This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jan –good to hear about your g’daughter –new tech is amazing – a remote island sounds good to me. Sorry about ur sister - mine would not say sh*t if her mouth was full of it but still manages to inflict wounds –the stories… estrangement in families ugh!!! Good description of how the brain does not work with dementia – it just ain’t there!
Ladee – so u finally clicked –there is hope!!! Wish I had a pic of u laughing ur head off. What DO u do with all the rocks? throw them at the neighbours? Lol. Re the POA –that is what I am thinking – and do it while mother is still compos mentis (relatively speaking)
Seeme more ((((((hugs))))))) - sisters!!!!. U did a good job! There are always “what if’s” and “if only’s” –it is all part of the grief. Sure u r feeling antisocial –takes energy to process all that has and is happening
Shawna – hope Alena’s party goes well for all. Since ur relatives r so miserable I understand your concern about POA. . I am sure you are keeping everything ship shape and idiot sister prob. needs to hear what u have to say to her – it is the truth. Glad u r getting an apptment with the doc – it needs to be looked at
54 –good to hear from you and that you have lots of help and ur kids are coming around and also some people hubby worked with. Those pets are the best – protecting his master… Also glad u can take some quiet times
Pegly – glad u checked in and fil is still improving – nice to hear a success story. Have u figured out who is going to clean his place?
Cmag – yeah my sister is pretty bad – all with a big smile too – sticks in the knife and smiles while she twists it. I will look up the thread and post on your wall. I could do more in my 60’s and as seniors go I am relatively strong and healthy but the candida thing gets aggravated by stress and I think that is why it flared so badly. Have been on meds for 1 ½ yrs. now – and still improving, thankfully. Really the next generation should be doing the POA but they have enough sense to stay out of it –all have felt the sharp side of mother’s tongue or pen. Time for me to self-protect. Glad you roof mend is at least on the books. Keeping a record makes sense. Dealing with the trauma takes a lot of energy – I know that from losing Gordie and from life with mother. You have made progress and still are! Love the comment about friends and families. Thanks for the poem. I could identify and also the reminder about whom we are fighting. Love “It is well with my soul”
Sdpeg – could be a combination of depression and dementia – u said before that you had seen her slipping before ur dad died – the depression should be helped with paxil and thyroid meds. I think a good eval. –cognitive and psych is a very good idea. I am with your friend – look after u. Your mum is getting great care and you can’t make her care about herself. The meds may take several weeks to kick in fully. If she is still having these problems then – I would suspect there is more than depression. Glad u slept in this morning.
Ros –thinking of you ((((((((((hugs)))))))))
I am wiped this weekend –Gordie’s birthday, the trip, the disappointment of not being able to stay near the horses, and a major change for my oldest grandson –for the better - but still a very emotional time –took me two days before I could cry about it. Probably need to cry about a few things Instead I cut a bit more off my hair – and think I overdid it –oh well –it will grow – maybe I will cry about it ;).
Have a good rest of the weekend everyone. ♥
jo
I will ask if there is another antidepressant she can be taking seeing as there are still symptoms of depression. Maybe that change will be good and have different results. I have always favored Prozac which is what I thought I heard her doc say she was going to rx. What are your thoughts on that?
Someone once said that we grieve the loss of the parent/person we once had as this new person emerges ~ that's where I am today.
With that being said, this is the best relationship I have had with my mom in my whole life so I guess I should enjoy this. She is vulnerable and asking for help whereas before she was bossy and needing to be in control of things. Maybe I was just used to the "old" mom and this "new" mom I truly wish to have many years with. Guess that's why I am fighting so hard for her.
@Cmag: thanks for the hymn...I must remember that God IS in control and I need to pray more often.
SDPeg
So, technically I suppose you could say they have a brain injury.....they are incapable of learning, cannot follow simple commands, and cannot retain thoughts for long. About every 3 months I go through all the simple tests with the col. Making change, drawing a clock and putting all the numbers in the right places then giving a time to put the hands, such as 8:42 or 4:23....something to make them think. Give 3 words and have her repeat them back. Give her numbers that have to be repeated backwards....such as 78 would be 87 or 1234 would be 4321. Tell a short story then ask questions....such as Jack and Jill got married and had 2 kids, Jill quit her job as a stockbroker to stay at home in Chicago with the children. Then ask what was Jill's job, what state do they live in, how many children do they have, are the kids boys or girls. Those little tests will show you a lot. As for reversing the memory loss.....not going to happen. There are some things that occur to make some changes in behavior that can be repaired such as UTI's. But when the brain cells die, they will never, ever come to life again. Another point to remember is that a diabetic with low blood sugar will start to act bizarre when the sugar level drops because the brain cannot function without lots of sugar. Think about it as a sugar bath for the brain.....when it's low the brain cannot function as well.
The will is the final wishes of your mother. That is what is speaking for her because she is no longer allowed to. That's something Target and I have to get written and filed because everything we own and what inheritance will come from the col, will all go to my son. Every last dime that I don't spend in Vegas Baby!!!!! My 2 daughters and Target's 2 daughters have estranged themselves from us.....thus they don't get a dime.
Okay, off my soapbox for the day............that's my two cents.......or one cent........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I don't believe a Will over rides the right to survivorship, but you might want to check on that.
Did your brother make himself joint owner using his POA or did your mother do that?
I hope you find the will.
It is a good thing to be philosophical for that is often when we think the clearest using our critical reasoning ability.
I think today and this week calls for a poem, "Path Through Tragic Pain"
God's solution for crushing tragedy
is not an offer of a miraculous remedy.
God offers not a formula to eliminate or insulate.
Instead God calls us on the path to participate.
God's grace transforming our places of humiliation,
such is the journey of tragic redemption.
Words wise and true are meant as a tool,
but wrongly used are just plain cruel.
'What ifs' only chain us to the past.
Blame games brings healing which does not last
Naive expectations seek for faith to work like magic,
yet, by faith we walk through the tragic,
Various addictions help excuse our real condition.
They block the way for helpful consolation.
Tragic pain easily becomes fused into a sick self-identification.
A calloused soul greatly needing tragic redemption.
Tragic feelings deep and real are not the center of the universe.
'No one knows the trouble I've seen' needs another verse.
Other's tragedies might not be as bad,
While some are far worse than what we had.
Sucking others into our misery,
creates a path to further insanity.
Locked in by self centered rage,
like a wild animal in a cage.
Bitterness creates an illusion of security and control.
Yet, it will not make one whole.
Expecting and demanding perfection creates dark isolation.
The courage to be imperfect brings salvation.
Controlling, rationalizing and intellectualizing spreads darkness in our
souls,
while accepting ourselves as flawed returns the dawn of life into our
aching souls.
Isolated souls existing around like souls, hurt, kill and destroy each other.
Connected souls living around similar souls, treat each other like sister
and brother.
Plus a few things about Prayer and Tragedy that someone wrote which I need to hear today and very often myself.
Human tragedy cuts deep. It is very painful. The Bible says in Ephesians 6 that our real struggle with tragedy, suffering, and evil in the world is not a fight against people on earth. We are fighting against spiritual powers of evil that attack outwardly through others who yield themselves to evil attitudes and actions. We also fight against spiritual power of evil that attack our soul in hope of leading us into evil attitudes and actions. The strongest attacks upon our soul always come in times of great tragedy and crisis. These attacks can be overcome through prayer. We can do this by asking God daily to grant you wisdom and courage for the living of these days. Then, God's grace will save us from weak resignation to the evils we deplore.
Fulfilling the Bible's call to be angry and yet not sin is very difficult when we are in the middle of a painful crisis. Barnacles on a wooden ship are as bad for the ship as for anyone who knocked up against them for their cuts are painful. Some find their lives shipwrecked after such experiences with the barnacle like tragedies of life by becoming a barnacle themselves. Ever heard the phrase, "hurt people, hurt people"?
If we forever nurse the pain, we will never be free to love again. Also, if we do not feel the pain of our experience with the barnacle like tragedies of life, then we become numb and remain naive. Feeling the pain and giving it to God for his healing work as well as his dealing with those responsible in prayer is the biblical way to a better day. This is much healthier than feeding the pain and holding onto it as if that is somehow going to accomplish something. Not to forgive digs a dark and dreary day. However, to forgive brings about a better day.
