The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Y'all wanted a story. The best part is that this is all true.

emjo, did you tell your sister "Promises, promises. Always promises that you never keep." I've wanted to say that myself to my own.

By the way, when I say inbred, I do mean it literally. Those nieces were mother and daughter as well as blood cousins to each other. Want to know what is really hilarious? The mother totally bypassed the daughter in her will. Her grandson ended up with the house. He took possession of it legally within days of her death. The daughter may have made off with my grandmother's things, but her own son made off with her mother's house. Ironic, huh?

Hi all - very frustrating evening here - internet connection going in and out. Don't know if it is my router or the ISP. I may need to buy a new d-link.
Family issues have raised their ugly heads again. Looks like people are taking sides - my mother and my sister vs me - and I am "loosing". What's new. Let the chips fall where they may. I like the saying "What other people think of me is none of my business." I guess that is the best attitude to take. My sister has just created a facebook account and wants to "friend" me. Her last communication with me a few months ago was a blistering email where she ripped up one side of me and down another and told me that I didn't care about my mother and she wanted to have nothing more to do with me. Of course, that is ignored now and we are supposed to pretend that it never happened. Yeah right!!! and so on. This is the same old merry-go-round it has always been. I am sick of it!!!
Other than that we have finished butchering the deer and I now have some great soup bones as well as meat. We had some liver and steak from the beast for supper and it was good.
I am getting over the cold I had, thankfully, and getting some energy back. This evening I have been helping G with his new work computer. My routine is so different now, It will take a while to get used to having supper ready for 5 pm. When he was at camp I never saw him, and other than that supper was never til 7 at the earliest. I am waking up before 3 a.m. these days and not sleeping any more than that so went to the lab to get my thyroid checked today and will get the results Monday. It means I am a little wacky from tiredness in the daytime but can't nap as they are building a garage next door. Can't keep up with everybody right now - too much going on here - though I have been reading.

Hope everyone is doing reasonably well. I know a few of your are having some rough times ((((((hugs))))). I will get back into a new routine soon I am sure and start sleeping properly again.
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo

Oh Maya that story is so special. You are blessed to have the memories. I, too, had some stories told to me before my Dad died and I cherish those. Those are items that no one can take away. I appreciate you
shared those valuable words.
Today was mom's appt and apparently the doc was pleased enough that she didn't run a thyroid test (will be done early January) and we will continue what we are doing until then. The doc documented a lot of what my mom said and also documented what I said as well. Mom felt better and ate well at dinner (Chinese Buffet...what's not to love?) and she is tired (so am I!!!) so we have called it an early night.
She went to the bank with Wednesday caregiver and can't find the money she withdrew. I talked to caregiver, he said she took it to her room, ok, let's find it now. I have to laugh...I found her coffee cup in the freezer with coffee in it. OK: does anyone else want to write a book with me??? This is funnier than any sitcom I see on tv tonight.
Tomorrow I have hair appt and have to get up early. Her Monday caregiver is my hair dresser (she is great in both respects!!!) and I am encouraged by their relationship...they both like one another immensely!
Good night all...will chat with you all later.
SDPeg

Now here's a link to the clip in the movie. You can't miss Uncle Drew.

And I'm changing the picture now. This is the house we lived in.

After my grandmother died, most of my grandfather's kids took a hike out of his life. We were overseas, so we weren't able to be there for him. One day, he fell and broke his hip. When his oldest daughter came down to see about him, she noticed that her mother's things were gone. The inbred nieces he had told her that he'd sold them to someone where he lived for beer money. Um no, he didn't. He actually didn't know where her things had gone, but he didn't do anything with them. He was actually saving them for my sister, so they were still there when he went to the hospital. Of course, she in turn told that story to his other kids and they basically chose to have little to do with him.

After he left the nursing home where he'd been taken, he no longer had the apartment that he had lived in with my grandmother, so he ended up at one of the inbreds' house. From there, he went to a boarding house and then, he ended up in the house where he was living when I moved from Texas to take care of him.

The house had two rooms and a bathroom. He was very old-fashioned and so, I slept in the kitchen and he slept in the front room. He just didn't think it was proper for us to sleep in the same room. I could open the refrigerator without ever off my bed. I asked him if he wanted to move to some place better and he told me that he could afford that house on his own. I think it took a while for him to realize that I wasn't going to bail on him like everyone else had.

