This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I think g'ma is proud of you - maybe that's where u got ur spunkiness from!
keeper of the gumball machine - i like that!
ladee - glad u did not volunteer to stay over - u have warned them enough that they need a back up -
jam - I have visions of the col tipped backwareds with her feet in the air - don't supposed that is possible with the control
sdpeg - that pesky bro - they like to undo what you work on don't they - having a giggle is always good
I got over that allergic reaction and did exercises in the room here -walked for 1/2 hr and did arm and neck stretches etc - better than nothing
have a good night everyone♥
jo
I have talked to several Rehab facilities; do I really have to put her in the hospital for three days? This seems foolish to me and a waste of the taxpayers money. She needs rehab that is evident . The rehabs said that it would be faster if she had a hospital stay. Anyway right now it seems the way to go. Hopefully she will be able to get back to what she was before this happened. I know it will be confusing to her. I really dread having to do this but I think it is the right thing for her.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I really felt this morning all the kindness coming my way. Thanks to all,
And now, to change the picture to one of my favorites --- the maker of my chocolate cakes and the keeper of the gumball machine. I'd like to think that she's pleased with me, even if my housekeeping skills aren't as great as hers. That picture is about seventy years old. She's younger in it than I am now.
So please giggle with me about glasses, a chair, hearing aids, eating, bathing and all those irritating things we wish we could change about the other person or situation. {hugs} SD Peg
Jam, I doubt you will be able to teach her to use the chair.... short term memory loss and all....Maybe she can use it while the caregivers are there, so they can do it for her and watch her to make sure she doesn't try to get up with it still up in the air.... Ruth HATED hers, she would go insane if I put it in the reclining position..... and I mean she would absolutely go bonkers.... she didn't mind if I used it to help her get up..... but not in the reclining position.... Don't know if BG held her hostage in that chair before I got there or what...... and I don't know that I would let Rhonda mess with it, she will put the col in recline and leave her there all day, not that the col wouldn't let it be known if she wanted out, but still, something to think about...
Have you tried just handing her the control and asking her which button she thinks will help her recline???? But I doubt she will learn at this stage... she still won't wear her glasses.... so good luck with the chair.....
Like Hank Willliams, Jr. I am a free agent.... yehawwww....
Hope everyone had a descent day, I can feel the dread from ya'll that live where it snows..... being cooped up.... no, I bitch about summer, am looking forward to winter. but we don't get what a lot of ya'll get..... will soon find out how many places the BS needs to be weathered in..... ya know, like where the mushrooms are growing.....
Anyway, love ya'll , check in so we all know we are all ok..... or at least hanging in there.... hugs across the miles to ya'll.
sounds like some of us are feeling the season change - I tend to get more tired then - we are heading quickly towards below freezing temps and a little snow may show up soon
Carol - ditto the what the others say - the point comes when changes are needed - and nothing we can do to stop it and we have to look after our own health -but it is not easy for anyone
jam - the chair sounds like a great thing - hope it continues to work well
maya - cruisin' down the main drag and g'ma's choc cake - doesn't get much better than that -ramble away - love seeing uncle Billy's pic
shawna - glad u had a good cookout!
mis - sounds like things r pretty good -though g'ma's memory is the pits -any news about treatment for ur neuropathy?
cmag - despite the ups and downs u r getting some things done- good for u
sdpeg -glad u got ur course load figured out - i'm in the crash and burn crowd too - blame it on the weather - or the relatives
vic - glad dad is sleeping and u are not too tired - also that mum can still be on her own - let us know what us going on as soon as u find out -prayers
ladee -more rain I hope but no more leaks -
stormy - how's it going?
everyone - let us now how u r doing
in a hotel in lovely Lac La Biche (jk) -had a nice Canadian thanksgiving supper served up by farmer John's mum last night before we came here - unexpected and very welcome - did a number on myself eating something I am allergic to this morning, so laying low today. Hope to tour the park tomorrow. and back home after that or maybe the next day. nice spending a little time with my man :)
love, hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
Carol hugs to ya. I agree with what Jam and Vic has said.
Hope everyone has a good night and tomorrow morning and afternoon.
Sorry to hear some are having a bad day, some just so-so, some good.
Carol.....no one can prepare themselves for the changes and eventual outcome when our loved one starts that downhill journey. I know it hurts to see the changes and know there is nothing more we can do and you are seeing that by the fact that mom doesn't interact with home rehab. Don't look at placing your mother as a failure, it is the next step in her further care. Perhaps time with other elders, as well as services in the NH, and a tweaking of medications may just bring her out of this depression and she will start to feel better and you may see improvement. You will be more rested and not under so much stress and will interact with her better when you do visit with her. Let face it, when we are under the stress of constant care giving without a break we start to show the effects too. I wish you peace in whatever you decide you must do.
