The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

ASG - glad the goose had been found and gone to roost with your daughter - she will remember that - must be hard to have aunt sane one minute and demented the next
shawna - nice solution - glad ur sister told ur niece off - she had it coming
starri - the sightseeing sounds like fun - will look for the pics
john - ur man cave sounds impressive and very manly
vic - it must be really tough for ur dad - I'm with ur mum - put on the make up and be ready for anything -sometimes mine doesn't go on til suppertime but usually sometime during the day
ladee - me too - I hope marie was reasonable today - and that u can post here without getting bumped off
seeme - sounds like u r doing well, fun is good especially after what u have been through
san diego peg - I agree with ros -all of those reasons could be kicking on and I know it is hard for u to sit by and see this happening - ((((hugs)))) it is good u have ur studies for distraction
stormy -dad could have a yeast infection - especially with all the antibiotics he hs been taking - i had one that went through my body - you want to avoid that - there are drugs that work hope you get it sorted out - i have been on them quite some time
peggy - I was wondering if your fil might have that too -though you have mentioned c diff. - hope your day has been decent
cajeanl50 - welcome and u don't have to wait for a bad day - just come and let us get to know u and get to know us - we are a pretty decent bunch
mis - any more developments with mil? Look after u!!!
yeahright - know I am thinking of you and dad
jam - do u like the tatted eyeliner? -i have thought of it and for my eyebrows too as if I don't pencil them in it looks like I don't have much -white on white lol and not thick
beta, 54, PCVS anyone else i have missed - let us know how u r -

here my man is home and taking me out for my birthday dinner - as long as it doesn't pour - I will probably make something here if it does. - a bit of thunder recently. Think he will have a "normal" schedule soon - yippee!!!! Tooth pain not gone but mostly just sore - then got a neck spasm - all this has to end soon
about 1/2 the leaves are yellow across the street -fall does not last long here - we get some nice colouring for about a week -then the wind comes and all the leaves are down - then the cold starts soon after. Supposed to be79 on Thursday - I will concentrate on that. Next door neighbour just cut down a huge spruce tree that was a nice barrier between us and him :( Oh well, nothing constant but change.
Love, higs and prayers to all ♥♥♥
jo

Good Afternoon Posse!

Checked in to say hi.....and I see JeanL has been to visit. I'm sorry you got slapped on another thread. Yes, please come here to let off some steam. What you feel is valid and we care and we want you to know you have a safe place here.

ASG......isn't it sad how the elderly think if they just stop eating it will all be over? If they only knew.............glad the goose is back home and now you have one happy little girl, one cranky aunt, and a kitty who doesn't care one way or the other.

Shawna....I think you made a good decision that I hope will keep peace in the family.

seeme.....better get those bags packed. Wednesday morning will be here before you know it. So glad you are getting out and having some fun.

ladee.....hope Marie was better today. You may have already checked in......it's only taken me an hour or so to write this.....:)

Hope everyone checks in and let's us know how your Monday has been..........

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam

Thanks Vic, we are having a good time, now that the weather is cooler, I feel safer leaving the girls alone at the camper.. you can't trust the electric not to go out and turn the a/c off.. but we are getting to sight see more, which is always fun, we went to Ft. Laramie today.. had lunch out at a neat little small town diner. How I do wish that all of you were here with me.

Before my dad passed, his mind was still sharp as a tack, he could get around decently, but his life became the end of a 20' oxygen hose. He was too frail to carry the portable bottle and too proud to let anyone else help. Broke my heart to see him like that. He always chewed on a toothpick, when I first saw him again after many years and his illness (lung Cancer) had taken a lung and a lot of weight, I would not have recognized him without that darn toothpick hanging out of his mouth.

I'll say this much, I am sick and tired of death, I found my dad face down in a pool of blood about 6 years ago, only thing I can think of is what little lung he had left exploded or something, I watched Mom take her last breath and then we lost Glenn's brother just a very short time later. I know it's not reality, but I don't want to see any more of it. One nice thing about this trip, get to see some life for a change.

