This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
When my mom went thru that doc suggested Milk of Mag and within 24 hours that did the trick ... all over the place ... but it did the trick.
In my mom's case she was instructed to gain weight and having constipation didn't help at all as she did feel full and didn't want to eat ... that caused her stomach to hurt.
I would definitely follow doc advice and if doc thinks a colonoscopy is required, that's when I would do it.
What initiated my mom's bowel to start moving (along with the milk of mag) was when the doc pushed on her abdomen and coaxed it along the way.
That's my 2cents' worth tonight.
SDPeg
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Hey everybody else, just taking a quick moment to post.
Aunts having bowel trouble. I think, or she was. Not sure. Kinda the respones im getting from her. She wants a colonoscopy. Says she shoulda had one before. Its probably just constipation. I saw somthing bout unneccesary test? Gonna try to check that out before I go to bed. She says her poo is the size of her finger and has been this way for a few months. She says she feels full all the time and dosnt want to eat(intead she is eating like six or seven times a day) just not finishing her meals, but says she is hungry. Doctor is having her take 2for oz of citrate magnesium, in addition to her miralax and dulcolax.
1 part hydrogen peroxide to 40 parts boiled water is a mild solution and you can add a pinch on baking soda (I don't bother)
I use those little bottles of saline you can buy at the drug store and empty them and take out the little tube inside -then fill it with the peroxide solution and hang your head over the sink and squirt a bit of the solution into each nostril and stay with your head upside down for a few minutes - it may sting but that means it is getting to where it needs to be. I started with 1 part peroxide to 20 of water and now can take 1:10. If the 1:40 is too mild try 1:30 or 1:20 and work up to 1:10
Do that morning and night. When you raise your head up it will dribble out your nose so have a towel handy.
I used an egg cup to measure for the amounts I want, but you could use a tablespoon. If you don't have those bottles handy, a dropper will do too for now. I make up a few bottles at a time and uses them 2x a day. Seems to keep the bugs away as I haven't had a cold since. Wish I had known about it years ago. Are you taking lots of Vit C?
Also you can gargle with salt water - 1/2 tsp in 2 cups warm water and the other thing that helps me with a sore throat is sucking zinc lozenges. You get them at the drug store -not the tablet but the lozenges - cures a sore throat for me though my mouth ends up tasting like a tin can for a while but that passes.
Good luck! (((((hugs))))
jo
Faye.........bless your heart, I cannot imagine what you are going through with taking care of your husband and watching him decline. Has got to be the most heartbreaking thing. Now, do you go around and put pics back up or just leave them? And he had your shoes on? Well, at that point I think I would say "woo-hoo, momma gets a new pair of shoes"...............sorry that one slipped out. Do you have anyone that can come in and give you some time away to do things for YOU? As much as we think we are completely capable of doing this job 24/7, it can't be done alone. Especially not at the expense of our health and mental well-being. I learned the hard way and if I can help save someone else's health, then I will climb on my soapbox as often as possible. Come back and keep us informed....enquiring minds want to know....:)
Shawna...........just keep in mind that in every family somebody has to get the idiot genes, and take comfort in the fact that you didn't get them in yours. I didn't either and I'd be willing to bet, no one else here did either. Sorry to hear about Naja.....that is always such a hurtful experience.
Granddaughter just went into surgery....don't know what the delay was....busy OR I guess. She is having the appendectomy done by lap, so without any problems will get to come home tomorrow.
I've been trying to get this done for over 2 hours, so I'm just going to post it as it is.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
I love you all
She used to call the last week of the month and ask for money. I stopped answering the phone when she did it and then, she got her boyfriend to do it. I asked him what part of don't call me anymore didn't he understand, but he still didn't get it.
And yes, he was a rascal. He wrote some beautiful poetry, though. I passed along more of his books to people than I can tell. I saved the first editions for my best friend though. He appreciated the poetry.
Shawna –thanks for the image –beautiful – sorry about the rotti - pets are such family members and ur idiot sister needs a new outlook on life – badly. You do need some heat resistant gloves!
Mis –nice to see u, the Zoloft will help depression but will not stop the progress of the disease, sadly.
Vic –good to hear from u and glad dad is home and in good spirits – hugs to him from me and to ur mum who must be delighted to have him back
Jam –u sound good - other than contemplating a NH and finding it so expensive I am still for putting the prisoners in NH and the seniors in jail -cheaper for the seniors and prob. better care. The lake is large. There is a part of Alberta that is “lake land” and the lakes and countryside are lovely. I guess I am ready for winter –sort of –not much choice! Glad you found out about ur granddaughter after the fact or you would have had less sleep and glad she is OK.
