This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I just wanted to thank everyone for sharing in the joy of finding a new, good dr for dad. Thank you for your concern for me and my family. Dad is going to have the thorancentitis tomorrow at 12:00. We got to be up there earlier though so we can have his cbc done to before the procedure. After that then it will be wait until next thursday for the results. I hope he will not be in any pain after having the procedure done. He has never had one of these done before so we don't know what to expect. Well i better get to bed. I will talk to ya'll tomorrow maybe when we get back from the hospital. Love and ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))Stormyyyyyyyy
Ro, I am so sorry to hear that work is not going good for you... maybe God has a plan for you to not have to work so hard and then wait and wait to be paid... prayers for you, and angels to help with your heavy load... love ya bunches...
Jam should be heading home tomorrow, we have to let "Mother Hen" know things went well and hope she had a great time away for a few days... we love the leaving, hate the coming back.....
And emjo is right, I threaten to do A LOT of things.... keeps me sane....
hope everyone has a restful night, talk to ya'll tomorrow.... hugs across the miles to all of you...
sdpeg – glad the blood tests came out OK – if your mum’s thyroid is low that can cause poor appetite –let me know what the results are for her TSH –sometimes people have subclinical hypothyroidism and need meds but the docs don’t recognize it – Hope u get a good night’s sleep and good work on the tests! I really need to drag out my crockpot.
shawna –good recipes – glad u r getting some help –hope u get more –sounds like ur daddy was a great cook. Hope things work out for u at the veterans center - agreed - makes no sense that offspring don`t qualify –and hey I like cheap steak better than sirloin any day
ladee – G is not back –by Sunday apparently – the horses are OK and the fences are intact and the gates closed so someone let them out. Now he starts the new job Oct 17th and we don’t know if there will be contract work between now and then - nothing stays the same for long up here.Glad Marie is better. How’re the vacation plans going?
vic – sorry your muscles are sore have you tried CoQ10. I take 250 mg/day and I think it is helping. I have some energy - Yay!!! Took the list to my daughters to talk it over and she had a meltdown about something so we will talk about it tomorrow – glad I was there. Good that dad is a little more limber and calmer - looks like the sessions do him some good. Glad ur hub is coming home
stormy –always something with houses. We replaced my very old dryer (like over 25 yrs. old) last year and some bills have come down
mis –let us know how g’ma is –insulation should help. Hope the specialist can figure out something with ur legs. EMG test should be fairly easy I think but better to be careful – takes a while for the circulation to get back to normal – how long ago was the heart surgery (bypass I presume)?
annecurrey – welcome – understand where u r coming from. My sister refuses to lift a finger. I used to resent it but can’t afford the energy now so let it slide – mostly. I also have cut contact with her as she likes to find fault with me before checking out the facts. It is very hurtful and discouraging. Hope u get out sometimes – it is so important to have some time for just you! Caregiving is hard enough without that kind of #&%$. BTW ladee really does not run down the street naked –she just threatens to ;)
seeme – so good to hear from you – make sure to take your BP meds and rest and look after u!!!! catch up on ur sleep!
ros -active sometimes, not so others. G wants to climb the Himalayas and wants me to come with him though not necessarily climb - but it is good for me to have goals. Apparently the H's are more of a several day hike than a climb. Hope u get your work situation sorted out - not easy.
G is finishing off the between-contracts roofing job. His mum and dad are in their 80’s both with heart and other problems but manage very well still in their house – no dementias thankfully. He tends their garden with maybe a little help from the others but he is the self-appointed care giver out of 5 boys. Picked my grandkids up from school today to give my daughter a break and brought them a treat. They always want to come over and visit at my house but we will arrange that another time. Took another walk tonight – about 50 degrees and nice for walking –so my weekly total is 185 mins. Working on taking off 10 lbs. to get me in the right BMI range. Mother is putting things in safe places and then thinking someone has taken them – so nothing new there.
Have a good night all
Love, hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
jo
Mismiley: our health is important and I pray yours gets better so that you have quality of life and enjoy it. I know I enjoy hearing from you.
Anncurrey: siblings...ugh! That's all I have to say about that as I send you hugs as I totally understand.
Vic: it is always a pleasure to read your posts.
Jo: out here where I live there are horses (and other animals) and so when I see a horse (and fences) I will be thinking of you.
Good night all ... sleep well ... tomorrow is another day to enjoy life AND to post here!!! xoxo
Peg of SD: if your mother's tests are normal, this is a good new! Maybe for her, what she eats is enough. But I am happy you have doctors who support you anyway.