To forgive means taking others off of our hook and placing them on God's hook. Such a prayerful response by God's free grace through Jesus Christ can make us a better person. I am convinced that a lot of people's lives' are shipwrecked in a crisis by their living in self-pity. Bitter self-pity, unfocused anger, loveless fears, and wounded pride will shipwreck us unless we stop and change our mind as well as our heart from the bondage of unforgiveness to freedom through forgiveness. Such freedom comes after pouring our heart out completely to God in prayer.
Also, we can prayerfully refocus the energy of our anger. We can focus our energy to work toward making the world, our country, our state, our county, our schools, our community, our families, and our hearts free from the sins that leads to inflicting terror into people's lives.
Very often in times of tragedy, we feel abandoned by God.
It is easy to sail along life in your own strength and wisdom, when life is smooth sailing. However, no one's life is without tragedy. Disaster and heart-ache will inevitably hit us all. There's sorrow by death. A woman dies, leaving her husband with three small children to raise. A car accident claims the life of a couple's only son or daughter. A senseless boating accident caused by someone' drunken and reckless condition takes the life of someone's fiancée just a few days before the wedding.
While some are the soul survivors of a departed spouse, others experience multiple losses in their life over a short time. In one three year period, a lady lost her father to cancer, her mother to senile dementia, her husband after 31 years of marriage, her talented son in an accident. Many were the nights that she went to bed hoping that she would never wake up. Because of her faith, she knew that she could no more take her life than the life of someone else. Through it all she never doubted God's love and mercy for her, yet she did not always feel his presence. She did however reach a point where she could no longer bear the pain of her losses. She prayed to God for help. He brought I Thessalonians 5:18 to her mind. It speaks of giving thanks in all things. It does not say give thanks only when your life is going right. Nothing in her life changed outwardly, but she did gain a heart for gratitude that changed her. Truly, without her faith, she would either be a miserable person or dead. The hymn "I need the every hour" probably became very dear to her.
God still controls the world, even your world with unexplained suffering. Our mind can neither contain nor control all knowledge. The important truth is that God can be trusted in the worst of circumstances as well as in the best. Thus, living by faith means far more than simply accepting suffering as a part of life. Living by faith means growing in our relationship with God, knowing his care and love more deeply as we trust God more thoroughly in prayer.
SDPeg is waxing philosophical today. So, I'm waxing theological.
The author of "It Is Well With My Soul" must have been a great person of prayer to have written this hymn after such a personal family tragedy.
I am curious, however about what you wrote Cmag about "joint owner with right of survivorship of all her personal accounts". Does that mean that you inherit all of the money in those accounts even if there are siblings? My brother is in that position, on all my mom's accounts, and my sister and I are not very happy about it IF that means he stands to inherit all that money that Dad told us would be divided. But he is no longer here and we are confused now. Can you explain that to me? My brother is also the one who has POA ... in other words, my sister and I have no rights or responsibilities but I am the one living with my Mom. I don't care to be on her accounts as her acct can help her with that but just curious how all that works out when Mom is no longer here. I am pretty sure there is a will; does that change anything?
Today I am philosophical but this is confusing me ... thanks Cmag for your input. SDPeg
I posed a philosophical question, now I can't remember it ha ha
Actually this is what it was (in a more concise post):
Is it possible that someone who has not sustained head/brain injury nor experienced illness that would affect the brain just "forget" how to do a morning routine that has been a "habit/routine" for almost 60 years?
My mom does not get up in the morning, nor does she "remember" how to "get breakfast", nor how to make her instant coffee! Or does she and she just wants me to do it?
She (and my brother) has a sense of entitlement. Her father and my Dad did everything ~ totally pampered her. But the one thing she did do is get up in the morning, eat breakfast, run a mop around the kitchen floor, take a bath, get dressed and yell at others who were still in bed at 9 a.m. !!! Then my dad dies, my brother relocates her to independent living, she quits bathing but still gets her breakfast and meds, we return to the house (mom and dad lived in since 2000, I moved in in 2004) and all of the sudden she can't do anything for herself?
She won't take a bath. She doesn't put make up on. She doesn't wake up unless I go into her. She doesn't put together her breakfast (which has been graham crackers and coffee since I was a kid). Am I doing too much? I am afraid if I back off she won't get out of bed, she won't eat, and her day will be blah.