The col got her lift chair today......it's Christmas around here. She has just snuggled right into it and gone to sleep. She is still having a little trouble remembering to let it lift her all the way up, but with a little repetition I hope she will learn.
Check in please and let us know how everyone is............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Dad is ok..still don't know what is going on waiting for test results. He had echo cardiogram Sunday evening and yesterday they drew fluid from lung... He finally slept last night and is still sleeping..partly exhaustion ..pain pill..ultram..
Am tired but ok. Hubs had to go back to work this morning so I will pick mom up for her to be with dad a bit. Am blessed that she can still be at home by herself. Will update when I get more news.
Seems that I'm going to have to put my Mom is an NH. She has just given up and is not getting any better after the knee fracture. The home health that the ortho Dr sent just is not helping her and I think she is very depressed. Their rehab person has been here three times in the month since this has been going on. She, my mom. acted like she wanted to go to the adult daycare today and I got her up to give it a try. Tried to get her to walk with help into the bathroom and she snk to the floor. So put her back in bed and have cried since. I know I have lost my Mother as she is just not trying. I have fought all I can. This has had an effect on all of us. I just know this is the end of a very long run. I am trying to be ready but not too sure I will be. I really don't like NH as it just seems like a warehouse where you are put to die. Sorry for the really bad attitude. I realize I can no longer take care of her as pulling her aound and picking her up is wearing out my old back.
This is turning into a long day as I called the DR to see if they will help me get her into a facility. Hope they will call.
Well, I'll fix her a little breakfast; see if she'll eat anything. This is so hard for me ; I love her so much. Thanks for being there ; it's comforting just to share my thoughts. Carol
As it was mentioned and acknowledged (thank you) the visit from brother was stressful. Even Mom today was mopey and didn't do much while I was at school.
Speaking of school: I am able to live off of the $$$ (grant/loan) I will receive in January until perhaps summer of maybe (if I don't spend anything ha ha) into August. You see, I drive an hour a day to school and if I go only 2 days instead of 4 I would be saving much $$$ (yeah 'cause I live in CA and gas prices are ridiculous).
Today I was chatting briefly with the head of one dept and we were talking about my caregiving responsibilities vs full time student and she said "we have all been there" and I smiled because I thought of this group of fabulous people and told her: "I know. I am not alone and that's so much comfort." So even while at school, on the 4th floor of the College of Education you, my dear dear friends, were there with me. And I thank you for it.
Midterms this week and ugh!!! but that's ok. That means semester is half over and I can't wait until mid-December when I can take a break for about a month.
And then I will take only 6 units (two classes) for the Spring of 2012.
Whew! With that being said, I appreciate your friendship, your support and will respond to other comments later as I am burnt out and headachy and tired ... I thought I had crashed and burned already but it seems to be lingering.
Good night my wonderful friends!!!
Love ya'll,
SDPeg
good night and hugs to all of you across the miles.
So, how is everyone today???? Rested, depressed, happy, sad, all of the above? I had another good day at work.... amazing how an attitude adjustment has helped me.... as I said, I am so attatched to Sonny, had to figure out a way to deal with Marie, so far it is working... not coming home so mentally tired.....
It has been great to go around and run errands today and everyone is talking about the rain, ' how much did you get?', that is the main topic of conversation.... a state that is full of gratitude this Monday......
Will check back in later, need to get some things done... hugs to you all...
It was a really cool place to spend the summer. My aunt and her family lived with my grandmother and two of her sons lived next door and across the street. Her oldest son lived about five minutes away with his family. We were a military family, so we didn't live here. We were the youngest of seventeen grandchildren and several of the cousins had their driver's licenses before we hit grade school.
One of the fondest memories I have is being sent along with the older girls when they went cruising down the main drag on Saturday nights. My aunts and uncles sent us younger ones with them to keep the older ones from doing anything stupid without their parents knowing all about it.
It was almost worth having to hide down in the floorboard so the guys didn't see us with them, because they'd take us to get ice cream on the way back to my grandmother's. We got lots of treats in exchange for our silence.
And my grandmother always had a chocolate cake waiting for me just because I liked them. She also had a gumball machine in her living room and if you got a speckled ball, you got a candy bar. Uncle Billy and Uncle Tommy thought it was a hoot to feed us their change to put in the gumball machine because we always put on a show. It was one of those that turned once for a penny, five times for a nickel and ten times for a dime. They loved to see us count the turns off for them.
