This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I didn't know it took so long to recover from a cortison shot. I've had them and never suffered at all. Of course I wasn't 96 either.
I'm hoping to have time to read all the post here more often. There is comfort in numbers. Thanks to all for that.I guess I'm shallow but I really love to watch Dancing with the Stars.
Gotta go check on Memaw, Good evening all.
Carol
@Seemeride: I am sorry for your loss. {{{hugs}}} And through your grieving, you still have so much to say to us. Please keep in touch. Friendships develop and grow here ... I know I'm new but I feel the love.
Jam- you were asking about dads legs. The left leg( the one without the cellulitis looks alot better). The cellulitis leg still looks kinda bad. Just really red. And he has little places that look like they could become open sores. And the top of the foot has become red looking too now. And is peeling with dried skin flaking off. And today me and bro. noticed that, that knee is swollen. We couldn't really tell until he had both feet on the floor. But then you could really tell it. I asked him did it hurt and he said no. We have backed off of giving dad the ensure through his feeding tube. Because he is eating pretty good now and the doctor said last week that he did not need to gain anymore weight. His lowest weight was 189. Now he is weighting 213. The backs of his calves have been hurting him some and they both have been itching him. He has not been back to the doctor since friday. And that dr told us that the ultrasound results have not come back yet. And that was the same day they drew blood from him. To get a cbc on him. Not really sure when we will hear any results on that either. So that's really all that has been going on right now with him. Do any of ya'll know what a low or a high blood count shows? Just figured we might need to know for when we get the test results back on the blood count. I have got to make a list of everyone and who they are caring for so i can address everyone. Until then i hope ya'll are dealing with everything alright. Sending my love and ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) to each of you! Stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Time to put the col to bed......hope everyone has a terrific night,
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Carol Darro: The ladies here have already talked about your mother's knee and I have nothing more to add, except that I hope she can go back to daycare soon, so you have some hours of rest!
Yellowfever: I have become a "minimalist" person and when someone criticize me for the choices I make with my mother I usually say that they have to mind their own business, or a kinder form of that, but I don't bother giving explanations to anyone. I am too tired for that!
ASG: the behavior of your aunt speaks of "dementia" to me, even if sometimes she seems lucid. My mother is the same. One day she is very kind and sweet toward the children of my helpers; the following day she slaps and kicks them. She used to love children, too, until a few years ago. These children have learned to stay at a "security distance" until they have found what kind of day it is, if it's good or bad. Of course it is more difficult for you, you all live together.
Peg of San Diego: I hadn't realized you had lost your father (and your mother had lost her husband, of course) so recently. So, the behaviour of your mother is absolutely normal! You don't heal from these kinds of things very soon. But you are going to be better! I think you are doing the right things.
Jam, wise solution not to exctract Col's teeth. I am sorry for her! Poor one, she was scared. I use hydrogen peroxide to whiten my teeth and its taste is disgusting, but it does the work and it's not harmful like the whiteners you buy. in the shops... Precious advice from my dentist. Maybe she can have a try. As you know, it also helps to keep the mouth clean from bacteria so it solves many future problems.
Kisses to Jo and everyone else! I am going to SLEEEEP now, no work for tonight! I'm so happy.
She has enjoyed them somtimes when she is in the right mood. She really enjoyed christmas morning and cried because she had christmas presents to. This after she kept telling us how the children only needed one small gift for christmas.
For all the newbies, please come back and post.....it will be the best thing you ever did for yourselves....the ladies here are amazing........not enough words in the dictionary to adequately express the warm feelings you will get from those of us on here. We will get to your hearts and you will not function until you have heard from everyone......and a trouble shared is a trouble halved........
I am already packed and the car is loaded. As early as it is, I am about ready for bed as I have to get up at 2am to leave by 3am. You probably won't hear from me much while I am in Illinois, if at all. We (Kathy and I, my neighbor and mom's part-time caregiver) will be loving and playing with my newest great-nephew (fave sis's only grandchild) and eating well. Already have a fish fry on Friday and a Crawfish boil on Sat scheduled.
In other news, we are taking bids for a fence for the puppies we will get. The roof will be fixed this Friday from the damage done by Hurricane Irene. And I am looking for Old English Sheepdogs, but may have to get on a list for Christmas puppies. I did pretty well cleaning out mom's bathroom, but not everything is done yet. Just got too tired making decisions about things to keep or throw away, give away or yard sale. Still amazed at the amount fo junk there is.