She is on Paxil. She was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and is being treated for that.
This morning I wanted to sleep in instead of getting up at 8 to get her up to eat. I needed the rest as we all know about ourselves. I feel bad on one hand that I ignored what I perceive as her need but then I have a need to sleep as well.
I think if she cared about her life I would care more. Her doc told her to do two things: #1: gain weight (which she can't do if she puts food away that I put out for her to eat while I am at school and also if she takes a half dozen bites of her food when she usually ate the whole thing) and also #2: to participate in activities at the local senior center (which she absolutely refuses, REFUSES to do). I guess if she doesn't care, why should I kill myself caring?
We did have a talk the other day and I told her that watching her not eating was killing me. That made an impact but didn't last too long.
I can't make her care but the question I am posing to you, my friends, is where do I draw the line in caring for the two of us?
She has an appt on the 28th. The two issues above will be discussed. Also a mini mental eval was done at her last appt and I want a more extensive one day as well. But I would like psychological rather than just check for cognition. Mom quit therapy which was rx'ed as well. How much energy do I put out if someone truly no longer cares?
I had a great time at dinner last night. Talked to people I knew but hadn't seem for awhile. Then realized driving home, once again I was talking about my Mom and her needs and all ~ that dinner was for ME. I have to set boundaries about that as well. However, one lady there had been working in a NH and she said whatever I do: TAKE CARE OF ME. Do things for ME. So sleeping in this morning I needed and did for me.
So I pass that advice onto you as well. We do need to take care of ourselves.
As I read more and more about our relationships with our parents, spouses, family members, friends, pets, neighbors, etc, I value the relationship I have with all of you so much.
Here is my thought of the day: "We are all in the same boat so let's #2: keep our life jackets on and #2: keep rowing."
My love to those experiencing hardships today. My hugs to those who need them. And my appreciation to all of you who read my posts. Just knowing YOU are out there comforts me. I begin and end my day reading these posts!
You are always in my heart, thoughts, and prayers
SDPeg
Sorry to hear that you have lost the view of the sunrise from your kitchen window. Your sister sounds as bad as some of the Roman emperors who had family members including any wife they were suspicious of being a threat to their thrown. That is terrible to hear that someone with POA can be sued by family members. What is the name of that thread and how do I find it?
I agree that with all of your health issues and childhood experiences that at 74 you need to be cared for more than you need to be caring for. All in all, I don't think it is fair for older people to take care of older people and many times they can't.
ladeeda, thanks and I am spending more time in my man cave now that it is finished I like my big screened monitor in there because it makes the e-mail so easy to read. I talked with my friend who is also on disability and whose childhood was almost exactly like mine, except that he had an abusive aunt. He's been on a roller coaster as well lately. Now, I did feel up to doing some weed eating in the back yard yesterday for an hour and a half. However, I slept for 13 hours which meant I missed church again.
Finally, we have someone to replace our roof that was damaged by the hurricane. It will be about 10 days before the man can get to us. The insurance adjuster said the damage was bad enough for a new roof and thus we have a check to cover it and other damage that we had.
The idea came to mind last night to begin keeping a record of exactly what is going on with this roller coaster that I'm on which might help my therapist and psychiatrist help me better. My therapist is probably going to say that given all of the family of origin issues that we have been dealing with and my painful experiences with some very unhealthy and hurtful churches that my subconcious mind is spending a lot of energy processing things.
The empty nest is going well, but the fall is always tough on my wife's mental health. I'm making progress with the movie I'm making of my dad's and my travels from 1961-1984 using the slides he organized and gave to me years ago, but only now do I have the technology to scan them into my computer so as to used microsoft movie maker to make a movie of them. (Wow, what a compound complex sentence that was!) I want to give this to him has a Christmas present along with a DVD copy of the VHS vacation trips that I've taken my family on which were not as extensive as ours, but covered several of the places nearest to me.
