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He's driving up now. How do I keep him, us, and the public safe? Any suggestions?
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OH dear Lyn, you are in my prayers that he returns safely and you keep your sanity! SDPeg
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In crisis mode here. The beloved prof has blown his top over not being able to drive. He took off in his car, and has been gone alone now for over an hour in his car. Just sitting here waiting for him to find his way home or for the Sheriff to come. Wish we could move forward from this stage. This sucks. It's like a chameleon. Crazy stuff. Never thought we'd be here.
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Maya: proud of you!!!
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I just set a boundary. One of the cousins who thinks that she can say whatever she wants and I'm just supposed to take it called and said that she wanted to come over to see my mother. After the garbage that she spewed at me after church that night, I really don't want to see her. There's a nurse coming in an hour or so and I told her that. I told her that today was not a good day and she told me that she would be over afterwards. I think she's coming to look and to find fault. Also, to put some spin on what she did. She refused to take no for an answer. After she hung up, I thought that no, I'm not going to leave my home because she won't listen to what I said. I called her back and told her that I do not want her over here, that she's said some things that she had no right to say to me and that I'm trying really hard to forgive her, but right now, I don't want to look at her.

I told my mother what happened and that I told her not to come over here. My mother agreed that I shouldn't have to leave my home to avoid her. These people need to get it through their heads that they don't get to do and say anything and then, have me roll over and play dead for them.

I moved her to improve the quality of my mother's life, not for myself. And I'm beginning to wish I'd stayed where I was.
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Ladeeda- smoke as in smokin hot, right?
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Oh and emjo, I'd have to be outside anyway because I smoke.... but the awning would be nice....
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ASG, I kinda like the Laser thing, sort of speaks volumes about my personality doesn't it.... and you made me laugh out loud about the red neck thing....
Yes Jam, I am the problem child, but ya gotta love me because I make you laugh.... and I did take today off, am getting started early about the new year thing of destressing myself....
One of my favorite things to do is go rock hunting... no I don't take a gun, but to walk in the fresh air, well depending on how many cattle are where I am rock hunting..... but I just get into the zone.... rained all weekend, which I am extremely grateful for, but am wanting to get out on the back roads and pick up rocks,,,, and not just any old rocks... special rocks....I do some of my art with them, it's funny because when people see how many rocks I have they always ask, "what are you going to DO with them", well, uh, they are rocks, you really don't need to DO anything.....just the joy of finding them , the solitude, the quite, the listening for God... so guess beauty and respite comes where ever we are looking for it....
And don't worry Lyn, I'm not going to clean house, so you don't have to either.... I just put a sign on my door that says, "I'm tellin' ya, you REALLY do not want to come in here"..... it works.....hugs and angels....
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asg glad it went well - niow for some cave time!!! or laundry room if the weather is bad

I'll take that you are jellies anyday - colourful, bouncy, cute...
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now y'all have me laughing and my imagination is flying

