This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
thought we had lost Joe last night. His fever spiked again and heart rate was really high. Hospice told us again what to do, he slept all day yesterday and last night.
He seems better today and fever gone. he ate little today nothing yesterday.
eating and drinking less and less dont know how he is holding on.
Hospice is such a God send. well gona wash some clothes. love and think about you all.
This was an "okay" weekend for us. I spoke with Mom each evening, as usual, but I will say I did not feel as exhausted after our discussions. More importantly, I have all of you to thank for this difference. I am sure it will not always be the case, but reading what you are sharing gave me what I'll call, a new perspective.
I still have many concerns and questions which need answers. Like, I know Mom is in "early stage". She told me she wants to ask a friend to take her somewhere. That sounds good to me. I worry about her driving. What it says, though, is that she doesn't feel as confident as she used to.
I debated on how to respond but her next sentence told me it was not the time to question her. She was setting the table for the "kids" (her hallucinations).
Well, I felt better until I typed that last sentence. Nuts. I think I'll look for something productive to do today. I need to get some positive energy going here.
Well, friends, I will check back later. Hope you all have the best day possible!
Carolyn
Wonder no more ladies...........remember it's Alzheimer's by osmosis! No I don't remember all the words to the song, so I found it and copied it..........hey ladee started this...:P
Just want to catch everyone up and let you know when I am MIA, what the reason is. We are placing the col in a nursing home, it's time, so will be busy with that and didn't want y'all to think I had abandoned you.
Someone mentioned on another post about doing "the right thing" which brings up a very good debate on what is the right thing to do? In this instance, we are doing what is right for all parties involved and I will have to save the details for later.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day and I will check back later.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
well it is fitting -
It's antler time here again. G came home with a white tail buck - heart and liver in the sink... I guess we will have more deer heads boiling on the stove soon once I get the chicken soup out of the way. Hope this one ate grain. Don't care for spruce flavoured stew ;(
Have a good one everyone!
Carolyn
Have a good one ya'll, gotta go see what kind of weekend Sonny had.... love ya'll
And meet the young lady who fell from a star
She fell from the sky, she fell very far
And Kansas she says is the name of the star.
(Munchkins)
Kansas she says is the name of the star
(Glinda)
She brings you good news, or haven't you heard
When she fell out of Kansas a miracle occurred!
(Dorothy)
It really was no miracle
What happened was just this:
The wind began to switch the house to pitch
And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch
Just then the witch, to satisfy and itch
Went flying on her broomstick thumbling for a hitch
(Munchkin Man)
And oh what heppened then was rich
(Munchkins)
The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch
It landed on the wicked witch in the middle of a ditch
Which was not a healty situation for the wicked witch!
The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch
It landed on the wicked witch in the middle of a ditch
Which was not a healthy situation for the wicked witch
Who began to twitch, and was reduced to just a stitch
Of what was once the wicked witch!
(Munchkin 1)
We thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly
(Munchkin 2)
You've killed her so completely,
That we thank you very sweetly
(Glinda)
Let the joyous news be spread
The wicked, old witch at last is dead
(Munchkins)
Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch!
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead
Wake up you sleepyhead
Rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up the wicked witch is dead
She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - Below - Below
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong's the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!
(Mayor)
As mayor of the Munchkin City
In the county of the land of Oz
I welcome you most regally
(Judge)
But we've got to verify it legally
To see...
(Mayor)
To see...
(Judge)
If she...
(Mayor)
If she...
(Judge)
Is morally, ethically
(Munchkin 1)
Spiritually, physically
(Munchkin 2)
Positively, absolutely
(Munchkin Men)
Undeniably and reliably dead!
(Coroner)
As Coroner, I thoroughly examined her
And she's not only merely dead,
She's really most sincerely dead
(Mayor)
Then this is a day of independence for all the munchkins
And their descendants
Yes, let the joyous news be spread
The wicked old witch at last is dead!
(Munchkins)
Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch!
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead
Wake up you sleepyhead
Rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up the wicked witch is dead
She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - Below - Below
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong's the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!
(Lullaby League)
We represent the Lullaby League
The Lullaby League, the Lullaby League.
And in the name of the Lullaby League
We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land
(Lollipop Guild)
We represent the Lollipop Guild
The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild.
And in the name of the Lollipop Guild
We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land
(Munchkins)
We welcome you to Munchkin Land
Tra la la la la la la la la la la la
(Munchkin 1)
From now on you'll be history
(Munchkin 2)
You'll be his...
(Munchkin 3)
You'll be his...
(Munchkin 4)
You'll be history
(Munchkin 1)
And we will glorify your name
You will be a bust...
(Munchkin 2)
Be a bust...
(Munchkin 3)
Be a bust...
(All)
In the hall of fame
Tra la la la la la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la
Good night everyone.
ladee - mothballs -yuck and 20 mins of winter including snow in some places -u wouldn't survive here lol
shawna - nice pumpkins - hope u had some fun -early happy Birthday in case I forget later
jaccare - welcome - I hope u take some more days off - especially since your dad is mean but particularly because your daughter needs you. You don't need meanness on top of everything else. Please let go of the guilt - manipulative people use Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG) to jerk other peoples strings -sounds like ur dad is good at that. Do what is necessary to look after him and keep some time and energy for you and your family. Your daughter at 14 needs you - it is a very tender age and she has a lot of years left to live, as do you. The anger at feeling that dad and the bros are forcing you to short shrift your daughter is not good for u either. You can choose to do otherwise. Can you get the necessaries done in a few days a week and spend more time with ur daughter? My mother would have me totally engrossed in her care even though she is in a ALF in another city and physically very well. I have had to establish some boundaries -and guess what - she is fine. I now have time for my daughter and grandkids and also for my own life with sig other. You will not get these years with your daughter back. I hope you will be able to make some changes that will make life for u and your daughter better. I have had to disengage from my sis -seems lots of us here do - ur bros sound like others I have heard of - it is all about what is in it for them. Take care and come back and let us know how u r doing
jo
I am sorry you are actively watching your dad wither. And I am sorry you are losing that time with your daughter. She may or may not resent that now, but if she loves her Grandpa like my daughters all loved/still do their Grandpa, she will never regret the time you (and she) spend with him. Her years with him, no matter his state of mind or health you won't get back when he is gone. I know, my Dad has been gone 13 months and my daughters still cry for him. Mine are older and on their own (not as young as yours) however what I see is a positive thing: you are showing your daughter what is the right thing to do ... care for a parent. And when the day comes, she may care for you.
I am glad you took a break. Those are much needed.
I haven't been on this site long. I cherish the posts, the sharing, the hugs, the tears, the laughter, the frustration, and most of the love. SDPeg
For me, I had to take a day off today. I have been visiting my dad nearly every day in a nursing home for the past six months. He needs 24-hour care and although he is in a nursing home, i am in charge of cleaning his clothes ( a disgusting task as he is incontinent), paying his bills, ensuring he has what he needs, etc.
He recently has been placed in hospice care because he has cirrhosis of the liver, kidney failure and an 8-cm abdominal aneurysm that is inoperable. He is pretty much cognitively aware, but very mean and demanding unreasonable things..like he wants to live independently, but can't even sit up in bed. He makes me feel so guilty. On top of that, I have two greedy brothers who are circling like vultures hoping to get what meager possessions he does have so they are threatening me since I have been designated the executor of his estate. He's not even dead!
I also have a beautiful 14 year old daughter who is getting short shrift because I'm always, always helping grandpa. I won't get these precious years back. I am so mad at my dad and brothers for stealing this time from her.
