This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Been a busy few days...dads doc appointment with hematologist went really well. We are scheduleded to see him again in early January. He did blood work and took extensive history. He also wants dads bone marrow test from a few years back and is doing an erythropoietin test ...so maybe we can get him to feeling a little better soon..
Hey jump for joy!! I finally got all moms shopping done..packages wrapped and put in mail! Woohoo..she was very happy.
Tomorrow I get a day off..so rather than do lots of errands..I got dad to bed tonight and did what I could. Looking forward to hanging out at my house for a little down time...
Better get some zzzzzzzz's while dad is asleep.
Love you all
I've returned to sleeping to much again and not feeling rested when I do. Tried some inner child healing work with my therapist, but it's not like what I hear my wife's describe it being with her therapist.
My roof is still leaking despite the people coming this morning to work on it again. My wife had a mammogram this week and the people did not like what they saw. So, they ran some diagnostics with the doctor's orders and we will get to know the results on Tuesday afternoon. Also, next week, my wife gets her second shot for her herniated disk problem again. So far, that has helped.
Merry Christmas to all and may God bless us all.
think I am coming down with a cold
the whole christmas hoopla is getting to me - not the reason for the season, but the family stuff that we are lead to believe "should" be "deck the halls" and all that. I am more Bah Humbug right now and hope it will wear off next week. Seems to be a balancing act to meet everyone's "conditions" or needs. G's work schedule is up in the air and he may have to stay out at camp for a while -who knows when and who knows for how long . As far as we know he is off on the 26th and 27th.
Mother wants me to take something to court for her - her perceived maltreatment of some kind. I don't think so. I remember her sitting in her beautiful down town 2 bedroom apartment in her ALF, healthy, well dressed, well nourished saying "It is criminal how Alberta treats their seniors.". I just looked at her and thought - It ain't going to wash. mother. She hardly looks maltreated! I am not saying there are not cases when people don't get treated properly -I know there are, but she is not one of them.
Seeme - feeling a bit like a dust bunny too - hang in there - and here. Dust bunnies have their place!
Moose stew on the stove and smells good. Now that's meat!
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Hope everyone has a good weekend
I am ready to run away and stay somewhere by myself.
I spoke with sister ... absolutely the next time he judges me on what I do with mom HE is being TOLD (with all of your support too) to drive from MO to CA and get mom and take care of her himself!!! He won't. He doesn't want to see her deteriorate. No one does BUT it is life and if only all of our sibs were on our sides ... heck what would we talk about right?
This afternoon doc office called for mom to schedule an appointment with neurologist. Anyone want to help me understand what this is about? I know a mini mental eval has been done for the past two visits so is this going further with the examination for cognitive decline? That's what I am assuming. The office was closed when I heard the message so I called and left a message for the office to call me next week. Mom has appt second week of January and was wondering if this neuro appt should be before that. Also should I wait for the neuro eval before I call for home health care nurses? Or call next week as I had planned? This is going one step further than I was ready to go at this time (I wanted to take a breather after school and the holidays). Advice please.
Waiting in ER tries my patience (pun intended). If I knew I could be texted or called would be nice for me but I can see where it would not be beneficial for others. Win-win/lose-lose. I had abdominal pains and by the time I saw doc they went away...six months later emergency appendectomy. Sometimes one has to strike while the iron is hot.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I appreciate it.
SDPeg
Seeme - there is always room in the laundry room for a dust bunny! You have many friends there. :)
Dad's surgery went great. He's home already. Well, after waiting 4 hours for the surgery to start and 2 hours of post op. Long day. But I made it there before he went in and was able to stay the whole time. He feels good, and we'll get the biopsy results in 2 weeks. Thank you for all the prayers and support.
Hubby arranged to get off work early, so Mom was only alone about an hour. She is being really good because the girls are coming Sunday. I'll take what peace I can get.
Happy weekend to all...
mis.....that's part of the problem. In this sue happy society we live in, the doctors now order so many more tests than are even necessary, just to CYA. BUT, a lot of people go to the ER for various reasons. Some use it as an easy way to obtain pain meds for their addiction, their own docs won't give it to them or they have sold their last script, or it's not unusual for them to take the whole bottle, 60 pills, in one or two days. Then there are those who don't have the office visit cost, which most docs charge up front, so they go to the ER. Others go into the office and some docs are overwhelmed, don't have the equipment, or just plain don't want to treat a patient, so they send them to the ER. We have a group here that sent a child to my hubby in the ER to remove a damn splinter!!!!!!!! The smaller hospitals don't have the luxury of having more than one doc on call in the ER. That was the problem here......they built a new hospital with 11 patient rooms in the ER, but didn't make provisions to hire extra docs or nursing staff......it was not unusual for hubby to call and say he had 2 chest pains, a possible stroke and a GI bleed all going on at the same time. And with ambulances on the way with more. So minor illnesses just have to sit and wait. We're hearing now that it's not unusual for people to sit 8+hours before they see the doc. You cannot be turned away from being treated if you go to the ER......thus the horrible backlog of patients. A couple of years ago, some of the larger hospitals such as in NYC started asking people up front for a payment if they already owed a chunk and if they wouldn't pay they turned them away. But then that brings up the possibility of being sued if something happens to the patient because they weren't treated. Malpractice insurance is sky high.....and people don't need a reason to make a complaint or to file a lawsuit. So because of lawsuits and other restrictions being put on these doctors, the numbers that are specializing in ER are dwindling to nothing. And the ones still there are stressed out, exhausted, retiring and there is no one to replace them. That's why they offer so much in pay and incentives to get these docs back in there. It's a nightmare.
Sdpeg ditto to what's already been said.
Seeme you are not a dust bunny.
Jam I always thought the er's were slow cause of all of the test being done and waiting for the results to come back.
When I was still working, we had a patient that we were called on quite often to help, usually it was just putting her back in bed. They are called "frequent flyers".....anyway, she had a large bowl sitting in the middle of her dining table and that's where she emptied all her pill bottles. She would just grab some everyday....damndest thing I ever saw! But after a while, the docs just give up.....these people are noncompliant with everything else so why knock themselves out over regulating meds?
A lot of the ER's are now using that phone app to alert you on how long the wait is to get into the ER. That's a sad state because the drug addicts can better plan their attack that way.....they either wait until it's not busy and they won't have to wait for their fix or they go when the place is hopping and just to get them out the door, the doc will give them whatever they ask for. Target is being bombarded with job offers....ER docs are so hard to find these days. Some hospital in Maine offered him $200/hr..........nah.....if I think Mo is cold and snowy I would never make it in Maine. About 6 yrs ago he was offered a position in New Zealand for $500k/year.......he didn't want to leave because of the col....so I had to unpack...:) It's amazing what a shortage there is and how much these institutions are willing to pay. And that's one of the reasons why the ER's are so sloooowwwwwwww.
I have one paper to write by Saturday and I am finished with this semester. Between caring for mom and my car issues and sib's visits there was a time this semester I wondered if I was going to make it. Words of encouragement from you all kept me going. Thank you so much. It feels good to have yet another semester under my belt. Three more, seeing as I am going part time, and I will have a Bachelor's in American Indian Studies and a minor in Child and Family Development to go with my two Associate's I got earlier in my life. Education never stops. Thank you for pushing me along (in a nice way of course).
I got an education yesterday with a phone call with my sister. Apparently when judgmental/controlling brother was out here visiting, before he left he stopped by doc office and picked up the last six months of my mom's medical records. He has POA so I guess he can do that. My sadness is that the comments I made in the exam room are in those records. I mistakenly thought those records were confidential. He does not want to admit mom has mental issues (as I have discussed on this site) and therefore undermines things I try to do in order to get her the help she needs. Now when I go to doc I don't want to say anything for fear he will get a copy and start judging me again. I know what I said was the truth but knowing he has my words bothers me. I want to say something to the doc but no one really knows my sister and I talk (when she hears things from him she tells me-like this, and when he was driving out to see mom-she told me he was on his way, that's when I put a lock on my bedroom door). Anyway, I know I have my mom's best interest in mind but I am unsure just how much I want to now be involved in her care if when I try to have her take two steps forward he yanks her back five steps. I feel as though she is making progress and he thwarts that progress. But then if she progresses through her grieving and learns coping skills for her memory loss, she is of no use to him: he likes needy women. He likes the damsel in distress.
I worry that if he was sneaky in getting those records (and most of my comments were after he left so he may not have much of what I said) what else is he sneaky with? He has control over her finances. Yes I worry about that too. But there is nothing I can do about that. Mom won't take him off accounts and I don't have time to micromanage what mail comes in. He does want all mail going to his house in MO now so he can manage all of it from there...including her taxes which she did fine with last year. But anyway, I went off on my own emotional tangent.
I am resistant to engaging in future conversations with doc. I am unsure without revealing my sister as my source what to say.
Well onto my paper and hopefully submit it today so tomorrow I can rest and write some Christmas cards with mom.
Oh: sister also said niece called her asking where the Christmas money from my mom is. Last year mom didn't send any so I wonder why she even asked. This niece is my brother's daughter: they are both about money that's for sure.
High winds are expected for today here in town. With just a few errands today: hair appt for mom, lunch, and a quick walk through of the consignment shop we like to visit, we are coming home. I have a low car so I don't worry about that but it's the high profile ones that I share the road with that I am concerned about. So safety is my focus today.
Thank you all so very much for your supportive attitude and enthusiasm for my schooling. I am thankful. It is comforting knowing there are kind, kind people in the world ... even total strangers on an online site. Awesome!!!
SDPeg
Kathy had her mom in the ER for almost 5 hrs before she was even seen last night. Turns out she has a UTI bad enough to cause pain in her kidney. Kathy finally complained about a 79 yo woman sitting there for so long and she got seen. Not that it wasn't busy, they just picked the wrong day to go. Now mom is worried about getting all the cooking done for Christmas Eve, when the big party is. Of course, everyone will pitch in and it will get done...
Feeling like crapola today.....lousy with a shine on top....wink, wink, or in my case...blink, blink...can't wink......
Seems like I may not have gotten over the sleeping disorder just yet.......Seems like I do better with 4-5 hrs at a time.......with naps in between....
Talked about you sister friends yesterday. The hospice facility called again to see how the family is doing with the grief. I told her about this site and the help it has been and she said she would check it out.....better be on your best behavior...heh, heh, heh......NOT
On the news front......fave niece's hubby got another biopsy on his melanoma scar and it came back OK. Whew!! Now I need to know all updates on dr's visits this week. And surgeries............??? Will be waitiing.......ttyl
Cutting the pill is not really a good idea, your not guaranteed to get the right dosage everytime. Pills shatter and split unevenly.
Ros try not to work to hard, don't forget to take a few deep breathes every now and then.
((((( Ladee )))) right now, I just offer you my love and hugs.. Be gentle with yourself .
Hi to all I missed...
My husband thinks things are funny and don't take things seriously. I'm at my limit. I don't want to end up having another heart attack. I'm just going to take a step back and he can start doing a little more than what he does.