I wouldn't take a million dollars for that time with him. He told me stories about his family and gave me a look into his life. He told me that he knew the moment he saw my grandmother for the first time that she was the right one. He'd never even spoken a word, but he decided at that moment that he was going to marry her. They were married three months later and stayed married until she died in 1974. He thought that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known and I know for a fact that he missed her to his dying day. A few days before he died, I went to the hospital to stay the day with him. I started to sit in a chair and he told me to get up, that I was too old to sit in my grandma's lap. I told him that she wasn't there, but he informed me sternly that she was and that I had to find somewhere else to sit. That was the day I realized that just because I didn't have the eyes to see what he saw, it didn't mean that what he saw wasn't real. I truly believe that God sent an angel who looked like the one he loved the most, who loved him the most.

And when I asked him to tell me stories about his parents, he'd always start out with "Mom was a Methodist". His father was Catholic, so I guess he thought that would help me understand why she was so different from the rest of his family. Personally, I admire anyone who has to go their own way and according to my grandfather, she did. He was her baby out of her thirteen children. He took care of her and his wife, his mother-in-law, two of his nieces, his brother, his daughter and his sister's widower during the Depression. He meant the world to me.

And, by the way, every single detail he ever gave me about his family checked out. I found the records to prove it. Not bad for an eighty-three year old man, huh?

Oh, what happened to my grandmother's belongings, you ask? About six months after my grandfather passed away, I went over to one of the inbreds' house. She was up in the attic and told me to come up. Three guesses as to what I saw in her attic? You've got it. There were my grandmother's belongings. When I asked her what she was doing with them, she denied that they were my grandmother's. I guess she thought we'd forget, but I watched my grandmother crochet the afghans, I learned to sew on her sewing machine and I brought her sewing basket to her a hundred times. I don't forget the important stuff.

I'll check that out tomorrow, have to work tomorrow, so am going to go lay it down.... but that is awesome.... you'll have to describe the house or will I see it when I check in to the stuff about the movie.... I am a tired old lady, talk to ya'll tomorrow... hugs across the miles..

Ma Beechie was a madam, Ladee. Go to Turner Movie Classics and take a look. The movie had John McIntire, Kathryn Grayson and Richard Kiley in it. And, of course, my Uncle Drew.

maybe if emjo checks in, she'll remember, she is the 'brains' of this outfit....

Tell any story you want or can remember.... as long as we arent' talking about MY family, it will be interesting....... I don't remember either, but maybe it was about the sisters with the strange names?????? I've slept since then woman.....
What was the house originally built for???

Ladee, should I tell you about the house my grandfather and I lived in when I was caring for him? Should I tell you what it was originally built for? Anyone ever see "The Phenix City Story"? If you have, you'd have heard about Ma Beechie and that would give you a clue. If you go to tcm.com and do a search for that movie, you'll see clips to watch. If you watch the one with Meg Myles singing, you'll see a man in a print shirt scooting his chair out to watch her sing. That's my grandfather's brother Drew. The funeral home in the movie is the same one that my grandparents and their siblings were buried from.

And anyone remember what the story was that I was going to tell you all sometime? If I could only remember, I'd tell you all about it....

Seeme, nope, I'm not from here. I'm an army brat and I've lived all over. My dad was from this county and this is where he is buried along with about six other generations of his family. They've been here for the last couple of hundred years and a good part of the neighboring town of Gastonia was originally my fourth great-grandfather's farm. And if you ever get to Charlotte and you see anything that's named after an Alexander, those were relatives of mine too.

My mother wants to be buried where my father is, so we had a choice to make when our lease came up for renewal. We could either stay where we were and the only people she would ever see were the folks at the doctor's offices and myself or we could move here where my dad's nieces couldn't seem to get enough of holding her hand when they saw her. We could go while she could still enjoy the nieces and nephews or we could stay and they'd see her again at her funeral. We decided to move down here.

I sent an e-mail to a cousin who owns a whole lot of this town and asked if he had anything he'd rent to us. He gave me my choice of about thirty different houses. And when I picked one, he sent me an e-mail and told me that I'd chosen the wrong one, that he knew of one that would work better for Mama. He was right. She's really happy here and so am I.

We moved down from Hampton Roads, so it was a big move for both of us. My mother got another abdominal abscess about the time we moved and it's been a challenge to get unpacked and organized in amongst that. I'm still working on it, to be honest.

No, we're not supposed to get snow, but the rain is here and it looks like it will be here a while. Honestly, I like Bessemer City. You still park on the diagonal in front of the stores through town and the speed limit is twenty miles per hour. The grocery store is a block and a half away, the pharmacy is another block down the road and our landlord is a godsend. He and his wife have been so good to us. You can't imagine how good that feels. He told me that he wants me here twenty-five years from now, that whatever I want to do here is fine with them.

