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Jam I really like being part of a posse, that means we are all on equal footing, have the same purpose and goal in mind.. I've never been one to be subordinate to anyone..lol never have, never will.

Peggy, I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your dog, I am one who believes what ever a person does to a animal in abuse should have the same returned to them, he threw rat poisoned meat balls, he should be made to eat them.
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Oh sweet Buddy. Sorry to hear he has gone through so much. That's cruel to purposely poison an animal ... cruel! I cringed when I read that. Please give him a huge hug from me ok? Thanks for sharing about your Buddy ... he is special to live through all of that. Hugs to you as well!!!
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Thanks Peg, my dog- he is so sweet and kind. he had his second seizure the other night, the previous one a few years ago. My husband has epilepsy, and it is controlled w/meds.So it doesn't scare me, it will be taken care of if it gets worse. My dog, well He has had a few hard times in his life. the neighbor threw rat poison meatballs into our yard. His mailbox had been flattened by a cable truck a few days earlier. I can only tie the 2 things together that way. all the meatballs were within throwing distance of the fence line. This neighbor is scary- he is an air traffic controller- he put pvc into his dogs mouth and tie it to her with tie wire. my local police were useless. we bought cameras to monitor our yard. but the damage had been done.
anyway back to my dog, he was poisoned, it was coming out of both ends, the vet washed him out both ways. he had to take stuff to help his liver, many lab tests--- he then developed Valley Fever. he shakes all over, like he is freezing cold when we go to the vet for anything. for a 90 pound dog he can curl into a quivering small fur ball. he is great, and I love him so much, they are so unwavering in their loyalty. he understands most english. he is great with all my pets. anyway just wanted to tell ya'll about my Buddy.
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Cow pattties ... posse ... I love it!!! This site/group has lightened my spirits. It used to be I would hope on the computer to check my educational blackboard for this and that but to be honest, lately, I hope onto my email and watch for notifications ... this is wonderful. And I can't remember what thread it was but I did glean some info regarding siblings and while speaking with one of my daughters today I was able to calmly speak to her when it seemed as though she was defending "hero brother" which is really a first for me. Thanks for the support!!!
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Hi again Peg............the cow pattie and posse is something that ladee, seeme and myself started when this thread began. ladee used to live in the country and part of her scenery consisted of a little bull she named Nobs Busey.....nobs for No BS.....and it seems Gary Busey, whom she has a crush on, will be her next ex-husband. So, as emjo says, when someone posts a 00, we send ladee out to the pasture. When this thread was started one of those two mentioned a posse and it stuck. I started this thread after the 3 of us left another thread on this site. There is a story there, but it won't be told here...........I have a FB account if anyone is interested in meeting there. And email also. This thread belongs to all of us who post here as we are all in the trenches together and that seems to be the tie that binds us. I have made several wonderful, loving friends here and I would have their back before anyone else. This is meant to be a safe haven to come to when you need to talk or just to let off some steam. We all know how difficult this job is.....sometimes it's so tough that we don't think we can go further for another day......and you will never be judged for having those feelings. The concern seems to always be about the loved one we care for..........what about those of us who are up to our elbows in poop.....being abused in a number of other ways? We all learn from each other and it never ceases to amaze me that when someone has a question or a problem, most everyone here offers something to help. That's why we become a family.

I went through the "I can hear without hearing aids".....now the col loves them. We are currently going through the "I can see without my glasses just fine"...I used to argue with her and tell her constantly to put them on. Anymore, I don't say a word, if she wants to wear them she will, if not, well she won't.....I'm not making myself crazy over a pair of darn glasses.

I sincerely hope everyone has had a wonderful day......it has rained here off and on and supposed to continue tonight and tomorrow. Makes for good sleeping....I think the col didn't get up this morning until 6:30.

Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
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"supermarked" is an interesting mistake/slip of tongue. I was thinking maybe that I am "supermarked?" Who knows. I feel supermarked by life, during this last period.
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Welcome Peg and Peggy. Peg you have a nice smile. Peggy, what a beautiful landscape in your icon! I just woke up from a long sleep on the couch and I have to work now. So I popped in just to say hello to everybody.
Jam, I was thinking of COL who is eating like a wolf - a teenager - a person who just came back from a hard hike on the mountains... And it makes me smile. You'll have to adjust your budget to it. You might start to buy food in bulk.
I agree with the question that many of you asked. Where are old people? Here in my village they are hidden in the houses. Nobody feels like going shopping with them, going to the café with them. Either they are in good shape, or they have to stay home. It's so sad. When I think that my mother hates to be home and she wants to go out all the time, all the time! I don't know why people have to be ashamed to show themselves in public with a declining old relative. That's life, after all. I have to say that all the shop owners around here, the cafés patrons, they are extremely kind to my mother, they always try to find her a chair, they welcome her with a big smile. So, what's the problem in carrying the old relative with you? (If he/she behaves, of course..... And he/she doesn't destroy everything. I can't carry my mother to the supermarked because she wants to buy everything, but it's the only place where I can't take her.,...)
I changed my candle into a rose because the lady of the other thread is dead (peacefully, thanks God).
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Hi all havent gotten caught up on posts. It has been a busy two days. I had yesterday afternoon off went to lunch with a friend was really a good time. Dad had a busy day with all therapists here to work him out. He had a pretty decent night. ..has slept on and off most of morning but has perked up this afternoon. He will probably be up all night Oh well.

Tired .. Ready to get in bed. Will try to write more tomorrow
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I'm not sure how we settled on "cow pattie" when this thread got started, but it is one hell of a reward wouldn't ya say.....one of our silly days, and you notice Jam starts her posts out with "hey posse", so who knows, maybe she was a Texan in another life....YEEHA...
So happy to hear the "Pegs" are liking it here.... we try to make everyone feel welcome and safe, so we are happy you decided to stay....and cmag is our much needed male voice on here... and he does let us know there are very kind loving men in this world...and we are blessed he stays with us...and beta, hope we hear from you again as well.... you are always welcome, always...
I have been a slug the past two days... didn't go rock hunting this morning, too humid.... any excuse would have worked, it was nap time....
I have jury duty this next week and haven't been able to get ahold of the family to let them know.... so don't know how Marie is or whether she is home or not.... guess I'll wait and let it be a surprise....
So now I am going to put things away her in the BS, get my visuals clear and then who know what I'll do... I do need to get started on Christmas gifts... need to check and make sure my clay didn't bake during this summer's heat....
Love ya'll, and hugs across the miles....
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the cow pattie is issued to who ever writes the post that numbers --00 -e.g. 2600, 2700.
It is a reward for hanging in there with us.
Glad u got the " thank you" from mum this morning - any sincere expression of gratitude really helps - and it is wonderful that she is supportive of ur studies

still in ur nightwear - me too just woke up from a nap -
good luck with the week's studies - u r going to ace them -
may I ask why u chose American Indian Studies - I am Cree by marriage (my ex) although there were problems, I learned much
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Hi Jam: I am very excited to have found this group.
What's a cow pattie?
Accomplishments, headaches, frustrations, .... yep, sounds like life to me.
I understand about the dental work, for my mom it's her hearing aids ... why bother to wear them? "I can hear better without them" ugh! I disagree with her.
Mom is very receptive to me laying out her meds and ensure and thanked me this morning for that ... thank yous go a long, long way in my heart.
She is resting, still in her robe, I am still in jammies (yep, after 12noon and still in jammies, so happy) and organizing my studying for this week. Chapter after chapter to read. At least mom is supportive re: my studies (returning student at a university in case you missed that post).
Thanks for the welcome, happy to be here!
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Sorry.....that was a hamburger for lunch......:)
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Good Afternoon Posse!!!!!

I see Shawna got the most recent cow pattie..........ladee better get your boots out.

Hello and welcome to the family to all the new posters. I hope you feel comfortable here and will come back often. I can read a lot of accomplishments....some family headaches....some frustrations............you will fit right in...:)

I guess I'm tired today and have been reading all the posts, but just doing my lurking in the corner. Have had to explain a dozen times to the col why she has to have all this dental work. She doesn't want to spend the money when "I won't live that long".....maybe so, but at least I will be able to stand beside her without gagging at the smell.

It's cool and rainy here today, one of those "sleep all day" days. Had to have Dish out to realign the satellite and he started calling at 7:30am.....have made a german chocolate cake, sliced up a bowl of peaches to pour over emjo's ice cream recipe, cooked the col a hamburger for breakfast and this was after her morning bowl of oatmeal, 2 cinnamon rolls, pancakes and one package of Pringles......I just don't know where she puts it. Had to order larger diapers and her clothes are all too tight. More cyber shopping in my future.

