This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Grandma got moved out of the neuro icu today into a regular private room. Before she got moved we went up to see her and we talked to her nurse. She took us in a conference room and talked to us about grandma. She said from what the doctors said that grandma would need 27/7 care, (which we would not be able to do ourselves) she would need to be in a skilled facility. Also the pallative care coorinator and social worker would talk to us when we go back up there in morning. When the social worker gives us suggestions for nh we are going to go and check them out. Rob asked the nurse about hospice and the nurse said that both pallitive and social worker would talk to us about it. This is just so exhausting. We both are taking care of ourselves the best way we can and grandma would want us too.
We told grandma that it seems so different without her here with us and we miss her. I told her that Daisy (our cat) is being taken care of and so is Peanut (our dog) is being taken care of too.
I've been wanting to clean this house for the last couple of days. Guess what i haven't done a single thing yet. I get started on something and then get side track on something else. I'm having a heck of time sleeping at night. Too many wheels turning in my head with all of the things that has gone on this weekend.
Good night my friends. Will give another update tomorrow.
His sister saved her father's and gave them to her kids and grandkids to play with. Now that was just nasty....
My best friend told me more than once that I should write it all down and he'd publish it. He said the only problems were that I'd have to write it as a work of fiction because number one, no one would believe it was just the unvarnished truth and number two, the names would have to be changed to keep me from being sued. People don't like their dead bodies coming out of hiding, you know. They like them buried and saintly.
When he passed away, his Class A uniform had been cleaned and pressed. He went to his grave with new brass, new ribbons and a new name tag in place on it. The brass didn't have a fingerprint on it. And his low quarters were freshly spit shined. We couldn't have the old man look less than sharp, could we?
After being complained at by the cousins because I remember things so well, I started a blog. If I keep it up, I'll find a way to give you all a link. For the most part, it's private. My best friend is the only one that I've given access to yet, but if I manage to keep it up, we'll figure out a way.
Okee dokee?
At the Four Seasons store on post, my mother found a record that was supposed to teach parrots how to talk. The record kept repeating "Hey baby, want a kiss?" One day, my mother came up the stairs and as she turned the corner, she heard those words and freaked.
Phil also learned how to whistle and call our cocker spaniel Duchess. One day, I came in the front door just in time to see Duchess take a running leap off the sofa at the bird cage on the bookcase in the living room. I think Duchess had had enough of the bird.
We also had a raccoon named Bandit who was a house pet. He had a wading pool of his own and he slept in my bed curled up beside me on my pillow. He was awfully cute. We got him when he was just a kit. My dad found his mother dead and her four babies beside her, so he brought them to a park ranger. We ended up bringing Bandit home with us. Daddy tamed him, but Bandit never really warmed up to him. He used to wait until Daddy broke starch on his uniform and then, he'd lift his leg and make Daddy have to start out with yet another fresh one.
Boundaries ... I love them. NO...I love that word.
Pity parties? I always decline...unless it is mine or yours of course. And I don't mean we have pity parties (we vent, ask for support, scream, cry, etc) but I just wanted it to flow with what I was writing.
I have enjoyed my day: junked out on chips (the healthy veggie kind), candy (the healthy dark chocolate kind) and soda and coffee with donettes for breakfast. Wow! That sounds like a junk food day.
I am like a fish out of water without homework. But I do have two books I want to read (thank you eKindle) so that's on my list of things to do for the next douple of weeks.
I suspect the games mom and brother have played for years will continue. I plan to tell them I won't play with them anymore ... not that I was ever invited to but moreso lured into the den. So that's one resolution this time next year you all will hear I have kept. If these games of lies and deception and secrecy have been a lifelong habit I can't break the code. Nor will I try. I will just play on my own playground and you all are invited. My favorite childhood games were: hopscotch, tetherball, and jacks. What was yours? We could play jacks in the laundry room ... ah ... a place to run to when others shun us from their games.
Hope some of you are resting today. For those that are not, I pray you get a nice restful sleep tonight. I have been taking melatonin (I tell people I am sleeping with "Mel" ~ like a new boyfriend ha ha) and two pills (when I can sleep 8 hours) works best for me but I am petite and that's about all I could take. And also without my school schedule: I feel like a fish out of water. Oh I liked that card game as well: "Go fish" ... maybe that will be my code "cuss" word to those that irritate me ~ I will tell them to "go fish" like the card game.
