This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Has something to do with my warped sense of humor
(((((SDPeg)))))) so glad u had a heart to heart talk with ur mum. She is probably feeling like she is old and a burden to you and why is she still around - especially since ur dad is gone. - those mother-daughter talks r priceless and tears do help -dd and I now laugh at ourselves more and more - hope u enjoy the film
my daughter (dd) came over yesterday and woke me up from a nap so she left but I ran to the window and yelled out at her to stay, so while I made tea she swept the floor (♥ that) and then we had a good chat - priceless!!! she is working through some important issues and I am so proud of her -I sent her off with a couple of plums and a granola bar each (from Gary's stash) for the grandkids -that's another thing - for kids gifts = love (as long as they r not spoiled rotten and I know,asg, urs aren't)
asg -I've been there and sharp words hurt a child and the memories stick - I have more than a few in my memory banks - that goose represents ur love to ur daughter because u stuck up for her -that story about your precious little son hurts my heart as I know it does urs.- even if they come to some understanding of aunt's condition, the words still hurt -I totally understand that u thought sharing a cracker would work, and were hurt when it didn't and felt so bad for ur boy - that is the sad part about brain damage - people r so unpredictable - mostly old people - like me - love to give treats to kids -the kids "light" up and it is a blessing - that being said I have survived -just a sensitive area for me - no he will not forget anbd I am glad he is stubborn - that will help him survive. The unpredictability is hard for us to deal with and harder for the kids. I am glad they are learning to live with it. All this being said an d while we r putting our cards on the table, my kids have put up with some cr*p from some people that I have regretted later and they have turned out pretty well - one wise old woman once said to me when my oldest son was going through hard times -"Let him know his mother loves him.". Of all the things people have said to me through the years that has stuck and it is what every child needs from his/her parents - really it is what all of us need from one another, isn't it?
brings me to ladee -yes so much support here -awesome!!! - glad to see u r posting here again and it is working even in larger chunks - hope u have a decent day with the senior bonnie and clyde
and that brings me to the joke of the day -
A Missouri trooper stopped an elderly lady just outside of Austin. He asked for her driver’s license, proof of insurance and registration. In the paper work he found a conceal carry permit. He asked if she had a weapon. She said, “I have a .45 in the glove box.” He asked, “Any other weapons?” She said,”Yes, a 9mm in the console and a .38 Special in my purse.”The trooper asked, “Lady, what are you afraid of?” She said,”Not a damn thing.”
works for me!
starri -still need an explanation for the "jigs up" just missing it altogether
oh well
jam - don't know it I have enough eyebrow for powder to work - low thyroid does a number on ur eyebrows - time for a hair do - cut and/or perm and/or colour - getting closer to thinking about a semipermanent colour though I said I never would though tired of them always giving me the bill in a restaurant -always have -does't matter who i am with -maybe I look like I am the one with the money lol
vic - don't hear u saying u want to be here with the hail -a little worried about u being tired all the time -have u had a check up?
stormy -hang in there - hope you can get that white stuff under control - breathe deep!!!
shawna - hugs -u r a good girl and BTW I love the wolves u do -Gordie's fav animal
seeme - how ya doin'? - reality starting? major BIG (((((((hugs))))))
mis,Peg from T, everyone else, let us know how u r
here G is off to the horses today so I have to get him a good big cooked breakfast -got a call last night that 2 yearlings had escaped onto the highway -fortunately a friend put them back but the fence needs attention - and he needs to see his beloved horses and get out in the fields -so true - you can take the boy out of the farm but u can't take the farm out of the boy - he is an old cowboy at heart
hey - he even modelled western wear some years ago - be still my heart♥
love ya all♥♥♥
jo
Jo, I could not resist putting those photo's on there, we've joked about your antler stew so much, I just had too.. now if you can photo shop yourself into one of the pictures that would be great, you and I had talked about giving "some" people something to talk about..lol..
All that I can say ladies and gentlemen your all wonderful caregivers and I am proud to be able to call you my friends.
SDPeg, how awesome you had this talk with your mom... isn't it something how sometimes it just never occurs to us to tell someone how we feel and how much we love them and worry about them... so angels sent to both of you for progress in her self care, and less worry for you... you are a very loving daughter and thank you for sharing this with us... made my heart feel good...
TPeg, we are so happy that you feel so welcome and loved... this thread was started because of some things that happened that did not speak to what this whole sight is about, support, love , encouragement, honoring each others feelings, and respect....The love and acceptance that resonates from this thread is what we all need, good day or bad one... Not one time since this thread was started has there ever been a harsh word spoken to anyone.... we each have enough bumps in the road and this is where we come to feel "normal".....and we appreciate you and SDPeg for being so loving and supportive yourselves... there is power in numbers,,,, And the greatest compliment to this thread is that everyone feels safe.... love ya both and very happy to have you here.... hugs across the miles...
There is so much respect and caring for one another that I regard this group as my soft place to land after a hard day.