ASG, you are really a kind person, I mean it. It's very hard to be patient with a person who has become so irrational. Maybe you are right, it's easier for me to say "shut up" because she is my mother, and not my aunt, but I found out that very often it's the only way to get out of an impasse....
Starri: Fort Laramie, wow! You are starting to enjoy this trip a lot, I can see.
Stormy: Yes it seems your sister choose the same doctor as your father, at least the brother of that doctor!!!! I met one of these doctors when I was young, I was allergic to a lot of things and I was always sneezing. The doctor insisted in saying I was not allergic, because I didn't show significant reactions to the allergy tests. That's why I took a yellow fibre tip and I painted many spots on my arms. And I went to the doctor and asked him: "Are you satisfied with these reactions?" And he laughed and he gave me some drugs against the allergy!
Peg from San Diego, I realize now that I have been too blunt in my comment. The fact is that my parents had exactly the opposite story. My father died comparatively young (he was 70) for the consequences of an heart attack. After the heart attack, we told him all the time: "Calm down. Don't make too many efforts. You have to live many years more. You have little grandchildren and you have to see them grow". And he refused to change his life, he did the same things he had done before the heart attack. And he told me: "If I can't live the way I like, I prefer not to live at all". And of course when he died he was perfectly lucid, his mind was bright and his body was destroyed... My mother is the contrary. She clings to life with every fiber of her body and her mind. Even if her mental abilities are quite reduced, compared to several years ago, she doesn't give up. I am convinced that if she could choose, she would choose to live like this, instead of dying. I am much more like my father, I think. You can never know, though.
I respect the choices of both of them and it's okay with me. I know that my father would have been very unhappy to live if he couldn't be himself one hundred per cent. I guess we have just to accept their choices. It doesn't depend on us. So try to be happy and let it be.... (anyway, just to brigthen you up, older people need much less food than we do. Very probably, what she eats is enough for her....)..

Afternoon..Starri glad you are having a decent time sounds
Ike you are enjoying yourself! I will pretend I am with you!
Shawna, so glad you have worked it out! Good for you! The plaque will be a treasure.
ASG, ros, peg.. Know what you all mean. I feel so sad for my dad sometimes. He wants to be able to walk and be a little more independent. He has trouble even leaning forward much less trying to stand. We try to work on the exercises he is getting from therapists but he gets tired of me telling him step by step what to do..he gets frustrated with me. His mind is good but he has a hard time communicating what he wants to say..then gets frustrated or just stops. Both my parents aren't afraid of dying necessarily ..it is the getting old part and not being able to do what they are used to doing. Dad health problems are all neurological as well as some anemia but mom is just old age. Course she thinks she should be getting on the floor cleaning messes..at 91 I think she does great. She takes care of herself and many other things around the house. Funny, I do not relish the thought of having to fix her face as Jam has been going through with COL. Mom puts all the makeup on..not eyshadow or mascara but ..foundation to cover up her age spots..eyebrow pencil..blush.she like to look good even if she isn't going anywhere. She has always taken good care of her face..cleansing..lotion etc. She really is cute!
Crag..my hubby's man cave is his huge shop out back. He is such a pack rat ...now he wants to build again because he is running out of room and he might need something if he gets rid of it. I would dread even the thought of having to move! Haha. We all have to find that little space that we can call our own even if it is a chair in a bedroom.
Love you guys

lol, I don't know about that Shawna, I can have a mouth on me that would make a sailor blush..rofl

Hi, Cajean, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, welcome to the site.. please do come back and post again.

LOL starri put it this way it couldn't be half as bad as what my sister Jeanne said and SHe's her aunt ..

Sounds like everyone is having a decent afternoon, my days gone well all things considered.. We went to see fort Laramie, Saw as much of it as we could, both being disabled and walking being a major part of the disability we were not able to cover much ground but were able to get some pictures from the bike.. I believe we will be pulling out Weds heading for Kaycee, Wyoming, and then after that towards casper, etc.. getting closer to Idaho.. checked the weather there and by the end of the month it's going to be down in the 20's at night, thank God that the heater works in this thing..lol..

Emjo, as soon as I can get hubby to put the pictures in the computer,the jig is up, I know where you've been going when you say that your out camping with Gary, I found the evidence..lol.. pictures of the proof will be on my face book page..lol..