Again, welcome to Pegs and beta............and I hope the rest of the family is having a good day.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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I found you on FB. Cute dog! I don't mind posting here. It took me a while to figure out social networking ~ most of my friends are ones I went to high school with ... can you imagine? ha ha many years ago
and many of my friends are the "kids" that hung out at my house with my daughters (now grown). They were so kind last year when my Dad died reminiscing what a nice man he was. That was so special to know teens were noticing his specialness years and years ago. Makes my heart proud.
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Energy vampires, ladeeda, I love that. A friend calls them soul suckers. I like that as well. I agree that we have a nice group on this site and I am willing to share for support and encouragement.
Each morning I set my mom's ensure, vits/meds, empty coffee cup, equal, and a spoon to go along with her choice of breakfast. This morning she thanked me for doing that for her. That filled my emotional tank up somewhat that's for sure. It's the thank yous that keep me going!!!
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Learned a long time ago, what others think of me is none of my business, especially if they won't say it to my face...I rarely think about my "Ugly Sisters", as I have plenty of "sisters" here who I get along with, we all support each other, don't belittle or make fun of each other, my sisters don't know me as well as ya'll do..... they never bothered to know anything but thieir own narrow oppinions of me...... some one can call me a chair, it doesn't make me one ...They are energy vampires anyway , they feed off each other, and hell, if they are talking about me, they are leaving some other poor soul alone....
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Think I figured out how to add you peggy, I'm still learning this facebook thing.. True Family are the ones you chose to have in your life, not the ones your related too..lol..
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never too late shawna -u can go back.
peg - it has taken me many years and lots of tears to get to this point - Life is tool short and at 74 mine is getting shorter all the time - true for all of us - they construct a view of me that does not match reality. Their loss as far as I am concerned - a pattern of a lifetime - a game and I do not have to play.
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PEG got the COW PATTIEEE lol
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Oh, Shawna, I am sorry you had to interrupt your education. Never fear, I am 57 years old and going to San Diego State University is living a dream to me. I know my mom's cognition could allow her to see the true value of my brother who puts his girlfriend above anything else and that's something she may or may not see in time. One can only hope. Thanks for all the support! Peg
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Good Morning all of you wonderful people. I got to sleep in, and I feel grrrreat. !
I figured out why no one could find me on FB- my privacy settings were on custom, and limited who could find me, so for a short time it will be open to everyone. My photo is my golden retriever. I hope everyone is doing great today. We are off to Walmart, REX loves to go shopping and drive the little cart around, Rondo says he thinks Rex tries to get it into a tight spot and have to manuver it carefully to get out. What ever, men and their driving egos.
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Thanks Emjo: and that's what I'm talking about ~ sometimes "family" is not those we are biologically connected to but those we choose to have in our world. The gossip is what I need to learn to let roll off my back. My mom even sits in her closet on a stool to gossip about me with "hero" brother ha ha. That I find amusing.
Thanks for hugs ... right back at ya!
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Peggy I understand the bullying brothers or sisters that just want to tear you down and treat you like crap. I guess I am lucky where my mom is still cognitivie that she recontizes that both my idiot sister and idiot brother are just that idiots. She has told me once or twice at least a week that ... if it weren't for me ... she wouldn't be here. It does make me feel good.
Congrats on your A's it is hard work I know ... I had to drop out in 09 because the help i was supposed to be having so I could go to school fell through. Now I owe the college. But that's life unfortunately.
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Oh. I need to add my congrats on the A's -those are only won through intelligence and hard work - know about the put downs too -they do hurt but you cannot let them define who u are

I have pretty well cut off contact with my sister - she and mother communicate directly and I know stories about me fly back and forth - whatever - the way it has always been and I can't change it

you are doing a great job -for ur mum and for urself (((((hugs)))))
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Thanks, Starri for being proud with me on my accomplishments. I have heard that girls are much stronger than boys but boys are chosen to do the "paperwork" on life's crisis events because they can do it without emotion. Well, ok, and also I heard in a class that the mother-daughter relationship is the strongest relationship any two people can have. At least "hero" brother cannot take that away from me. And also, I spent the last 7 years with my Dad after "hero" brother moved away and he cannot take those precious moments away from me either. My Dad told me stories about his mom (she was deceased before I was born) that he never even told my Mom. I am blessed that's the truth and I am thankful I do not live in denial because then I am able to see a deteriorating body wither away and know my time with my Mom is more precious than anything in the world. I appreciate all of the love I feel this morning ... thank you so very much ... I am definitely not alone!
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Emjo: thanks for your words of encouragement. This site is so chockful of fabulous "sisters" as you say (and some "brothers" as well I see). I am so happy knowing we are all here for one another.
I am content with the decision I have made to stay in school. After all these years, I see so many changes (some good, some hard to get used to) but all in all, I want to keep my brain active.
My mom also is happy to stay in the house until I get home and then she wants to go out to dinner (sometimes I am not home until after what I consider the proper dinner hour ~ like 8:30 p.m. due to traffic and the recent power outage) and I am encouraging her to eat at regular, normal times (like we used to) so her body will be consistent. I am doing my best and seriously "to God leave the rest". As you stated, I cannot change those who are in denial and thank you for reminding me of that. Although I am getting settled in to do homework, I do look at my email and this site is the only one I open during study time. There are so many mentors here; so many "sisters"/friends. Yes it is hard to see anyone deteriorate "but it is their life and their choice" ~ after taking a deep breath (trust me, deep deep breath) I let that truth shower over me. I am thankful my sister is also my friend; my brother and I will definitely part ways when we no longer have a common parent. I try to communicate with him to no avail (no common courtesy "thanks for the info" response) and won't beat my head against that brick wall anymore.
Onto my books, thanks for the post ... had to laugh, the malls are great places to go shopping for the seniors but who buys the groceries? yeah, yeah, I know, we do! ha ha
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Peggy, please allow me to say that I am proud of you.. Straight A's? I never could do that. Emjo is right, we can't change others, all we can do is keep "US" as well and healthy as we can be.

