This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
And I DID read, couldn't go to sleep, shame on you Miss I Take A Nap EveryTime I Pass A Soft Surface !!!!!
I know about those younguns that ask for simple stuff, breaks my heart too.... guess I am missing the boys at Boys Haven, making a lot of reference to them lately, but they made a list also... sometimes when I was helping them and they would put things like socks or tshirts, I would tell them they could ask for really neat things.... and they would say you mean like shoes and stuff, and I would say, yeah, but also like bikes and stuff..... OMG, little greedy monsters were created, but they always got what they asked for.... even the bikes.... Guess because my son is being such a jackass, and I haven't seen my granddaughter in almost a year, it is making me miss all those crazy boys.....
Ladee....I'll send you a picture of my pencil tree...maybe it will fit on the wall.....
glad to see you woke up..........I thought I ran everyone off the thread, but I realized they were just letting you sleep..........read, my ass......
Kathy is dragging me out for shopping at 10pm or whenever WalMart opens. I even have to take a nap after supper cause she said she isn't coming home till Friday sometime.......I got my list from a local school of needy children and what they would like for Christmas. We used to go a little overboard, I guess, cause now we are asked to buy only 1 toy and an outfit or coat. It breaks my heart to see a kindergarten girl ask for boots and a coat, and that any toy would do. We have 6 kids this year. Hubby and I are too spoiled as it is.....we got our fence for Christmas. One year we had a girl ask for shampoo and a toothbrush......tooooo sad. Would you believe I have only been shopping on Black Friday once before? We stood in line at WM for 3 hours to get 2 helmets and 2 bicycles (only $20 each) for a set of twins we had that year..........never did it since, but that was worth it.........but I don't have my own kids, and too many nieces and nephews that aren't hurting for Christmas. Being the shopper that she is, Kathy will steer me in the right direction, or maybe I will just follow (hide) behind her.........
All I'll have room for this year is a PICTURE of a Christmas tree......
Who is going shopping Black Friday??????
ladee wake up it's snowing in TX...
gotta ya. I bet those cows are definately corn fused a bit. lol
Well Rob got the extension ran for the lights but it's raining outside and I would melt if I went out and took pictures so I'm gonna try and wait until it snows before I put pics up on facebook.
emjo glad that you're feeling better.
vic hope your dad gets better.
Hope everyone has a good turkey day and hugs and prayers across the miles.
Cmag.......hope everything went OK with picking up son at airport. Have a good Thanksgiviing.......btw.....overheard my neighbor screaming "Fix my roof or I will sue".....guess there is still arguing over 3/4 or a whole roof.......and how is wife's pain??
SSSHHHHHH.....Ladee is napping............
Awsome news about the cemetary and everything being paid for.... hope the sibs respect this situation and come and be a family for a change.....
Oh, and what is this crap about cleaning house..... ?????? I'm not even sure I understand that language, will have to get Ro to translate for me.... If I have to set on the toilet with an umbrella, do you REALLY think I care if this Grapes of Wrath wagon is clean.... NOT...
Vic, sorry to hear about Dad, I think this is more of what i am seeing in Sonny than UTI.... and there is nothing that can be done..... and I do feel that I have made enough progress with Marie, that I will at least be llistened to ......if in fact he does have different heealth problems....
Jam, sorry your team is playing like Dallas does most of the time.... but it is fun to watch , be glad when I get a tv, then I know I'll never leave the house for anything..... as long as my cat has food, I have my citrus green tea, and the umbrella, I'll be fine.....
emjo, keep your butt warm.... I can't imagine it being that cold..... I always make jokes and say we have about 20 minutes of winter.... but we got another good rain this morning, so hopefully the stock ponds are getting some water in them, and I know the cows are confused, they finally have some green grass to eat.....
Am going to go read for awhile... more later, love ya'll
How about WITHDRAWAL...............you are coming down off the high of always being alert for your Mom, being available to her 24/7. Instead of trying to tackle the bigger, ugly jobs, try starting with something simple that you enjoy. Just remember darlin that you put one too many blonde streaks in your hair, so we have to go slow....................................ly. If it's any consolation, I'm still having trouble getting myself motivated. Today, I've put the dogs out 3 times, gotten dressed, refilled the humidifier.........woohoo I'm on a roll!!!!!!!!
Happy Trails,
Jam
also you are grieving and I have been told that 1 hour of grieving is equivalent to (can't remember how many) hrs of ditch digging - in other words -you will be tired -
from the internet learnwell.org "People who are grieving often feel extremely tired because the process of grieving usually requires physical and emotional energy".
Grief in not over in a couple of months
look after you, give yourself the space and time u need, eat properly, get the sleep you need, exercise a little, you have been running on adrenaline for a long time
and your body needs a break
that's what we tell the grief group members anyway
seems to me, seeme, that you have good reasons to be tired - oh add to that years of sleep loss
-the housework isn't going anywhere -so I tell myself - hmmm, think I feel a nap coming on...
as a last resort quote maxine -
I thought about cleaning the house. But then
I thought, "What's the house done for me lately?"
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete "housework" permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly.
7. Feel better? - Works for me! :lol:
"I do my housework in the nude.
It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."
We have FENCE.....finally....now I just need something to put in the backyard...
Will check out the vacuum cleaner and see if I can find the plug and get it moving.......motionally challenged?......laundryphobia.....leadbutt?....no, too close to the truth.............
emjo.........COW PATTIE!!!! Aren't you special? But then again, we always knew that! And you had your own guardian angel......she must have known you needed her for awhile and then when she knew that you were okay, she went off to help someone else. A couple of years ago I looked outside and there was a HUGE dog standing out on the deck. He had a collar on but no tags, had been well taken care of, and had no idea where he came from but he made himself at home. We fed and watered him and called him Elvis....lol. He was very sweet and loving and treated our dogs well. Then a couple of days later, I looked out and he was gone and to this day I have never seen him again. I just figured he had stopped in to say hi during his travels.
Okay okay............I only put one extra staple in.......I told him a couple of them weren't spaced perfectly so needed another one.....:) actually if I do say so myself, for being the first time it wasn't a bad job.....it healed nicely.
Vic....glad to hear no UTI but sorry if Dad is having TIA's. Hate those. Couple years ago I was helping my Dad get into his wheelchair to go to lunch and he had one....scared the crap out of my sister and the little aide about peed her pants. I just put him back into bed for lunch. What can you do besides nothing?
We're getting the north end of ladee's rain storm.....it's putting some rain into the pond, we're hoping enough on the far side to protect the fish through the winter.
I hope everyone is having a good day.......will check back later.....
Happy Trails,
Jam
Jam still isn't saying how many extra staples she used on Target's head...........
Emjo.....thanks for saying I am in rare form. It HAS been rare lately, but I hope to be getting some of my form back......for today, anyway. One day at a time..........
Yesterday one of my sisters called to say she had finally checked out Jefferson Barracks National Cemetary to see about getting my mom and dad's ashes laid to rest. She was moved by the explanation of the ceremony with Navy honor guard, folding of the flag, engraved headstone, all paid for by dad's service. We both boo-hooed on the phone. We will have the ceremony in May next year to give ample time for other sibs to plan for the travel to MO. This is where I had to laugh, which is the best medicine there is to get us through life. I told her to put in writing that we will not be held responsible if, after they put mom and dad side by side, there is an earthquake, landslide, or other natural.....or maybe I should say SUPERnatural disaster........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mom and I loved to laugh, even through all the poop and smell and baths she didn't like, and 3 AM breakfasts. As tired as I was, I tried to make things funny to help dispell the anger, snappy mouth, screaming.....I think we both did all that at the same time. I would threaten to take a tater brush to her backside, pull raddishes out her navel.....and when she screamed out she hated me, I'd tell her I hadn't heard that since my wedding night...........whatever it took to laugh..........
Ladee......I hope they listen to you about Sonny, especially if you suspect a UTI.
I have a sinus infection and am now on penicillin, so yea to no abcess. I will now get to work in the house..............many plans......so little ambition.......later.......
Ro, I was only speaking from my heart... I love ya and wish you were not a continent away, but love travels anywhere......hang in there, you are not alone....
And if you get Alz, I'll come and take care of you, how does that sound????
Sonny had one of his worst days yet yesterday, but will be looking for signs of UTI.... they are going to grandsons for Thanksgiving, he is going to be out of his element and routine..... he will be a mess when they get back home... but I am getting a long weekend... good thing I have been putting money back, two days without pay would have really put me in a bind..
Well have to be at work early , Marie goes to the Dr. today..... so will get going... love and hugs to all.... and newbies, come back and visit..... we get a little crazy sometimes but it sure helps to make our life better...
seeme -u r in rare form
ladee and jam, ditto
and ros I think u are pretty amazing too
hi sdpeg, mis, bee, tpeg,cmag, stormy, maya, asg and everyone else
tired tonight - was on the go most of the day, no moose, but lots of shopping (chocs on sale so got some for christmas and groceries) and a buckwheat banana cake made. Going to take advantage of the warmer (just below freezing) weather to get out and about for the next few days. Cold just about gone -now to see if I get much side effect from the Diflucan again - a little spacey right now but since I am taking it at bedtime it doesn't make much difference
connected with mother's lawyer about the POA - she said to talk to mother about another back up - Oh well.
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Gisèle I am so sorry for your husband and you and I confess you I am also frightened because I am 54. And in my aunt, too, Alzheimer started quite soon.
Jane, I agree your dad shows some of the symptoms of Alz/dementia and as I always say, "Alzheimer has his reason that the reason doesn't understand". They live in their world, with different rules. It's a change of perspectives. They change their personality... When I scold my mother because she uses all her energy to pull her trousers up, when I have to put a diaper on her, instead of clinging to something (the washing machine for example) not to lose her balancement, so I have (with only two hands) prevent her from pulling her trousers up, putting the diaper and keeping her so that she doesn't fall, all in the same time, I understand that even if her behavior is completely irrational, it is very important for her not to show me her buttocks, it's more important than the risk of falling on the floor. I tried to explain it to her 1000 times but it is useless! I am sorry to say that the only thing that works is screaming "Mom! Cling to the washing machine!" She is offended, but she does it.
Jane........Dad sounds exactly like the myriad others afflicted with dementia.....and it's common for the elderly to become hydrophobic. No one has ever been able to tell me why, it just happens. My mil fibbed and told us she was bathing but the stench gave her away.......I finally had to take matters into my own hands and into the tub she went and when she came out that was a very shiney hiney she wore!!! And that was the end of her bathing herself. I'm not surprised they are talking to Dad about knee surgery.......in my former life as a medic it was not unusual to see 98 year old's being given pacemakers. If the insurance will pay for it, the doctors will do it. That's how they make their money. Lucky you.....getting a break for a week! Are your kids okay with taking care of Grandpa? If so, then go, have a good time and rest assured that he will be taken care of. And who knows, maybe he will get a bath while you are gone. Take that guilt and put it in a jar and hide it while you are gone, then deal with it when you get home. Glad to see you here and you're welcome to come and vent anytime you need to....we'll leave the light on.
Happy trails,
Jam