Stormy -sorry that dad is getting all these infections. I am going to say the same as others said – no point in you driving urself nuts looking for reasons. Simply his immune system is not up to par. He is run down which is not surprising with all he has gone through, and the bugs may be getting resistant to the antibiotics. That happened to me over the many, many years of sinus infections –one drug after another stopped working and I was pretty desperate a couple of years ago and then found the peroxide rinse which works and haven’t needed an antibiotic since. Don’t know what the eating means and don’t suppose any one does. I know it is such a hard time with him right now. ((((((hugs))))) Hope lil red is OK.I am sorry he has seizures –hopefully not many more. Have the docs lowered dad's thyroid dose yet? Too much meds gives the same symptoms as hyperthyroidism.
Maya –read some of those letters –Oh my, he was quite “Jack the lad” wasn’t he –no interest in being committed to one person. So you have to wait for another appointment to get something done. Love the sweats story – everyone’s nightmare. Mother played tennis is the days when women wore little dresses –with slips underneath to play tennis. She told me during a match her slip straps went and her slip descended. I asked what she did. She said she stepped out of it and kept on playing –never missed a stroke! I can see why you aren’t on face book – did you know you can block people!
Starri –nice to see you on again –looks like you really are unwinding. Siblings –Oh Lordy, I will get to that soon.
Cara – most of us find the support really helps – your fil is a miserable and argumentative old man isn’t he? Glad you are facing him down with the truth and the bathroom issues. Though if he has any dementia reason will not prevail! Who washes the rag – not you obviously, so probably him. Personally, and I am not telling you what to do – my first reaction would be to throw it away and place a box of wipes handy and a trash can - and keep doing that if he finds other rags. I don’t think I could tolerate having that hanging there is a bathroom. I wouldn’t argue about it, or try to convince him – he will counter every argument you can think of, as he does not want to let go of his old ways. It is all part of acknowledging to himself what he knows very well, which is that he is going downhill. Whether he has alz or dementia or whatever, being dirty is not acceptable –in his house or anyone else’s. What about checking with the Dept. of Health (I am Canadian but there must be an American equivalent) or social services about the hygiene issue? What does your hubby say about this? You must look after you! Caregivers suffer from stress which does bring illness and your BP went too high!. If I remember right, your kids moved into your home when you and hubby moved into grandpa`s. Can you take a break for a while – get some fresh air so to speak? Something needs to change! ((((((hugs)))))
Cmag – struggling with the bipolar on top of the other family issues is a whole lot. Just pat yourself on the back when you make progress, and be kind to yourself when you don’t. Hope you have a good weekend too.
Faye –a well-deserved pity party I must say. This “going home” thing seems to happen often with Alz, I am glad you posted last night and that you are back today. Jam is right – humour helps us survive. It is healthy. I am asking again if you have some back-up or a program your hubby can go to so you can get out on your own. That will help you to cope. As for watching a loved one slip away, there are no platitudes here. It is hard, very hard, especially as u r still grieving the deaths of the past year. ((((((hugs)))))) do some small things that r good for you – bubble baths, scented candles, music etc.
Ladee - have a good day out on the open and let the cobwebs blow away
Everyone else –heart2heart, carol, asg, burned, pegly, my memory is slipping here – let us know how u r
Gary is talking hunting again. I put in my order for a moose. We still have some deer and antelope and I like moose better. He is off roaming the countryside and has lost his cell phone – like my sons who would lose their heads if not attached, though they don’t lose their cell phones. My oldest grandson has worked through some MAJOR issues – and wants to come up to his mum’s at Christmas. We are looking forward to seeing him. I am still recovering from the trip, so not tackling too much today.
Much love, hugs and prayers for all ♥♥♥
jo
I hope that you and your mom are ok, losing a pet can be just about as bad as losing a loved one, for a lot of us, our pets become like our children..
Big Hugs
As for those with ungrateful, sorry don't have the time for you siblings, there reaches a point and it sounds like most of you have reached it, you tell them in impolite terms where they can get off and what they can do with themselves. Shawna, ask Mom how she would feel about moving? you might be surprised, I kinda expected a fight out of mom when we moved from CA, her "baby" was there, the second to the eldest, who didn't give a damned about anyone or anything., he thought the world owed him a living just because he breathed.
But amazingly, she didn't, she did fuss when we first got out to South Carolina, but I expected that, here she was newly retired, and moved clear across the country. Would be enough to make me grumpy.. But your Mom might welcome the change, new people, new sites, perhaps new things she might be able to do on her own, like visit on the the Senior Centers. I truly believe this move might just benefit her as much as it will you.
