This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
CJ & Maya: I agree a church is a good thing. That reminds me I should attend this week. I didn't the last few. Thanks for the reminder.
Ros: keep us posted on your tooth. OUch!
Today is my mom's doc appt. Her weigh in. I doubt she has gained an ounce (I keep saying that hoping it will change) and we will see what doc says about her health. Also a follow up thyroid test to see if the meds are getting her into the normal range. I was dreading this appt last week, totally fretting over it, hoping mom would eat and take her health seriously but this past week, she has hidden Ensure bottles, not taken Tylenol, and been not eating so I can't flog a dead horse (sorry just feel like this this morning) so I, today, give myself permission to give up...give it to God ... and stop trying to fight a losing battle. If mom ends up in a NH I know I have done everything this person has the power to do in order to prevent that move. If she goes, it was because SHE chose not to eat and follow doc advice; I didn't starve her.
Another day ... God bless you all for being my friends.
SDPeg
I fixed dads breakfast this morning(grits, sausage gravy and a biscuit with gravy on it) He was eating his grits and coughing the whole time and he has grits coming out of his trach. And I told him dad why don't you let me put them in the blender and see if that would help and he said no it wouldn't help. He said they are so damn good and i can't eat them. That's when i almost lost it(trying not to cry) anyway he ate all the grits somehow and part of his biscuit. Finally he said i can't do nothing else with it. Then more coughing....... I told him that once he got through coughing i would clean him up because he had grits and mucus all on his chest and neck. So he got straightened out and i took his shirt off and washed him off and put a clean shirt on him. It's just hard to see him struggle to eat with every mouth full. And he has always loved to eat and that is the one thing that he has so much trouble with. I just feel soooo sorry for him............ Trying not to cry.... Gotta go.... Will talk to ya'll later..... Hugs Stormyyyyyyyyyyyy
Absolutely, Mayasbop, find a new church. You need absolute comfort in this area of your life.
Good luck in the search!
We moved to our current home 3 years ago and we've struggled with finding a new church. I thought we'd finally found one but hubby has issues with something the pastor does. Sooo....we're still looking.
Please do take care of your own health. Mayasbop.
I am used to sleeping in naps now. Last night, I fell asleep waiting for my mother to be ready to go to bed. I have to get the tubes and cords out of the way for her so she doesn't trip on them and she stays up quite late to play computer games and listen to whatever crime shows happen to be on. Anyway, when I got up to do that, I had a hard time getting back to sleep. I took some generic Benadryl and finally got sleepy, only to awaken four hours later unable to go back to sleep. This morning, I'm groggy and still unable to go back to sleep.
I told one of the cousins about not being able to go to the doctor. Turns out that she doesn't have medical insurance either. She's given me the number for a clinic here who sees folks for twenty dollars a visit. Maybe I can get some medical care again so that I can actually see this through to the end.
It's the end of the month, so it means stretching the money as much as I can over the next few days. I can remember when I had a job and a paycheck and the stress wasn't nearly as bad. We've got plenty of food, but there are always things that can come up.
Changing churches is the one thing that my best friend does support. I told him what the new preacher was doing and he agreed that it was time to move on. The problem is finding one where the relatives don't go that is still close enough to get back to my mother if one of the alarms goes off. That's not going to be easy when your family has roots for the last couple of hundred years. I love my relatives, but I'd like to go to a church where it's not about the relatives. Does that make sense?
Ros- hope your tooth feels better good luck!!!
I laid down with connor tonight and now my throat is killing me, all that mucus draining down my throat. I have all the symptoms of post nasal drip. Is there a cure for that shi%... I am sick of being sick all the time........hugs. time for bed stormyyyyyyyyyyyy
Hope all goes well with your tooth.
Prayers,
SDPeg
The usual routine here....
Keep safe!
Ladee: I agree this weather is crazy. This yo-yo weather is causing so much health issues that we all should buy stock in Kleenex!!!
TPeg: no word from Bully ... that's something to celebrate!!!
Jam: antique coffee table? wow! That's incredible. It's so nice to have the old things that withstand so many years of use.
Tomorrow is my mom's doc appt. I am leading her to believe that this is only a blood test for thyroid; we all know it is to weigh her. Honestly, I doubt she has gained an ounce and recently I see her throwing the Ensure down the sink. I can't change her and her desire to NOT eat but I can stop obsessing about it. I will keep you, all my friends, informed about the results of the consultation. This is a turning point and I can't have too much anxiety over it. I have done the best I can in order to have food in the house for her to consume (even changed her Equal to real sugar), managed and monitored her meds, encourage her to eat, etc etc etc (we all know what we do to promote optimum health for our loved ones). I will sleep well tonight knowing I have done my very best.
I cannot tell you with words how appreciative I am for your words of encouragement, advice, input, prayers, love, support, and friendship!