all I want for next Christmas is a singing Justin Bieber toothbrush - not making fun of you stormy - just thinking about me at my age and having one - must be in my second chldhood - or maybe my first consdering the cr*p that went on when I was young - strange u named ur pup Lily. it is one of my "secret" names - no not Gary -so I may answer when you call her, and I don't pee on the carpet - yet anyway rotflmbo
Ladee you are like hawkeye -can't do confined spaces - we will build you an awning over the entrance so you can stay outside and we will camp - heat water on the fire and do the right order of brushing teeth -with justin bieber sunging tooth brushes - all in harmony now, spit in the bushes, then wash the hands etc. Is anyone averse to using leaves for "that": job" Just don't pick the poison ivy. oh, my goodness, I think I need some brekkie to get my blood sugar up, I am getting right foolish!
maya - mum on skye -awesome and as far as the relatives go -you trash them - life is too short
as far as help goes-stormy u got it right -tell 'em don't ask 'em
jam sounds like u did well, I am glad
pet story - my dd (dear daughter) had a cat called Smokey and he was the predatorial type. It was Christmas and she was having trouble with her Christmas tree lights and she told me the cat was eating them. Yeah right! I was over there, the lights were on and the cat was under the tree and I heard a distinctive "crunch" I went over to take a closer look and this crazy cat was crunching the lit light bulbs. he didn't like them cold. So lyn -sometimes they are crazy - hope he doesn't swallow the foil..
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*Ladee* not laser....and *jelous* not jellies. My new phone has an over active spell check...at least for a red neck:)
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Merry christmas everyone.....I hope you all had a good one. I hope all got a lot of rest. And hope everyones elder behaved them. I think mine slipped herself an ativan he he he. She sure acted like it. She does have a hard time with he holidays. Maybe that's a good sign she is more accepting of the med. Didn't drink any eggnog....had no laundry room bar time so I think i'm over due;) laser I hope you getvplenty of long overdue rest today...jam stay off the slick roadways. Im jellies.love you all and thought of you often.
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Ladeeda, don't get me started on housework, lol.
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Lyn, I do sweat, alot, It is so unattractive to be in walmart and have sweat dripping on my glasses... and the summer... OMG.... so the toxins go , and I don't eat meat, so don't have that yucky feeling either... I do find it hard to meditate, so I practice Echart Tolle's suggestion of , " what is my next thought going to be" and my mind goes blank..... and other than a few senior moments, I can stop my mind for a few moments.... but then I am back to "zoom"..... you'd think my house would be clean, but it's not..... small space and takes no time to be cluttered.... oh well, it's my disorganized mess and I know where things are.....
Maya, can tell you are still in awe of your great gift...... what did we do before computers???? A Friend of mine asked why I don't write her letters anymore, UH, I do, in emails..... lol
Ok, am going to check on FB and then take a nap..... busy day huh...
mismiley, please let us know how things are with gma, and maybe like you said your boss will let you have a few vacation days.... that would help a lot......
So everyone else check in and let us know how ya are... we probably won't hear from vic, her hubby is home...WOOT WOOT.....
hugs to my friends.....
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Good morning!

The computer is up and running. I wish I was.

I was at church yesterday when one of the cousins called to invite us to her daughter's for Christmas dinner. You know, I wish these folks would make up their minds. One week, they trash me and the next one they invite us to dinner. I politely declined by reminding her of her sisters' telling me that they won't be back to see Mama because they got embarrassed because I told the truth. It's all a little to schizophrenic for me to have to put up with. I've got enough on my plate with my mother.

Speaking of mothers, mine went on Skype last night and video called with her only son and his family. She'd been resistant to doing anything like that, but she's changed her mind. I was really glad that it worked for them. And yes, I have to thank my best friend for that. Without the new computer, it wouldn't have worked at all.
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Ladeeda, yep, it does require sweating. That's why it is so funny that it is me that found it attractive. I've decided I love it as an outlet for a midlife crisis. Maybe I will end up healthy and attractive- too much for this little mind to conceive. You are sooo right- we are a crazy bunch. It's nice to feel at home, though. I'm going down kicking and screaming the whole way if I have to go down.

I am watching the prof's puppy try to eat tin foil. She takes a bite, cringes, takes a bite, cringes. OMG. I am becoming a sadist, too, lol.
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Lyn, doesn't exercise require sweating????? and meditation require settling the mind????? No, uh, I have one speed and that is "zoom"... it is taking it's toll, but I did take today off.... ADD, OCD, EIEIO..... so many of us have the same alphabet soup in our personalities, guess that is why God chooses us to be caregivers..... He knows we will do the job, do it well, never stop until we drop, and bitch and complain the whole way.... And He did make a bunch of us didn't HE... and we all found each other , so who could ask for more than that.....We have imaginary bars, imaginary antlers, but we have real friends... I am blessed and I know it... clap your hands... I am blessed and I know it , clap your hands....
OK Ok , enough already... have already got on the silly train, so come join me, I'll make a stop at your house...hugs to my friends....
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One added thought on how to steal some time for yourself. I have a standing appointment for the prof for a massage on fridays. It gives me a total hour of peace and quiet. I usually make my own appt. for hair, nails, anything. Just a moment for me. It is an incredible treat- as long as I can afford it. I am completing the paperwork for respite care. I felt guilty for awhile, but know now I am going to have to do more for myself and my 17 year old man child.
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Good Morning Posse!!!

I hope everyone had a good Christmas.....some not so good I know.....just believe that my thoughts are with you whether you are having a rough time or a not so rough time.