Your taking care of mom, they are not, pisses me to no end that they could not at least pick up the phone for 5 seconds and wish Mom a Happy Birthday, please extend to her my belated birthday wishes.
Also, he has been eating alot, alot more than normal and that kinda has us puzzled i mean don't get me wrong we are glad that he is eating but its just different. Like last night at 4 he got up and come to the kitchen and ate mac and cheese and turnips. And he hasn't done that in forever. That's kinda why i was thinking that he might have hyperthyroidism because of the increased appetite and along with he has been getting up more on his own and that is another symptom of it. Along with some other ones too. So if any of ya'll have any ideas what could be causing him to eat more and have all of these infections let me know. Also when we carried him to the dr last week he had lost 4lbs. with him doing all of this eating. Hope one of ya'll know something............................ Love and hugs stormyyyyyyyyy
I hope all goes well for everyone this weekend.
G-Pa and I had a bad day yesterday. It all started when I told him I could go to the store for him and get a small trash can with a lid attached that he could use to put his wipes in after using the bathroom. It started out innocent enough but quickly escalated to a full blown arguement. He told the lady from OT that he was able to "reach under" well enough to use wipes instead of some filthy old rag that he uses after a BM, so I offered to get the supplies for him. He started in on me then about not being able to reach because of his previously broken wrist, it just doesn't turn enough etc. and his shoulder which is not working very well due to an accident in his younger years that didn't heal right. But I explained he had to do something different, because it just isn't sanitary leaving a rag hanging on the towel rack that that been used to clean himself. Plus it just doesn't smell very nice. He said "I don't smell anything" (yuk) I told him, well, everyone else sure does. That's why I leave the bathroom door closed. Then he started in on me, "well it smells after you come out of the bathroom too you know" Then I said well at least I clean up after myself, and use a bathroom deodorizer after I am in there. And I don't leave anything hanging on a towel rack!! (this rag by the way only gets washed ONCE A WEEK IN COLD WATER!!!) I can't tell you how bad the smell is, and also feces contains staph and germs that can cause MRSA! I sure don't want that. I don't believe for a minute this old guy doesn't have dementia or Alzhiemer's because usually the first thing to go is their hygeine. G-Pa isn't even my relative, and I'm having to put up with all this! He is 87 and is my husband's step-father. I can't take this, I don't know what to do. After this blow up, my BP was 175/106!! I don't want to have a heart attack or stroke over somebody I don't even like. Help!!
Cara
Sun is shining and I'm up drinking coffee....have the col at the table with her coffee and oatmeal, meds administered.......boy I'm on a roll for a few minutes. And she got past me and changed her own wet pants....woohoo! But didn't wash her hands....guess that's hoping for too much.
Faye.......you have been here with us before and I'm sorry you feel left behind. You aren't and won't be. Please just jump right in. We have all learned over time that humor MUST be a daily part of our care giving or we will end up sitting alongside those we are caring for. If you have questions, need answers, want to offer opinions, say anything at all..........please feel free to jump right in! We may be acting like a bunch of loons over something, but we WILL stop and direct our comments to you. So please come visit with us again.
One little point to remember about all these so-called "memory loss drugs", that have never been proven to work, is they will eventually lose their efficacy and we are left standing and scratching our heads and wondering why our loved one keeps getting worse. We are at that point with the col. There is nothing else to try. But I'm scared to take her off them just in case it might create an uncontrollable monster.......and after finding out the cost of private vs semi-private rooms in the NH.....oh boy. Who can afford either $4700 or $5600 per month? That is insane.........plus all the added expenses on top of that. Oh, but the cable is free..............well, that just makes my day.....whew! I was afraid we might have to pay for that.........insert a whole lot of sarcasm here.
Vic glad Dad is home. Now you can rest and get some energy back to start this job again.
Shawna....thank you....beautiful picture......wish I had her hair...:)
emjo.....beautiful pics of the park.....that lake looks huge! Our trees are starting to turn, but I'm just not ready for winter.
SDPeg...........when the tantrums start, walk out of the room. When the col starts that, as long as she can't hurt herself, she can just throw her tantrum if it makes her feel better. But I'm not listening.
mis.....same goes for those grandmas and fit throwing. Maybe that's how they think they have to get their point across because they can't make sense otherwise. I don't know.
stormy...........just ignore the little brains. After 25 yrs I still couldn't hack puke and coughing up goobers.
I'm not even going to try listing everyone this morning....my brain is tired. Son woke me at midnight to let me know my 10 yr old granddaughter is now minus one appendix.......so I see a nap coming soon.
Check in everyone!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam