The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Good Afternoon Posse!

Raining here and from what the local channels are telling us, we are supposed to get enough rain today, tonight and tomorrow to equal what would be normal rain in a month. Good for the pond!

CMag....glad to hear the meeting went fairly well. We are having the first care plan meeting on Thursday for the col. I think at this first meeting, it would be important that she not be there. Or at least for the part where we discuss that she isn't coming home. Like your mother, she is insistent that she can move without assistance, and we all know that isn't true. She's only been there 2 weeks tomorrow but in her mind she has been there for months. It would be nice to be able to see enough improvement to where they could function at home, but we all know the reality is just the opposite.
Will you be involved with the decision with your Dad and his wife, or giving support from the sidelines? I don't know about you, but I hate being the bad guy and having to say no, you can't come home now.

Well, I need to get busy and get a collage made for the col's wall. I know which pictures I want to use, just have to find them.

Hope everyone is having a great day.....will check back later

Love and Hugz,
Jam

Good afternoon. Here is my update about the family care meeting with folks at the nursing home today. In the past, it has been just me along with my step dad or just me who met with the nursing home staff. Today, my mother wanted the meeting held in her room. So, we did. She immediately told us that she is ready to go home after being there 2 months which we know is not true for it has been almost 3 years. She claimed she could get out of the bed and into a wheel chair which we know is not true. The social worker said that she could understand my mother's feelings and encouraged her to focus that energy on making progress to be less dependent via PT. When mom mentioned back pain, the PT person said we can deal with that. I mentioned that those lower back muscles are going to hurt since it has been a long time since she has stood up and walked. She blames all of that on the nursing home, but my mother is the type who likes to be begged into accepting help. My step dad and I were asked for our opinions about my mother going home. Both of us said it would be nice but I was very hesitant about safety issues. The social worker outlined a plan, (like she has done before last Christmas but this time in more detail), that you work with PT on being more independent and then we can do a safety check on the house and try going home for a few days to see if everything works out. This made a lot of sense to my step-dad, but mom was not so happy about the idea. Mom and I visited some afterwards. I encouraged her to work with PT and I would continue to work on my weight. She did not respond. She does not like that social worker but likes the PT person. One problem with her going home is that my step-dad's helper is only there from 11 pm until 2pm. That would require enough independence from mom to use a bedside toilet. It would also require mom remembering to take her meds which was the biggest problem when she was home before. Also, my step-dad is confined to his wheel chair and has congestive heart failure. Although my mother has heard this before, I reminded mom that she broke her hip and she came to the nursing home in hopes of rehab to walking like she did in rehab after her stroke, neither of which she remembers. When I left her room, she asked me to talk with the social worker about her getting out on Friday to go shopping as if she had not heard a thing about needing to be able to get in and out of a wheel chair as well as a car. I went by my step-dad's and he thought it was a good meeting. He was glad mom had a chance to vent, which she's done before without him there. His helper, like me, is not sure if mom will work with PT.

Sunday, my dad called to tell me that the doctors found that he has an irregular heart beat. They have started him on blood thinner and after three weeks they are going to try electric therapy on him. He wants to go to assisted living and has long term insurance to pay for it as does his wife who is in her 4th or 5th year of pulmonary fibrosis. However, his wife does not want to leave her house. Dad is 85 and I don't know how old my step-mother is, but probably like my mother 80 or so. I'm not sure how much real good our meeting accomplished today, but I was glad that the social worker and the PT person went into as much detail as they did.

Hi all..Ro so glad you were able to get a loan without too much flak. Hope you get some answers you can work with.
Stormy..my dad has those same skin cancers ... Sometimes they are deep so they have to make sure they get the area. He goes to dermatologist every 3 to 6 months depending.
Hope you all have the best day possible as this Happy Monday starts! Love love....will try to check in later

morning ya'll... Ro, go find out what is going on with the taxes... and yes we have some here in the states that a few rocks would take care of.... but I'm not using any of MY rocks..... happy to hear sil was loving and understanding..... Hope things start to improve for you.... just too much stress..... love ya....