Shawna, it is normal that our siblings don't realize how much money it takes to keep an old sick relative comfortable! It's not their problem, why should they know that our old sick relatives are high maintenance.
Mismiley; I wish you a good luck with your health!
Annecurrey: our siblings have always good excuses for dieappearing from our life and neglecting their parents! They are always busy, they have more problems than we have... Old story!
Seeme, Hi!
Vic, thanks for your prayers. They are very needed. I have HUGE problems with my work and if it goes on like this I shall have to find another one. Which is not easy at 54. And I am worried for winter heating, too!
Seemeride: glad you are safe and zzzzzzzzz ok, well, catch ya later! Sweet dreams
She told me how busy she has been with her daughter (pushing 30) who had out patient sinus surgery months ago and who shacks up with a boyfriend.
Sick of this life.
Vic, happy to hear dad is doing better, and why are you aching so???
Shawna, are there any agencies in your town that can help... girl, I can not tell you how many times I have been on food stamps in my life... only did it because I had to, but they were a literal life saver.... and surley you could get some help with your heating bills.....Our winters are not bad so or bills go down in the winter, it is summer that kills us....
SDPeg, is your mom alone during the day? Maybe there is a church orginaizaiton or something of that nature that would at least come in a visit with her during the day while you are at school....I would think if she were already depressed, too much time alone isn't helping.... but glad she may be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel..... let us know how she is doing... and good job on the tests, even if one did not meet your expectations, you get the gold star for doing what you are doing.... no way would I go back to school, unless it was clown school, now THAT I would love.....
Mis, glad to see you posting more, we miss you when you are not here......
emjo, is G back yet? did you get to spend any time with him before he has to leave again before starting his new job... hope the horses are ok...
Jam and Seeme, sure hope to hear from ya'll soon....
Marie has sure been "a good girl" this week, she will start to snap and you can see her regrouping, hmmm wonder if her daughter talked with her??? And Sonny and I have a squirell that comes to visit everyday now.... at one poing today Sonny said he sure wished he had a firecracker to throw, now that would be funny..... oh, always the little boy, regardless how old they get....
Starri, where are you??????? taking a nap I bet.... lol...
check back later... love ya'll
Shawna - I can so relate. We heat with fuel oil and that stuff is expensive. Especially with gas being over $3 a gallon it's always higher. We really try and watch out budget during the winter.
We just put in new insulation so I'm hoping that it'll cut our heating bills.
With all of these recipes everyone is putting up. I'm going to have to try them and see if Grandma will like them.
Well after almost 2 months waiting to hear from a specialist to schedule an appointment. I finally get to go and see one next week. I've been having problems with my leg where they took the veins out and placed them in my heart. I'm still working though but I'm taking the day off when I go have this emg test done cause I don't know what it details and my job requires me to walk alot.
I look forward to seeing more recipes, Shawna.
Over this past weekend I used the crock pot to free up time to do this and that and this is what I put into it:
Roast beef (I usually use rump or round roast)
potatoes
carrots
green pepper
onion
sprinkle: package of dry spaghetti sauce
I usually leave it in on low for all day but slept in and left it in on high until dinner time. I have used this recipe for years and so has my mom. Unfortunately she didn't feel like eating any of it (that was her toughest day) and so leftovers are still in the refrigerator. Perhaps I will freeze them for another time.
Thanks for all the sharing. I am blessed with my friends in this group.
Have a gorgeous day!!!
Stormy I am so so glad you are finally getting the answers you wanted and needed. I hate when Doctors are like that ... its why I love mom's doctor he talks to me and answers me when I ask about things. The ER doctor that looked after her last winter I wouldn't give two cents to. It's called LOOK at their records ya know .. jeesh. I have to get my stuff together this week to go to the veterans center to see if they can help me figure out what they can do to help mom get more help as we are barely making it by during the winter months. Summer months we are good winter months hit and its hellacious on the finance area as the heating bill goes up. Even with heap its not easy. ... maybe hopefully my business will pick up a lot and I'll be able to put money aside for the heating bills.. who knows...
Ros hope you feel the prayers coming your way..thinking about you and wish I could give you a hug.
Sdpeg, so glad you were able to get mom to doc to get her checked out. Sadness and depression can caused soo many problems. Glad your mom had a light bulb moment. Hope the light stays on for awhile! How us kids worry for our parents and loved ones. Pray your day is better. How were your exams?
Shawna..love the recipe! Have one similar but with potatos instead of corn. Sounds yum! Hope you can get allergy meds soon..arghh allergies drive me crazy.
Stormy..yeppers! So glad you are getting some answers and help..will be a relief to know your dad will be cared for even if the prognosis isn't good at least he will be comfortable.