I used to dream of us living in a house and would ask God if someday He'd make it possible. He did. We have a yard with crepe myrtles and black walnuts and bunnies in it and the quality of life is just so much better. I just want my mother to be able to enjoy it.

OK.....decided I would check in and let everyone know I am still buzzing around.

No yard sale tomorrow. The rain has come in later than originally expected and it will rain through the night until tomorrow afternoon. It is also running 30 degrees colder than yesterday......too cold for a sale.It gives me more time to find things to get rid of.

I think of Starri a lot saying how much she slept after her mom died.....seems I am doing the same......lack motivation......but I do have some GREAT NEWS. MIL will have surgery done in SC with BIL and his wife can wait on the MIL..........and I don't have to go there for Thanksgiving cause she has cockroaches and they freak me out!!! Hubby is being so good to me!!!!!

Hubby is working this weekend, so I have no plans. I'm going to read till I go blind. Too cold to play outside.

I have read all the posts.....SDPeg, I gave my mom Megese for lack of appetite. Worked great. I didn't tekk her what it was for , just otld her to drink it. It is a prescription for an appetite enhancer. 10ml twice a day. She was suffering from malnutrition at the time. Check into that with her doctor.

Emjo may be snowed in by now. Make sure it is off the roof!!!

Maya....you are WWAAAAAAAYYYYYY over there from me!!! Had to look it up on the map to see where you are cause I never heard of it. I am not a native, either, so no wonder. Will you get snow tonight? And I miss the stories, too. Are you from the mountains originally?

I haven't forgotten everyone else, but I realize that the ball game just started and since I am from the St. Louis area, I promised my sisters that I would watch tonight since I missed such a good game last night.........later

Brandy, hope you come back to talk with us..... you are always welcome.... it is just one big family here, and we all get along, isn't that amazing..... but we do talk about our real life sibs.... mine are the 'ugly sisters'......
CMag, am so happy to hear you are feeling better and resting when you sleep... I am in the process of writing my letter to my son.... again, I appreciate you sharing about that, it has given me a safe way to have my feelings and not do harm to anyone else....I want to have compassion for my son, not anger and resentment.... and I, like you am not touching the 'church' conversation......
Jam, am so happy to hear that the col is happy and adjusting to her new home..... I know that is making things so much nicer for you and Target...... funny how sometimes we put ourself thru hell to make a decision and it all works out...... she was always social, so this is good for her.....
Emjo, yeah, I agree with Jam, but I also know you haven't felt good for awhile, so hope you are feeling better.....
Maya, what has happened to your stories?????? I know you have a lot of other things going on, but I for one, really enjoyed your stories......please think about posting about that again when you get time....
Shawna, I am jumping for joy that your business is picking up..... you deserve a break, you make so many sacrifices to make sure your mom is well taken care of... guess it has been a long time since I have met someone your age who is so commited to doing the right things for the right reasons.... just very proud of you!!!!!
TPeg, Jam is right, we are all part of this thread, no leaders here..... too much to put off on Jam for one thing, I know I wouldn't want to have that 'job', and once you get to know her better, you will come to realize she is very capapble of 'leading' us down a dark and scairy road..... and will make sure we hear things that go 'bump' in the night....no, I prefer her idea of us all being equal here...... keeps things sane and safe.....
But since this thread has been started there have been no mishaps... and we are all grateful for that.... very loving and caring folks come here to share and I look forward to what our next adventure will be.... together.....
Stormy, all I can say is that I always send prayers for your dad.... his issues are so complicated and I just pray he is not in pain, and that he receives some relief soon.....
SDPeg, guess the Dr. will have to intervene with your mom..... ethically he can't let her starve herself to death.... so let us know how her check up went.....
Vickie Vic, how are you today,,,, hubby is home so know you are spending time with him, but drop us line and let us know you and dad are ok.....
Who did I miss???? I'll check in later....
Seeme Sue, I love you and miss you.... love you not matter what..... just don't try to do everything alone, we are here for you for this part too. Many of us have lost our moms and are willing to share...... it isn't whining, it is grief.... but also understand we all do it differently.... just know you are not alone and that we love you, especially me, your annoying "fly on the wall' friend.......
hugs to everyone and I'll check back in later....

I, too, get a lot of out of the messages I see here. I feel I am not alone in caring for my Mother. One thing that has helped me is the book, Children the Challenge. I used it when I was raising my children, now I use it to raise my parent! Thanks everybody for posting. I really like this site.

Cmag, I knew some priests which made me walk out of the church, and other priests that when they finished talking I clapped my hands. Useless to say, to have a clever priest, it helps.