Shawn, good for you..The plaque is for and about the baby, not her, it is something that can be passed down through the ages. My Mom got mine from a nurse she always told me. She told me that when I was a baby I was born with bronchitis and that I spent the first year of my life in the hospital. It has a little baby porcelain I guess stuck to the front of it, and the back of it's jammies are folded down, those old fashion ones with the drop seat..lol.. so it's little butt is showing. It's something I've always treasured, and will.

I would get crude and tell you exactly what I would tell her..but I might offend some here, So I will be good.

Awsome cmag, sounds cool. Everyone needs a good relaxing place to go. I have a little corner in my bedroom I sat up last year, I can hide there:) I haven't had a chance to visit it lately. Just my favorite wingback chair, table with our familys picture on it. I can hide there an smoke! Pretend im not in the house Lol.

allshesgot, every man's Man Cave is unique. Mine has my various academic hoods (they add color to the room) and degrees along with items from high school like football letters, Beta Club, National Honor Society, and scuba license in addition to all of my tae kwon do belt certificates that collection includes my belt board, trophies, swords, etc. and on my desk is my computer with one huge modern day screen which makes e-mail very easy to read and last but not least are my book shelves, power lifting trophies, bowling trophy and various certificates. Now that I have more room, I will be able to put some comfortable chairs in their and get back to playing my guitar which I've not done in years.

Ladeeda, crazy bannana lady! Did I skim over somthing that said you had the cops called on you? Throwing bannanas again? Hiding them down people diappies are ya? I will have to go back and see. Rosella, I don't know why but I got a giggle come over me when you said somthing about me explaining things to her. I guess it would be easier if she were my mother. I dont think I would have a hard time holding back. I think when she becomes more outta her mind it will be easier. Its hard to set and talk with her and realize she has anything wrong. Its when she has these tantrums, and acts irrational that you see it.

Cmagnum, my hubbys mancave has a pool table In it. Its decorated like a bar. Even though he never ran to bars Lol. I've been enjoying a little of that mancave here latley cause it is separated from the house also:)

He was really just a shell. And was suffering terribly with the dialysis,and dementia. But she still at times thinks she would be better if he were here. She is angry with him for dying 1st. She had heart surgery in the 70s and just knew she would go 1st. She has lost her independence, husband,and her mind is failing and she can tell. So don't ever do that to yourself. He didn't have mind enough to consciously quit eating but nature took over. That's how it works somtimes. Not your fault. And nothing you can really do about it, but love her while she is here, try to make all her last days, happy.

Morning, afternoon, Peg, I feel for you honey. Auntie goes around all the time saying she's ready to go anytime. It's heartbreaking. She has mentioned how she can "fix" it if she lives much longer by not eating! She's always snacking in her room and eats everything I put on her plate. But if she were ever to stop eating, I don't think I would fight her on it. She is to misrable. That's the thing, they are suffering and they get tired of it. And you can't blame them.They know they wont get any better, they know they are at the end of life, I think it's because with death they know what is going to happen, their life, is unknown and we fear the unknown. They could have a stroke tomarrow that would leave them a vegtable for several years, or come down with a painful cancer, or become bedridden and suffer. Their life as they know is nothing like it used to be be. They can't do what they used todo, they will never get better. It's so hard and so sad. You are a caring person for. Helping your mom and loving her. You have done the best you can. Aunt will say somtimes how she wishes she would have made her husband eat. In august he only wanted 1 hmaburger instead of two and by march he had stopped eating, past away within a week. Now her hubby had been on diaysis for almost 2 years, had some kind of undiagnosed dementia, severe stage. Almost bed ridden but could still be able directed to directed to the bathroom, his mind was just gone.

Wow, I just posted my feelings after someone else's question...guess I should've saved it for here! I'll be back after a really bad day. ;-)

Starri you will be happy to note ..that your idea has been chosen. My sister Jeanne and I were talking I mentioned what you said and she said that's exactly what we will do. We are NOT redoing the image. What is going to happen is simply this. She won't get teh plaque right now .. then when the baby is born we are going to simply have the plaque one color with a nice border then his name date of birth and time his weight and length..My mom agrees so that's gonna happen.

