This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
faye I hope you come back. I haven't been posting regularly until recently. My husband's grandma has deminta and it's been a chore in itself. I find myself reading more on this site and posting more and maybe it'll help someone.
Shawna beautiful picture. We definately need angels looking out for us caregivers, too.
A mini mental eval was done the last time we were in. Mom couldn't answer very many accurately and doc said the memory loss is reversible because she felt it was in relation to the hypothyroidism. I hope so; doubt it though to be honest.
I think tonight she was mad at me for two reasons: she wanted to go to the casino and I said no and she also wanted to go out to dinner and I said no. I had a paper to finish and turn in TONIGHT and I had devoted most of the day to her (including consulting with a caregiver who starts Monday). I think her "temper tantrums" are just too much for me to handle sometimes.
Hopefully she is sleeping well. I have finished the paper (just a draft thank God because that wasn't a good paper with all this going on) and I am ready to go to sleep while watching a movie or something on tv. I do have a test on Monday but I will have to study for that another time.
I am also going to dinner tomorrow night while a caregiver takes my mom to church and dinner. I will be arranging more of these nights out once Mom has her follow up on the 28th.
Faye: I do hope to see you on again asking any and all questions because this group is a wealth of information and also a few shoulders to cry on. Thanks again ladies!!! SDPeg
Tonight my mom wasn't herself and I lost my temper. Not in a mean way, I just told her that I can no longer be here and watch her kill herself by not eating. She takes a half a dozen little bites. For those that have read my saga, whenever my brother calls she recoils into a helpless, pity party person and seriously and honestly I cannot watch this anymore. I reminded her that she has a doc appt in two weeks and the scale had better show some weight gain or her doc will be "talking to you about options". I cried. I even pounded my fist on the kitchen counter. I told her it is killing me, KILLING ME, to watch this and I didn't know how much longer I could. Once again she said she would change and eat and didn't want to go to a NH and she said she was thankful for me etc etc etc. Hopefully by morning she will remember her promise to do better.
In the meantime I am arranging caregivers. She has a male now and I have enlisted the help of a female. Hopefully that will help her and me as well.
Without this group I would not have had the confidence to speak my mind, express to Mom from my heart my fears, and to hop onto this site and talk about it. Thanks ever so much for being here for me.
Does Mom have dementia? probably. Does it frustrate me? yes, I am human. Do I love her enough to fight for her for good health...absolutely!!!
Thank you for being my friends. Good night and sweet dreams.
SDPeg
Faye welcome to the group yes we do get off topic but sometimes we just need a break from what we have as our reality. My break is my artwork lol though if I put what my emotions in my artwork of how i was feeling somedays you'd send the men in the white coats for me lol .... its why I do fairies and such they tend to lift my spirits. My mom has dementia thankfully its not progessed too badly so far (THANK GOD) but i know its going to get worse instead of better so I cherish the times she's lucid and knows whats going on. Its the hard times when she wakes p at night and tells me she wants to go home... and she don't want to sit here ... that is hard. Sometimes if shes overly tired or stressed it takes her a time to remember my name but she knows who i am. We do a memory game every morning... I go through who her kids are though i know she remembers the names my brother Jim and sister Debbie are always named the a******* and the B**** with her low life son. But thats only cause of the trouble they caused her and I but thats a very long story for another time. When we are at my sisters my nieces well great nieces like to play games like memory and color stuff with mom to help her out. They are bright little cookies that love their nana which is why I would never move her away from them I want them to have as much time as they can with her especially with the new little one on the way. Though i am not sure how much we will see ungrateful niece and the baby. We will probably when we go to my sisters.
Well got more ornament designs to do more things to plan finish up the water bottles find sheeps and cows lol and plan more images. Maya my sis is looking forward to this new project and thanks you for the idea when it gets done I will share the image ...
This is a bunch of very loving and supporting people who need a place to lay our daily problems down, we share, we cry, we grieve, we laugh, but we are here for each other and you.... so come back and let us know how we can help..... hugs to you...
Shawna tell your mom Happy Birthday from smiley and give her a hug too.
ladeeda I hope your son gets better.
stormy no it didn't gross me out.
seeme glad to see you post and good luck fishing.
Well grandma is having a rough night already. She got up and said she hears a washer running. There's nothing running, but she hears something running.
Then she wanted to agrue and kick us out for the thousandths time. She just wanted to see where daisy was.
Hope everyone has a good night and hugs to you all.
I used to be on Facebook, but then, I had an old teacher make a remark about what I look like now. It made me more than a little uncomfortable, so left it alone. Then, when I heard from an old classmate, it made my best friend more than a little uncomfortable and I gave it all up together.
In the middle of it all, I began to have some really awful chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack, but no one asked me if I needed help. Cousin's wife thought I was making it up. I still don't feel right, but with no medical insurance, I can't afford to go to a doctor myself. The first thing that they ask you here is what medical insurance you have. If you haven't any, they won't even make an appointment with you. So, I'm just praying to outlive my mother by one day so that she'll be taken care of. That's my goal --- just one day beyond. I can't depend on any of her other kids to be there. If I dare to mention my health issues, they dismiss them and tell me that they're sorry, but they don't have time to listen. I still don't feel right.
emjo --- here's a link for you. Read through them and see how he responds when she begins to press him for marriage. You'll see what I mean.
Ladee.....how could I not know about your son and siezures? I swear I didn't know......
Maya....stories are wonderful....keep em coming.....
Jam......whatever the cost, it is worth it for your sanity....
I actually talked to my bi-polar sister for the first time in a long time....a whole hour......with no screaming.........she must have wanted to talk about her son's death a couple of years ago and asked about all that had been wrong with mom and what caring for her was like. She didn't know to what extremes it had gotten.....cause she hadn't seen mom in 20 years or so. Me either for that matter. She still referred to mom and dad by their first names....like aquaintances instead of her parents. Found out today that she called to talk to mom as she lay dying and someone at the switchboard told her to call back in 20 min, which she did, but I answered the phone then and mom had been dead for 20 min. I would have refused her request at that time anyway. Long, sad story. And all this after I had priced a lot of mom's clothes for the yard sale. Wish I had just given them to the Good Will.
Tomorrow we are going fishing off a pier. There is no jumping allowed off the pier, but nothing is said about being thrown or dragged off, so wish me luck. I'd like to catch something bigger than my first finger. Later................
stormy - coconut oil and tea tree oil also are good for the toenail fungus - applied to the nail - guess you haven't heard any more from the doc or am I really out of date here?
shawna -time to say No - to those users in ur family - really and truly -just No -glad u r sellng more water bottles -where ever lol -and i agree with ladee - go where u want
jam -it is getting worse isn't it? glad the col is on the list for an NH
ladee - hope today went well and ur son is OK - doesn't matter how miserable they are -they are still ur kid and u worry
maya -what happened at the doc re ur mum's incision - read the Yule guest -oh my - beautiful poetry - did not know about his rascal side
where is everyone? -ahh a few checking in
posted my Park pics on face book - and a few of the horses pastured near there -about only useful thing i did - tired today -couldn't sleep but not good for much
the park is lovely and worth a return visit when it is open. Loved the country side nearby -rolling hills and rust/gold leaves and the red dogwoods -very different than up here which is basically spruce bog on either side of the highway. drove back last night as farmer Johns's smelt so badly of stale smoke i couldn't hack it - when his mum was there she wouoldn't let him smoke inside but she left a few days ago - was going to stay over night to spend a little more time with my man but just couldn't - took a nap and hit the road - took me an hour on the road before i could breathe deep. G is still at the farm doing prewinter stuff and is now spending most of next week being oriented to the new job in the big cities south of us so who knows when he will be home - certainly not him or the guys who are arranging this -seems all off the cuff -as long as they pay it doesn't matter!
Hopefully we all will have a good weekend
Love, hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
Shawna, ask your mom what she wants to do.... you may be surprised, and there is always Skype for her to see and talk to the kids......Life is too short sweetie, do some things and go some places you want before you can't..... sorry the family is being so insensitive.... tell her ladee said Happy Birthday, give her a hug and kiss for me...... a great big Texas hug.......sounds like it is time for you to start tellling them what's on your mind....... you have nothing to loose at this point..... maybe not in front of mom, but I wouldn't hold back anymore.... hugs to you this evening......
Wanted to check in and tell everyone hello and to let you know that even though I haven't been responding, I have been reading. We've had a couple of rough nights with the col. Night before last, she was up and wandering all night, drinking cups of hot water, calling it coffee. Got her back to bed, turned off the tv, removed the remote and she slept finally. Told her last night her tv wasn't working and she stayed in bed all night. So perhaps that's a start....no more bright light and screaming volume. We are hiring more help and she is on the waiting list at the NH. OMG.........the prices per month have gone sky high. Sorry, she's into something.....gotta run.
Love and Hugz,
Jam