Yes, I've made a lot of progress since joining this sight I think a little over 2 years ago now when I was in the midst of cleaning up my mom and step-dad's past due taxes from as far back as 2004. I wish the lawyer had told me back in 2003 when I first got durable POA and medical POA for my mother that the durable was written up in such a way that it was effective immediately. However, the year 2003 is when I had to quit work and go on disability. Thus, I forgot and so did the lawyer that I already had durable and medical POA when in 2009, I had my mother write them up again. My mother made me joint owner with right of survivorship of all her personal accounts in a certain bank back in 2004 or 2005, and I had computer access to them online. If I had gone on line back in those days, I would have seen that the federal government was garnishing money from her checking and other accounts. Oh well, I can't do anything about that now and only ifs do not accomplish anything other than using energy that could be better spent elsewhere.
I hope everyone has a better day.
54, happy to hear hubby has been getting some company.... and that the kids are cooperating... that is taking some pressure off of you.... get some rest and give Sham a kiss for being so protective.....
Jam Who????? Pingo, oh Lord, this is going to take us to some dark places, excuse the pun....you could always go play cards with the col this afternoon, sounds like fun.....
Now, before I tell ya'll about my rock hunting yesterday, please keep in mind I have never said I was the sharpest knife in the drawer... Ok? ok!
Beautiful day, still cool, nice little breeze, and my bad leg is starting to hurt from the cllimbing, walking and toting my bag of rocks... I get those bags that we use to put groceries in and not use plastic.... OK, so I am thinking, this bag is getting so heavy because I walk so far from the car.... so next time I go back to the car, I got two bags.... wait for it........... wait for it........... oh hell yes, I am trudging back up that hill with TWO bags of rocks... it NEVER OCCURED TO ME TO PUT THEM DOWN AND GO GET THE CAR.........!!!!!!!! It was so "caregivery" of me, ya know, the mentalitly, I can do this, just a few more steps, it's not THAT heavy ... you can do this, you are almost to the car.... just keep going, I see the car.... you're almost there.... I was cheerleading myself so loud that I couldn't hear the little voice saying, " put the f##king bags down and go get the car"... noooooooo, I had to lug 50 lbs of rocks up a hill.....get to the car, red faced, sweating, huffing and puffing, so, of course I lit a cig and got me some water.... and then it dawned on me what I had done... out there in the middle of nowhere, alone, (thank God) and I am laughing so hard I am snorting..... and I completely got it , that no one but my AC friends would understand the insanily of it all, AND the laughing like a lunatic....
So yeah Jam, there's a rock with your name on it... and now it is a SPECIAL rock..... no blood, but sweat and tears,(from laughing), so I'll get it posted to FB..... eventually...
Went again this morning, one bag, short distance.... hope for me yet... NAP TIME...
I have been going through regrets of what might have been with my older sister, wishing I had mom before so many medical problems got in the way of having fun, and just feeling sntisocial. If I stay away for a while, please know I think of you guys often, but I just need some "down" time.
Ladee, sorry I missed your call, but fish were biting and we didn't get home till 10pm last night. Love ya'll.
54............glad to hear that friends are coming to see your husband, how nice for him to not be forgotten. Glad the sons are stepping up and have stopped arguing, at least temporarily. Keep us posted and try to take some time for yourself today.
It's a by-week here......no Chiefs game....not sure what to do with myself.....:(
ro- so sorry for your loss- horrible accident, HUGS
shawna- so sad to lose a pet to cancer
F-i-L still improving. All is well here in AZ,
peggy
well i will go and wash a few clothes and have some quiet time, he is still asleep so will talk to everyone later. Just because i dont call each one by name doesnt mean i am not thinking about all of you. We are all so busy taking care of our loved ones.
love to all
jane
Jo I have POA over mom and that is one thing I am so scared of with having to deal with idiot sister and brother ... I know they will or hope to god they don't if something happens to mom... pull something. I don't know where they think the money's going or such. And if Idiot sister has anything to say about what happened to all the stuff before dad passed. I will looking at her right in the face .. YOUR low life scum suckin son and his nut case daughter in law took it. YOU had mom sign over the house to YOUR brother in law who NEVER paid the back balance in the taxes ... didn't fix the house like he should so WE LOST the house ... and NOW its gone demolished! so if you got anyone to blame its YOUrself... sorry its just something thats gonna come out in the end if she pulls her bull. Its one reason other two sisters and brother want NOTHING to do with her. Yet idiot brother tells us he doesnt go up there doesn't talk to her .. RIGHT other sister sees his car up there all the time . He's nothing but a user anyway... sorry to say ... so he isn't one to talk they are two peas in a pod. Anyway got to go get ready for sis Kathy to pick us up.