Hey everyone sorry i didn't get back on here last night i had a rough nite the nite before with little red. I got about 3 hours of sleep that night, so i crashed last night after the bath. I hope everybody is doing ok today. Dads neck is red and i saw a place on it that looks like a ulcer might be starting where his trach plate sits at. It kinda looks swollen some too. Sis was going to try to get him in to see his ear nose and throat dr today but she woke up with a neck headache and a toothache and she said that her ear has been hurting some too. And her sinuses are blocked she has been doing the nettie pot thing but it keeps going down her throat. She just called and said that she went to the dentist thinking that she had something going on with a tooth and they said that they couldn't find anything wrong with her teeth. I told her i said i told you not to go to dads drs. That was my little joke for the day. So now she thinks it might be coming from a sinus infection. Have any of ya'll ever had something like this before. Let me know. Plus she grits her teeth at night too. We both do. Love and hugs stormyyyyyy

Rossellamex: Thank you for acknowledging that what I see in my mom is quite possibly the reality. I know when my dad was alive he would say if my mom went first he would quit taking his meds and die and she told him not to and I see that she may be doing the same thing and I am the one telling her not to choose this route. But you are correct (altho I admit to not wanting to hear/read it), it is her life and perhaps she would prefer to exit now before the decline in her cognition goes any further ... before it's too late. Thank you for saying that. Just want you to know that although my heart doesn't want to accept this as I selfishly want my mom forever, my head knows what's going on. Thanks. Peg in San Diego

ASG, I admire the fact that you keep talking to your aunt and discuss and you try to explain things to her. It's kind of useless, but you are a nice person. I am much blunter with my mother, when she makes me one million questions I answer "We do like this because we do like this. Stop".
Peg of San Diego; Yes probably your mother doesn't eat for the combination of the 3 reasons you mentioned. I was wondering what I will do when I will realize I am getting Alzheimer, too. I hope I can do like the Maya and abandon my body willingly, before it is too late... Because I have seen it on my mother, and once in your life is enough!
Shawna, if I am not wrong, Rick is that wonderful nephew/not nephew who helps you when you are in trouble. I am always surprised when I see that very nice people get married with very lousy people. In this case, "she" is lousy and "he" is good. If you decide to redo your present, do it just for him! Think that you have done it for him, for the peace in his family, because he deserves it. And shrug your shoulders as far as "she" is concerned. She doesn't deserve your tears! Really.
Stormy keep us posted about your father...
Kisses to everybody else.

argghhh, three times a charm. Gonna try to post one more time. GOT THE GOOSE BACK. For those who hadn't read, Grace the goose was a Beanie Baby toy goose given to my 6 year old by grandmother. Auntie told her it was pretty don't put it on the floor it will get dirty. Daughter drops it on the floor in a hurry to leave, auntie rushes over on her walker picks the toy up, takes it to her room. Informs me later that she is gonna keep it and let her evil kitty to play with. (ok, cats not really evil, just misbehaving cause it's been cauddled to much, and spent the first 6 months of it's life in a large dog crate.) So now I have a 6 year old who keeps wanting her toy back. So I pick the toy up one day, tell her my daughter keeps asking for it so if it's ok I will just give it back now.I can find another stuffed animal for your kitty to play with instead. She says"ok" woo hoo that was easy! NOT..... I started to walk out with it and auntie says"YOU CAN GIVE IT BACK but I don't want to see it in the floor NO MORE! I'TS to Pretty to let it get dirty!" I say "o.k." not wanting to argue, she goes into. "You know I only gave it to my kitty cause she had it in the floor letting it get dirty. I figure if she is gonna just throw it in the floor and not take care of it then my kitty deserves to have it more" I said well your kitty was playing with it in the floor? Whats the difference?!?! "Well...ahh..." I said there isn't a difference. It's not fair to take it from her is it? to give it to your cat so she can play with it in the floor? She says" well, it's dirtier in there than it is in here!" I said oh really?" As I wipe at the cat hair thats matted all over the goose away" She says " Let me see that" and takes it out of my hand, looks it over sees all the dirt and the small tear that's now on it,and all the cat hair and says"It already had all this on it when I brought it in" Really! she didn't have it for a full hour before it was taken from her. I said "oh well, she would really like to have it back" She says O.K. BUT I BETTER NOT SEE IT GETTING DIRTY IN the floor AGAIN!!!! I said," she is a little girl, and she will play with it, the cat has been playing with it all over the floor too. It's not fair for her to not be able to play with it but your cat can, If it's that big of a deal I will buy her another one," NO, NO, that's ok, let her ruin it I don't care. (by the way this cat has sooo many toys bought by hubby and me that auntie keeps put up because of those warning labels on cat toys that say you must supervise the cat while playing) Shes afraid she will fall asleep and kitty will choke on them! So after cleaning the goose the best i could, it was returned to my duaghter, who was so excited, but keeps the goose hidden now.
Shawna, don't change a thing. you make that for that baby, and put it up to give to him when he is older, he will appreciate it so much more than her. That way he will be sure to recieve the gift for him from the heart. As an infant he is not going to give a shit, if it matches his crib sheets or not. I don't understand that. But know people who want the whole nursery to match. It was childish of her to make a big deal out of it. Oh and News flash to the niece, once he's 3yrs. old he won't give a shit about dragon flies(that's for her not the baby). He will be into whatever the newest Disney character is, so then she will try to decorate his room in that! And the dragon flies would no longer "match" so in the dumpster or garage sale it would go. I'd tell her that children's taste changes over the years, this gift was'nt intended to match the latest theme, but was meant as an heirloom gift from you to him. And heirloom gifts are classical, not fad. They fgo with any decor.
Stormy yes they can get thrush in the throat and trach. They should be able to give him so meds to clear it up.

