This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Puppies are still coming, but not till April and she SHOULD be coming in season about now.........now ler her have at least one of each sex......still undecided on names, but I really do like Pingo.....I mean, who besides us knows what it means......especially not here in the South.........leaning toward Pingo and Ditto......
No nap today and worked hard in the garage. Hubby set up "my" scroll saw......swept leaves and cobwebs and made more room in the man cave for the bike and mower and truck.
T-shirts, deer antlers.......OOOOHH, hubby's eyes lit up when I talked about the moose antlers WITH the cap......you just don't know.......he WOULD wear them......
huuuummmm........Pingo and Blink.......ttyl.........
Jam you had me laughing out loud about drinking your diner... why not, Target will be gone.. you haven't had the house to yourself in ages, and I think him coming home to you drunk and singing "Rudolf the Red Nosed Moose" will be perfect.. .. and if he brings you home a foil swan with leftovers and it is mashed potatoes I would just kill him on the spot...but you'll be drunk so it won't upset you too much...
Seeme, Glad to hear "my room upstairs" is not full of puppy supplies... I would have loved to have seen the look on the girls face when you told her you don't even have a dog....!!!! Priceless..and M should have put a cigar in his mouth and did his eyebrows like Groucho Marx and said, "all this stuff is for US"....
And like Seeme says, am loving the tone of the thread... I can face anything if I have something to laugh about... we'll have to get Shawna busy on the tshirts... girl we'll make you a fortune just with the ideas we come up with for us....and I love to wear things that make people blink..... or think.....like ASG says, "blink blink ya think"....
Thank you all for making me laugh.... that's what friends are for... love my friends here.... hugs and angels...
Lobster yuummmm..Jam can you not eat the crab au gratin? Soft and yummy..
Lobster YEEEESSSSS! can i come? I LOVE lobster! Drinking dinner sounds like a plan. Mine is going to be soup - when in doubt - soup. Never heard of a chocolate martini - what a sheltered life i have led lol.
You could probably find a grinder from Heartland USA....we bought a slicer from there several years ago, paid maybe $50 for it and have gotten our money back a long time ago. It has been great! Whenever we smoke it's always either a turkey boob or a ham, without the bone, so we can slice for sandwiches. I'll be so glad when I can eat again....I want some ribs or a lobster.....sorry ladee...:) Today's menu has been cheesy mashed potatoes with sour cream and I'm thinking for supper..............mashed potatoes! Maybe I'll just drink my dinner, then I won't give a crap whether I eat or not...:) Target is going to the hospital staff Christmas party tonight at one of our favorite restaurants and I'm sure he will have a steak. Their food is to die for. The 5-cheese crab au gratin dish is like heaven. And of course the meal is not complete without a chocolate martini......yummmmm.
Somewhere I have found a little ambition and before it disappears again I'm off to get things done. Hope it's a good day for y'all...........
Happy Trails,
Jam
One class studied for today, mom still in bed, and I will get her up and start studying for another class while my laundry gets "magically" done ha ha
Good tidings to all
SDPeg
seeme - u and your hubby deserve special mention - scroll saw, meat grinder -in the same category - hahahahaha you really had the cashier going
hope the cow pattie did the thing and he is feeling better - the pets are coming - right?
She went to church with male caregiver and wife and then dinner and had a great time. Maybe praying for my patience with her wore her out ha ha
Shawna (the one who has my holiday shopping order!!!): I am looking forward to giving out the gifts you are making for me. That really took a load off. How exciting to give handmade gifts and not store bought. Woo hoo. I am excited!!!
Hope all have a great day.