BTW, ya'll talk about churches all you want, but I'm going to bail out on that subject.

Mayasbop, like others have said, flee-run-escape, don't look back and don't go back!!! Sounds like a personality cult to me. Sorry, but where is his kool aide?

Among other reasons like Jam noted, I don't want to focus on this too much because 'unhealthy churches' is a sore soap box issue for me and if I get started, I might not know just when to stop. I have yet to write my letter about that and burn that one up yet.

Love to all and have a good weekend.

Hi Jam. I am happy COL is happy. I have grown fond of her in a way!
I told about my tooth in a previous post. It's a strange story!
No in fact we all miss little Nicky very much. My dogs are not the same anymore. There is a very sad and depressed atmosphere in my room. The cats don't care, thanks God, someone is happy in this house. It's good to see that something remains always the same. Cats are the true philosophers of life. When Connie, my cat, died one week before Nicky, her twin sister, who was very close to her, decided not to be an indoor cat anymore. She is an outdoor cat, now, and I see she has become friend of the outdoor cats. She lived on a chair all day long with her sister, before. Now she doesn't come in anymore. She has, what could I say? Moved forward with her life. All of you have pets so I think you agree with me that they are a steady source of surprises! So unpredictable.

Good Afternoon Posse!

Have been trying to get caught up on posts and think I have done it! Someone called me the leader the other day and PLEASE no I am not! I just happened to be the one that wrote the original post with the intention of creating a safe haven for talking about our feelings and thoughts, without fear of chastisement or being judged for those feelings. Care giving is a hard enough job in itself....we don't need someone who doesn't know us or our circumstances attempting to tell us how to go about our daily living and telling us that we are wrong if we're not doing it their way. There is no room here for a leader and followers........there are only leaders. Everyone here has something to offer and I think we have all learned from each other. I may not be doing the active care giving right now, but I'm still a part of this wagon train and I keep up with all of you and will continue to do so.

maya.........find another church.......quickly! That guy sounds like he should be in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".
Shawna.....glad things are picking up for you, they can only go up from here.
stormy.....Did you say your Dad was going to have a swallow test done or did they do that already? It might be a good idea to have his trach checked before he aspirates his food and or drinks. That would be bad news.
ladee...........hope Marie was still being a good girl today.
emjo......haven't gotten any beautiful emails to brighten my day.........you must be too busy cooking the antlers off something. Or with G around, too darn busy for us anymore...........:( that has to pass for a pout.....
SDPeg....stop worrying yourself over whether or not Mom is eating. The elderly don't burn the calories they did when they were younger, thus they don't need the same intake. And perhaps she doesn't realize she is hungry. We had the same problem with the col......she didn't eat enough to keep a gnat alive and was really getting skinny. Then during her stay this past June in the hospital her appetite came alive and she was eating 3 big meals a day and that's when she put on the pounds. And since her dr appt in Sept until they weighed her on admission last Tuesday, she has gained another 5lbs. or else someone's scales are really screwed up! Anti-depressants cause weight gain so it may start to happen soon. Worrying yourself isn't going to change a thing except give you gray hair and sleepless nights. And we chicks don't have time for gray hair, right sister..........do I hear an AMEN to that????????
CMag doesn't have time for it either. Who, by the way, is busy being romantic and enjoying his man cave with a super-relaxed attitude!
Rossella..........how was Rome and how is the tooth? What a lousy reason to have to get there. Didn't you say it was about 50 mi from your home? Hope mom is doing alright. Are the other puppers getting used to not having Nicky with them? Give them all giant hugs from me!
Vic.....how's Dad feeling? And yourself also?
ASG....check in please.....
seeme..........did I miss the sale? missing you here that's for sure.

Went to visit the col today. You should have seen her little face light up when we walked in. She was sitting in the main area waiting for lunchtime and listening to the entertainment......the Social worker's husband has a killer voice and he was belting out songs and the col's feet were just dancing. People were clapping their hands and tapping their feet and there were some visitors that had brought in pets and some of the aides were dancing around and singing. It was quite the festive time. And not one time did she ask if she could come home. Target looked at me and said "she's really happy"....yes she appeared to be and this is turning out to be so good for her in more ways than one. I ran into the admissions director and she said the aides were afraid that the col would try to elope and she said nope, hasn't tried it once. We are going to take her doggie out Sunday to visit with her.

Hope everyone is having a good day........please drop by and let us know how you're doing.