Today I saw the mom of the 7yo daughter that had the brain aneurysm. We gave her one of mom's dolls that is a stuffed angel Precious Moments that says a prayer when you squeeze her. She had a rosary in her hands. That was the only time I cried, when I told her it was one of mom's dolls. It does sneak up on me at times....
Got to go to bed so I can drive first........ya'll have a good week.....
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I've had a hectic week at work and it's only Tuesday. Wished Friday would hurry up and get here. I work in a car factory and we have over 1,000 dealers touring the plant so there's alot that needs to get done.
Well, all my fellow mother hens........:) You can all rest easy. I have been trying to figure out a way to not have all that dental work done on the col and tell her and Target and he has been wanting to tell her and me we weren't going to do it.....so we finally got on the same page this morning.....I called the surgeon and had a nice talk with the lovely woman who answered and after we discussed the $6000 to have her teeth done and I explained that the col didn't want it done, neither one of us wanted to put her through that, she asked then why do it? A load was lifted off our shoulders.....later if she develops pain or infection we'll deal with it then. I know what she was looking at going through and it was weighing heavily on me. A little background for those who don't know the story.....the col fell about 4 yrs ago and hit her front teeth on the wooden arm of a chair. Since then they have turned gray, are breaking off and "peeling". We moved her to her present home Nov 09 and until this past June she walked around being medicated for the wrong illness....yes last year was hell on us all. She adamantly REFUSED any dental work, NO NO NO NO......this past June when we finally got a correct diagnosis and new meds she has become more aware....thus she realized how bad her teeth look and she started asking us to get them fixed. She thought all she had to do was go have some veneers put over them.....:) Not a chance. So now we are at today, and when I told her she didn't have to go through that, the look on her face was priceless. I told Target when she talks I'll just make sure I'm upwind of her....
Hi fever.........I'm so sorry you are having to put up with people who have to make your business theirs. Isn't it sad that their own lives are so boring and shallow that they have to stick their noses where they aren't wanted? Yes, it's time you had a break. Can you give a list of "allowed" visitors to the home and they are the only ones who can see mom? Or perhaps you could find somewhere else for Mom to stay while you are gone? Maybe a private home? Please feel free to come and let it all out any time you want to. Hugs to you............
Going to get caught up on the posts...........will be back.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
please get the rest u need whenever u can - the burned out thing tends turn turn our worlds upside down
God is good!!!
thanks for sharing
And realized also that I have my priorties all messed up... why am I in a tizzy about this stupid house... keep it clean, thank God for a roof over my head, and let the rest happen if it's supposed to..... I have been so tired because I have myself stretched in too many directions.... no wonder I have been feeling so burned out... Oh I just love it when things like this happens,,, just gotta be open to hearing the answers.... more later.. but wanted to share that no matter how I have perceived something, there is alway room in an open mind for new info.... love and hugs to you all and for letting me share...
Starri, great facebook pic, you really got the world by the nads. LOL
Jam, thanks, this is a great place and all of the replies are fun to read, and it is great to feel included and understood. Love and Hugs To ALL
Peg it's good to see you let mom know you still need her, hopefully she will not refuse her food and get an appitite back.
We go to Doc today, w/ F-i-L stool sample already collected, the c-diff smell permeated the house again yesterday. I never did post the bully brothers infuriating email. he ain't worth the space."He fully expects to take dad deer hunting this year"....gonna be hard for dad to survive deer hunting with the runs. He has no clue, and doesn't seem to want to learn. My hubby has decieded he will use up vacation days by taking one day off every week, to be home and he said i will go someplace on those days. Yippee, wish i had a Peggy cave... have a great day, everyone. mean Auntie, just likes to be in control. I happy to see the extraction of all those teeth at once is being reconsidered. (((Shawna))) still sending healing thoughts out to you.
Peggy in Tucson
stormy -meant to say -I have all those symptoms with sinus infections -feels like your teeth are hurting
starri -still housekeeping -or pet minding anyway -count it as exercise!
