This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Now I can Skype so my mother can visit with her grandkids.
Well today we went and spent some time with Grandma. yesterday when she spoke you could hear her but today it was barely a whisper. I gave a tiny bite of scrambled eggs and she ate that and a small sample of the muffin they brought her. They gave her hot tea so I made her some ice tea out of it. The nurse told us that she might be able to go to the step down unit and then we'd talk with social workers about placing her in a nh. I've already had experiences with nh with mom so I know what to look for whether their bad or good. We didn't stay all day up there but just a few hrs. We left and spent the rest of the day with my family and we both enjoyed our selves. I need to do some serious cleaning of this house. It's messy, but I'm just too tired.
emjo ((((hugs))))) I might want to join you in the cave just to get away for bit cause I need to.
I need to get off of here and enjoy my egg nog and rum. The Laundry Room is open.
mis-prayers and hugs for you and Grandma. Bad situation, but glad she is getting care and you will get to party a bit.
shawna-happy, stress releasing tears are wonderful Christmas gift. Hugs.
emjo-Many Hugs!!!!! Your cave will be very full - I want to come too. Hubby's been home more this week with being sick and the holiday, and off next week. He is seeing alot more of Mom's behavior and is barely holding his toungue for the holidays. Once sis and the girls leave, things are going to get ugly around here. You and I need to keep practing NO. NO. NO. There, I'm better at it already! LOL Between setting some ground rules here and the next chemo on the 3rd, I do not want it to be 2012.
Don't want to end this post on a sad note, so I am thinking of remote control phones and inside out pants! Happy Holidays.
I am praying for you and all of us. We all need prayer that's for sure!!! And if you, emjo, run to the hills and hide in that cave, I will go with you.
My day has not really started yet, just breakfast, and NO I did NOT clean up after her. She took the donettes out along with her coffee and sugar she she can put them away. She is in the bathtub (I know we all just said "thank God" ha ha) and I will shower in a bit and get dressed.
My 3 out of 4 daughters are coming with their families. Just staying a couple of hours and although Mom say she knew nothing about this (yeah yeah yeah she forgot) I am not buying into that game. She has played it for years: if she says she does not know about it, and it is a flop or very tiring for her, it is someone else's fault. I know her game ... hee hee
I encourage all to do our best and jump on here when we need to. Even for a few lines like you emjo. When are we going to the hills?
Hugs my friends,
SDPeg
sorry for the damper, but I thought last Christmas was the worst one I would ever have but this Chistmas tops it
somethings are falling apart - could use some prayer. I am ready to run to the hills and hide in that cave. I think No is the big word for the new year.
hope everyone is doing better than me,
lyn.....resentment, disgust, frustration.....you are entitled to feel those emotions and anyone who tells you otherwise has not been in your position. But we know. Doesn't mean you won't do the best job possible.....you are just human.....so come here and we can tell you how great you are.......even share some of our disgusting situations.....
Christmas is just about over for Rosella.....hope it was a good one for you....
May everyone enjoy some peace today. Soon it will be a new year, with new resolutions and hopefully renewed energy. I will tell you all about the golden and beaded plunger at the party later..................
I chose not to put the gifts to my children and grandchildren out last night as I was sure Mom would relocate them to "somewhere" and I would have to look for them. I am putting them out just minutes before company comes. Less stress for me.
Enjoy the day. I pray for those that have lost ones this year, those who in the hospital, those that had to make decisions contrary to what you thought you would, those with family members who are not who we want them to be, and for all of us who are stilling "working" today. Enjoy the day.
SDPeg
"riff raff"- oh, I wish I had talked them into coming here. Getting my beloved prof to go anywhere without being the driver is a real trick right now. OMG does it get ugly. But, I don't blame him. I would be pissed, too, if someone was telling me I couldn't do something important to me any more. Especially at the age of 57. We are doing ok, though. I think I saw a link somewhere on how to communicate better with your loved one with Alzheimer's. I'll have to search for it later when I have time. Have a great day, everyone. We're lazing around today.
We're having a quiet Christmas in CA, not doing all that much if anything.
Lyn.... nah, we won't need whips and chains.....you'll be so tired and tore down you'll listen.... but you do get to come here and be resentful, disgusted, and frustrated... we do understand that part of caregiving... we are human first, then caregivers.....so your friend may have given you some words to help you thru, always remember that what we feel is not right or wrong, how we let those feelings break us is another matter... I would already be in a looney bin if not for this thread... and I am sure some would agree I should be there anyway, but I'm not done yet....
And the 'riff raff", did you invite my family too.... awww lord....
hugs to everyone of my friends today
Merry Christmas, friends. I am wishing the peace that passes understanding to all of you. To all of us. Peace. Lyn
so glad Rob decided to put her in care - it is where she needs to be - glad also you will go fo Christmas dinner
must be bringing back memories for you
wll be watching for updates
take care of you
The sil gave us problems when Rob's mom was in hospice and even the day off mil's funeral. It's the sil motive. If it's not about her she'll creature. It's not happening today. I won't put with that. Sil knows her place when I'm around cause I don't put with a bunch of bs especially from her.