Love and Hugz,
Jam

Maya, your priest seems the priest of the movies (for example the priest of Pollyanna). Therefore, they exist! Doesn't he say things like "You sinners, you will burn in the flames of hell?"
I was thinking that it is very very sad that Stormy's dad would like to eat and he can't, and Peg's mom should eat and she doesn't want to.
It's really very very sad.
My mother doesn't have those extreme problems, but I had to take the chocolate away from her because it has bad effects on her digestion. And I am sorry because it was a joy in her life.
About my tooth... I thought the problem was just that the crown (a golden crown that I had made several years ago) had separated from the tooth. I don't know how to explain it better... I am Italian Peg! I live close to Rome.
Instead, the whole tooth broke inside of the crown. And the only thing to do is to extract the little piece of tooth which is still there, (which I will do in December because I have no money now) and next year I shall have to put a fake tooth which will be screwed into my gums. And I am screwed, too! (forgive me for the bad joke). I am already crying, thinking of how much money I shall have to spend next year. But my tooth doctor who is a very very nice guy told me: "Well, look at the good side of it. You can sell your crown!" And tomorrow I shall go to a village nearby and I shall try to sell my golden tooth.
Isn't it hilarious? This is the real poverty. I am selling my own teeth!
BTW Shawna I missed you on Facebook 1 hour ago (I was answering a message). In a few days I'll write you and we'll talk business.
Sorry I mixed up in this message funny things and sad things, I guess the days of everyone of us are always a mix of funny and sad things.

Maya, what's the hold up? You need to put skates on to get away from that church. No joking!
Carolyn

No ... Maya I don't think you are wrong. IF that was my church I'd run the OTHER way!

cmagnum, how'd you feel about a church whose new preacher is the son of the last one, who seems to see taking over as his birthright? He continually misquotes Scripture and takes it out of context, he tells everyone to pray on their way to church because church is for worship and not for praying for individual needs, he stomps down the aisle to see what you're doing if you're not looking directly at him, he sings a solo every single Sunday, he screams at the top of his lungs into a microphone with the sound system turned sky high (I'd like to keep my hearing, thank you) and he's always got a smirk on his face like he's got something on you. He puts man-made conditions on taking Communion, he proclaimed that he had the right to say who was saved and who wasn't (talking about the members of the church), he actually begged for someone to consent to being rebaptized because he really wanted to use the baptismal pool in the back and he took a vote to see whether the congregation thought someone should be baptized.

Am I wrong for wanting to find another church?

I am doing better today now that I got my cold meds and other things I needed to get. Mom is enjoying looking out the window though yesterday AGHHH snow!. It's melting now and going away but we are supposed to get a northeaster tomorrow not good when we got kids trick or treating but that's not saying much as when we were kids sometimes we had freezing rain and snow. It's nothing new to New York. I been busy working on ideas for my images and ornaments. I am sorry to say I won't be getting any heart ornaments as I am sticking to the supplier I am currently using because it has the other things I need. I really don't feel like ordering from two different places to not to mention they offer free shipping which is good. The other place I was looking at yes they are 30 cents cheaper in price of the ornaments but that is made up with how much shipping is.... and you have to order enough to fill a pallet in order to qualify for shipping. Anyway ornaments should be here next week or week after next. Which means I be busy bee for the next month so I am not sure how much time I will be on here. But that is good right that means money. I also want to thank you to those who have stood by me through everything and lol the ones that are helping my business you are a sweet sweet sweet ppl. I won't say who cause I don't want hurt or angry feelings. I can't wait for the holidays this year I might actually be able to buy mom some nice stuff ... and maybe even get myself a nice coat lol. Tomorrow is supposed to be cold and yucky I am not sure what I am going to be doing maybe I'll get some rum and coke for myself and celebrate getting older that way. .... who knows I do have trick or treating tomorrow night with the kids as thats when my towns doing it. Anyway love to all. Oh yeah about churches I don't go anymore... The two churches here one was the one I was baptised in recieved first communion and confirmed in. The other was in the other town well they have since combined ... sold the church I go to .. are not kid friendly as our church was so mom said we aren't going. Well that solved that whole problem when it came to the holidays this year. As I am not taking her to a church where there is very little way of getting her inside and all the handicapped spots are taken and making elderly people walk two blocks to get to church. Nope ... we will celebrate Christmas our own way this year...

That's all my preaching about churches for today and this weekend.

Today, is third day after the letter burning that I did on Tuesday and I am still living each day with more energy and waking up actually feeling rested!!!!!!! :)

Cmag: I could not agree with you more. Absolutely!!!

"go to a church where it's not about the relatives." This is a very good and healthy idea and usually found in a larger church where one family and all of their relatives do not dominate the whole congregation. I've seen too many churches where everyone being someone's relative is not healthy and actually keeps them from reaching new people.