Carol....ladee is right, you are trying to make sense of the care giving and sometimes that is just not possible. The tired takes us over mentally and physically and it seems like some days it's almost impossible to get up and put one foot in front of the other. That's why YOU must come first, and no that is not a selfish attitude, because without YOU the care giving doesn't exist. Just remember as humans we do have a breaking point and this care giving gig can push us to that real quick. You may be at that point where you have to sit back and reevaluate what you are doing and how you are doing it and you might have to make other plans. I was at that point in October....every morning I was waking up with this doom and gloom attitude, knowing the col's mind was getting worse and physically she was getting so frail, and I would run these scenarios through my brain all the time.....what if she falls while I'm with her and I can't catch her.....what if..what if..what if...............yes, I'm trained to take care of the ill and injured and hubby is a physician for heaven's sake, but when it's your own it's different. Anyway, I knew I couldn't do it anymore and Target was having a hard time dealing with how quickly his momma was fading and seeing what it was doing to me, so the decision was made to place her in the NH.

ladee.....what can I say....our problem child.....I'm still rolling thinking about someone saying...."who do you think this is? Sounds like they're nuts...too much eggnog maybe?" hope yesterday was restful for you and wish you didn't have to work today.

Will try to answer and read as everyone checks in today. Going to be a day of calling the pharmacy, the stoooopidddd attorney, the phone company and nothing else I hope! Eating leftovers......YUMMMMMMMMM!

We've almost made it through another year......yippee!!!!

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Hey everyone i hope all of you had a merry christmas. I am glad all that running around is over. Went to bed last night at 11. I could have gone at 10. My legs and feet were killing me because i have not stopped for three days. Between dads house( cooking for him ) and cooking at my house, hubby was off of work this christmas. First time in years and it will probably be his last for several more years so i wanted to have more food cooked here at the house for him to eat. And was still wrapping gifts christmas morning.
Hubby and i were up til 3:30 christmas eve getting connor's santa together. His big thing that he got was a train table. It took us about 3 hours to put that thing together. We were both sweating bullets, scared to death connor would wake up. And he woke up at 7:30 christmas morning. So we got a few hours of sleep. He got thomas the train stuff and trains, spongebob toys, flashlights, clothes, gloves,legos, candy, a singing justin bieber toothbrush, air hockey game, a blowup spongebob punching bag, spongebob dvds. My house looks like it threw up toys. Lily even got to new outfits. But she walks right out of them. She is too little to wear them. She will have to grow into them i guess.