I woke up today feeling I couldn't do this anymore. So, I took a break and spent the day with my daughter. It helped immensely. Hoping to feel stronger tomorrow.
emjo, oh yes, we have about 20 minutes of winter, lol, no, it gets freezing here sometimes.... but for us that is cold... there are places in Tx that it snows, but you won't catch me living there... we had a little dusting last winter, I remember how excited Ruth was, but couldn't get her to go out in it, so I brought her some inside.... she just laughed and kept saying in her German accent, " dat is cold, oh my, dat is cold'..... oh I still miss my lady Ruth.....
Right now have the AC and the fan on, but may need the heater by morning... just never know how it will be here from one hour to the next... but at least it is no longer in the 100's......
Shawna, did you get to relax this weekend... loved the pics of your mom and sis on FB.... I would love to get to know your mom...... she looked so cute in her hat!!! Guess it is already cold where you are too..... now everyone can come to central Texas if you want to, but I do recommend you go back home before summer..... it almost killed us this summer and we are used to it....
Everyone else hope you had a good weekend, let us know how you are newcomers!!! We look forward to getting to know you..... we always welcome new voices.....
Tried to open my door today and let in some fresh air, the lady that is moving in next door thought it would be a good idea to put out about 150 MOTH BALLS, yes, MOTH BALLS, to kill 'bugs'.... oh lord have mercy I have landed in the land of OZ, and am not having fun......but if I see or hear dancing munchkins, I am out of here....... even I can't hang with that....but the stink of the moth balls was making me sick so I had to close the door....I miss living in the country......
later, hugs....
starting to be cold - just around freezing - 36F or 2C. That is the beginning of the cold. Decenber is not really the coldest - usuallyJanuary and February are. The temps will go down to minus 40 for a while - same for (F or C). The cold is shocking. Gary likes to go somewhere hot for his birthday in February - Mexico, Cuba. I have the heat on in the house now and should light a fire in the fireplace - it is cosy. Getting too cold for me to go for a walk outside. My face gets cold - so will have to hit the malls or a track in a gym. We have an exercycle and that will do it too. Work and no money - OK will pray for money then :) ((((hugs)))
My brother and SIL when they got married in December they went to Peru for the honeymoon. The plane stopped over in Toronto so they had the shock of the full winter in Canada. They still remember it and they were not prepared to it. They were not very hot in Peru, either. If I had to travel in December I would probably choose a warmer place... I already have the electric stove on, and 3/4 of my pets are close to it, now. I have work now, but no money. Don't ask me why!
stormy I missed the results of the pleural effusion test which was going to show possible CHF or cancer return. Did you get any answers from the lung doctor? . I am sorry that your sister is in denial. It makes it harder on you. Your dad does seem to be getting one thing after another. Are you both still keeping the store going? I am hoping that you and lil red will get a puppy one day but have to agree that right now u have enough on your plate
ros - sorry all the dogs are feeling that Nicky is gone. They will pick up cues from you too. I know u r still missing her but I am glad you feel up to posting more. Praying for work to come ur way.
ladee - think the seasons are doing a number on many of us - wonder if Sonnie will setttle down when the winter comes. i suppose winter in your part of the world is about 70 degrees. Here is it close to freezing now and the snow will come and stay any time for the next 5 months. Brrrr!
jam -sounds like u have a lot on your hands these days. Sorry about the bad back -muscle spasms are pretty painful. Poor little blind doggie stuck in the laundry room
vic - glad hubby is coming home - that will help u get a little more rest. Hope the doc can do something about dad's iron and blood cells and he will feel better
shawna - hope u are having a good weekend with some one else making meals at least
sdpeg -that was interesting about your mum and i agree - hands off is good advice -it has become an issue that she can manipulate. ros said it well. As my kids were growing up I was careful for food not to become an issue like that as I have some friends who insisted on certain things with their kids and food and then the battle was on. I offered then lots of different things and encouraged them to eat at least a little of everything but was also aware that kids go through ups and downs in terms of appetite and food needs. It ended well. It is unlikely that you are going to solve this life long problem of your mum's. She still can make her own choices - even bad ones.
everyone - hope u r having a good weekend - maya - u had another story...
