This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It started raining about 4:30 and looks like it will continue all evening. Just had 4 treaters. And Mike went to get more candy..........looks like there may be another trip to the dentist for one of us................
Maya...hope there is nothing drastically wrong.........
Today we did errands and ate at IHOP. I have been in the bathroom ever since we got home. Guess the meal was too rich for me. Nasty, cold, rainy weather.....good for sleeping and diarhea........
Gonna dance with the stars and answer the door.....hopefully.....later.....
Hey, I'm not giving up. It will happen. I just hope nothing bad happens in the meantime. I have to keep reminding myself that she is impacting these decisions. Guilt is an emotion I struggle with but not for lack of trying to help her!
I spend more time in my day doing research and finding potential resources to help in Mom's care than I spend on myself. It's exhausting. Since she refuses to go back to the doctor after her Mini Cognitive test, the doctor can't even tell her his findings, let along suggest any potential medicinal or other help to diminish or slow down the symptoms.
SDPeg, good luck with your studies! I'm envious! One of these days, I'd like to do some further studies. I'd have free tuition because my hubby is a professor at a local, private college. But...I have to get my eyes back before I can do that!
Maya: A walk sounds good. Some fresh air and exercise might help me, too.
Carolyn
Glad you got some cash for the tooth....hey, can I borrow $70...... you KNOW I'm kidding..... love ya Ro, or maciROni, or Rosellaroselladella.......
It's sort of like a prank phone call without you doing the dialing. It's fun on a stormy day. And believe me, it works. They'll never bother you again.
Have a good day and a good halloween night!
Vic, always lots of things to do.
SDPeg, I hope you find a good solution for your mother and the food. What decision have you made about the car?
Jo is it very cold there already? Do you eat deer with berry marmalade? When I ate meat, I ate it in Germany and I loved it. Tooth: I'll have to put on a fake tooth; it is the last one so the doctor can't make a bridge. In a way it's Ok because you don't even notice that I have lost it.
Sorry if I forgot someone, my head is blank because I am working in the night.
Happy halloween
You could call me BEE! That's cure! I'll get used to it.
I've tried to change my user name but had no success. I realize my signon is too long. So thanks for the idea!
Carolyn in Western PA
What's my name by the way?
I have to contact her PCP this week to see about another appointment. If he thinks meds might help, he needs to step up his role in Mom's care. I feel like I'm begging him to stay on top of this. I can't help that Mom is stubborn. He needs to at least try! Or am kidding myself?
Well, have a good Monday. And Happy Halloween, everyone!
Carolyn
Halloween will be noisey here. The contractor and his team are here to put the new shingles on. (We had hail damage from a major storm.) Can't wait for that racket to start. lol I may have to call a cab to get out of here for a few hours.
Mom is about the same. I do worry that she isn't eating very well. She gets dinner ready, keeps things warm for hours waiting for the "kids" to sit down to eat. She gets so frustrated and upset, talks to them and they don't answer, so she cries. I keep telling her to just take care of herself. Sometimes, she says she just throws
yes, the doctor's appt. The one I was fearing for a couple of weeks.
The weigh in was adequate for her doc at this time. Doc says she gained a pound but not sure math is her forte per se as I saw it as a half a pound but on well. Doc asked about normal food for breakfast, lunch and dinner and if Ensure is being drank and meds being taken at the appointed times. I am thankful doc listens to me as well as obviously I know and Mom forgets (and honestly, sometimes it is the other way around right?).
The consensus is to have another follow up in January when more tests on the cognitive ability will be given. Doc was pleased that I am going part time next semester and also that I hired a female caregiver. The balance of the male and female genders is important to remember. With the status quo we live each day as it comes and hope for the best.
Thanks for asking ... daughter and family came for dinner and showed of the kids' costumes for Halloween just as I used to do with my kids and daughter cried remembering my dad/her grandpa. Although this is the second Halloween without him, this is the first my mom allowed people over and it was bittersweet.
I took a day to watch tv and do nothing. A part of me regrets wasting time (I have reading to do for class) but I guess I needed it.
Mom and I prepared for tomorrow for the trick or treaters. Female caregiver will be here in the evening/night and that will be fun for mom. I am glad she wanted to get back into the routine she and Dad had ... she is looking forward to it.
Mom also gets very frustrated and says "I didn't know getting old would be so hard" and when I remind her she is 84 1/2 years old and some of this forgetting is normal. She always thanks me for that compassionate statement.
So for the next two hours I could continue to watch "Murder She Wrote" marathon or pull out a textbook and read a chapter. At least I did get my paper written and submitted last night so that is over with. woo hoo. Just have to hand in the hard copy tomorrow morning and onto the rest of the semester. Thank God jut six more weeks of lecture, one week of finals, and a break!!! (I sound like a worn out record!)