Thank you my friends for beng there for me and the words. It made me feel better I talked to my sister Jeannne tonight and we worked out ideas. I would love to say to heck with it and just give her a gift card but that would do more damage than I would like with the rest of the family. Sometimes in order to keep the peace in my family you have to do what you can to keep it. So I will do a different image for her. Both my sister and I agree we were lucky my niece's sister was not there as she can be very vocal and lets just say there would have been one heck of a clean up to deal with. Its just not worth the hassel it would cause if I just gave her a gift card not to mention I really don't have the money to spend ON a gift card... It is only because of the sweetness of on Ladeede that I was even able to get stuff I needed this week and have it shipped along with stuff that mom and I needed. I also have a craft fair that is free on the first of Oct that I have to get ready for ... so ... its just not feasable or affordable to me to be able to get one. I'll just do the image and make the plaque give it to my sister on saturday and let her give it to my ungrateful niece. My friend David told me I should have slapped her ... sorry I can't do that for one she is pregnant and two she is a former marine ... she'd wipe the floor with me pregnant or not.

Thanks for the ideas to do with the driving test Starri but unfortunately one Rick is her hubby and two he goes to college during the day and he drives a big ole stick shift truck. My neighbors I don't know that well cept the one that takes care of her mom and she don't have a car. So that's not really feaisable either. I'll figure out something. I took a nap so i am feeling slightly better not much but your words has helped a lot. my sister Jeanne wanted to slap her silly but again neither one of us were raised that way. My sister Kathy told her daughter off and told her what she did was wrong and that she was ungrateful I am afraid to wonder what she would have done if the plaque HAD been done and there had been no redoing it. I guess I should be thankful I hadn't done it yet ... and just have to redo the image and not the plaque I guess. I had only gave her a framed picture to let her know what it looked like but it still was a kick in the teeth when she actually told me she didn't like it. I am just grateful it was after everyone but the basic family had gone home when just my sisters nieces and mom were there (her husband left to take my tarp tables and such back to my house yeah she used my craft show tarp and my table and bench for the shower)

Again thank you again Cmag LOL I have a sort of man cave only its my artist den my computer room no one but me comes in here I can hear mom if she needs me but its a room all to myself

Oh Shawna..I am heartbroken for you. I pray you keep what you made and do something different, don't let anyone take away you! Everyone has said much better than me, you give and create from your heart... Get her a gift card!
Hope everyone has a good night. Our day was pretty good here's praying for a good night!

peglyhubba, I'm sorry you lost your room and sparked some envy. At 53, I've enjoyed my cave and only had it for 6 years. I'm glad it is in the unattached garage. Now it will be big enough for my wife to come out their and we can look at DVDs on my big computer screen. The fact that it is unattached will give us a sense of having left the house without really leaving. I've been dealing with a lot of things in therapy over the last 8 plus years and I find that having a cave to hibernate in sometimes has been a real blessing. My wife and our boys respect my "Man Cave" being my room.