I guess childhood memories occur during this time of year...thanks for letting me share mine.
What was your favorite childhood game or memory? One day we might not remember, we can remind one another.
SDPeg
Have a great time!
SDPeg
It is very empowering to make that choice for ourself... and not wait for someone else to help... you have family that can watch her for awhile.... now, the challenge will be to not just keep walking..... lol.... or running...... away from home... take care, we are happy you are here... hugs and angels...
The respite was good ; I will do it again but the cost has to be considered as Mom's money is limited and it recently has been going fast lately. The daycare takes all her social security; meds and doctors get what is in savings. I'm trying very hard not to overspend her funds. I think the respite is for me ; should I really spend her money on it when it really is helping me?? Lots to consider.
Wish the sun would shine. I'm really tired of the clouds as they reflect my mood. Just a day or two of sun lately here in Tennessee. Makes me want to be at the beach hearing the waves come into the shore. Gosh, I am really dreaming.
Take care all; I've got laundry to do. Carol
agree with the seriousness, lyn - there can be a maniacal strength and it has to be dealt with
seeme - ur hubby passed out from the sight of his own blood oh dear - very embarrassing for him
ladee glad u r starting to relax -u have needed that big time
had a dump of snow here but the roads are not slick - stay in jam and stay safe
cmag hugs to ur wife -she is fortunate to have ur support - prayers going your/her way too
mis let us know how grandma is and if u got time off
The Cave and The Laudnry Room.....
Got your message last night after we came home from Kathy's.......bet you blew their minds, Ladee.......Ladee the problem child and Emjo the wild child......glad they didn't get the internet call or you would be in trouble......
So many posts today.......Ro and too much wine, me and too much whine, CMag in time out.....no, just resting in the man-cave, Stormy and too many toys, Ladee and too many rocks........
Carol, don't let us drive you away.......hang in there with us......
I am taking down the Christmas stuff while hubby is sleeping. We went out for breakfast with Kathy and family. Hubby had to have blood drawn this morning after fasting. I waited outside in the car....shouldn't have taken more than 10 min.....25 min later he comes out......nurse went through his vein and it was on.......he has vassavega.......whatever that is when you pass out at the sight of your own blood. Doctor had to get it from him, lay him down, give him juice.....he was so embarrassed, but it was nothing new......and he gives blood all the time.
Got to have something to show for the time he is sleeping, so I will get back to it....
And please tell me you were kidding about him possibly hitting you..because if he is getting that angry it is time for an eval from his Dr... you have not said if he is on any meds.... give me a little more info and we'll see what else we can come up with....glad he is home safe.... hugs to you....
lyn - as I mentioned mother had the same problem over a number of years as he declined. Finally his car -a beautiful Humber with leather and walnut interior needed service and wouldn't start. I had travelled across the country leaving 3 kids behind in response to a distress call from my father as mother was - in her way -ranting and ranting all the time, and he was beside himself. It did not take me long to ascertain that he was not capable of driving anymore, so I advised mother to let the car sit there and not get it serviced. It still was a thing of beauty, and to buy herself a vehicle and sleep with the keys if necessary, In any way make sure he could not get them. He was satisfied as he still had his car in the driveway to look at, and she had reliable transportation to work, and protection for him, and for the public as he could not drive. Eventually they got rid of the Humber. He had ministrokes and she would come home from work and find him passed out in the floor. He slept and then apparently came to unharmed, but of course there was small amounts of damage each time, which eventually took its toll.
I don't known if my eardrums ever recovered from the hours I spent walking with mother outside (to give my father some peace), and listening to her rant. After I retuned home and she had bought herself a car, she called me and told me that she has done what I suggested, and in her inimitable personality disorder, narcissistc way, said in a nasty tone "But don't think you have helped me!"
All in a day's work for the child of a narcissist.
I didn't know whether to laugh or smack him.
It's what my mother used to do when my dad was trying to drink and drive. The military police thanked her for it.