Tonight I am feeling lighter hearted (if that's a term) because my mom and I shed a few tears (regarding her withering weight issue), professed our love for one another, and admitted we feel hurt still that my dad is gone (just one year so that's a normal response during this time). I pray she eats more (she says she's gained 2 pounds already but she's lied about her weight before so who knows right?) and that God will bless me with many more years with her (she is 84 years old with magnified cognitive decline since my dad's death and the doc was worried about her weight).
I know arthritis is not the same as knee pain for my mom's doc recommended tylenol arthritis (650 mg x 2) 3 times a day and if she still aches (it's her back and one knee) ibuprofen in between. Please consult her doc before doing this of course. I understand what you mean when you say "I will lose what little mind I have" ... truly I understand. Hugs.
Good night my newfound friends ... you all are such blessings in my life.
Peg in San Diego
School went well. I do have car repairs to finish later this week and then I am going to San Marcos University for a film (Wed even) with one of my daughters and perhaps meet a couple of friends there. It is in place of my class so my mom won't be alone longer than she normally is.
I am happy to have had that heart to heart, tearful conversation with her. Perhaps shedding a few tears from both of us will settle our nerves a bit right?
Good night all...I so appreciate this group of friends!
Peg in San Diego
well yes, my sweetie is home and he took me out for dinner -what a guy - the poor little waitress had had a bad arm injury and was hurting and all of a sudden she is pouring out her story to G who is giving her advice and playing father/doctor - you gals know the routine -
asg - aunt will get mad - I know it from my mum - took me lots of years to finally realize that actually I didn't make her mad nor could I fix it - also she is a bit of a bully - sounds like aunt is too, and it is better to stand up to bullies - though as tactfully as possible and be firm - the goose is not about aunt or the cat - it is about crushing your daughter's spirit -I am so relieved that you got it back for her - those things can make an impression on a chld for life -u r doing well - not an easy situation
how's everyone?
♥
jo
as far as your mum is concerned - I asked my sig other, Gary, as he has had cortisone shots in his knee and in his hip and he says he was always told to stay off it for 2-3 days after the shot and he is not surprised that your mum in sore tonight. She needs to stay off it to allow the cortisone to do its thing. Now that does not help you as far as you gettng a break for the next 2-3 days. Can you hang in that long. or get someone in to help?
I just read your profile and I wonder if it is time for you to consider placing your mum in a facility appropriate for her condition. You have put in many years and have teenagers, and they are enough for anyone never mind an Alz patient as well. My mother has a personality disorder though is well otherwise at 99 and she is in an ALF. There is no way I could ever cope with her in my home. I cannot even afford too much contact. It is not that I do not love her but I also love myself. Please look ahead at what is good for you and your family.
((((((((Hugs)))))) and prayers
jo
Sorry you are overwhelmed, and it may take the cortisone shot a bit to work completely... she may be up and about tomorrow..and there is no reason she can't go to daycare..... you need your ME time, if it was super serious the Dr. would have said so.... just put her in the car( or howerever she gets there) and wave bye..... hope to hear from you again... there are no strangers here, we welcome you with open arms......hugs to you..
emjo, glad G is home for awhile
The Pegs, hope ya'll had a good day
Starri, loved the pic of the Squeekmeister asleep
Jam, when is the tooth fairy coming to your house??? Make sure you ask the Dr.f or some meds for YOU too before you leave
Seeme, love ya and miss ya...
I will catch up more later... hugs across the miles..
Yes emjo, was having a hard time with my internet I guess, or maybe the web site.
Jam, yep its been a few days and daughter is still clinging to goose like a baby would a blanky. I'm glad I did it.
Starri glad you are getting some vacation time, death is hard.
Rosella, yes they each have their own way, and like you I respect whatever way seems to be their way. I told hubby this one day, he thought it was terrible Lol. I don't expect him to understand not everyone does. I have been around so many sick elderly people, some are afraid and hang on, some beg to let go and still hang on. A man I cared for had been ill for 10 or fifteen years, telling his wife he wanted to die for last ten, beggig her to load him a shot gun and shoot him 18 months earlier, he finaly died, She told me she couldnt be sad for him, she had already greeved and him begging her to shoot him broke her heart, how could i wish for him to live after seeing him suffer so. This made such an impression on me. The nurse aid standing next to me later said how horrible it was that she said that. I told her that was true love.
Vic hey buddy! everyone else, Jen who? got beat up on a diffrent thread? should I even ask?
Guess what, I got aunt to do the clock test, she was very confused after waking up from her nap, she said she must have the alzhiemers. In a very lighthearted way, I grabbed a pen and paper and said, you dont have alz. I will show you a simple test, draw me a clock! And she Passed?!?! half the time for the last 3 months she gets so confused on what the clock reads, but she was able to draw one! suprised the heck outta me. Now Im wondering again if she really has a dementia? Or is her crazy behavior all from the stroke? if so why is it progressing? she is differnt now that she was 6 months ago, way worse than a year ago. Wish her dr. was more attentive, then again maybe he dosnt think she needs to know.
Time to get the col in jammies. Will check back in a little while................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
ladee -wonder what is happening - looked like asg's was kicked off too as she said "for the third time"