I hope everyone sleeps well. I'm going to bed, but I hope not to sleep 13 hours like I did last night. I went to bed at 12 and did not wake up until 1 pm.

I will try to write some later on tonight I am going to take a long hot bath and try to relax some. Been at dads today from 12 til 8:30 tonight. Then had to bathe baby, get me something to eat, get red ready for bed and talk to hubby for a few minutes and then get red something to eat. Hubby is laying down with him now. I will chat back at ya'll later tonight. Love and hugs stormyyyyyy
Hello- newcomers keep coming back to post and vent it's what we are here for!!!

Shawna, I would not redo another painting for her. Let her do without. She sounds like she is spoiled and a ungrateful little girl throwing a fit because she did not get what she wanted. Don't waste your time and energy on her. She is just probably jeolous that she doesn't have the talent and artistic ability that you have. And she was lashing out at you about that. Whatever the reasons are you should not worry about them or her for that matter. Sending my love and ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))) stormyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

TPeg, well, I had to read that about the keys four times before I got it..... see, I already forgot,,, ya'll can dress me up, you just can't take me anywhere....
Oh and I DO believe in Karma, If I gave a damn what happened to him, I'd almost feel sorry for him.....that's why I say, "ya'll hear that swishing sound?" , that's Karma.....just like for that Ms. Thang that hurt Shawna's feelings,,, guess it's a good thing we are scattered all over the country,, bad things could happen to those who hurt who we love... yeah, uh huh.....

{{{{{Shawna}}}}}} so sad to read what you wrote, and I am with the others. DO NOT REDO the plaque. It was not meant for her. Everything does not have to be matchy, matchy. Hold it for the baby later and get her a receiving blanket.....piss on her, but not the blanket.......I hate when people do that........even if they do pay for it.

Stormy, sure wish you would get another doctor, maybe toward Charlotte. I know it is diffucult to get him around, just wish you would get some good advice from a good doctor. I just found out Friday that a co-worker who is very likeable had stage 4 cancer in his nose, tonsils, lymph nodes, and possibly his windpipe. He opted not to do surgery, which I don't even know what all that would have entailed, but he will have chemo and radiation. He is barely 50 yo.

Oh Shawna, I vote with all the other considerate, intelligent, caring people here. Save it for the child, you gave her a gift for the shower, you do not need to make anything else for someone so ungrateful. don't spend any of your money on her, you gave to her a special part of yourself, you are off the hook. Hey the E person that makes you feel like your making her go out of her way to help. Well , most people like to help someone in need.

Peg in CA does your mom like high fat high calorie, ice cream?

ladee, Karma, it is the best revenge. I called Humane Soc, and the Animal Control people, I don't want to label AZ as not animal friendly, but I didn't have photo or visual evidence, just having the meatballs that i picked up from the yard was not evidence since the police that went to the neighbors house after the Vet reported the poisoning.They didn't see any rat poison in plain sight, there was nothing they could do.

I'm a 50 year old woman, I would kill for a man cave. Cmag i'm so envious. I lost my space when FIL moved in. And I have to remember, he lost his whole house and is stuck in 1 room. not really stuck, but you guys know what i'm saying. my change is temporary. i have moved a lot of my crafting stuff into a different room, but it's not a room that i could work in.

FIL finished the anti boitics -- um Friday, Saturday a great day for him, today a pretty good day for him. My husband was in with him and came out to heat up some food and told me the diarreah is back. WE are supposed to have a few more GOOD days.

Jam - thrift store for some new stretchy pants? I'm not a small woman and stretchy pants are wonderful, and if poop gets on them, they aren't brand new...

ladee, are these your keys?

Shawnee, love to you again sweetie. we love you ! (((Shawnee)))

((((((((Shawna)))))))) ditto to what the others have said - the plaque is just lovely - that was very impolite of her to say the least - I could use words but they would get me kicked off site - hold ur head up high - I am not sure I would want to give her a gift after that - maybe give it to the little boy when he is older and tell him a story about the dog and the boy and the rainbow - you are good at poems

what a kick in teeth - I want to smack her silly but then she is silly already

more (((((((hugs)))))) - families can be so cruel and thoughtless

luv ya
jo