Hey i'm back i think i told ya'll that my brother had gone to the dermatologist about a place that had come up on his ear. Well they done a biospy of it and they found out that it was skin cancer. Well he got the results back wednesday that it was not basal cell carcinoma, but squamous cell carcinoma a worse kind of skin cancer. But not as bad as melanoma. So when he got the call this week his dr told him that they were going to have to go back in his ear to try to get more of the cancer cells out, but he doesn't go back to them until the first week in dec. I am still trying to process this, that this awful disease has yet again affected my family. And just wondering what lies ahead for my family. My brother will turn 50 nov 17th. He has been doing really good lately going to church, reading the bible, going to worship services at different churches, he has quit drinking and smoking. He is a totally different person now. A much pleasant one that he is not drinking. And now we get this news of the skin cancer. He went on the emmanus walk(sp?) and he came back a changed man. I pray that he stays this way. Away from the drinking. He is going to need his new found faith to get him through this new chapter in his life. I just pray that the drs got it all. We probably will not know any more until some time in dec. It just worries me because the lady that use to do my hair. She is like 55 or 56 and they found melanoma on her and they found cells in one of her lymph nodes and now they have told her that she is going to need chemo. And she is a health nut. No smoking, drinks occasionally, exercises and is a vegetarian. And now she is facing this at such a early age. It is just scary... I'm just worried about my brother now... Love and hugs to you all!!!!!!! Stormy........

Hey everyone I hope all of you are doing ok. Not much has been going on with dad lately. Just the same old stuff. He is still having trouble swallowing his foods and liquids. And some has come out of his trach. He goes for his swallow study tomorrow @ 1:00. Then they will send the results to the dr that ordered the study. He is the one that has been doing dads throat stretching. It's just been a very busy few weeks and it will be like that at least until after thanksgiving. A very hectic time. Dad had a few drs appt last week. No new news. Same old shi$. Then we have got our church bazaar the last of this week. Will have to do a bunch of baking and cooking for that. Then got to get on the ball to planning connor's 5th birthday party. Me and sis are going to try to make him a spongebob b-day cake. With a few of the other characters from spongebob. So we are still racking our brains about that. We are talking about taking a bunch of starbursts and molding them into the characters that we need. We are doing this because their are sooo many different colors and we would spend alot of time tinting the icing the color that we need. But if ya'll have any pointers on what we could use for other things for the cake i am all ears. We are planning on having his party the 19th. the day before his birthday at his daycare-because they have a playground and it would be the perfect place to have one. So we are going to rent the playground area. I just pray it doesn't rain. They do have a picnic area with tables that is covered if it does start to rain. Just kinda jumping around tonight from topic to topic. Went to check on dad today and he was running a temperature it was 99.0 but i had already given him some tylenol a few minutes before i checked his temp. And it was sooo hot when i went in there. And he was cold he must have been having a chill. So his temp was probably higher before i gave him the tylenol. He just said he was feeling bad today. I'm going to send this off before i lose it. Hugs stormyyyyy

Thanks Jam, will pass on this link to my sister in law

Jam: I love when people post a link that we can look at. It broadens our horizons. Thank you, SDPeg

Starri.......howdy girl!


Try this link and see if it explains your questions on recurrent UTI's.

ros - are you goiung to ask therm about the extra they have taken off this year -it does seem excessive - like doubled

Ohhh those taxes.
Icky.
I hope you get the answers you want. At least you are telling them you want to be prepared for upcoming months.
thank God for those who loan money ... that's for sure ... I have been on both sides of that fence.
SDPeg

I don't know if you have heard about Berlusconi, he is the head of our government. No wonder 90% of Italian people would like to kill him by stones.

Peg it is very simple. Until 2 years ago, the sum that my mother took yearly for the retirement (as ex-teacher) was under a certain level where you don't pay taxes. Now, she has an extra sum of money from Social Security, for disability. The check that she has for disability, added to the sum that she had before (as an ex teacher) puts her in the cathegory of people who have to pay taxes. What I don't understand is why last year she paid 1200 euros, and this year she has already paid 2300 euros and it seems we have not finished yet. And the worst thing is that they decided to get most of this sum all together, leaving us without money for one month. I want to go to an office tomorrow to have some information (there is nothing to do - they are not giving us our money back - but I want to know what will happen in December. Will they take away 200 more euros? 1000 euros? 2500 euros? How many taxes do we still have to pay?) This is a mystery... There is no rational explanation why her taxes multipliedx2 from one year to another.
Do you think they give a damn that my mother is disabled? (If she gets money from Social Security it means she is disabled...). No, they don't give a damn. She is disabled so she has to pay more taxes!!!!!

Well gang it was a quiet freezing day here. Working on ideas and such. Got invited to a Santa Workshop on the 19th of this month maybe I will sell a bunch of stuff YIPEE yeah I know I have to give some of it to the booster club but its money. Austin is so adorable! I will get to meet him next weekend as we are going to sisters for dinner. can't wait to meet the lil bugger. Have the plaque set up all ready to go. Just got to wait for it to get here. Hope everyone had a Nice weekend...