Always, SDPeg
We are actually going to be down in the 40's tonight..... can't believe it, it was 90 yesterday.... crazy weather....
Hope ya'll are hanging in there, there are days that is all we can do..... hugs to everyone... and Thanks again for all the support of my YOU freinds...
I'm smiling after reading your post. So happy for col as she gets adjusted, and her dog will too.
I have to agree, those tilt-in windows are the best. I don't have them on this house, but I did in an apartment when I lived in W Newton MA.
The table sounds beautiful. It is good to know a craftsman that takes pride in their work and the beauty of well made furniture.
It was a good day here, not a peep from Bully and F-i-L got weekly trip to Walmart. Thanks again to everyone for the support and advice. Hugs
Tucson Peggy
Checking in to see how the day went for everyone. I'm good, getting some things done that I had put off for several days.....like the dreaded laundry. And I actually washed some windows today! You just have to love those tilt-in windows.
A couple of weeks ago, the guy who has done all of our remodeling went down to the lake house and brought back the antique coffee table that belonged to the col's grandmother and built a pedestal base and put the original legs back on, he brought it back today looking like a gorgeous round dining table.
Spoke with the col earlier and so far she was having a very good day. Her good attitude has made the transition so much easier for everyone. I've been very careful keeping her dog upstairs and away from the inner door to her house, well he got past me today and went downstairs....immediately laid down, wouldn't move and acted so depressed. He seemed okay once I got him back upstairs. We will probably take him this weekend to see her.
Check in when you can..............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Shawna- I know how you feel with having a cold. I am battling yet another one or a allergy. It seems like i am sick every other week with a cold, sinuses or allergy or whatever it is that keeps making me feel like shit. I took a zyrtec this morning cause my throat has been so raw from my sinuses draining down the back of my throat and it does seem like that has helped. Thank God!!!! Hope u feel better soon..
Emjo-((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) back at ya. love ya. hope u r doing good in the arctic!!!! lol
ladee- sorry u r having a time with your son. I hope he will come around and be the son that he needs to be for u. He needs to realize what a wonderful mother he has in you and quit being a butt!!! Love u and wonderful post u wrote.
Trying to type fast cause dad is eating and i know he is going to start coughing...
i was right i had to go check on him.
Vic- it sounds like me and u have a time with our dads. Mine has fluid built up in his legs, feet and toes too. And horrible toenail fungus!!!! May the Lord be with us...
Carolyn- I am sorry you are having trouble with your eyes i'm sure that is no fun at all. I pray that the drs will be able to help you see better!
Jam- how r u doing today? How is the col?
SdPeg- if your brother has a problem with u getting some money from mom then tell him he can pick her up and carry her to her drs appt's. Maybe that will shut him up. It usually does... Or tell him he can let u borrow his car!!!!!!
I will post later on. Just wanted to let ya'll know that they found dad with gastritis and they done a biopsy on it the other day when they were stretching his throat. Love and hugs stormyyyyyyy
I spoke briefly with my counselor about the dilemma with borrowing money from my mom (for car repairs) and the intrusion I feel my brother has. Her answer? Find out why there is no relationship with my brother and try to rectify it. Ha! My answer to her: "I have no interest in doing that." This distancing has been going on for more years than I can count and I don't know when it started (if I did something or he perceived I did something or whatever).
So to answer this post: How am I doing today? I am stronger because of the conversations we have here. I felt empowered when I said I have no interest in wasting my energy flogging a dead horse (controlling brother). My heart is filled with thanks that you all are always here for me. Yes we offer different perspectives because we are different people however I feel more respect from you than I felt from her! And I thank you all for that!
With that being said, I mentioned to my mom last night I would like to borrow the money and I will pay her back "over time" and she just listened. If she shares with my brother (whose business clearly is not his) then that's HER business and I can't control that. I won't ask her not to; let the chips fall where they will.
She could let me borrow to purchase a new car but I don't want that sum of money over my head and/or taken out of any inheritance that may/may not be there when the time comes.
Also, I'm asking for prayers for this Friday when she goes to doc. I know it is a weigh-in but I keep telling her she is being tested for her thyroid so she won't panic regarding her weight (that she has not gained, perhaps not lost either). I want the best for her regarding her physical and mental health.
Thank you all for your friendship.
We are all here for the same purpose: keep our sanity.
And those going through lose, my heart is with you.
Those going through personal health issues, I pray they resolve.
Those going through trials with family members, I am right there with you.
Those hoping against hope our people will use hearing aids, walkers, glasses, etc: let's keep hoping! Some days that's all we have.
Love and hugs from San Diego
SDPeg
Ok folks excuse my cluelessness...I miss a page full of posts! Caught up now.. ASg..know what you mean..my dad in a similar boat. Hate seeing him suffer..
Caring..so hate to read the bu... That you are having to go through. That landlord ought to be shot! Jam had some good suggestions... Hope things get worked out soon.
