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Maya, I think there is a 12 step meeting for that..... love ya.... wish we had emoticons on here...... so you could see the big smile on my face about your 'stress releiver of choice" , mine used to be some pretty serious drugs, but have been clean and sober for 28 years now..... there is a loving God....more than anything I was delivered from SELF, that was my biggest enemy, thinking everything was about ME.......What a beautiful world we live in, to be able to share and love each other... pretty damned cool wouldn't you say......
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By the way, I have four more bags of gummi bears and four packages of Hits. They're my stress relievers of choice.
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Thank you mama hen Jam for stating the obvious.... and things will turn around because this is a much needed thread and I have some wonderful loving and supportive friends here....
And thanks guys, but Jam is right, I am a problem child, but in a good way... lol
And Vic gets to call me a heathen because she loves me, and I am happy to see that ya'll are going to start posting again... As jam has said from day one.... this is OUR thread.... so please come back and share what is going on..... we have to turn it around TOGETHER...... hugs, angels and tons of love and respect for all of us doing this job... can not do this without support.... deep sigh, and lots and lots of love....
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I understand this thread is to express how we are feeling. I am feeling sad. I cannot express the gratitude to be able to just scream and vent and when I said I didn't want advice I didn't mean to offend anyone; I just needed a hug. I know my mom needs more help than I can give, my hands are tied; and I feel sad that I was not included in the health directive. I live here ... I have lived with my parents since 2004 and to be excluded from decisions hurts my feelings.
I know all about her and yet when the time comes for a decision it is left to those who have no clue, live in denial, or just don't care. I have had enough. And Friday is a turning point. And the strength I have to express my concerns to the doc on Friday is because of the people here. And to the person who sent me a hug and said "I have your back" thanks ... that meant the world to me. I expressed how I was feeling and said what I needed and rec'd it. Thanks. Peg
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Did mis know she is now the recipient of the COW PATTIE?
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Vic and brandy..........when you get to know "our special one" you will find that she most definitely IS a problem child......:) but she knows how much I love her!

And YES I have every intention of turning this thread back because it belongs TO ALL OF US which makes us all equal partners.
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So right Brandy! Ladee is definitely a special one! As are all of us! I say heathen to my dear friend as we come from different religious backgrounds and she actually coined the phrase in jest..so now periodically I tease.. Hope I didn't offend anyone and if I did I am truly sorry..
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Thank you Jam.. Have always appreciated your warmth and compassion and most of all making my journey easier. The love and support you all have given me through all of our crisis and craziness and grief. This has been my life line to others who are in similar and differing situations as I am not able to get out much and was deep in the black hole when I found you. it is so fantastic to share our stories and feel safe doing so..lately I have felt a little reluctant ..so thank you for being our momma hen!
Oh Lord I haven't written this much in awhile! Think it is the muscle relaxer and the pain pill!!
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Jam, I was bothered by the turn of events this thread has taken too. So I haven't posted and have been just reading as well. Ladee, you are not a problem child or a heathen. Like you said, you are a Child of God. Let's get this thread back on its feet and care of one another like we used to. Let's say stuff like "I have your back." Brandy.
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Thank you sweet friend..you are so right! I wouldn't trade these moments for anything in the world. My parents humble me .. I know it has to be so difficult to let go and let others take care of you..especially when they are independent for many years it is so hard to to lose that freedom to have to depend on someone else..can't imagine can only watch and encourage the little triumphs. Now mom she just tries to stay ahead..always worrying that I am doing so much..blah blah blah...
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Good Evening Posse!

I have been reading for the last several days and lurking in the background and I am still bothered by the turn this thread has taken and I also have concerns about what is happening with some of you right now. I may not be physically caring for the col in her home right now, but that is only because I realized that she needed more help than I was mentally and physically able to give her. But that doesn't mean I have turned my back on her.....just the opposite. I first came to this website in Nov 2010.....looking for others doing the same job and who might be able to give me some suggestions......I didn't just lay out my story and then tell everyone that I didn't want anything from them. It's okay to admit that you don't want to do the job you're doing....it's not okay to just turn your back because it doesn't work the way you want it to and expect someone else to solve the problem. If that's the case, then place your loved one where they WILL be taken care of by someone else. I started this thread because of my concern on how YOU were handling being the CAREGIVER and how that impacted your life; good , bad, with humor, with pain, whatever. We have lost several care givers that would have been a tremendous asset to this thread, and I'm sorry for that, and hope that others won't leave also. I want other care givers to feel that this is a safe place to come and sit with us while we try to make your burden a little lighter. Sometimes that is done with humor and sometimes not. The job in itself is not always happy, but we need to be able to come here, where it is SAFE, and most of all be comfortable relaying to others what is going on in our lives.

