This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I don't have HBP but one never knows when it will jump up and bite you in the butt later on in life.
The "mama" instinct is good to listen to.
I, too am losing posts and that's frustrating.
Full day ahead of mom care and studying...catch you all later
SDPeg
hugs dear friend -glad that things with marie are better - more later
jo
I am sorry you were scared as a mom, I can relate to that.
SDPeg
If my stories are getting on anyone's last nerve, just tell me. I'll set them aside.
My mom's best friend lived about three hours away from us before we moved here. She offered to take my mom for a week so that I could get some deep cleaning done. So, I packed my mother up and all the CPAP and oxygen and mobility devices. I'd gotten almost everything loaded into the car and all I had left was her step.
I had on drawstring pants that day. I'd forgotten to tuck the drawstrings into my waistband, so when I picked up her step, guess what happened? Yep, you've got it. The knot at the end caught in a joint in the step. I didn't notice it until the bow pulled out and my pants dropped to the ground in the parking lot where we lived. And when I say to the ground, that's exactly what I mean. It was nice and sunny and about mid-afternoon when they dropped. My mother asked me what in the world I was doing when I tried desperately to get the car door around me so that I could regain my dignity. At that point, it really wasn't funny to me.
The next day, when I got back, I sent my best friend an e-mail and he thought it was hilarious. He told me that he'd have been torn between helping me get covered back up and laughing. Like he said, at least it was good underwear that showed, even if it was light and rosy.
Sometime I'll tell you about the evening my cell phone went lost. If this gives you a smile, that one will crack you up.
And the reason I'm telling all that is to say that I'm sorry I wasn't here to offer y'all support like I should. The one thing I can do when I'm stuck in traffic or running someone else's errands is pray. I do that on the way to the dump. Sometimes I wonder if God minds that it's easier for me to pray in the car than it is here at home, but I do it anyway. It's those times that I'm alone and I don't have to worry about who hears me or what I pray about.
Brother finally called today to say he was home from his vacation...good that means he is not on my turf anymore and Mom can relax. But tonight I was disturbed by something that happened: Caregiver took mom shopping yesterday and when Mom came home she put her 3 cans of hairspray in her bedroom then forgot where they were. She said they were in the caregiver's car. When I spoke with caregiver last night he said Mom put the cans in her bedroom. Then mom talks to brother this evening, mentions she thinks she left the cans in caregiver's car, brother calls caregiver about the cans of hair spray (caregiver called me tonight to tell me brother called him). This once again is annoying me because it is a problem that is easily resolved with the parties involved HERE not almost two thousand miles away via phone call. Lo and behold, I walked into her room and found the cans just sitting there. My brother's favorite saying is "too many cooks in the kitchen" and I am tired of him being in the every day activity kitchen that I am in. I don't meddle in his financial kitchen (he handles my mom's finances) and therefore I don't want him in mine (well that WAS the agreement a year ago).
Well I am getting more caregivers in to help mom (one man, one female) to be here while I do my thing. I am being more assertive ~ telling her, not asking her~ and if she doesn't like it then she will have to stay home alone while I go out.
Someone mentioned to me that I do too much for my Mom and so I am cutting back a little bit. Although it takes her longer to search for a spoon to stir coffee in the morning, well, she has the time too look for it. I do feel relieved a bit letting go of all the things I was doing while she was ill and my brother was ruffling her feathers during his vacation and also on the other hand I feel sad because I really liked doting on her. I like spoiling anyone but not to the point that I am exhausted.
Speaking of exhausted, the heat today did me in. I came home this afternoon (class was canceled) and slept for over an hour and I don't usually do that in the afternoon. But the heat was next to unbearable. At least I am aware enough to keep drinking water. Not so tired from caring for Mom nor zapped by the heat to NOT take care of me. If I don't take care of me, no one will.
Oh yeah, and I went to Barnes and Noble and started holiday shopping. That felt good!
Good night all...thanks for listening to me vent. I appreciate it.
SDPeg
But she has been friendly, not snapping at me, and even if she starts tomorrow , I know what to do... ignore her... guess if I am not getting upset, she doesn't accomplish what she wants and it's just not fun anymore.......
But Sonny seemed tired today... guess if he was up half the night, he should be tired.....
My son had another seizure.... the ER RN gave him some numbers to contact some agencies that can help him get medical care.... they did finally put him on dilantin (sp)and potassium.... That 'mama thing' I knew something was wrong and went by to see him before I went to work, didn't come to the door... went by after work.... and could tell by the way he sounded he had had another seizure..... so a few prayers for my hard headed son..... I do not know what it is going to take for him to start taking this serious.....
anyway, hope everyone had a day that didn't make them want to go screaming down the street.....
and Shawna, from now on, I will say old ladies, Cmag and Shawna, but sometimes girl you scare me how wise you are beyond your years......Guess you and Stormy are the youngest ones on here..... I can't even remember being 33 !!!!!!!
so, love to everyone... extra hugs and love to Jam this evening, and Seeme, I am missing you......hatm ( hugs across the miles)
But am very sorry to hear your mom is not healing like she should.... and in some ways what the nurses did does not surprise me..... I pray I just drop dead and do not have to go thru what I have witnessed or heard about....my best friend is a Hospice RN, we have already talked about all this..... just do not let me suffer for the sake of saying " we did all we could", just get it overwith....
Let us know what is going on and how you mom is.... and thanks for sharing your stories..... I look forward to reading them... hugs to you...
I started buying his books on E-bay and ended up with an amazing collection at an even more amazingly low cost. I bought a first edition of his first book for next to nothing. It appraised for five hundred dollars.
And if you read his letters to his last love, you'll see how much of a rascal he really was. She was kind enough to donate them, even though she requested that he destroy hers. Hell hath no fury....
cow patties are for anyone who write the post numbered ending in 00 - e.g. 3300 as you did - it is a prize for hanging in with us
ladee - hope u had some quiet time with sonny while marie got her perm
shawna - think it is a good idea to have dolls on your site too - hope u sell lots of water bottles at the party
jam - hope the col is enjoying her chair
vic -glad dad got up a bit today - sounds like he is getting the help he needs
starri -so glad your trip is going well now -see lots more travel ahead for u
stormy - doin' good girl - hope lil red is better - ladee really said it didn't she -sweetie, if ur dads thyroid has been removed he can't have Graves, I don't think - just his meds dose is too high don't worry about why in any case -it just needs to be adjusted - mine goes up and down and my daughters and we have to adjust our meds -or that dr does rather -and nobody - not even the specialists know why
ros - prayers for work for u and rest -I have seen some strange names around here - michelin - after the tires - for one
sdpeg - fear of the unknown -u got that right
everyone else - know we are thinking of you - let us now how you are
late here - having a good break, put a few pics on face book - walked , saw deer, soaked in the hot tub, while Gary baled hay - to morrow we will go to see the park -hope it doesn't rain but think we will go anyway
love, hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
Stormy, your father doesn't feel well, so I think he understand by himself that there is something wrong... You might try to give him a softened version of what is going on.
Starry I am happy to see that your trip is going on beautifully... You are going to have nice weather in California!
Maya, loved your story. In Italy, during the "Dallas" period, many children were named "JR" and "Sue Ellen", which would be good if they weren't followed by an Italian name. JR Maccheroni doesn't sound good. Sue Ellen Cecioni, either. I heard with my ears a mother calling her daughter "Macarena" (in the years of Macarena of course). Some parents have named their children with the names of TV programs!!! At least Snow, Forrest, names like this, are cute.
Ladee I am happy to see you in a good mood...
Jam no hope with the chair. You can explain it 2000 times, it is pointless!
I don't feel like working but I have to.
'Night everybody!
Mom is doing okay today ate pizza from yesterday since I couldn't eat it. Got some rest and got some work done then had to go with niece and mom to take little ones to get flu shots. Poor Alena and Nicky were screaming by the end and hiding in my lap. Working on more ornament designs and such. Maya my sister is gonna get the material next month then shes gonna try it if it works I will contact you. Niece has not popped yet and I sold another water bottle. Birthday party sunday and hopefully more orders for water bottles coming in we will see. Unfortunatly I did scare my sis tonight the phone messed up and and I had to deal with mom so she called a couple times and got no answer ... i called her back said sorry and we are okay now.
It has been a hard road for you two girls, and I guess I just worry about your dad and what all he may be feeling... but ya'll know what is best for him..... the whole thing just makes me so sad...... doing all this running from doctor to doctor, still no answer really, it would make me crazy, so believe it or not, we do understand why you went on the great computer search.... it is human nature to want answers when you are scaired and worried...... and I hope you know we were not fussing at you for worrying about your dad.... we just know that all that research changes nothing in the end.... but we do truly understand why you were doing it.... to get some answers..... but like so many things, we just end up with more questions....
You, sis and your dad are in my prayers Stormy, if for no other reason than to give you strength to continue to do what needs to be done.....my heart hurts for you, but know you are loved... You are appreciated for what you are doing for your dad, and you will have gained so much knowledge and experiance to help others.... at least it will give all this some kind of meaning and purpose.... hugs across the miles to you.....