SDPeg - a week on paxil is not long -yes be patient - and I am sure that reminding her that you care and want her around is very important -even those of us with reasonable (?) memories need to hear that - the paxil may help her appetite/weight gain too
hi asg -jams ideas for testing are good - gives u a small measure of what is happening
fever -again (((((((hugs))))) and come back and vent whenever you need to
love, hugs and prayers for all ♥♥♥
jo
more (((((((((((hugs)))))))) and come back and let us know how u are doing -it is a tough time for u
jo
Thanks, hugs, I enjoy you all so very much
San Diego Peg
As for me sitting in my chair all day? ain't going to happen, the girls would pee and poo all over the house/camper from not being walked, they would starve to death from not being fed, goes for Squeek as well, she would not be fed or have water. Her sand box would over flow. If I didn't do anything here in the camper, you would not be able to get in it after two days..lol... He says "oh, you don't have to do it" well if I don't who the hell is? lol anyway better go check out who Claire is barking at, she insisted that she had to go back out this morning after having her break, so I took her back and out she's currently in her pen, I was being nice and letting them stay in as it is windy as all get out and cold out there., I fixed them a wind break using a tarp and they have pillows to lay on, so their not suffering in the least..lol Squeek wants in, she's been in and out twice already..
stormy.......you asked the other night about your sis's symptoms.....yes it sounds to me like she is dealing with a sinus infection. I would ask you the "correct" question to find out, but some people might have just had breakfast. If you are on FB later we will visit...okay? How is Dad doing today? You haven't said lately how his legs are.
Shawna.....I'm still very proud of you for coming up with the plan for the baby's gift. You have a big heart and your family is lucky to have you.
If I don't get up and shower I will find myself sitting here without groceries..............
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Sun is shining, drinking coffee, ladee can post, care giver coming.....now just how much better can it get? I will try to address everyone........the key word being try....please bear with me and if I forget someone it's not intentional......
ASG.....I do all the cognitive tests with the col about every 3 mo. The clock she can do....it's the "now draw the hands to show 8:50" or whatever time you choose. The first time the col couldn't put the clock hands correctly. She snottily asked if I wanted her to draw a type of triangle (used when drawing maps) I don't remember what she called it and I said no, just draw me a house. Couldn't do it. Give aunt 3 words and see if she can repeat them back...such as apple, tree, house. See if she can make change. Give her a set of numbers and she must say them to you backwards, like 87, or 5689. Or the story of Jack and Jill got married and moved to Chicago, Jill quit her job as a stockbroker to stay home to care for their 2 children. Ask what was Jill's job....how many children......which state do they live in? These are all part of a series of tests to help determine mental status changes. The first time the doctor gave them to the col, she passed with flying colors....not so much now.
Welcome Carol.....yes this is a very safe place to come and meet new friends and just talk about anything you feel like. We have a tendency to give advice and suggestions and we have found that is not what some people want.........they just need to feel free to stomp and rant and rave, so come on in, pull up a chair and let's get to know each other. We can get a little silly at times....as ladee says the Alzheimer's rubs off by osmosis.....:) Some of us are still in trenches, others have lost their loved one and they help us to learn there is a life after care giving.
Oops.....I forgot I need to run to Wal-Mart so I can't sit here and visit..........will address everyone later when I get back.
On the tooth fairy.......I'm calling the surgeon this morning to get pricing since the col doesn't have insurance. Have given this a lot of thought and after watching her almost "beat up" attitude yesterday, I don't think I am willing to put her through the trauma of having all those teeth pulled. It's not the money, it's her mental well-being first, although she says she doesn't want to spend a lot of money when she's going to die soon. Her teeth don't hurt, they're just "unsightly" to put it nicely. When I went down to fix her dinner she looked so sad and when I asked her what the matter was she said it was worry over the dental work. When I told her I was calling today and we might just not have it done, you should have seen her face.....it was like a 6 yr old finding Santa standing by the Christmas tree!!!!! And Heather was worried about her yesterday because she slept all day..........now I know why.
seeme....bags packed....emjo....has a big smile on her face.......starri isn't moving out of her chair today, isn't it hubby's turn to walk the dogs? ros....working too hard...ladee....pick-up sticks....SD Peg.....having a good day with mom....Cmag....having too much fun in his man-cave........Vic, mis, YR.....see I told you I would miss someone, please just holler at me and say a prayer as I venture out to my least favorite place in the world.
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam