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Carol: my prayers are for your mom, you, family members and all friends. SDPeg
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Just had to come here and bemoan all that has happened in the last few days. My Mom fell on Monday morning; four breaks in her right leg and came through the skin. Actually looked like a wound that would happen in war. Got to the hospital and after hours of waiting ; they took her to surgery and tried to fix her leg. So far it is looking okay but still not real positive on a good recovery. . I have been staying at the hospital most of the day and all night. I have a lady that has been staying with her at home ; she is staying with her for several hours in the afternoon. Don;t know how this will turn out as I know there are lots of things that can happen. My Mother is 97 ; I don't know how her body is going to handle this.all this. So far she is okay but I look for a change anytime
We need your prayers. Thanks so much. Carol
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Ro, NOW I understand!! Another lost pet.....it must have been do hard to take him back, but I know the need for pets very well and I am glad you got another one........she sounds so glamourous.....Dorothy Lamour.....I am old enough to know who she is!!!! Get some sleep and then tell us all about her.......
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Hi everybody sorry my head is literally and physically spinning... My life goes very fast lately... I wrote it on Facebook, not here. The dog I had adopted recently, has killed one of my cats, one of those I loved more. So yesterday I took him to a dog shelter - and it was not easy to do it because it was not his fault. I like very much the people who run this shelter (it is a private one; the public ones are dog lagers) and they are already doing their best to find him another family. I called today, he is well and he doesn't seem too traumatized. When I went there yesterday I decided right away to adopt another dog because I needed something good in my life, lately its not been easy. So I took a little dog, a girl, a very sweet one. Her name is Dorothy Lamour. She is a little clown and she makes me smile.
I read your posts and I am sorry for those who are having a bad period with their parents and grandparents and in some cases husbands. I am really sorry for all of you who are grieving for difficult situations. My mother is in a good health, she is stable, she doesn't give me any problems lately. Poor thing. Just the lack of freedom...
Sorry I haven't slept at all last night so I am quite foggy.
I'll try to participate more to the life of this thread tomorrow night...
My head is somewhere else tonight. Forgive me! Kisses everybody
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Cmag: great job. Good title. The family structure has been askew since the beginning of time. Adam and Eve had children ... who did their children marry if they were the first generation? Mmmmm....that's always fun to question ha ha
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Jam, I've started a dysfunction family thread with the title: The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

seemeride, you bring up some very good points about how this topic relates to caregiving for what appears to be a lot of people on this site. It is deep as well as prevalent and I hope the thread will be as helpful as this one is.
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could not find it stormy - debbie M? but she is not listed under your family?
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Sorry ya'll i meant to put after we found out that MY NEICE WAS STEALING FROM OUR FAMILY BUSINESS. Not my sister......
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Hey all just wanted ya'll the ones that are friends with me on FB to check out what my sister put as her post the other day after we found out that she was stealing from the family business. Her name is debbie, dark brown hair. The post is about a 20 dollar bill. It is so true and fitting. I hope ya'll will check it out and let me know what you think of it. Love and hugs stormyyyyy
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A new thread probably would be started by a first born. My favorite studies were birth order and temperaments. Let's see if a first born jumps onto that idea. That would leave me out; I'm middle yet baby of girls. That puts me in a position that has many curses and many blessings.
After sending a message to doc (in the wee hours of the night) the nurse called. Mom's rxs are being adjusted due to tsh results and over all behavior. Woo hoo. I always cooperate with doc without putting my two cents in. They know I will ask questions though so as to be more learned. Perpetual student I am. So I will have to make my list again ... ha ha ... got so used to routine of putting the meds out. Perhaps a change in meds will make a marked, positive change in mom. Can't change her relationships with my sibs but can follow doc and change rx. Hopefully this will yield the positive changes I started this year praying about. Let's hope so.
SDPeg
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Yes, Mis, she can hear. The last word my mom said out loud, and she said it louder the second time, was her fave g/son's name when he called her on the phone. So tell her everything you want her to know....especially the baby's name.

Notlike, hang in there girl. You are doing better than you think. You have started something that will make it easier for you to go on....

Jam....a place to sort out dysfunctional families.......imagine most of us could go there, but I prefer to keep my rose colored glasses on.........ignorance is bliss in my case.......but the need seems to be out there. It is just another piece of the fabric that makes up the caregiver's role. It may account for the "who" of the caregiver, the "why" of the caregiver, and the "how" of the caregiver.......which child does it, or not.....how the caregiver delivers their care........wow, this is a deep subject.....too deep for me.....I'll just stick to humor........

Been missing you, Ladee.....glad to see you are back....must have had some long days at work.......hope Sonny and Marie are doing good. I got out yesterday for the first time in a week and it wore me out. Didn't do anything exciting even. Slept most of the afternoon while hubby was. Two more weeks of this shift and we can get back to a normal eating and sleeping routine where I can make NOISE during the day. Cold is much better, cough is easing, antibio's must be working. It is late and I must get going.........later............
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Oh Jam, I like the idea of a thread just for that, like you said who ever want to undertake that would be great, I know lots of folks would go there and have a safe place to talk about things..... and I forgot to tell mis, congrats on the new baby, and I LOVE her name.... gma will hang on, just keep whispering in her ear that the new one will get to come meet her soon.... I believe they can hear us... so say all you need to say.... when Ruth was in her final stages and had not opened her eyes for days, when she heard her grandsons voice on the phone, he was in Kuwait, she opened her eyes and smiled..... she died shortly there after.... so grannys can wait... and they can hear us.... love to you...
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Good Morning Posse!

Short check-in.....dogs woke me up and said "Potty time"..........

Notlike......I'm sorry there is so much sadness and stress around you now. Not only with Mom, but now with Uncle....just remember that we are thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers. Isn't it great how an "outsider" can come in and work miracles with our loved one? I guess since they aren't the ones doing the cleaning and saying "no" they can get accomplished what we might never have. When the admitting coordinator came to see the col when she was placed in the NH she manipulated the col into thinking it was her idea...lol! Where before, the col would practically threaten us that we had better not ever put her in one, the AC had her looking forward to it. I guess it takes a special talent to do the job.

mis....sending prayers and hugs and angels to you and to watch over Grandma. And a new life also! How special and yes, I hope Grandma gets to see her....beautiful name they gave to her. Try and take a few minutes for yourself each day, so you don't get run down.

After reading some of the recent posts, I had the idea that someone might want to start a thread about living today with dysfunctional families from the past.....I bet there are a lot more here than we even imagine. Just a thought if someone wanted to tackle that project.

Hope everyone has a terrific day............going to go take care of my farms on FB!

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Mismiley, I know what you are going thru, did this with Ruth, she had Alz...it is very hard to watch some one you love go thru the final stages.... but God's hands are on her heart..... she is safe.... thoughts and prayers to you and hubby....
notlikemom, you have done a lot right, we know it, God knows it, so that is the most important. Yes, professionals do have a way to reach them sometimes...make them feel safe, so happy to hear you received this blessing of one thing you know is taken care of.... love and hugs... angels for your heart....
Cmag, enjoy your time in the man cave...
Ro, just know that you are loved and respected.... no matter what is going on.... you make time to talk to us.... you are appreciated...
Have asked for a four day weekend... hope I get it soon....
love and hugs....
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Needed rest last night, so catching up this morning.
emjo-I'm glad you have gotten to a safer place. You sound very wise and accomplished. Blessings and real peace to you.
jam-thanks for the advice. It is better to do nothing sometimes.
rossell-you are an inspiration. Your happiness for your brother's family is so selfless. Shows what a wonderful person you are.
maya-hope you got a good cry and feel better today. Hugs.
mis-Hugs for the happy and sad places you are in right now. Be sure to talk to your Grandma about the new baby, she may still be able to hear you, even if she doesn't respond.
burned-Happy Birthday to your son!
The home health coordinator came last night. Wonderful woman-she had Mom talking, laughing, even telling stories. Got Mom signed up so we're ready for the future. At last, something I worked out right! I can breathe a bit easier now knowing that's taken care of.
Mom has chosen to start radiation with her next round of chemo. I hope it works and the side effects aren't as bad as I imagine. More doctors appts in our future to coordinate all this.
My uncle goes to hospice today. It's hard watching my dad deal with this. He is trying to understand it all. I listen alot and answer questions. Mom is still pretty cold about it, but at least she lets him go visit.
Hope everyone has a good day. Thanks to all of you for your support and kindness.
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Spoke with the staff yesterday before seeing grandma. They said that she hasn't ate since Monday and that she's been sleeping alot. It's hard to see her like this. Sometimes, I expect her to wake up and say a smart a$$ comment like she use too. I went up there right after work yesterday and will be doing the same thing today after I get the alert sent out to stormy.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Yesterday, I found out at work that one of my friends, Robin, lost her mom over the holidays. Her dad has alz and just was put into a nursing home.
My niece had her baby yesterday morning. A little girl Arabella Alexis. She came 20 days early. I'm hoping Grandma holds on long enough so my niece came bring her to at least meet Grandma. But for now Grandma is in God's hands and whatever happens happens.
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burned........I know nothing about the laws in Arizona.....have you contacted your SSA local office for help with all of this? That would be the place to start. Give son a HAPPY BIRTHDAY hug!!!!!!!!

Trying to get caught up on today's posts........
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Cmag: enjoy your time alone in your man cave knowing we are here when you want to come out. SDPeg
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Vic, I am so tired from all the driving for two days along with all of the drama that I need some extended time alone in my man cave.
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Well..I still have to pay the bills to keep the utilities going but i am having one of those down days but i got some things figure out with the life insurance company but they messed up on the amount of policies he has...hubby has an appt on the 6th with his doctor and then again on the 12th to see the cardiologist and i do not know what that will consist of truthfully. I am so tired ...then i can hear my twin nagging me to move with her to where she is at and I am like hell no....I left indianapolis...my choice ...i have also had dealt with some dysfunctional ppl in my own life....like why my stepdad doesnt want to know that my twin contacted our bio dad who is far more dysfunctional. I also have a sister getting ready to move to california of all places not sure if its to be closer to me...I do not know.....I think everyone's family is a mess to one degree or another but it how you deal with it...

I am still at a loss as to how to work things with ssa adminstration and making sure hubby can continue his longterm care...I need some advice regarding how to handle spousal stuff in Az cuz I am at a loss...why does it have to be the ones we love and the ones that back off get greedy and expect some payback after my husband is gone when they care less what i have been doing for the last 5 yrs...I mean some of the stuff is petty who in their right mind doesnt call their brother months and months with no calls..His neices and nephews do not bother he has such a big heart and i hate the fact that he feel has no family cuz of their dysfunctional bs but in many ways he is glad to not deal with it but the major is ssa and keeping his eligibility ...oh well tomorrow is a good day...my son turns 5 tomorrow and i am so happy for his 5th which means pretty soon a quiet house:)
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Notlike..you are a loving compassionate person..know we are here for you.
Stormy..that really blows...I would be livid and probably open my big mouth in that situation. You all are in prayers!
Maya...what an exhausting day!! Hope you have a better night and that yu can get mom well.
Cmag..whew..glad it was you and not me having to run arund..sounds exhausting but hope wifey iwill be better soon..
Well all..my dear sweet neighbor passed away this afternoon. God Bless him. He isn't suffering anymore.
Ros must have missed post ..so sorry for another pet loss. This year just has to get better. You are in my heart.
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emjo, thanks! As my wife and I have been working through our childhood mess and moving from living out of the harmed inner child to living out of the inner adult, we feel a greater sense of intimacy that ever before.

I mentioned there were two books by Kenneth M. Adams. The second one is Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest.

Jam, it does get frustrating to see doctors read the same mammogram so differently. I'm glad your situation turned out well. One thing that helped my wife is that the person who did the mammogram and ultra sound was an actual doctor doing it and not a radiologist.

Today was a mixed day of taking my wife to see her neurologist about some things, seeing her threapist, and seeing a doctor about her carpal tunnel. She gave my wife a shot in her right wrist. Then, we rushed home to pick up our son's repaired car and the repairman waited for us to get there by a certain time after 5. Now, this car is in much better shape!

Prayers and hugs for everyone.
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((((((((Hugs))))))) Maya -sorry you had such a rotten day but glad you came here for support. Your cousin needs a "nice" pill. Why was she even there? The docs aren't helping either. Sounds like the wound needs better treatment. Yeast infections are very hard to clear up - hope the meds helps. Coconut oil is good as is Tea Tree oil, and even peroxide. If it persists, sometimes changing treatments works better than keeping using the same one.

stormy I am with jam - what your niece has done is illegal - plain and simple - and I would charge her. No need to walk on eggshells around her mum or around anyone. I told all my kids that - you do something illegal and I will be the first one to report you. They didn't. It is the natural consequence of committing a crime and, to me, more dreadful as your dad is so ill. Perhaps her parents need to face the realities about her. I know this is hard on you as your sis is in charge of the store so she is the one who should follow up. The thought that family would do that is reeally distressing to you all.
ros - so sorry about your pet loss - once again - you must be wondering when things are going to get better. ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) for your hurting heart.
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Maya- I am so sorry that you had a terrible day today. I hope you get some rest tonight and that tomorrow is a better day for you. ((((Hugs)))) Stormyyy
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Nothing went well today. She's been cultured for another infection. She's on wet to dry right now because doctor's office doesn't bother to replace the wound vac. And no, this probably won't close all the way. Neither surgeon seems to have a clue as to what the other one is thinking of or any kind of timetable. She goes back in two weeks.

They think that she's got a skin yeast infection all over her abdomen. Of course, she also rubs the side of her stomach all the time in a circle when she's nervous. We'll see if the meds clear that up.

When I told the office nurse that home health isn't allowed to come out on the days that she goes to the doctor per Medicare rules and that she needs the wound vac because wet to dry does NOT wick the fluid out and that infection sets in when the fluid pools at the bottom, my cousin had the temerity to try to grab me to shake me like I had lost it. And no, not once did I EVER become physically aggressive in any way, shape or form, so there was no need to even begin to do that. I was simply sitting in a chair and explaining to yet another new person what works with Mama and what doesn't. After we left, I informed both Mama and my cousin that no one has the right to even think about shaking me because I'm only telling the office nurse the way that home health works and the way that Mama's body does, that unlike the nurses in the family, I've actually been there to see what happens when wet to dry is used and that she won't close without either the wound vac or suturing. I also told my cousin that she either needed to learn to speak up and do what she's sworn that she'll do --- advocate for Mama --- or she needs to stay at home because I can't babysit her too. I don't have time to undo all the kowtowing that nurses are trained to do when my mother's life is at stake.

Then we come home and Mama informs me that she needs two prescriptions filled. The only problem is that one of them was filled two weeks ago and she should have had thirty-two pills left. She swears that she didn't take them, but it would explain why she's been feeling so bad for the last couple of weeks and why her blood pressure has been so low.

I don't know what to think. Mama's mad at me because I don't automatically buy into the pharmacy not filling the prescription properly.

I'm worn out. If Mama doesn't give a flip about whether or not she gets healed, I can't make her. And I told Mama and my cousin that I'm not there to carry purses, coats or machines either, that I'm not a pack mule to be pushed aside by either of them.

I'm so tired, I could cry.
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Ros and peg- I am sorry that she has done this too to us. We just look at her in a whole new different light. She just can't be trusted. And that hurts. But what can you do except wait until she falls flat on her face. Maybe one day she will realize that money and possestions are not everything in this world. Yes, they are nice. But not everything.
Also i wanted to let ya'll know that they do not take off 3/4 of my brother's ear just a round circle about the size of your fingernail. But they did have to go through his ear and he had to have skin graphs on his ear. Well go to get ready to leave from here. My God it's been a long day over here, even lily is ready to get in her travel bag. Hugs stormy
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Stormy and Notlikemom, what stories! I am very sorry for the sorrow those problems cause you. I don't know what a normal family is. I don't know what normal is, but if someone is neglected and doesn't feel he is loved, some problems arise sooner or later! I come from a strange family, with two parents who loved each other but with very neurotic dynamics, a very conflictual relationship. The result is that my brother has created a good family of his own, and he is - full of faults - but a very good husband and father, I must say.. I didn't manage to make a family of my own, because I was scared it would be a copy of the family I come from. So my brother and I had 2 opposite reactions. Me: "no family." He: "a family which is better than the one I come from". Maybe he is stronger and more positive than I am. So.... (much the better for him).
Stormy I am happy your brother could save most of his ear. I think he can go to a plastic surgeon and have an operation of reconstruction sooner or later. They make miracles nowadays!
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Stormy: I am sorry that you are going thru all this with your family member. Peg
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Jam-yes it is probably thousands i'm sure and yes she owns her own boutique along with a insurance com. that her and her husband started up about 2 years ago. There is no telling what she has been doing at that insurance co. I know i still can't believe that she has done us like this. As good as we have been to her through the years. My uncle that works at our store said that she made the statement that she thought she was going to come into some money once grandpa died. I'm sorry to say that she will have to get it from her daddy. Cause his will is set up to be split 3 ways equally between the 3 of us children. And since brother had his stroke he has become tight with his money with good reason because his whole family spends money like it grows on trees. Sis should call the law on our neice but she will never do that cause she is the peace keeper in the family. We have had so much conflicts last year with our sil that she will not do that just so she will not have to hear her belly aching. Plus sil think her daughter is the golden child the one that turned out good. Boy, was she wrong...... Well, better go check on dad. Until next time....... Love and hugs stormyyyy
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https://www.agingcare.com/articles/new-years-resolutions-you-can-keep-143643.htm?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Newsletter%20-%20January%204,%202012
I love these resolutions. Today I hang out with a girlfriend. Caregiver is coming so mom will be well taken care of during her cold. Time alone or with friends is essential. Wish we all got more of it.
What if find more and more interesting is hearing from our generation about what is or was normal for us growing up. What was normal/functional is what many people experienced or found out later in life was in existence. According to the definition we were all pretty normal as we were all the "norm" ha ha. Thought this was an eye opener as well as the resolutions. We also have to remember that we are not the labels others put on us. I am still the apple of God's eye no matter what people think or say.
dys·func·tion·al

adjective /disˈfəNGkSHənl/ 

Not operating normally or properly
- the telephones are dysfunctional

Deviating from the norms of social behavior in a way regarded as bad
- an emotionally dysfunctional businessman
- dysfunctional families
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