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Yea em..but you know a few months back he seemd to be getting more control of his movements and now it is almost as bad if not worse than befor rehab. The deterioan happens one day and a couple of days later he can make good sentences and follow instructions on getting up and moving feet...then the next day he is down again.. So it isn't like he declines and that's it ya know!? And for sure the docs have never really given us any diagnosis..we just treat symptoms.. Think this anemia stated many years ago then when they did bone marrow test in 05 they found the pernicious anemia but he was receiving another shot besides the b12..think it was called a gold shot...know a lot of these symptoms could be related to anemia...just hope that he can get some help

And ladee ...I just knew everyone would understand but I didn't want to look dumb!! ;-) ....could state the obvious and say I am brainless!! Hahaha
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Oh and Vic, I got silly and got off track there, but what i wanted to say was I completely understand what it feels like watching someone you love start to slide.. because it's not about us, it's about them. I watched Ruth go downhill and it just broke my heart, not for me, for her... she could not tell me what hurt, when she needed to go to the bathroom, why she was afraid to take a shower, when she was hungry... or thirsty.... I had to be on my toes to meet her needs, because my heart was breaking for her..... she was dependant, so with love I continued on my journey with her... even today when my leg hurts I have to look up and smile and say , don't worry, i haven't forgotten you, miss you to this day..... you never meant to hurt me.... and I know that.... so our pain comes from just being human and we can't fix it, can't make it better, we want so much for them to be happy and healthy and whole,,,, it's not about us really.... sure we are tired and blah blah blah, but just ask those who have lost someone, they'd sure like to have a little more time with who they love... It just sucks somtimes, but thank God we have each other and are not alone on our journey... hugs and angels...
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Ladee, if you're a heathen or a problem child, we need more like you. You lift me up. So do you Emjo. I don't know how to thank all of you for just letting me vent. And for putting up with my stories.

New nurse practitioner began her nursing career in the town I was born in. She tells me how sweet my mother is. I told her that it's the Phenix City coming through. In other words, be on your best behavior around the newbies in your life. There's plenty of time to be difficult later on after they get to know you.
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The funny part Vic, is even with the misspelled words I know exactly what you are saying... mine is from years of working with Alz patients and pretty soon the whole world sounds like they do.... so no problem, cause you know I'll go "WHAAAAAATT?" if I don't understand....At least you and ASG come back and tell us what you meant... but it does make for some interesting reading..... and things are pretty much left to inerpertation anyway... right???? You call me a heathen and Jam says I am a problem child, good thing I know I am loved ......and I really am both of those.... because I am SPECIAL... I am one of God's kids, and God doesn't make junk..... ( a poster in some 12 step rooms )
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Not aware..sware!! Ackkkk this spell check ..s**ks
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(((((vic)))) rooll away - hard to see this - am I right in that you are seeing a slow decline? and the docs aren;t sure what is going on? -but you see that it is happening
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That sentence should have said...I aware whatever is going on...

Then it should have said..tonight I fed him..