Ros: just curious, why is the government taking money? Is some owed from years ago? Glad you got a loan; those help!!! And kind people help as well.
Starri: I was wondering that myself. I have heard many seniors who get the same thing and couldn't quite figure out why.
Maya: my brother has had POA for years and no one knew it until recently. I am not fighting for that anymore (in my case, it keeps my sanity not to have it) as I was before. I live with my mom and share her life's experiences now and that's all I want at this time. Besides, my brother wants POA and so does my mom want him to have it, so it was a losing battle. I have to choose those battles or go insane!!!
Car fixed, picked up Friday, today it needs a new battery. Oh well, that's doable. It is raining and cold (for CA) and dreary and I really am getting a lot of homework done. That's because my tv is off!!!
I am also accomplishing doing laundry.
I am looking forward to a break in less than six weeks ... more time for me.
Mom is doing well on her meds, yes, as advised, I am enjoying it while I can. I went into her room/bed to chat this morning and we both fell back to sleep until noon. So refreshing!!!
I got a free frozen turkey yesterday at the casino mom and I visited. It was just up the road from where we get her coveted lemon turnovers. Too bad I didn't thaw it out ... yummy for a day such as today.
Mom wants to do Christmas if only desserts and gift exchange. That's good. She even said she was "happy" the other day. Woo hoo ... I want the meds she is on, that's for sure!!! I have the Pollyanna disposition so that's helping her mood as well. I really do try to find something to be glad about ... I am glad for you all being here. I cannot thank you enough.
SDPeg

Hi Everyone, how are you all doing? Ros, sorry to hear about the government, they'll get you anyway you turn..

Question for all, do any of you have idea why seniors keep getting UTI's? My Mother in law has had one on going for the past year, they get it cleared up and it's right back again. she's taken just about every antibiotic there is.

We're still in desert hot spring, CA.. not sure when we are getting out of here

There is the Biblical Flood in Italy...

Well I called my brother today and I had the HUGE luck that my sister in law answered the phone (she is much more reasonable than him) and when I told her the story she said immediately: "We are going to lend you some money" so it was as smooth as oil... Lucky me.
Tomorrow I'll go to an office to try to know how much more money the government will steal from us before the end of the year....So next month I will be more prepared to my destiny!

ros - ((((hugs)))) when the govt just takes from people like you something is really wrong - hope the talk with your bro goes well
maya - your attorney gave you good advice - I hate the way things are in my family too, but reality has to be faced and you have to do what makes sense - in your case that would appear to be you having POA - medical and financial. Your nieces behaviour is very disrespectful and likely to lead her into more encounters with the law
vic -glad u got a break -even a small one and one with hubby - and that dad is having a few good days
sdpeg - hopefully gettng your degree wqill see you more employable and eventually in better financial ground
mis - Happy Birthday to grandma -nice cake
cmag -hope the roof gets fixed before the nest rain - let us know about the meeting
stormy where are u?
shawna -hope your cold is better
jam - hope everyhthing is hunky dory at the NH
everyone -let us now how you are
here no moose yet, as far as I know, getting caught up on my sleep thankfully, eventually these pesky relatives fade into perspective -remember that maya!
23 degrees so walks on the trail are out for a while -better get out for a mall crawl or even better yet - think i will have lunch and a nap
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo

Mayasbop, it sounds most logical for you to be the one with the durable and medical POA.

I was very glad when the rain ceased Saturday morning and I could put away all ten of my containers catching the rain drops from the ceiling. I do hope the roofing people can complete their repairs on Tuesday for we have a thunderstorm heading this way for Thursday.

Since last Thursday, I have not woken up feeling rested nor had any of my previously renewed energy. I do feel a bit more energized this afternoon.

I will let ya'll know what I learn from the family conference at the nursing home in the morning.

I talked to an attorney this morning about my mother and what is going on with her other kids. This is after I got an e-mail from one of my niece's friends giving me the disposition of two felony drug charges and one misdemeanor drug charge that my niece had been arrested for. After all was said and done, niece got off with both felonies being dismissed and the punishment for the misdemeanor being one hundred hours of community service. They also suspended her license, but for how long, I have no idea. If she's driving high, maybe they need to just revoke it.

Attorney told me to get POA for both health and finances now while she is competent, so that's on my list of things to do. He said that it will protect me from anything someone might try. I've resisted it because I thought it would cause more problems in the family, but I think I'm going to take his advice. I actually wanted my mother's best friend to handle that, but she lives on the other side of this state. I'd thought that an impartial third party would be best, but that might make it difficult to take care of things here.

I hate the way things are with the family. I truly do. However, I'm starting to believe that I have to get ruthless and put them aside. By the way, niece actually sent invitations to her trial via Facebook. She's another good reason for not being on Facebook any longer. I don't need to know every single time she gets arrested.

Can you believe that someone would actually treat those charges as a joke?

Aw Ro..can't imagine...that really sucks. Hope call to brother goes better than expected.
CG..thanks for that reminder about patience! I recall a friend told me that once a time ago and had forgotten! Be careful what you pray for huh!
Shawna..Seeme congrats...love little bundles of joy.
Cmag..really blows about roof..glad company is taking responsibility!
Emjo...did you send cold weather our way to share!! Haha. You are one busy bee!
Jam..so sorry about COL. Change is so hard
Maya..stand your ground..crazy that we let others have power over us! I do it all the time and could kick myself when I do!
Ladee loo!! You heathen you! Did you have happy hunting?
Sdpeg..so happy for you and mom ...enjoy while the getting is good!
Dad has had a couple of decent days...yea!!! Hubby gave me the day off on Friday..ooh I was a crab! Then yesterday we had the day off together..so this morning I think that I will be able to handle the day...haha we will see. Everyone is still "sawing horses" at the moment so I am enjoying the quiet time catching up on posts and just being!
Hope everyone has the best day possible...

Thanks Peg and Ladee. My mother has to pay some taxes every year. In general, the Tax authorities get that money by cutting my mother's retirement check (400 dollars a month, several months a year). This year, they decided my mother had to pay many more taxes, so, they cut my mother's retirement check for 3 months (august sept oct) and they made things difficult for us already. This month, november, instead to taking just 400 dollars from my mother's check, they cut it ALL. And they didn't warn us before! It was a surprise we had. I went to the post office where my mother has the account and they told me "no money!". Next Monday (tomorrow) we will go to a tax revenue office and will ask to tell us how much money they will draw in December, so at least next month I know what I have to expect. This month it was a "cold shower". (Something disagreable and unexpected)
Just to give an idea of the Italian crisis, this year we paid exactly THE DOUBLE (twice as much) of taxes for my mother, and 30% more for my taxes. (while my mother and I get the same money as the year before, of course....)
No wonder people are desperate... Not just me, of course!
Okay now I have to be brave and call my brother. See you tonight

Oh Ro, what next for you!!!! Just go ahead and call him, you know he is going to say something ugly, just tune him out until he tells you how much he can send.... I am sorry you even have to ask him..... but look at it as a gift from God or a higher power, not from him.... that takes the sting out of it a little bit......You have to have food and gas for the car..... this has been one hard year for you Ro, and all I can do is send angels to help carry your load and to whisper in your ear that ladee loves you.....doesn't pay the bills tho does it..... prayers for you Ro...... my heart hurts for you and I pray you get a break sooner rather than later.... love and hugs across the miles to you.....

Rossella: I can relate to how you are feeling. Money, the lack of for me at this time, makes me vulnerable as I am sure you are feeling. I am not knowledgeable about the situation with the tax situation you write about but it sounds like it has left you without. Tax ... that should be a four letter word. I am sorry you are going through this. SDPeg

Congrats to Seeme and Shawna for the new babies!
Siblings (and cousins, whatever....) I am in such a "good" relationship with my brother that I am frightened by the idea to ask him to lend me some money.
Tax authorities at the beginning of November have "confiscated" the entire retirement check of my mother (without warning us) because (I think) they have to settle the accounts before the end of the year. So I don't have money to give my caregivers, and I have no money for myself and my mother. I had some for my work but it's already gone after 5 days! So I guess I have to ask my brother to lend me something. And the idea of having to ask him is so difficult for me that I am postponing one day after another. I guess I'll have to call him tomorrow.
I can already hear his answer: "You are not well organised, you should always keep some money aside for the emergencies". I wish "he" tried to save money every month! I never manage to.
Sorry for the vent....

sdpeg - glad your mum is feeling better and knows she is better not hearing from your bro -yes putting your foot down is important - also called drawing boundaries. Hope you get the courses you want for next term

bee - thanks, I always liked that poem -hope you have a good weekend too and get the bills sorted out

Congrats auntie shawna - a new baby is such a joy. Hope his mum's mood improves, A few women get miserable when they are pregnant. Good idea to stay in out of the cold - me too! though it is almost up to freezing here here.
Glad to hear the good news and that mum is delighted too!

HEY gang what's up great here. Happy Happy... why am I happy do you ask. Yes that's right Austin Jacob Kohn is HERE. Ungrateful niece went into labor today and she has my little bundle of happiness. He's 9 pounds and 21 and 1/2 inches long. ONE big BOY ... he's so CUTE. I can't wait to make his ornament now and will once I get the hospital picture. I won't see him face to face for a few days as I do have a cold and don't want to tempt fate. I was supposed to go to the game today but my cold just made it impossible. So I stayed home and watched tv and rested with mom. Mom is in HER happy place. .... she can't wait to hold him and cuddle him and give him kisses. She's estatic..... lol its great to see.

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things, I'm finding,
Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.

(((hugs to all on this November weekend)))
Carolyn