SDPeg
Think Shawna is too busy for our crazy projects. How about a Christmas card of the GoWW with moose horns lit up and wired for sound, so Christmas carols play from it?
ladee, I hear u about your granddaughter - the warrior woman arises within -glad you said what was on ur mind -hopefully somewhere, somehow it will sink in but meanwhile u know u have done what you can and what u had to
jan -spewing green?????? mashed potatoes????? - get a meat grinder and you can have some real food!
vic - new wardrobe - hmmm - might be worth it - nah! I'd give up my long johns anyday for a bikini - got to shovel the car out today and get to the store - no need for me to hide in the laundry room - everyone has gone - YAY!!! I can hide anywhere I want to - preferably in bed with the covers up
my goodness i am going a little crazy here -we need to do that to stay sane
no emails from mother for a while. She saw the surgeon at the end of November and I suspect he told her off for still using the walker -you know, the one that means she has to have help warming up meals in the microwave. She had her surgery in June. Don't think you need a walker for 5 months when you are basically healthy. She needs to weight bear on that hip and leg for it to strengthen, but no one could tell her that or she has selective hearing - hears what she wants to. Oh well, sure she will build up strength again. We seem to have good bones.
Have a good one all and appreciate your warm weather and Starri don't even think of coming this far north till the spring, Often we have a massive snow storm in May even which stops the busses running -and I am not talking up here, but further south. Late May and June are good before the bugs come out. Did I tell you about the June bug that hit a guy, riding a motorcycle up the highway, smack in the middle of his forehead and knocked him clear off his bike? Nasty things and they bite too.
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Maybe we all need to chip in and get Shawna to use her skills and make a Tee-shirt showing Jo doing a wild dance with a knife and a set of moose antlers in her hand..lol.. maybe put a set of deer antlers on to boil in behind her.
Went shopping with hubby today for one of my Christmas presents....the scroll saw.....stopped by a PetSmart also.......If I thought I was nuts over puppies we don't even have, hubby was much worse yesterday. If we had bought everything he had his eye on, no telling how much he would have spent. He wanted 2 of everything, wire kennels, kennel pads, food thingies up off the floor (we got one), enough grooming supplies to open up a shop (I got one rake), big beds (when a $5 blanket at Walmart will do), and on and on. When we got to the register, the cashier wanted to know if we had a PetSmart card for discounts and we said we don't even have pets!!!!! I told her the food tray thing was for him!!!!! Poor girl couldn't think straight after that......and said she couldn't concentrate for listening to us........we had a good time...............course he had been up for 24 hrs and that is something that will get him gooooooiiinnnnggggg.........
He just got up and can't talk for a sore throat.....too much bullshit coming out of it yesterday.......may need to shove a cow pattie back in it..........better go see what is happening.............
Ladee...good for you..sometime us moms just have to let it out and let it be what it is! We love so deep and pray so hard for our kids ...
We had a decent night here..yea! It is cold brrrrrr... Black ice and deep snow..would have to have a whole new wardrobe NOT!
Jam..if your son doesn't get the hint..well like all of us we do what we can it it is what it is... Just cook up mashed taters and you will have a feast! Haha
Love you guys
So far the vacation has been since about the 24th of August and we're still here in CA, as far as I can figure it's going to be February at least before we can consider getting out of here, we get the new motorhome on the first of the year, after Nick the guy we're buying it from gets back from the desert with his son.
Since the car trailer we had made arrangements to buy got stolen, we are now back in the market to get a trailer that will haul both the bike and the truck, we have the camper and the little trailer to sell.. so we have our work cut out for us before we can consider getting out of here and working our way back to SC.
We're both still bouncing on if this is going to be a full time thing, or just extensive travel. I'm not sure of either one. Did you get the rest of your moose chopped up? would love to try some one time.. maybe have to wander up your way and have a moose burger with you.
Ladeeda...how old is your son? You don't need extra stress from him, but is he hurting too? I'm not judging, just asking, because I worry about my own son.
Hubby caught me sitting on the floor of the laundry room tonight, talking to my sister on the phone. Felt like a teenager again, hiding from Mom! Safest place in the house, though, where she can't hear me. What a husband I've got...he laughed, then offered me a chair. Sometimes he handles this better than I do. :)
Goodnight all.
Besides I do cook, lol, not a gourmet but I do make a reasonable meal.
listening sounds good.
jam -too much going on for you to carry much of a load this Christmas - can u come out and tell son that and ask him to do it this year? You need a break. Rum cake sounds awesome.
sdpeg -a good hairdresser is worth her weight in gold in my books
just woke up from a nap, listening to Michael Buble -Christmas special
-staying in as we have a snowfall warning - no point brushing off the car, it will be covered again by tomorrow. Quiet evening, methinks
And Carmen... I love all things veggy... but I am not a vegan... I do eat cheese, shellfish, fish, milk products... Gotta keep an open space there for seafood gumbo...