Dad is doing about the same i guess. Christmas eve(afternoon) sis had to carry him to the hospital cause his stoma come out of his neck and we couldn't get it back in. He started bleeding around his neck from us trying to get it back in. They were not over there long about 2 hours and then they sent him home. You know if something is going to happen it's going to happen on christmas eve.... Then sis didnt think she was going to be able to go home for christmas. Brother stayed last year on christmas eve with dad. But he had already told me he wasn't doing that this year. So sis finally asked him if he would stay christmas day night with dad and he said he would. If she didn't ask him she wouldn't have gone home. She told me I shouldn't have to ask him and nephew to stay, they should offer to stay. I told her you can hang that up about them offering to stay with him. You have to ask them. I told her i have to ask them when i need them to stay with him. So i told her to quit waiting around for them to say something about staying with him. Ain't neither one of them got a job or nothing to do they can stay with him some. Then brother has been talking about ordering dad one of them life alert necklaces(we have been calling it the PANIC BUTTON). Sis said, "How is that thing going to help me"? I just told her i don't know. Then dad goes for his labs tomorrow, wed. is his throat strecth (sp?) surgery. Friday is appt with the no account dr that will tell us what his tsh levels are doing and other things. Another busy week...... Huh...... It never ends........ Going to send this before it gets too much longer. Love and hugs stormyyy
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Amen, ladeeda, on your cudos to Carol. Carol, I am finding I need to take more time for my own personal defenses. I use meditation and exercise. I figure it's a great way to expend the energy. I used to use sewing. I made some of my most beautiful work in some of the most stressful times. Allow yourself some time, even if it is in short spurts. It somehow gives me balance.
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Carol, you are trying to make sense of this and that is a good thing, only loving and caring people question themselves as you are doing.... you want to care and be present and you are tired and burnt out.... my prayers for you are to have some time to yourself soon... can she go to respite again anytime soon?? Maybe the next time you will know to start relaxing right away if you can and get the best rest you can.... keep coming back and letting us know how you are.... and your wishes for cmags wife were so sweet and loving.... see, you are just very tired, and we understand that, your love shows thru the tired... so hang in there and we'll be here for ya... hugs across the miles....
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This is a good place. Thanks for the encouraging words. My Mom just went to bed. I just don't know how all this can go on much longer. There is so much sadness in this world and my problems seem small. Christmas can be a sad happy. We actually had a good day ; kind of ignored my Mom's grinch behavior but it is hard.
Cmag please know your wife is in our prayers. I'm sure she is frightened. Your support will go a long way helping her.
There is not any daycare tomorrow. How will I stand another day? Then next week we do it again. Oh well I must get through. Sometimes life seems so unfair. Take care all. Carol
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cmag -aren't hotels great for getaways - leaving for a hotel has saved my sanity many times. I stopped staying with mother years ago - a hotel -come to think of it might not be a bad idea here too - when my daughter and family were staying with me, I went to a hotel a couple of times just to get my own space and mark papers, They had a pool and it was great,. That hotel has a spa day and I could use that
laee -I wish I could see the faces of those people when they hear your message LOL!!!
carol-can't hold our breath for better times or for it all to be over. Mother is 99 and as dysfunctional as ever and goin g strong - no dementia just the life long narcissism and personality disorder - I am 74 and the clock is ticking so I gotta make it good now. I think you have to grieve what you lost or what never was so you can move on -face how bad it is, come and vent, feel the feelings and crey the tear and eventually you move on to a better place (((((hugs)))))
ros -have another glass for me - I was going to have a sherry and forgot -it will be there tomorrow -getting past the sadness
maya - when you learn how toi skype you can tell me! Time I learned!
sdpeg - she is demented so she will tell stories - it is what I have to say about my mother and sister but I substitute mentally ill for demented - if you mother did it all along and played those games with your bro then they are never were too healthy - grieve the losses, I know it is hard when it is in your face every day.. I have had to take myself out of the arena -me getting hurt accomplishes nothing - they play their games somewhere else if I am not available
lyn -mother had the driving problem with my father when he started going down hill - it is no joke - an my heart goes out to you -hope your huddle at home was relatively good
mis - in my prayers and glad you are relaxing a bit,and the hospital is looking after grandma (((((hugs))))) to you and rob - tough to happen especially at this tine of year
burned - hope you had some kind of a Christmas with you hubby and the kids
asg - wondering how it went...
jam -hope you had a good meal and a visit and not too much snow. -sounds like the col is enjoying the nh and the social activities - bet you are thinking of last year and your mum (((((((hugs)))))
seeme - catching up on the zzzzzzzz's -thinking of you and those puppies that are coming -I know this day is hard when you have lost someone (((((((hugs)))))
shawna - nice pics and mum looks good. Glad that you had that good phone call - warms the heart
stormyyyyy - playing with the puppy???? Hope dad had a decent Christmas. and you had a great one with your family - know you are busy with your own home and his.
starri - enjoy the warm breezes - I wish!!!!!
I am sure I have forgotten some one(s), but not intentionally
hoping for a good few days for all till the new year rolls in -
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
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Welcome cadarn, if being human is wrong, then we are all wrong... it is so overwhelming at times..... we know, we do this too... so just know you are not alone, that we understand how you feel, how you think, and even your self doubt.... come with us and we'll walk this part of our journey together.... there is power in numbers..... come back and talk with us.... hugs to you...
Ro, am glad to hear you drank too much wine today.... you needed that, it's been one long hard year for you...... get a good night's rest and we'll see how you are tomorrow... hugs to you....
Cmag... please let your wife know she is in our prayers about her biopsy.... as women we know her fear of the unknown... seems so many have crazy moms, I told a Friend today I was grateful my mom is no longer having to deal with this thing called "life".... she is at peace.... something we all still struggle with from day to day....
I know your wife appreciates that you understand the transformation she goes thru being around her mother.... having that love and support helps her to cope with all that stress..... and glad to hear you are in your "man cave", and we promise not to go barging in and messing anything up or making so much noise that you would have to leave to keep your sanity... I appreciate you cmag.... you've stuck around all us crazy women and still keep coming back and letting us know how you and your family is..... can only imagine how we must sound to you sometimes... but you are an asset to us here...
Well, as I said, there is someone in America that got a phone call about reindeer and antlers and are probably still just staring at their phone.... did I spread the love or just confuse someone else.... lol....I haven't received a phone call back , I'm sure they have caller ID, and no cops have shown up to do a welfare check, so it's all good.....
love and hugs to all my friends.....
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I am sorry to read that several have had a rough Christmas Day! I hope that next year goes better. Please don't let what anyone said or did to you change how you see yourself as the valuable person that you are, etc.