Emjo..yay for lists! Now to get them checked off! Haha! sorry about horses hope they all are accounted for.
Jam must be having a blast! Starri..and Seeme too! ASG and Pegly ..hope all is
well.
Dad had a workout yesterday with the therapists..he is a little more limber! He had a decent night much more calm. As for me..well my body hurts muscles screwed up everywhere..emotionally I am good. Hubs is coming home today! Yippee!
Ladee..hope yesterday was ok and that today is better, you are in my thoughts..
So glad all of you are here, it really makes a difference in my days!
Pork Chops and Corn Dressing
One box of Saltine Crackers
2 cans cream corn
2 cans whole kernel corn
one large onion
half cup milk
pork chops
poultry seasoning to your taste
Preheat oven to 350
mix all together DO NOT DRAIN cans of Corn
mash crackers to tiny bits
lay pork chops on top cook till pork chops are done
a good side dish to Pork chops and corn dressing is Sour Cream Salad
Cucumber & Onions
sour cream
vinegar (to your taste)
I am tired tonight but a good tired I guess. We had some very caring medical personnel that enabled me to express my concern and worries and they reassured me that they were all on my team and we together will fight for my mom.
Yes Jo in my head I know many couples that fit that description you mentioned while in my heart, I hate to lose my mom as well. And also I really appreciate you shared that story because it puts things in the proper perspective ... true love belongs together.
Shawna: maybe you could post some (more) menus/recipes especially closer to the holidays. I love trying new things.
Thanks all for the kindest words of encouragement and hugs and support.
Good night!!!
Peg
wiah u could get a break - know that you need one
hugs u and to the pets
(((((((hugs)))))))
vic - hope dad is cooperating with the exercises and u r not too tired
SDPeg - hard to watch someone self-destruct but not a whole lot u can do about it - never mind ur bro - u r doing a great job with ur mum. One aunt and uncle were in love for over 60 yrs. he used to bicycle and fell off and broke his hip - was put in a home to recover and they had to put my aunt in another one -she could not cope without him. I don't remember which one went first - within 3 months they both were gone - and they were old but pretty healthy before the accident - living in their house - they just couldn't live without one another. Not the happiest story for u I know, but i see u r wrestling with that in ur mum. (((((hugs)))))
Shawna -glad u r having a good day - u sound very resourceful with your menu's. and having to watch mum's blood sugar too. i have been there with 3 little kids when ketchup was food.
mis - getting cold here too. - i would not be happy with the doc either - in fact sometimes these new antidepressants like zoloft can cause violent behaviour so watch to see if it gets worse -not wanting to alarm u but it can happen, even if not often. Can u get grandma to a another doctor preferably a geriatric one for an evaluation. Yes about time to light up the fire here too - love a fire in the cold weather.
stormy -what a relief - they both sound good and the pulmonologist is doing exactly what I would want done if it were my dad. You must be so relieved -he actually makes sense!!! - don't think it hurts to say thanks - I think it is worse to not know and get the run around from a bad doc than have a decent doctor even if the news is not what u want to hear -on the other hand remember the tests (scan, MRI? can't remember) sometime back - the doc said there was nothing suspicious -so don't borrow trouble -it comes to us all soon enough
hi to everyone else -let us know how u r
doing pretty well here - got out today and finished my 150 mins for the week with a day to spare -wrote up lists for dd, and dd and me, and just me to do. Will go over there tomorrow and go through them with her. Seem to have some energy for a change. :) Pipeline construction crew near highway let some of the horses out and nearly caused an accident - said they put them back in but they were out again. - phone calls came here - Gary was down south roofing a barn - so he is on his way to see what's happening - the RCMP put them in the second time - some fur and feathers going to be flying there!!! Prayers for safety and no more escapees. Seems many have no regard for the fences - hunters on ATVs plow through them, , escaped work horse lean on the fences and knock them down, (we went down in the winter in the evening those times and fenced by moonlight), drunken drivers plow through them too - he lost 2 horses that time, the road crews fell trees and leave the fences knocked down, the pipeline crews open gates or cut fences and so on, The RCMP don't follow up on that stuff much - just if there are complaints about horses loose they call G - he is pretty fed up.
Hope y'all have a good evening and night
love, hugs and prayers♥♥♥
jo
Ladee I think we are reaching the bottom low.... I hope you can go away for the weekend so you relax a little bit. I have huge problems with my work and the future is kind of scaring me!
Peg of San Diego... I a sorry your mom continues not to eat. Perhaps next visit the doctor will give you some good advice.
Hi Vic and Jo!