Oh boy..should have proof read!! Hahahaha
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Seeme...the day started out pretty decent..as it wore on he could not follow instructions ..or seemed to understand. We made it to church.. Got take out..couldnt handle lunch out. He ate pretty well by himself. Got him to his recliner and he was watching the Giants kick butt..I noticed he was moving a lot..he usually tells me he has to pee while he is peeing..so we just go get changed but he has had fairly decent control of letting me know about bowels..today no such luck..don't think he ever realized he had gone. Even after I cleaned him up. I share whatever is ging on..is not simple! One day he seems pretty aware and alert and the next...well all kinds of things from it getting harder and harder to bathe and to eat. To Ignor I fed him so he could eat.
Just wonder if it is blood loss anemia and the combination of heart and kidneys going down..
Few weeks ago the hematologist did an erythpoitien test to see if kidneys are producing enough for red blood cells. Has been harder and harder for him to try and explain anything.
Oh well on a roll...sorry
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Notlike: thanks. She is seriously going to need all the help she can get. This not eating is psychologically and emotionally damaging to me. But today I took off. I had roast and potatoes on a plate, instructions to put them in the microwave, push the button, enjoy. I went out by myself and then went to the grocery store and bought foods I like ... I like ... if she is not going to eat I am not spending my money on food for her. Period. I hope that does not sound harsh and maybe another day I could say it nicer...but not today. I start classes next week and have seriously NOT enjoyed much of this "vacation". I am taking off most of this coming week, going out by myself, not meeting friends or anything ... ME time before homework time starts up again. Mom is already in bed, has been sleeping all day. I know she still has her cold but this is more than a cold; one is lethargic/lifeless if one does not eat. period. Ok: I know many of you have asked me to be patient, and offered ideas to help her ... and I truly and honestly thank you for your suggestions, I am just so sad that she will not cooperate to enjoy her life and I feel helpless (not yet hopeless) that obviously there is nothing I can do to change this in her. I was reading the post about losing people both last and this year and honestly my first thought was: "my mom is next to go" and it honestly frickin' pains me to watch her kill herself. That's what I am saying at the appt on Friday...it is psychologically, emotionally etc damaging to have one daughter know about the decline in mental and physical health while brother gets "I"m fine" and believes it and sister, she means well, can only take so much because of her losses (as one of you have experienced as well so you know how she feels). I am the only one giving a damn here and the only one NOT on the health directive (I have seen it) and so my argument is how can those ON the health directive make an informed decision about her health if they honestly do not know what her health is???
I am ready to say ***screw*** this ***crap*** and tell doc to place her and I will go on with my life with less tears and frustration. I don't think I can handle much more. I know she has a neuro appt early Feb which will reveal some things and also I know you all know how I am feeling right now. A hug and a Kleenex would be nice to have right now.
Thanks for listening. I 'm not really seeking advice or wishing for a miracle ... I am desperately trying to "accept the things I cannot change" ... thanks for listening and the hugs I know many, if not all, of you are giving me. What more am I supposed to do? (that's kind of a rhetorical question as I know the answer is I have done all I can and cannot do much more with what I am working with-someone who no longer cares, for whatever reason(s) and I have to communicate all of this so she can get the help she obviously needs that she will not accept from me).
With gratitude for those that are reading this and praying for us.
SDPeg
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Vic....I thought dad was doing better....?????.....did you make it to church?
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Haven't had a dog in awhile..but you do have to take them out many times not just pee and poo..but to exercise..
Can't begin to understand how much turmoil you and family are in! Others have said it better than me.

Fruit flies! ... I know some fruit flies! Oh yeah..some heathens too! Lol
Ro so glad Dorothy is keeping you busy..and xtra happy that your mom is well!
Dad has dr appt Tuesday..hope we get some answers..but most I hope he can get a little relief. Hate to see him suffering so..
Love you guys
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Ro, I said your new baby has very soulful eyes... she is a smart girl, and more than anything she is making you laugh..... l love her for that just by itself....
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stormy.....mis is correct.....Lily has a bladder about the size of a peanut. She needs to go outside every hour and especially after she drinks and eats. Praise her and tell her what a good girl she is. Besides the pee pads, they make a contraption that looks like grass and the pee collects under it in a tray....and also with the small breeds they can be litter box trained. It's an inconvenience to housebreak a dog, but you really don't want her banished to the garage....that's putting her in isolation and she won't be a pet anymore....just something to feed and water.
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Maya, I don't have any gummi bears, but I did put some cream chees on a piece of choclate cake and pretended it was a bagel... pretending DOES remove calories....
Stormy, take the furbaby out many many times a day... do you crate her at night???There are so many animal lovers on here we will all be furious with your hubby if that baby ends up in the garage.....not that he cares, I'm sure, but I wouldn't want all of us mad at anyone.... lol...
I guess I am just confused about all the things you are learning about your neice and still not pressing charges.... doesn't do any good to keep getting info that is going to upset you further if ya'll aren't going to do anything about it.... IMO....guess my question is what is it teaching Conner, tho he is not aware really, but he does hear ya'll talking..... that stealing is alright, because you don't want to upset anyone... the little guy is listening and watching, even when you think he isn't.....
Have very much enjoyed my days off, feel rested and ready to go again... but have one more glorious day....
Sure hope we get back on track here on the thread, am missing hearing about caregiving....
hugs and angels....
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burned.....was that a regular fly or a fruit fly?
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stormy, I'd take her out every hour. We had to do that with peanut. There is also a spray I can't remember the name of it but they are not suppose to potty in the same spot. I also got poochie bells that goes on the door handle and I taught Peanut to ring the bells when he had to go out.
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