Thanks for the cow pattie...didn't even realize it....but hey what's more poop this weekend? Or as I just found out the new name for it is pingo...........no one should have to make a "shiny hiney" before the first cup of coffee has even cooled.
Granddaughter should be released at noon. She is up walking, drinking, holding everything down. It's amazing what advances the medical profession has these days.....a tiny opening for the camera on the left, closed with 1 suture, then through the naval for the removal, a suture there and glue her naval back together, voila! Thank you everyone for asking about her!
asg.......you know Auntie could have a bowel obstruction even though there is still pingo coming out. Can you get her to swallow a couple tablespoons of olive oil? That will work also for those little "pingo bricks".
Shawna......if you feel like you are having problems then you need to be seen by a GYN. An LPN cannot diagnose and cannot perform exams. Even a NP has to go through their overseeing physician. Have you tried BC pills to see if you might start to feel better?
emjo.....wouldn't you like to just go live on a deserted island somewhere? It has never failed to amaze me how some people take pleasure in making another person's life miserable, even a family member. And in the end what have they really accomplished? I was talking with a friend yesterday about how my sister treated me last yr when Mom died and it's like all she did was separate herself from her sisters and cause wounds that probably won't ever heal. When I get called a "b*tchy c**t" for following my mother's wishes, well we have a problem. Enough of that.
ladee........I want to hear about the new doorstop with my name on it......or did you forget about me once you got out in the fresh air? I see how it is...........love ya!
seeme.....missing you bunches!
Guess I should get up and take a shower. Have the col clean, shiny hiney, fed, meds down, crock pot of soup on for dinner.
Have read everyone's posts.......and keeping up with what you are doing. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
sdpeg - what did u wear and how was ur evening - gee I am nosy
-hope u had a great time
ladee - how was the rock hunting? did u find something interesting?
shawna -agree with ladee on a visit to the gyn too - maybe you can get some help
jam -waiting to hear about your g'daughter
asg -again agree with ladee (is this gettng monotonous?)
faye - ladee is one of our alz experts - so her advice is valuable
seeme -thinking of you - know this is a tough time
-vic - how is dad doing at home?
everyone -let us know how u r
here they are buildng a garage next door right up against the fence which gives more privacy here but blocks my view of the sunrise in the mornings from my kitchen window :( I get so attached to those kind of things - ya know -morning coffee and check the view
brought in my two hanging baskets of bucopa hoping to winter them inside -they are still blooming like crazy and don't want to chance losing them due to frost though I have no idea how they will do inside - they need zome 9-11 to survive outside and we are zone 2
my issue of the day, week, month... is POA. I have it for mother and was reading on another thread here how someone who cared for her mother and had POA, now has, after her mother's death, 5 lawsuits against her from family - ya know -the ones that won't help, but love to criticize. She can't afford any more legal help and is in danger of losing her home. My sister took her own kids to court and got family money from them so I see no reason why she is not capable of taking me to court if she thinks she has anything to gain from it. In the last email (and I hope it is the last)
she blasted me for not seeing mother in a year and not caring for her and that I made more of my health issues than was warranted and I had "arranged" to have my children live near me (???? one lives 8 hrs drive away and the others chose to live here for their own reasons and what has that to do with anything anyway????) - in short - tons of hostility which has always been there - and she told me not to answer and she was finished with me! I did answer briefly which was that I had visited mother 4 times last year and helped her with many things. Mother had written sis bitching about me and had forgotten I had been there and what I had done. For those of you that are new -my mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, is 99 and in excellent physical health, showing some short term memory loss and more paranoia than usual and in an ALF, I have moved her twice in the past couple of years, my health has suffered -systemic candiasis which I am still fighting and also damage to my shoulder. Also with too much contact I get flashbacks due to PTSD from childhood and later experiences. Living in another city 5 hrs drive away is her choice and I just cannot do the drives like I used to - I am 74 and feeling it sometimes and at an age when many are being looked after, not looking after - a disadvantage of being from a long lived family.
