This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
(((((((hugs))))))
jo
Glad you are getting help.
And yeah, sometimes I think we need to really and seriously delegate to those that are responsible enough to take on the task.
I am battling a "power struggle" with "hero brother". My mom was in urgent care Tuesday and the constipation finally was "resolved" shall we say yesterday. Today he and girlfriend and Mom went to cemetery to see my Dad. Brother does not comprehend that Mom puts things places and can't remember what she did with them. The latest is her house keys ... I have a key and brother is livid mom does not have one. (I suspect he wants to duplicate it as he likes having keys to everyone's house ... watch out ha ha.) He does not understand that she does misplace things and raising his voice to her about it does not make her feel better about herself.
I am looking forward to his departure.
I do have a couple of hours to myself and will get some reading done for my classes. I'm just as worried with her with him as I am when she is here with me. I think I will just let go for a couple of hours.
I agree that everyone here is so special and corresponding with everyone is spectacular. Thanks from me as well! SDPeg
Rossellamex: I agree ... no man for me right now. I try to dress as well as I can being a student. It's usually jeans and tshirt and also an occasional blouse. Make up? Whatever I can throw on in the morning ... comfortable shoes ... yeah, I doubt anyone looks at me and says "sexy!" ha ha but that's ok. I have not ironed at all for years and years ... money? what's that ha ha. I think we can all have love stories ... in the right time ... in the right place ... keep dreaming.
Peg from San Diego: Yes really, between my mother, my pets and my work I'm already tired enough, and a man would be just stressful. I work at home so I don't have to worry anymore how I dress and if I have been to the hairdresser. I cut my hair by myself with results that are not exactly good. I am lucky I have curly hair so you don't notice the damage too much!
When I worked in an office I had to take care about it. If I had a man I should for example iron my things. I haven't ironed anything in the last year!!!!!! yes I know it's awful to say that, and not feminine at all. I am surprised if a man even looks at me still, and I think he is interested in my money, but I don't have money so I laugh. 3 years ago a young man stopped me in the street and I immediately told him "Sorry I have no money" ( I thought he was a beggar!!). He was very surprised and he said: "I just wanted to tell you that I like the way you walk!" Jam do you think I can still have a love story? I don't think so!!!!
Jam..sorry about tunica would have told you not to go. It is ok for a day trip. Next time make plans to go to Mississippi coast. The casinos are much better and strip of them next to each other right on beach. Course none are like Vegas but...
Just wanted to check in as we have another busy day...saying prayers for all of you today
Thanks for the pink ribbon ... appreciate it as my mom is a survivor.
Peg
And I keep forgetting to remind everyone.......here is a pink ribbon and it is Oct. Please schedule a mammogram for this month.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Good night and thanks for all the well wishes. Funny how crap is something to be excited about! Hallelujah is right!
Sweet dreams all.
Peg I am glad for the good news... 'night
Hey everyone hubby had to wake me up I fell asleep with lil red. Well I had to go check on dad today and his neck looks awful. It is so sore. His pads that we put under his trach collar is getting stuck to his skin where it is irratated. I had to work on his neck for 45 min. today to try to get the pad unstuck. And the dr put him on some strong antibiotics a one a day pill for 5 days and he finished that up today. Just don't know why it will not clear up. I am wonderng if he has a autoimmune disorder. Also his mucus is still a brown yucky color. And it smells bad that is a sign of infection. Or wondering if he doesn't have cellulitis in his neck he had it there one other time. It is soooo red it looks like it did when he was going through radiation to his neck if not worse.
Shawna- me, hubby and red went to a festaval(sp?) today and i thought about you. People had all kinds of stuff out there- mugs, hats,paintings,books,shirts etc... hope the sales are doing good for you!!!
Jam- glad you are home sorry the trip wasn't what you were expecting at least you got away from the col for a while.
Seemee- glad you are home too!!! We missed u and i hope u are doing ok. Love u.
Ros- I will be praying for more work for you. I hope things get better for u.
Peg- hallelujah for the bowel movement!!!! A great victory!!!!
Ladee- how's the bs?
Mis- I think it was you that said the other day that your mom put bengay on her lips. Sorry but it made me laugh when i was feeling like crying. Thank you for the laugh. I bet your mom's lip were nice and COOL feeling. :0) Hope she is ok from it.
Well i am brain dead i can not think of any body else i know i have missed alot of you and i am sorry i need to make one of them lists that jam has of everyone. Love ya'll and have a good nite everyone!!!!!!!! Stormyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom was constipated (due to thyroid) and was told to drink milk of mag every four hours until ... well "until" .... yep, no more constipation!
Mom was embarrassed with "accident" but after a long, warm bath and my reassuring, loving words, she is sleeping now and no longer complaining about her "tummy" hurting.
While cleaning up, I thought of this group of friends I have gotten to know over the last weeks and thought, "if they can do it, so can I" ... and I did. And I thank you all for sharing your lives with me as I felt surrounded by you all while I cleaned up and thanked God for the "crap" ... funny thing to give thanks for huh?
So please, please know that I appreciate all of you tonight!!!
Thanks for being open and honest and genuine!
Good night!!!
Sweet dreams ... get rest ... we need it.
The wash will go into the dryer in the morning.
Hugs, Peg
Hey everyone i will post to ya'll later hopefully tonite. I got to lay down with red maybe i won't fall asleep. Love and hugs stormyyyyyyyyyyyyy
hope tomorrow is not as bad - and hope u have a good sleep - love ya too
Peggy I am glad you finally figured out what was wrong with your mom here's to hoping the meds work and she goes back to eating good.