When Mom passed, I called the "Eldest" and told him that she had, offered to put my phone to her ear and let him say goodbye, he didn't want too, so that is something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life. Mom and Dad both are gone now, they were of the generation that thought boy's were the be all, end all, have you ever heard the thing about Eskimo's putting the girl children out on the ice over night, and if they were still alive the next morning, they were kept? I'm sure it's just a old wives tale or something, but I've always felt like the "girl" child, not good for anything but a servant.

It still hurts to think about it, but eventually, it will pass and we'll come out stronger on the other side.
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beta -yu r new and i missed greeting u -welcome -and u r the one who asked where the old people were -well I am here -glad u still have a few friends who will go out with u and ur mum
one thread had a discussion about falling and it will happen sometimes and nothing u can do about it - u r doing all u can.
sounds like u r ding a great job - oh in Edmonton my mum's city -she shops at 99 and amazes everyone - just had her hip redone and can't wait to get back in the malls - now that being said she can shop for clothes but not for groceries lol

come back and share more
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Peg - you got that right - horrifying is a good word - same with my sister - and I get told off for not doing things I actually have done -which in fact my sister would not consider doing -
wow - ur educational plate is full - you obviously had some great counselling
when people r in denial u can't change them - or any other time - just deal with ur own stuff - my mother would be better off if she socialized instead if sitting in her unit and thinking about all the ways people are failing to meet her expectations, but no one can make her do that. -so she is happy being miserable my sister is in denial about my mum's personality disorder - i have just let it go - got better things to do
as far as memorization goes - succeeding in your studies involves so much more than that, and at ur age ur capacity is still quite adequate and in addition you have life experience and have probably have better thnking skills
hard to see anyone deteriorate - especially when they could do something about it -but it is their life and their choice
my "sisters" are my girlfriends - my sister is not a friend at all
(((((hugs)))))) sounds like u r doing very well.
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Starri: I am sorry for the loss of your mom. That wound is so fresh. I will heed your advice and provide food that will add to my Mom's weight. I bought her a one pound box of See's Candies as that's what Dad would buy periodically just to have a luxury (my sister suggested it). My brother is the "baby" and only boy so perhaps culturally my parents thought he should be the one in charge one day. He chose to move from living 5 houses up the street in 2004 and now places his girlfriend above my mom which my mom didn't expect. I go to school during the day, do homework in the evening and weekends (she is ok as long as I am physically here although reading) and plan to continue my education.
I also will be returning to counseling on campus as they were so instrumental in aiding me during my shock-grieving time that I know helping me with this part of my life will be successful for them and me as well.
I want to say that perhaps we are all awaiting the approval of a parent and we just may never get it. I repeatedly told both of my parents that I rec'd a letter from the Pres of the college for straight A's and do you know, not one word about it? Finally a week or so ago my mom asked about the letter framed on my wall, I told her and she said "well excuse me" ... what? no "good job", "I am proud of you" etc? ha ha. Nope, she just thought I was flaunting my intelligence. But you are so right (your therapist), "forget it" ... "it was never going to happen". We do our best and that's all we can do. My brother had the same experience, his denial almost cost him as well a visit with my Dad prior to his death. I wonder if his denial regarding my mom's health will result in the same result.
Thanks for posting. I am sorry for your loss. Please keep posting about your relationship with your brothers ... I feel a kinship with you in that regard. Thanks, Peg
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