This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Carol, I understood what you wrote, to. Sorry I was too tired to write last night. I hope you can cope with mom and the ER visits. And she is 97 !!! You must be doing something right!!! My mom told me she hated me one time when she was told to take a shower.....not that she DID anything as I had to wash and dress her. Told her I'd heard that before and kept on going.....I think I may have told her that once when I had to do the dishes........She always apologized later. As long as I knew I was doing necessary things, quietly and kindly, I could take what she dished out. I did try to lighten things up with humor. I was doing what I considered to be nasty jobs, to someone who was humiliated to have them done for her, so humor solved a lot of problems. She still felt like she was in her early 30's, but her body said no you AREN'T.
Everyone is getting some snow, except Ladee and me. We will have some of Carol's percipitation this afternoon, but it will be rain when it gets here.........
Vic, you sound really good today. Sleep does do wonders, doesn't it?? Hope you get a lot of it......... I don't really have an outfit per se for the Christmas Eve party. I have some bright red bottoms with white snowflakes on them. Kathy did say whe was sending the guys out on a scavenger hunt that night....we were thinking of a country ham for the winner. They did it once years ago and the guys had a ball......can you imagine seeing about 10 men from 21-65 running around the neighborhood in Christmas PJ's????? Can't wait..............may give little kids a nightmare of Santa Claus.....wah wah........
Hubby is sleeping after getting home this morning and so far I have been quiet.....course I haven't showered or dressed. Getting a weather related headache. Clouds are just flying past and temps could call for severe weather later. Just rambling, so I will check back later..........
Carol
Let's see funny...Shawna...boy of we lived in apt..cops would be coming daily! Ha! No hearing even with aids in ... Sorry bout your hand but that sounded funny! Poor hubby had to clean poo the other day...awwwww glad it wasn't me! I was lounging..heehee....
Seeme...I am OCD too....love the moose outfit sooooo what is yours? Moosette?? Miss ya girl
Emjo...antler...why is G not bringing them home??? He sounds like a Texan to me! Yeehaw! And ladee just put outhouse in front of neighbors place! They can do their thing there! Have the started playing Mexican Chritmas music yet!! You should be on first name basis with the cops by now...are they nice to you? They better be...I'll come down and tell them a thing or two..hahaha. Tel Marie. Ooo ops my bad! Was that your toothbrush?!!! Here let's peroxide it!!
Our poor charges....we gotta love 'em!
Dad has been sleeping more these past few days and night! Means I am getting some sleep...poor guy.. He wanted to go pee this morning at the toilet! Thought he could stand..then I handed him the urinal ...he said "guess I can't stand"
Back asleep now...
Love you all
ros - the birch branches are for reindeer for the lawn I think -not to feed them - to build them though the mule deer may come out of the forest and munch on them
seeme - LMAO - you think I typed those - nah! copy and paste! sounds like you are getting some interesting presents
am silly tonight - got my hands on the moose heart and was showing Gary the valves - aaahhhhh memories - will get serious tomorrow
welcome newbies - we get a little foolish sometimes - laughter helps to relieve stress and Lord knows we all need that
love and hugs ♥♥♥ - prayers too
jo
Come back and visit and let us know how you're doing.
Has a miseraqble day. My Mother has had bronchitis since before Thanksgiving. I have had her to the ER 3 times. No emergency juss ttrying to keep pneumonia away. Came heom late in the afternoon and demenist took over . She became so mean.
told me how selfish I am and I care about nobody but myself. It really hurts coming out of your Mother's mouth.
she got quiet and I discovered she had made amees on herdelf.
got that cleaned .
Thnaks for
then went o my work. Came home ate dinner and then discovered it again. Will and assisted living take her doing that. It is really disgusting. Please tell me how tto cope.
thanks,
Carol
I have right here reading about everyone and wishing I could help in some small way, but I have nothing humorous to say.
Hubby did tell me what I wanted for Christmas since I wouldn't tell him anything specific.......so he's getting me a power washer, generator, scroll saw and a band saw.......ain't I a lucky woman!!!! Meanwhile, I am buying dog toys for pets I don't even have yet!!! How pathetic......or is it OCD?? Especially when I can't wait to pick up doggie doo-doo.
Oh, Hubby has moose slippers, AND a moose hat, so he should be line for some antlers....he wears them on Christmas Eve. We have to show up at Kathy's party in Christmas PJ's, so antlers would complete the outfit.......
Rosella, I'm sorry you are working so hard, but I do prefer to hear you have some work. I worry more when you don't.......
Way past my bedtime and hubby just left for work, so until tomorrow............