Anyway I think an impartial non family member would be the best choice for POA. My sister does not want the work, but she wanted to be on it - I said no -not with me. Is she gets it she will use it for her benefit - and I would not like to see that happen. Not that I expect anything from mother -i was disinherited at one point but later put back on, but I know she can do that again, I am just concerned as mother is using capital to stay where she is and it is projected to last another 5 years or so - she could last longer. My sister is in denial about the BPD. I have POA but am not exercising it as mother is still capable of handling her finances and hanging onto her independence which is to be expected. Feeling I need to give it up and recommend that she get an outside person.
Ladee I do have a apointment coming up at the end of the month cause they keep moving it on me. I don't trust male doctors so my LPN is gong to be the one I am going to see on the 31st Halloween. My friend who is a nurse said I need to get checked out too between the sweling in my legs and the extereme pain i am going through that it needs to be checked. I would love a break Ladeeda but I highly doubt I am going to get any time soon. My sister working all hours and such. Its okay I deal ... my break is when I work in my computer room and go see what mom wants while she watches her tv. I am glad you like the angel I am gonna make her onto a ornament with the serenity prayer on the back I think.
Asg, yep, get auntie to the Dr... with as much laxative as she is taking, something is not right....and I doubt the Dr. will give her a the test just because she says she wants one... but let us know what happens if she goes to the Dr...
Maya, sorry you are not comfortable on FB.... but sometimes when your privacy is lost, just not a good place to be...
Faye, glad to see you back, and pity parties are ok, we all have them... but it feels good too to know we are not alone.... and see, we STILL like you.... I totally understand about the exhaustion associated with Alz.... the repetition of things, not knowing where they are... I finally started telling Ruth some nice people said we could stay there, and it seemed to ease her out some.... Sonny is declining rapidly here lately... doesn't know that he is home either... can't find the bathroom, puts both socks on one foot, and just can't seem to figure out how to put his belt on.... and then he gets upset because he knows he should be able to figure it out..... He hasn't started taking things off the wall or wearing Marie's shoes, but nothing surprises me....but it is mentally exhausting when you are with them 24/7... Do you ever get a break????? That is something we all have to figure out how to do.... or you will loose your mind or have so many health issues you can't take care of anyone... let us know how things are with you,,,,, hugs
SDPeg, how did your dinner out go??? Make some new friends???
Jam, how is your granddaughter today.... and YOU, one day left of taking care of the col, then help comes.....
Cara, Lord how nasty.... and his insistence on doing it his way.... I do not know how he is about everything else, but it sounds to me like he is embarrassed and it is coming out in anger..... my suggestion is to walk out the next time it starts to escalate... and if he is shouting, go outside..... if he sees you are not going to argue about it, maybe he will calm down enough for you to talk to him about this..... I don't know if this will work or not, or if you even want to try it, but when he is calm, and nothing has been said about it for awhile, tell him you would like to talk about it... start of by saying possibly he is uncomfortable about the whole situation...., but that you are just trying to keep him from getting sick or an infection...or whatever else you want to say.... try your best to not MAKE him do it.... he knows this is nasty, I don't care what he says to you..... so let him know you are going to put wipes in the bathroom and if he want to TRY them, and see if it doesn't make him feel better after going to the bathroom....Leave it up to him... it may take awhile, but if he sees you are not belittling him, he may try... now we all know that this is just straight up nasty, and you don't have to really feel 'nice' or even mean what you are saying as far as having compassion for the situation... the main point is to let him be the one to try it... tell him he has nothing to loose by trying... and if it continues, then start hanging a wipe on the towel rack.... dispose of it after use... but you have the right, after a reasonable amount of time, to not have that nasty rag hanging there....
Don't know if you have the patience to try this or not.... but arguing with him, well, that's not going to work either..... it is so hard to be NICE when we want to choke them sometimes... and I know you are tired beyond words... get hubby to help out too. it's not your job entirely......
Cmag, sorry you are on the roller coaster... but you have made so much progress since you first started posting....... one foot in front of the other..... and hope you are at least getting to spend time in your 'man cave'...
Ro, you are so heavy on my heart today... I so wish I could be there with you right now.. and prayers are being sent for you to accept that this was a tragic accident.... just know that I love ya,
Seeme Sue I miss you...... more later on my rock hunting day.... love and hugs to ya'll