Good night all
SDPeg
It certainly made for some fun and that's always fine.
Sending you hugs!!!
SDPeg
Sorry for the mix up.... well, not really sorry, did make for some fun reading there for a few minutes.....
stormy -my heart goes out to you and dad and the troubles he has been having - even not being able to eat what he enjoys - our family seem to develop food intolerances so what we can eat gets more and more restricted - you do eventually get used to it
ros -$70 in hand is better than in the mouth. Are you going to have an implant?
ladee - hope laundry day went well and will pray for you to get a day off
jam - sounds like col was been doing well - hopefully she will find something good about the place again - praying that when the time comes to tell her it goes Ok
carolyn - caregiving at a distance is stressful too - but different from attending to all the physical needs daily
vic - glad u had some time with Billy - sounds like dad is hanging in there
sdpeg - what happened at the doc's visit and weigh- in - did I miss something?
mis - snow???? seems several places in the states have had a fair amount -is the brace working for the foot drop?
tpeg - fil seems to be doing pretty well - sibs -well I am about to confront mine...
seeme - glad mil has another arrangement - to much for you right now
cmag - glad you have been having some days of peace
everyone - hope the weekend was OK - I finally got a bit caught up on my sleep - the guys building the garage next door took the weekend off so it was quiet
am sorting out in my head and heart what do do re my sib and the cousins - I will remind her that in her last communication she told me she wanted no more to do with me and now she wants to "friend" me on facebook - so until what was said is sorted out to my satisfaction - we are not going anywhere else.
G is away with the horses as usual. Deer bones are cooking on the stove for soup. Cleaned out 1/2 the frig -will do the rest later, made some raspberry coconut ice cream, cooked up some cranberry/orange/apple compote. Have one more bag of apples to deal with and some rhubarb.Now I am going to walk to the store to get some fresh air and shop a little. Who else did their walk today? It is a good stress reliever!
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Who did you know in Hearne??? Have old family friends there....
I was up most of the night with stomach cramps. I tried to go back to sleep this morning, but I tossed and turned. When I slept at all, I had dreams about explaining my decision to change churches. Explaining why I'm looking for a new church did not sit well with cousin. He thinks that this preacher is fine. He doesn't understand why I feel like I do. He said it's up to me, but he doesn't see anything wrong.
Am I losing it?
Hubby is here soooooo...I was out of pocket.Friday we spent time together until 7pm as we had the day off. It was nice but boy does it go by fast...
As for Dad he is ok. Tired but alert. He has been going to bed earlier every evening. We finally made it to church today and he even stayed awake. We went back to the pastry shop of lunch. It was nice.
As for tests..well the CT scan was fine. So pain must be coming from muscles...hope hope. He isn't complaining as much. Blood work shows he is anemic and the kidney thing erythropoietin is low but he doesn't want to do anything right now. So back where we started..one day at a time. I have started to weigh him as part of morning routine to check for fluid gain, hopefully next time he can take a LASIK rather than a stay in the hospital. Course weighing him is a huge chore as he can't stand up for himself or balance. We just do the best we can.
Love and prayers for all of you. Vic
ladee's nap sounds like a good idea to me............
Bee......(SDPeg)..................COW PATTIE!
Let's see.....the col called about an hour ago. Phone call started well, then went right into the toilet and she ended up mad. She's ready to come home, perfectly capable of driving her car, can walk without a problem and can certainly take care of her own personal hygiene. Her first words were "has anyone told you when I can go home? I haven't even seen a doctor yet"...........oh my, what do you say? We keep hoping the thought of "going home" will just go away like most of her thoughts do, but I know eventually she will have to be told and it won't be pretty. I just cannot fathom how she thinks she is as capable today as she was 40 years ago, yet can't even go potty without having it smeared all over herself. And when you look into her eyes, there is just blankness. It's a sad thing.
No football today.....will be tomorrow night. So I haven't done much of anything today. I hope everyone has had a good day also. Will check back later.........
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I wasn't so much comparing just thankful for the issues that I know personally I could not deal with. I am not a happy, healthy person without sleep so I am thankful my Mom goes to bed early, does not wander, and awakens only to potty during the night and although I do hear her get up and flush the toilet (the pipes of course go right past my bedroom ha ha) I know that she will go back to sleep. But other things she does that might be challenging to others, I can handle. She misplaces things and I seemingly (so far) have patience for.
I know there is nothing challenging that we can't make it through. I glean so much from this group and the support is priceless.
Today is a light day and although daughter and family are visiting, I will just make up a pot of pasta and sauce and viola ... dinner is made.
Hope all have a wonderful Sunday and safe Halloween.
SDPeg