Maya, I'm glad that you have a new computer. That is a nice change.

Today, I don't know how long it took me to cook the broccoli casserole, the sweet potato casserole, warm the ham, make the tea, and heat up the rolls, but we enjoyed a Christmas lunch of just us four and no more. Then, I drove my wife and boys to see my mother in the nursing home and giver her, her Christmas present. She continues to decline and her attention did wander. Next, we visited my step-dad and gave him, his Christmas present. After which, we drove home.

We all ate leftovers, and I've had all the people time that I can handle for today. Thus, I'm reclused to my man cave. I don't think everyone could fit in here at one time. It is a nice get away. I find that for whatever reason, I'm not as extroverted now as I once was.

Tomorrow, we go to visit "mommy dearest" my MIL and my wife's twin sister who is my fellow Jedi night standing against the darkside of this dysfunctional family. My wife is already anxious enough about her upcoming breast biopsy following last week's mammogram, but she will be more wound up in the am about going to see her mother. Over time, the boys have learned to ride out the various experiences with their 'mommy dearest' grandmother. They know their mother will be on edge and might even get caught up in her mom's mess for her mother did focus more on her than the other daughter in raising them. So, it is harder for my wife to pull away and not get sucked into the darkside of my MIL's personality which is quite narcissistic and borderline. We have learned that it is best not to stay with either while visiting but to stay in a hotel room. Thus, when things get tough, we head for the hotel.

Love, prayers and hugs for everyone!
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Carol: this is nothing wrong with you. We are human and can take only so much. I wish for a nice Christmas as well knowing my Mom is eager to join my Dad (RIP: 9/2010). I am tired or riding this roller coaster ... I want to get off this ride! (oh I hate roller coasters by the way)
What irritates me the most is the game she plays with my brother. She lies to him about what we do together, he assumes I am spending her money, running her ragged, and causing sleepless nights. All I want to do is help her enjoy life!
Carol, I with you ... I am tired. Please hop on and post often as your post tonight helped me feel more "human" and less "alone". Thank you! And Merry Christmas! SDPeg
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I have tried to be patient these few days. The dementia talk and actions are very difficult for me to deal with. Just don't think I can make it too much more. My Mother was in respite for 4 nights and it took 3 to get over worrying about her. I enjoyed the last day and night. Here we are again back to the same old thing. She is 97 and I see no end to this. I am miserable and so is she. I wanted this to be a really great Christmas as I always think it is her last.
What is wrong with me that I can't accept her problems and just go with the flow?
Thanks for this opportunity to vent Carol
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It is still Christmas for you... Jo I am sorry you feel sad... Mis I am sorry you are having this christmas nightmare.
I drank too much red wine at lunch so I am going to bed now... I am not going to drink tomorrow!
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Maya, that is great news... I was gifted with a new lap top this year and just didn't know how to act...like you, I had never had a brand spankin' shiney new one..... tell your friend we said thank you for making you so happy...
mismiley... sorry to hear gma was only whispering....
And very glad to hear you had a good time with family...and don't worry about the house, it will be there tomorrow or even the next day.... relax if you can... how far is the hospital from where you live???? And please give your hubby a hug from us... we know he is upset about all this and we want him to know we care.....
Well guess emjo can open a bar called The Cave, and ya'll will have the bar thing covered.. I am claustrophobic, so the cave is out.... Cmag has a "man cave" but I don't think he wants us all in there making noise and touching his collections....
Enjoy your eggnog and know that we are all thinking of you.... keep us updated...
And emjo, you know where ever you go, there you are ....why do you think I always post about being tired of being a grown up.... that's why I get so goofy some times..... life is too short...If I took myself or my life so damned serious all the time,. I'd have to go postal, and that is why my credo is " Lead me, follow me, or get the hell out of my way"... Lead me if you have something to teach me that will enrich my life, follow me if you think I have something to teach you, OR, if you want to learn how to lighten up, or get out of my way... I have a life to live, things to do and people to meet... so don't have time or energy for the petty meaningless things in this world.....
I pray we have a better year next year.. that we have learned from each other, and from our own setbacks....
And Seeme to end this post, you are going to love this... I called today and left this long rambling diatribe about you herding reindeer with hubby's antlers on and checked just now and called the wrong number.....Someone some where is wondering who that crazy Suthin' woman is and why did she call them... At least I didn't try to get them to connect my internet..... Lord, some things just don't change....
love and hugs to my friends .
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