mother wrote that she was sent a bill for $24 for her last trip to hospital -they found nothing wrong - again - and wants to write her lawyer to see if she should pay it. Think it is cheaper to pay the $24 than pay the lawyer for advice! I think she is slipping a bit.
tired and sore back from doing floors yesterday - guess the rest will have to wait. Oh well - the housekeeping cops don't come my way thankfully.
love ya all ♥♥♥
jo
No stormy, Dad won't necessarily feel pain. If neither one of you have ever seen Dad with these kind of symptoms, I think it's time to realize there might be something more serious going on.........I'm not saying there is. But I think it would be well worth the time and effort to take Dad into the ER and let them do a check-up on him if the coffee ground emesis continues.
Must get one cup of coffee and a shower before my busy day starts. I hope I can at least get a football game in. Without care givers here, the col falls to me and she keeps me hopping. Been having horrid back spasms, so anything heavy or strenuous Target gets to do.
Speaking of which..........my blind poodle sleeps most of the time and is usually either in her bed or close to it on the floor. Last night around eight-thirty when I got up.....we always have to watch where we walk to keep from either stepping on or stumbling over her......I didn't readily see her, so thought she might be in the living room. Nope....start turning on lights, our hardwood floors are dark and can't see her if she's on the floor. I look everywhere. Oh my, did I leave her outside when I was doing one of my hundred up and down the stairs yesterday.......thank God for the fence! Nope, she's not out there. We have a gate installed at the top of the stairs leading down to the front door and entryway, not down there, then I remembered Target had gone down to the freezer in the laundry room......yep, there she is wandering aimlessly in the family room for almost 3 hours, shaking all over. She has peripheral vision in sunlight, and the room was dark. Poor thing! Once she gets to the edge of stairs her little legs just carry her down, and she went down two flights of them. Gee, I wonder if Target should remember to let the gate swing back and latch....after all, it was installed to keep the dogs in the main living area and away from the front door and the blind one from accidentally going down them...she is a tough little thing. Went outside, back in to eat a little and promptly laid down and fell asleep and has been there since.
I hope everyone has a good day and I will check back later.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Ros- Don't worry about that remark about the car i had not even thought about that but it is the truth by the time all this is said and done he is probably going to look mummified(sp?) And yes you are probably right about puppy this is probably not the best time to get a little one. Love ya'll Hugs stormyyyyyyyyyy
If your husband is not convinced about the dog, maybe it's not the right time. Maybe one day he will decide by himself and he will come home with a dog. You are right in not pushing him too much! Maybe, your husband is worried also because a dog is a commitment, and he thinks you have already enough commitments now. I can't say he is wrong.
Peg, as you explained the problems of your mother with food, I think you made the right decision. I would push it even further. I would "not" cook a lunch for her. (but I would leave in the fridge something that she can eat without cooking; some good cheese, yogurt, some fruits that she likes... Maybe she would open the fridge and eat something, without even telling you). As far as dinner is concerned, I would not make dinner for her, either. I would say "Mom, I am going to have dinner", I would sit at the table and eat without inviting her. I can bet that after 2 or 3 days she sits at the table with you and with indifference, she starts to pick something. I guess you can try, you have nothing to lose! I used this kind of anti-stragegies with my mother my whole life. She might be even angry at you and ask herself "Why does my daughter want me to starve?" and maybe this anger will push her to eat.
Jo, I am not feeling so better and the depression of my remaining dogs doesn't help me at all. They are completely silent and honestly I would not have expected a reaction like this from them. They don't even bark when I come home from shopping. As far as I am concerned I have learned to take my griefs, wrap them and bury them inside of my body, which is not very good, but I did the same for every kind of grief in my life, and I can't allow myself to lose control because I am the leader of this pack. And the leader of a pack has to live even with the mistakes that he has done. Otherwise all my family, mother included, would collapse like a house of cards... This is the destiny of the leaders of the pack.
One of our friends in the other thread is going to lose her father. So please pray for her and her father! She is a very kind lady.