Thanks all, for helping me in this daily challenge. I hope I can sometimes help you, too.
On a personal note, I've been struggling with vision issues for the past two years. I haven't driven during this time so my daily life has changed drastically. I've had 4 eye surgeries and I'm getting close to a possible "fix". BUT...nothing is ever easy,. I can't read very well just yet, but I use magnifiers to get by. I got 3 bills last week as a result of the most recent specialist appointments and tests. Reading is important...just in general.
I am thiankful for the improvement in my vision. I was able to catch that I've been billed twice for some tests. Of course, the customer service numbers are in the finest font imaginable, but 7 calls later I finally reached a human who has a brain to work with. I don't have the answers yet, but I feel there is hope.
One of the things I learned in this process is that my "medically nexessary scerical lens" (sp?) is in Health Insurance review purgatory. So they haven't ordered it yet! I've only been waiting 3 months now. Until I get that I can't even attempt to get a new drivers license (my license expired a year ago).
So, if you are inclined to pray for special requests, please remember me. I want to get my life back! I will be of more help to my Mother if I can jump in the car and drive the 8 hours to get to her on my own.
Thanks in advance for letting me vent about my own life here. Carolyn
Shawna...ignore those sibs....they are the ones who are feeling guilty for you doing all the caregiving. Now moms house is spotless...arghh...she has a cleaning lady who comes but mom cleans before she gets here!! Course now come to my hues! Ha...nassssty! Woo..I am finally getting a little done at at a time so that when I get to visit my house I feel good not stressed to clean. Oh well, ya know those sibs have nooooo clue! Let them come clean poop and pee and wash down toilet and bed. Sorry...went on a rant!
ASG... Angel of mercy! You know your auntie meant it as a compliment..what's going on with grampa? Did I miss something... Ha and sending the cow pattie to Ladee was perfect! She probably threw it at her neighbors! Hahahaha...
Stormy..poor dad, he is going through so much. You and sis are doing great. So proud of you being calm about dads sore collarbone..my dad has those skin cancer things on his head and face fairly often. He just had one removed on Monday ..whew bet brothers ear did hurt! Glad he is backing off the drinking ..hope he continues to stay strong
Jam..so glad things went well with getting COL to NH..how great is having your DIL's gma with COL! God is good. And COL will be well taken care of. Keeping you and T in prayers as you two adjust to this new chapter in your lives..
Cmag..so glad you are in a peaceful place right now. What a relief to let go ...
Ros..dad has bad feet too so I can relate to your mom's situation..screw brother, I sware those that don't deal cannot get it! Glad you let it roll....
Talking about feet..dads toes were swollen more thank usual last night..hope he isn't going back to all that fluid down there again. Poor guy he has enough problems as it is. He had CT done yesterday..didn't realize it was going to be an upper GI where he had to drink thae chalk stuff and wait.. Should have known ..
It was a really long day yesterday. Test went fine..waiting before was long..you have to sit ther and hour and half after you drink that stuff then they do CT scan.. Course that takes ten minutes or less!! I was so tired...first of course dad didn't have to go to bathroom before we left ..of course he had to go before he drank stuff! Got him to the closest bathroom that was handicapped...but I couldn't get the wheelchair in the room! How crazy is that at the hospital!! And he was going as I was trying to get him on toilet..thankfully It stayed in his disposable..and I didn't have to change cloths. But boy I did leave the pile in the trash can!! Whew..so sorry for the next person! Haha
After test we had a really nice lunch at this neat pastry shop..but boy did we pay for it when he got home...this time it was a real blow out..yuck!! ...THANK YOU God that we were at home! Had to put him in the tub to take a bath as it was all over..and by that time her was so tired, upset and scared that I was going to let him fall and he doesn't do well at all barefoot. Finally got him onto shower chair..got a good bath..then getting him out was another major trail... He let his legs go..major pull on my back but finally got him back to his chair..poor guy. And poor me!! Oh well all over and safe and sound! He went to bed early as he was exhausted..he had a pretty decent night. I started him back on the Celexa night before last..he seemed much better yesterday. No real emotional struggles.
Will call doc today to get results from bloodwork and CT scan. Hope there is something...he is soooo hard to diagnose probably will continue to treat symptoms.
ladee so sorry about Sonny being down hope he is in a better state of mind today and God forbid you get BORED! Who knows what kind of havoc you will create you heathen you! Lol
Sdpeg..ack..1500 to replace head gasket! Know I am truly blessed my hubby does all that for us.. Newer cars are labor intensive. With Jam on second opinion..but you know best. And hope you let go about golden boy.. He has major Control issues..and it doesn't sound like your mom helps matters. But it s between you and her.. Try not to get into your brothers rants..praying for it all to work out.
A new day .. Sunrise was amazing! Love you all