There's an empty lot now where my grandmother's garden used to be. Uncle Billy wanted us to move down four years ago and he told me that he'd bet if he had another house, we'd move down. I asked him where would he put it? In my grandmother's garden? Like I told him, she'd come back to haunt him if he put anything except a garden there. We ate fresh vegetables all summer and green apples straight from the apple trees, along with fresh grapes and blackberries from the back yard.
I have lots of good memories. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.
Midterm studying won't be so difficult today after hearing about Uncle Billy.
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful man with us and your memories!!!
SDPeg
not looking foolish - as we get older we realize that is not so important, don't we - just ask a few of us
a trip to the dump lol - brought back good memories - once looked after the son of a stuffed shirt from work for an afternoon - we made a trip to the dump then stopped at McD's for an ice cream cone, then home to play in the sand box - all with my Gordie too - remember the two of them in the truck - the kid ended up not as clean as when he arrived, but he was happy and didn't want to go home - good stuff!
When I was a kid and we spent our summers at her house, we used to lie on our sides and roll down the hill that she lived on. A couple of years before he died, he tried to get me to do it again. I gave him every excuse I could think of because I didn't want to look foolish. If I had it to do all over, I'd lie down in the mud and let him take a video of me rolling down the hill.
He was the one who worried the most about how we were when Daddy died. He made sure that we all knew that he wanted us to still come no matter what.
And as much as he loved his wife, I think he'd have dealt with just about anything to have had her back when she passed away. He kept her at home and did her caregiving himself. I don't think a few whiskers would have ever made him run.
hey - u know you are getting older when your grow a moustache before your son - my oldest was 16 at the time I said that and a late bloomer and did not think that was funny. LOL
Ladee -glad u will have heat at least. Good idea to pass on the gas! - and I mean that in more ways than one! lol. Can u hook up something for hot water?
Maya -agree with seeme - that is hilarious and so true. My sister was not able to have kids so she adopted - her son and wife are estranged from her (sensible on their part) because she went to court and took family money from them (aaack) and then was nasty to them, and her daughter and her hub are raging alcoholics who share a house with her - Good luck to the bunch of them! I want nothing of it. .
seeme - so glad to see u here and laughing - it is great therapy
Shawna - nice ornaments - mum seems to be doing so well these days
asg -so the cat is out of the bag - uh box- uh crate - whatever -good I agree with ros -auntie knows what she is doing -don't put up with it -stick with a specific bedtime - if she wants to move it up to 8 - fine u will have the evening free - tell her u will do it at the appointed time then put in your ear plugs and enjoy some time for yourself - u need it -don't we all
sdpeg - how is the midterm prep going?
stormy - taking lots of deep breaths?
vic -whats the news about dad?
mis -hope g'ma continues to do well - hubby will be home soon -love ur pics on f b
tpeg - keep us updated in fil - so nice to see that much improvement
yeahright -if u r out there reading, know u r not forgotten,
54 -keeping u in mind and in prayers
heart -how's it going -know it is tough for u
faye - hugs -been through multiple loss too and it really does a number on you -ended up not knowing who I was hurting for half the time
starri - hope settling in one place for a while works out well - keep in touch
jam - hope u slept well after a great game
everyone else - hugs -let us know how you are
Here it is my son-in-heaven's birthday. He died when he was 23 and would have been 33. today. Bittersweet memories - today - not so much because he is gone as the mess than happened around his birth with my ex and a person I thought was a friend -what we survive!!! Happy Birthday, Babes! One day I'll see you where u r! . No more sorrow, No more pain, Safe in heaven till I see you again.
love, hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
When she went through her mid-life crisis, she bought a convertible. We had a family reunion and she came, very proud of her convertible. Our three uncles were already all in their eighties and they couldn't have cared less what anyone drove. She took one with her to the cemetery with to show her where our father was buried, since she doesn't live anywhere near here and hadn't been back to his grave since he was buried in 1991. Anyway, while they were gone, she asked Uncle Billy what he thought about her convertible. He looked at her and said "Well, everybody's got to die sometime." He said it with a straight face and a twinkle in his eyes. I lost Uncle Billy and his older brother two years ago, a little over a month apart. I miss them dearly.
Personally, I've never understood the need to lie about your age. There's always someone around who knows the truth and you just end up looking foolish when someone finds out how delusional you really are.