Stormy keep us updated on your daddy let us know how it goes
Ross hope work troubles cease
Jam just let me know .. I don't have a LOT of fireman things just the two designs...
Finally have time to check in and let y'all know I'm still alive and kicking......I think. I'm just tired today....too much going on. The col has been a handful all day starting with breakfast. She didn't like the fact that I made her oatmeal instead of letting her eat popcorn. Went down to make her lunch and she is standing in the kitchen dipping her fingers in butter and smearing it on crackers. Threw that away and made her a hot lunch. And she's demanding, yes and to the point of stomping her feet like a two-year old, to be taken to "the mall"....I managed to escape for about 2 hours to do some outdoor work. But then it started again.....she has badgered me all day.....I've lost count of the number of times I've said we can't and the diaper changes and pounds of poop I've cleaned off her and the toilet....and through it all "I want to go....take me out.....I need to go shopping....". Target brought her cake for dessert after dinner....I sit with her while she eats....and he heard her going at me even while her mouth was full of food. He stepped in and told her she isn't capable of walking long distances and to stop the incessant badgering and she made a smart comment and started laughing at him. Monday can't get here fast enough. So that's been my wonderful day.............hope it's been better for the rest of you.
stormy....glad you will hear a better diagnosis this week. Let me know what you find out.
Shawna.....glad the website is done. I'm going to be looking at your firefighter items as my son is a firefighter/EMT.
SDPeg.....sounds like things will be getting better for Mom. Isn't it a relief to finally get answers?
rossella.......I so hope things improve for you.......or some rich, good-looking Italian stallion comes into your life!!!!!!
emjo.......hope you're feeling well and I sure am glad you will get to spend more time with your sweetie.
starri......is so busy traveling she doesn't have time to stop and send email or post. Has anyone heard from her?
ladee...........missing you........
seeme......missing you also.....I'm glad we didn't try to hook up last Monday......after Target got behind the wheel we would have been able to say hi/bye as we whizzed by each other.............I'm not sure what part of "we don't have a time constraint anymore to follow" that he doesn't get.
I've had to hit the back-space so many times that I have to stop this now. Will check in tomorrow.........hope everyone has a peaceful night.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Am going to go back and get caught up on posts so be back in a while.....
talked to Seeme today, she will get with us soon, prayers sent her way for how different her world is right now.....
I see from facebook my niece and her husband and, I am sure, my sister are coming over from Scotland for mother's 100th birthday next May. I did alot for the 90th b'day celebration so she can do it this time. Maybe this time I will let everyone else do it and just show up for the party - with Gary on my arm of course ;). -maybe riding horses... - now I am doing a ladee thing - imagination!!!
How is everyone??? I am having a quiet day - needed one after this week.
love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
I am so happy for you that your relationshp with your mum is better than ever now and that you want to spend this time with her so are reducing your school load. H
Hope the rest of the semester goes better now that her health issues are being addressed.
(((((hugs)))))
jo
Her TSH was 25.
I am happy to say also that I will go part time to school in the Spring (staring January 2012) so that I can be here for her and enjoy our days together. As I have mentioned, this is the best relationship we have had my whole life and I want many more years of it.
In the meantime I will get help for her (more than she has already) and count down the weeks until this semester is over.
I deeply and sincerely appreciate this info ... that's what friends are for!
Peg
jo
I am not knowledgeable about this at all so any thoughts and info is greatly appreciated! Peg
My mom's doc appt went well yesterday. Apparently her thyroid is askew and with a new rx that will be satisfied (in time of course).
Apparently the doc said my mom's memory loss could be reversible when the thyroid improves. Also her constipation and fatigue is directly related to the thyroid.
My frustration is that the labs done a while ago (6 months someone mentioned) indicated this and I feel the rx should have been changed then but someone apparently dropped the ball.
On Tuesday I went with my gut and took her to urgent care. That's when the recent labs were done and yesterday the doc was once again fabulous. This doc really, really "hears" my concerns as the daughter who lives with my mom. I am thankful.
The milk of mag should help the constipation as well.
I do not know that much about thyroid and rx for that issue so I welcome and embrace whatever info you have. I see her last rx was 0.088 mg of Levoxyl and it has been increased to 125 mg. I would love to hear from others that have experience in this so I know what this is about.
But for now, she is asleep (after being up half the night trying to have a BM) and I am thankful, for this moment, that the fog has been lifted on what her problem is.
Looking forward to assistance in understanding thyroid issues (I did google but sometimes I understand more from friends. Thanks, Peg
But again I see the things from outside. I think that if my mother were like this I wouldn't care at all about her. My mother has been quite self centered and I have felt abandoned by her all my life; sometimes I can't stand her and I have to hide in my room to regain my equilibrium. But she has not treated me so badly! So I try to take care of her, even if sometimes I feel I am choking in this life! If she had been more loving to me, I would probably do more willingly what I am doing now.
Ladee, I can survive some more months but as my debts are increasing, if things don't go considerably better I will be forced to change my lifestyle and the idea of staying all the time with my mother doesn't make me too happy. We all are connected in this world and if I stop working and I have to fire my helpers it will be a problem for them, too. So I hope that for the sake of everybody I get out of this mess... I am extremely stressed and worried but I can't allow myself to lose the grip. I guess I have to find my strength in my heels, in whatever part of my body, if I have lost it in my brain and in my heart!
Stormy, whatever the doctor will say to you, he'll give you solutions to make your father feel better... So, try to take every new you shall have with serenity... As much as you can!
To everybody else, big kiss