When I have to cook for the families I work for, I almost puke when I have to handle meat or especially if it is bloody,,, ughhhhhghhhgh... oh, the sacrifices I make for a paycheck....but I will compromise and take ya'll to my favorite bbq place and I may have some meat on the baked potato they have there...And my favorite Mexican food place in Bastrop... and to the Blue Bell Ice cream factory in Brenham... all about 15 miles from here... no long trips... can't wait, feels so good to have something to look forward to.... get's my mind off all the here and now heartache.
Son and I had a MAJOR blow out this evening, been coming on for awhile... I know the neighbors weren't playing thier music so they could hear me hollering... and holler I did.... what's the kid going to do, get drunk and get stupid... hmmm, I am a force to be reckoned with feeling all the things I am feeling.... lead me, follow me or get the f**k out of my way.... life is too short and ya just can't fix stupid... but you can sure as hell ignore it.....
Oh my goodness, I feel so much better... thanks for letting me vent, blow off steam, share my craziness, curse like a sailor, and be a Betsy Bad Ass, we know it only lasts for a little while, but when you get stupid around me when I am hurting and confused, it's gonna splash on ya... you would think he would know better by now.... Ok, am going to go read and calm down.... too cold to go rock hunting today, so maybe I need to be on the country roads tomorrow talking with God, NO, I think I need to LISTEN.... but I am not afraid to say how I feel, love me or hate me, you can always count on REAL.... hugs to my friends..... angels to help carry the load....
I've been working off and on all day trying to get the col's dog groomed. He will only let me do a little at a time....so in between he rather looks like a little goat has been chewing on him. We've tried to call the col several times in the last couple of hours, she is opening the phone and we can hear her cough but she can't figure out how to answer it I guess. I will have to go over the steps on how to answer with her again tomorrow.
Hope it's been a good day for all..............I'm still having visions of emjo dancing around her kitchen with a butcher knife in her hand and antlers on her head......
Happy Trails,
Jam
Brandy, I am so sorry you got so upset today, but you made a good choice to work it off, My "antlers" off to you... nothing gets me so upset I will excercise...spin and twirl maybe, but no time at the gym.... just atta girls for you today... you will put some of us to shame....
I didn't need validation for not going to Howards funeral, but after talking to one of my sisters and a nephew today, I have no doubt I am making the right choice.... When that sister said, "you reap what you sow", I thought I was going to be sick.... I know no matter what the oldest sister has done, nothing, and I mean nothing justifies that kind of bitterness... she is still a mom who has lost her son... I feel such deep shame for even being a member of that family.... it will be a war zone down there... I know my mother is looking down with sadness that words can't express... so, no, I will do what I feel is right for me, this makes me even sadder.... As long as I live I will never understand that kind of bitterness and lack of forgiveness...
Thank God for most of you, and that you care about a man you never met, and a mom who has lost her son...and an aunt that can only pray for a civil outcome for everyone.... hugs to my friends....
Love my SIL and my BIL but truth be told, I am soooo ready to get out of here and into our motorhome. Want to start fixing it up, making it home, have thought about getting some Christmas lights to either put on it or maybe around it, lol, but we won't get it till after the 1st of the year.
Missing Mom alot, been thinking about checking with her if anyone else in the family had talked about doing Christmas Dinner. As a family we've never really been all that enthused about holidays. Dinner has been about it. Glenn and I get each other presents during the year, so we don't really do it on the holidays, Valentines day is one day, we end up getting each other stuffed animals.. I like getting him the ones that sing and dance..
Hope everyone has a wonderful day, Ladee, thanks for letting me know that you do not eat meat... I need to find a vegetarian meal to fix.. Was thinking about cooking you a dinner when I get out there..
I'm wondering how many of us has the Wii or any other gaming system to keep our loved ones limbered up. We have the Wii and Grandma will bowl with us and play some other sporting games. She does pretty well when we can get her to play.