I appreciated the advice about the Hallmark website. That will be helpful to me in the future. I guess I just get irritated when I hire someone, that person gets paid for a job, and the job doesn't get down. That leaves more on MY plate and I am NOT superwoman. So in the future I know this person is not dependable and actually her last day in the 12th of this month and she won't be coming back. She is great in others things and has her talents but not the employee that I want for me or my mom. Sometimes hiring someone is respite care for me as well and not completing a task does not give me the break I need. So I set boundaries with this person. She can come next week while I am taking finals and that's it . That was the contract time anyway. The other caregiver will do anything I want, whenever I want so that's nice. However after I contact home health care nurses things will probably change and I am praying they change for the better.
I think I will order my cards through that website. Yeah, makes life easier for me!!! And that's what we talk about here. How are WE? Yesterday I was angry and frustrated and a kind soul referred me to a website that will make my life easier. So tonight I am thankful for that advice.
I figure it this way: if Mom does not have all her Christmas cards by Christmas, they go out late or not at all. That's not because I did or did not do anything to cause that; the caregiver did not do her job for whatever reason.
So my cell phone broke today. I have to laugh. My car is in the shop; that's the only # they have. I have finals next week and that's my contact with others. But tonight I have peace and quiet. Just what I need tonight.
I will google the problem that comes up ... and stop by a TMobil store tomorrow if they are open when I get out of class. I have to laugh ... I still have my internet ha ha. So I am not lost forever!!!
I was blessed this afternoon by a classmate. We did a peer review of a paper and she was so detailed in her scrutiny of my paper that it will be excellent when I am done with it because of her honest comments. They weren't mean or anything, just honest and her goal was to help me make this paper a bit more fine tuned. I was thinking that's what we do for one another. We all write differently, no two of us are alike, and we help one another to fine tune our days so they are more enjoyable. We are a strong community of individuals so unique and so diverse and so on the same page.
OK: I am done with being philosophical. Good night. I am going to work on that paper that my classmate helped me with. Thank you for helping me with my life struggles, for sharing my joy, for laughing and crying with me and being m friends.
SDPeg
It has acutally been cold here today, cold for us anyway.... going to freeze tonight, then again tomorrow night, then start warming up again... we usually don't get much cold, so it is very nice for a change... and we are still remembering our horrible hot summer.... so rain, and then cold.... if I see any moose I'll let you know emjo so you can tell G......
Target saw the col today......says she is failing badly. She couldn't stay awake and is now a total lift. He tried to help her from the wheelchair to her bed and she wasn't having any of it, so an aide had to come help. Then she fell back out immediately. She didn't even care that Target fixed her tv remote and we all know how much she likes her tv. I think she is moving into that phase where she will sleep more and I am praying that when her time comes she just won't wake up. I don't want her to suffer.
You're welcome mis and if I can send more I will. I lived in Michigan several years ago and I had about enough snow......I always thought Missouri had a lot.
Cool about the outhouse.....a few months ago my son and dil moved into a little house that has one in the backyard. It has electricity and is a 3-seater....the third seat must have been for a child because it is lower. It's all painted on the inside, so dil is going to put a shelf in it and use it for a "potter's shed"....:)
Hope everyone is having a good night.........going to watch Bones now.....
Happy Trails,
Jam
Hey I've got an outhouse in my frontyard. Hope the neighbors don't turn us in. lol
Mother is quiet and I am taking bets whether she is more content and has accepted the situation or if a storm is brewing. Any takers???
I will get back re the recent posts but did want to share -moose soup will be on soon!
Gotta clear my counters for the work tonight
Jam asked some very interesting questions awhile back, so many had their noses up a turkeys butt that they went unanswered... this place is our life line... our keeping in touch with each other... venting, crying AND laughing... and I just refuse to take myself so damned serious all the time... I am going to be dead longer than I am going to be alive.... so if I thought the whole episode about the toothbrush was just stupid, well, then I get to think that.... as the one who comes in to do the 'scut' work, I get to look at my employers as power freaks sometimes, and then go about my job....
Apparently I have been sitting on this time bomb for awhile now... and this is MY vent for the day...... this is MY thread too..... I can't wait for Ish to come back and tell us what "gifts" were given to him on his death watch with his grandmother... I want to know how he is coping, what he is going thru is FINAL, what we go thru day to day is temporary... that is not minimizing anyones issues... all I am saying is not everything has to be some damned serious all the time....God where is HB when we need her, and those of you who have been around for awhile know who I am talking about.... My intention here is not to piss anyone off, but to get you to think.... there is more to this caregiving life than one crisis after another..... thanks for letting me share, this is MY safe place too..... hugs, angels, and love..
If I recover from this period I shall recover from anything in my future life!
Just dragging my feet, sort of...