We're still going over to my aunt and uncle's today. I know Grandma would want us to enjoy ourselves as much as we can.
ladeeda I know all to well about the different kind of caregiving. I had to put my mom in a nursing when they took her leg. I was only in 20"s at the time. My mom lasted for about 3 yrs in the NH. I went and visited her on a daily basis to check on her and to see how she was being cared for.
Thanks for the hugs today. I needed that.
mismiley... I'll share hugs across the miles with you... sorry for being a butt.....am glad to hear hubby has made the decsion to place her.... it will just mean a different kind of caregiving for you... but she is in good hands and in God's hands. Please let us know as you get time today how things are going.... will be checking FB for updates...
Sorry sil is more worried about dinner and gifts, maybe hubby can take her calls, one less thing for you to deal with right now....hope there is no drama, gma can feel the stress around her.....
hugs to you today, and prayers and angels.....
Thinking of you today mis....I know it's not an easy decision to make with placing Grandma, but with these type of injuries more care is needed than we are able to give. Take some time for yourself today.....Grandma is being cared for and we don't want you to be worn out or stressed out anymore than you already are. Glad to hear the family is being good and not hassling you.....and hope sil understands the dynamics involved and won't try to convince you to bring Grandma home.
Wanted to check in early as I will be away from the computer most of the day.....I wish a peaceful day for all of you!
Happy Trails,
Jam
I started a long post and then lost it. Merry Christmas to you all.
I told Rob that I wasn't going to call his sister until she got out of work because she couldn't afford to leave work and I wasn't ready for all of that drama she likes to throw around. I called her when she got out and told her that Grandma had a stroke and what hospital that she was in. She asked me if we were having Christmas dinner here. I told her no we're not cause we'll be at the hospital with Grandma. Then she asked me if we were going to wait to exchange gifts when Grandma comes home. I wanted to say to her that Grandma isn't going to home for awhile and maybe never cause Rob already decided that we can't take care of Grandma in the condition that she's in. I just told her that we'd exchange presents at the hospital if she comes up there when we're there.
I called Grandma's niece in Louisanna and she was glad that I called. She said thank-you for taking care of her and that God was gonna bless me someday and that she'd call the rest of relatives down there. I also called Grandma's best friend to let her know, too.
I've done alot of praying yesterday. Grandma is in God's hands. Thanks everyone for the prayers and the hugs cause I sure can feel them over this internet.
We'll try to have the best Christmas possible. I'll try to update on here, but most likely it'll be on facebook while we're at the hospital.
Merry Christmas everybody!
Mismiley I am here to talk if you need to. I am sorry to hear about Gma's fall and the stroke keep us updated and let us know how she's doing. Wraps you in angel wings and hugs you.
Peg you have no idea how wonderful that makes me feel giving your mom something like that. It warms my heart to know that it brought a smile to her face and happiness to her heart. Its stuff like this that helps me get through a lot of bull crap.
I want to welcome all the new comers to the list …. we are here to vent talk and just be there for each other please come back and join us.
I did have something to share with you … I don't know if I mentioned how I am back in touch with a cousin who we haven't talked to since daddy died. Well we did our annual Christmas call tonight. Well we were talking and she had me in tears. Good tears warm tears. She told me how proud she was of me .. that I was a beautiful young lady and that mom and dad were given a wonderful gift when they got me. That I was a wonderful compassionate woman. With everything going on with my brother and now my nephews girlfriend being his messenger boy this just made me feel so … I don't know the words to convey it. After I got off the phone and just cried literally bawled. I mean I started crying when we were talking but I was full out crying after I got done on the phone. See this cousin is the same age as my oldest sister .. they were more like sisters than cousins. As see My aunt Kate who is my dads sister married moms brother .. yeah I know its confusing its just easier to say they switched siblings. So our family has close blood lines and they were close when they were young before they moved to Florida they are now in VA. So mom is like a second mom to her. I know we don't do it for a pat on the back or what have you but I feel a lot better after talking to her tonight. Hopefully they will be able to get up here in the spring.
I want to wish everyone a wonderful happy Merry Christmas I say the same thing Ladeeda I do have friends that of the Jewish faith. I tell them Happy Chanukah and they smile at me and say Merry Christmas … I don't need to be PC … its why I love the Kung Pao Buckaroom Holiday song. Like Whispering Bill Anderson says .. I am gonna sing Christmas Carols if I want to sing Christmas carols … LOL
Time for you to rest. Merry Christmas.
hugs, love and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
I'm tired and whipped seems like we've been the hospital all day long which we have.
Good night and Merry Christmas.